May 21, 2007, - 11:50 am

“Awesome” Goldilocks’ ShAmnesty: Brothers Chertoff & Kennedy’s Fairy Tales

By Debbie Schlussel
We’ve learned a lot of things about Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff a/k/a “Mr. Burns”, since last week’s announcement of a Senate agreement on amnesty for illegal aliens and lawbreakers.
First we learned that he’s Homeland Security’s Valley-Girl-In-Chief. Who knew? I thought the title was reserved for The ICE Princess–ICE Chieftess Julie L. Myers. But, no. Chertoff told us that Ted Kennedy is “Awesome” for embracing this absurd mass amnesty plan. Next, he’ll be telling us that the amnesty plan is “bitchin’.” Uh, Secretary Chertoff, Moon Unit Zappa called, and she wants her airheaded, juvenile ling back. If anything, this ridiculous mass giveaway of citizenship, minus any security checks on the applicants or the temporary workers, is “grody to the max like totally,” “gag me with a spoon,” etc., etc., etc.

amnestea.jpg

Nasty, Poisonous Tea Could Kill America

(Amnes Tea by David Lunde/Lundesigns)

Then, there’s Chertoff’s latest utterance–comparing those of us who oppose this immigration sieve to Goldilocks (yesterday on CNN):

If all people want to do is complain and say, well, this isn’t good enough–that’s the Goldilocks solution, where it’s always too hot or too cold.

Hard to believe this dude is Harvard-educated because he can’t even get his childhood fairy tales right. Not sure who changed his version of Goldilocks, but the one I remember–the one replicated in the Brothers’ Grimm Fairy Tales–is the one in which Goldilocks constantly finds the right temperature porridge, the right size chair, etc. After trying the Momma Bear’s and Poppa Bear’s accoutrements and finding them not to her liking, the Baby Bear’s food, chair, etc. all work out.
It’s just that unlike Chertoff and his revisionist version of Goldilocks, the actual, fabled Goldilocks not only did trial and error, but she actually learned from it and didn’t choose the wrong options over and over and over. She eventually discovers that the Baby Bear’s items worked for her. It’s like Chertoff keeps picking the adult bears ill-fitting plans and schemes, even though we’ve tried them in the ’60s, ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s–through each new “this will be the last, last amnesty” bill. And they never work.
Yes, we’d be better off with Goldilocks running the show, instead of Chertoff. She learned from her mistakes, as we have. The Goldilocks policy of tightening our borders and sending illegal aliens home works is JUST RIGHT.

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Man Love & Illegal Aliens: Chertoff Hearts “Awesome” Teddy Kennedy

Too bad Valley-Girl-in-Chief Chertoff and his “Awesome” friend Ted Kennedy are still trying out Mama and Papa Bear’s lifestyle.
To sum up, Chertoff is:
* A Bad Valley Girl (too old, wrong sex, and wrong decade to be one);
* A Bad Revisionist Fairy Tale Teller; and above all,
* A Bad Homeland Security Secretary.
And based on his comments and failed analogy, I’m proud to be “Goldilocks” Schlussel.

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14 Responses

Only an idiot would vote for a Republican for president in ’08 and that includes voting for Rudy Giuliani. You think Chertoff is bad, if Rudy wins it’ll be much worse. We almost got that fool, Bernard Kerik, as DHS Secretary.
Only one person can save us now:):
http://www.debbieschlussel.com/archives/hillarybdaycard1.jpg

Norman Blitzer on May 21, 2007 at 1:12 pm

Yes, Goldilocks, indeed you learned well from experimentation. Chertoff and Kennedy have an agenda far afield from learning or for what is best for the country. Self aggrandizement is their goal. They belong in a different fairy tale. How about Alice in Wonderland?
In fact, there is a full cast for Alice to be found in the Bush administration.
Anyone care to identify which ones?
And can we wake up and find this is all a dream?

Happiness Pursuer on May 21, 2007 at 1:54 pm

Well Normy,
Only a fetid by-product of incest would vote for Hillary thinking she’s the salvation for this country. Next thing you know, we’ll have uniforms in all schools (the kind worn by Stalin and Mao), communal farms (no more free enterprise), and the communist manifesto taught in our schools. Oh, and let’s not forget socialized medicine…I’m sure you’ll be one of the first in line to get free treatment for that terminal case of rectal-cranial inversion you obviously suffer from.
Why don’t you watch a few reruns of AlGore’s mutant matinee or Michael “I’m a Fat, Cholesteral-laden, Piece of Shit” Moore’s latest lunacy. I thought “Sicko” would be a great name for his autobiographical waste of film.

