February 14, 2006, - 5:39 pm

Happy Valentine’s Day: New Ken Doll is a Girlie-Man

By Debbie Schlussel
In our latest Men–the New Women–Alert, check out the new Ken doll, released just in time for Valentine’s Day. He comes complete with a rhinestone-studded purse, er . . . man-bag.
On Valentine’s Day 2004, Mattel–desperate to stop rapidly declining sales of Barbie dolls–invented a silly story in which Barbie breaks up with Ken (full name: Ken Carson, for trivia buffs). Since that didn’t work (Barbie sales are still declining), Mattel, today, reunited Barbie with a “new” Ken. Unfortunately, the new Ken is more Barbie than Ken.

newken.jpg

Brokeback Ken

New Ken got a “makeover” and hired gay celebrity stylist to female starlets to dress him. Sadly, in addition to the purse, he’s got poufy girlie-man hair. But it gets worse. Here’s what Mattel says makes new Ken attractive to Barbie: He dabbles in Buddhism, traveled the world in search of himself, learned to cook for Barbie while she pursues her career (Mr. Mom, anyone?), and loves listening to feminine Norah Jones songs.
Just remember, while it may only be a plastic doll, this is what Mattel is teaching your daughters to look for in a “man.” We predict a further decline in Barbie sales. Girls will be girls, and they want real men, ie. the masculine kind.

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11 Responses

Don’t hold your breath for a reissue of GI Joe. If they bring him back, he will likely be sporting one of those nefarious powder blue berets.

44Automag on February 14, 2006 at 11:47 pm

Uh… ‘the hell is wrong with Mattel? This has got to be the dumbest development I’ve heard yet.

Dairenn on February 15, 2006 at 3:28 am

Mattel is selling this new Ken doll to the so-called “suburban moms” out there, not the kids. I predict that many will sell, only to be tossed into the bottom of the toybox and forgotten. The new Ken looks like a “pouf”…lol

rob on February 15, 2006 at 8:05 am

I told my five-year old niece that real dames buy Moe dolls.

jaywilton on February 15, 2006 at 9:11 am

What’s next a cross dressing Ken?

jerry on February 15, 2006 at 10:54 am

Is it just me, or does new ken look like David Hasslehoff?

Deathknyte on February 15, 2006 at 10:58 am

I would think you would like a squishy type of guy you could keep under your thumb. I find it haed to believe you would want a man who would stand up to you! Just my opinion!

mxdg on February 15, 2006 at 7:06 pm

darn, I mispelled hard. sorry

mxdg on February 15, 2006 at 7:09 pm

coming next…..Abu-Ken.

louielouie on February 15, 2006 at 7:35 pm

Sounds like mxdg has the hots for Ms Schlussel

jerry on February 15, 2006 at 9:42 pm

Oh great, a dark-haired George Michael. What washed-up 80s pop singer will inspire the next Mattel creation – Boy George?

Alan K. Henderson on February 16, 2006 at 12:24 am

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