1shot1kill on May 21, 2007 at 3:46 pm

There really needs to be a Third Party with as much clout as the Democratic and Republican parties. I dont trust Republicants or Dummycrats. The Republican party sells away the American dream for their own profit. The Democratic party gives away the American dream for free. The Republicans make deals with our enemies. The democrats happily lie in bed with our enemies. We as Americans cant really trust either party and in the grand scheme of things I think both parties have the same exact goals. The only difference is that Republicans want money and Democrats want votes. This “Amnesty Proposition” which threatens our Nation’s security and sovereignty is a prime example of just that.
If this bill passes…it will be a major win for terrorists and freeloading illegal immigrant drug runners. It will be a terrorist and drug runners dream come true if this bill passes because then those two groups will be invisible. They don’t have to give their real names or country of origin. This bill will also be very enticing to illegal immigrant sex offenders and child molesters too because they will be untraceable. Washington just love to put America in harms way.

the_don on May 21, 2007 at 5:16 pm

For Norman Blitzer: I hope you’re being sarcastic…if not, then you should try not breaking the prozacs in half…take the whole thing. Rehab, rehab, rehabe comrade!
Debbie: That pic of “Ted the swimmer” burned my eyes out of their sockets. Think he might be ready for Kramer’s “bro”?

Southernops on May 21, 2007 at 5:43 pm

Normie,
Do you really think you’d even know this woman’s name if she wasn’t married to “Clinton”? She is a complete and utter non-entity, who would either still be an associate (not a partner) at the Rose Law Firm, without Bill, or would have married some Joe Six-Pack from Ft. Smith, had six kids, lived in a double-wide and be dead now from her husband bashing her brains out with a tire-iron for one-too-many arguments with him. Sorry, Normie, but there is nothing, absolutely nothing, which recommends this woman to be elected to the highest office in the land.

theendisnear on May 21, 2007 at 6:01 pm

I find the_don to be most often right on target. And even though we are a wee bit off topic, let me suggest he reconsider. Rather than a third party, we need to eliminate all parties. There is no way to bypass their evil doings, other than to eliminate them. The internet provides the means to present and nominate candidates; and it reduces the cost of election campaigning from $100’s of millions to relatively nothing. And a wonderful fringe benefit: goodbye lobbyists and your campaign bribery ways, too. It could bring us much closer to democracy.

Happiness Pursuer on May 21, 2007 at 6:09 pm

For the love of God, Debbie!!! Please!! No more pictures of Chappaquidick Ted without a shirt on!

rivfedup on May 21, 2007 at 8:37 pm

One word: Manboobs

CapitalistPig on May 21, 2007 at 9:59 pm

0brain0iq, sorry I meant 1shot1kill,
If we get universal health care because of President Hillary Clinton, you can finally get that brain implant you desperately need, not to mention getting rid of that butt-head of yours.

Norman Blitzer on May 21, 2007 at 10:19 pm

rivfedup–you took the words out of my mouth–even the name Chappaquidick Ted. He is truly “the cape cod orca.”

BB on May 21, 2007 at 10:32 pm

Gee Normie – you really got me with that one. NOOOOTTT!!! Being the girlie-man I suspect you, it would be safe to say you squeezed your douchebag too hard and brainwashed yourself. You’re a waste of DNA-everytime you open your mouth you weaken the nation. Why don’t you crawl back into your hole and let the people with the spine and integrity fight the battle. After reading your posts regarding the article Debbie posted on the rocket attacks, I hope that rag you wear on your head hurts when you wipe your muslim-loving ass with it.
Like they say in China, “Adios Motherfucker!”

1shot1kill on May 22, 2007 at 12:00 pm

I used to like it when chertoff would come on news and give interviews. Now I can’t even look at him after the whole johnny sutton/border agent jail deal.
I turn the channel now when he’s on.

Highrise on May 22, 2007 at 6:14 pm

Fall, Government, fall.

steve ventry on May 22, 2007 at 6:45 pm

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