June 1, 2007, - 3:26 pm

Weekend Box Office: Tasteless Pregnancy, Messy Psycho Killer, Title IX for Girls, Qaeda’s Horror Flick

By Debbie Schlussel
This weekend is a liberal’s dream at the box office . . . just like most other weeks. You have your pick of a Title IX/Manhating 101 for Girls flisk, Al-Qaeda’s fave horror flick, a tasteless movie about getting a girl pregnant, and a mish-mosh graphic murder thriller:
* “Knocked Up“–A loser stoner who lives with his loser stoner friends gets a beautiful anchor for “E! Television” (Katherine Heigl) pregnant after a one-night stand between the total strangers. She decides to have the baby and lives with her annoying, high-pitched voice, shrewish sister and her wimpy, girlie-man husband.

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If Hollywood wanted you to be pro-choice and get abortions, this movie will do the trick (it’s so bad, it almost converted me). The film is truly tasteless, completely disgusting, and not funny. Sure, I laughed a few times, but not much–unlike the idiotic laugh-track audience with whom I watched it. Mostly, it’s just depraved, stupid, and lame. You don’t need to be a prude–I’m not one–to hate this.
I’m sure America will reward it’s obnoxious lines, plot, and loser characters with a number one box office slot when the weekend is up. Wonder why we’re losing the cultural war? Low-class celluloid displays like this and the constant pimping of them on America. That’s why. It figures that all the self-styled, high class movie critics around the country loved this piece of garbage.
They’re the movie critics who wear no clothing, reviewing the movie that wears no diapers. But sorely needs them.
And then, there’s the self-hating Jew angle. Writer/Director Judd Apatow, unfortunately a Jew, makes this loser stoner idiot character–and all of his fellow loser stoner porn-addicted friends (except one)–Jewish. The main character is a walking, talking stereotype–a fat, ugly, frizzy-haired annoyance, as is his stoner, thrice-married father. And Apatow puts the Jewish thing in your face, as if it has anything to do with the “plot” (if you can call what’s in this trash, a “plot”). It doesn’t.
If a non-Jew had made this movie with this kind of stereotypical Jewish angle, we’d be screaming anti-Semitism, which is what this self-hating Jew crap is. (And you’d think if the characters were Jews, they could get the Jew thing right. They don’t–all of the guys praise Abu Spielberg’s Islamic propaganda film, “Munich.” Hello . . . ?)
But then, again, the entire movie is crap. Like I said, the movie is more in need of a diaper than the baby that gets born in the end of this one.
* “Mr. Brooks“–This one is the best release, this weekend. And the most entertaining. But that’s not saying much. This thriller about a psychotic serial killer is so messy, with so many plots, so many unbelievable twists, so much excess, it’s hard to believe. The murder scenes are bloody and coupled with graphic sex scenes–both things always employed about by a weak script, weak plot, and weak movie overall.
Kevin Costner realizes he’s aging and failing at the box office as a wholesome romantic lead, these days, including with his silly, “The Guardian.” So, he’s decided to branch out of wholesome and play the wicked and insane.
Costner plays a wealthy Northwest philanthropist and entrepreuner, who is also secretly a serial killer with an alter ego. Think “American Psycho” or “The Talented Mr. Ripley” all grown up, still wealthy and still getting away with shedding innocent blood for sport, only this time you get to see his imaginary friend. William Hurt plays the killer’s alter ego, the one who spurs his killing addiction. And that makes the movie interesting and different. It’s sort of like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Meanwhile, Demi Moore plays a multi-millionaire police detective who investigates the “thumbprint killer” (Costner). She’s going through a nasty divorce from a man who wants all her money (which is irrelevant and useless to the plot).
Then, there’s the way-overrated, unfunny Dane Cook, playing a peeping Tom who sees and photographs Costner in the midst of one of his killing sprees. He blackmails Costner into take him on one of his murders in exchange for staying mum. Then, there’s Costner’s college dropout daughter who is pregnant and has inherited a disturbing family gene.
Sound like too much for you? You can follow it and it’s entertaining enough. But it’s like a pie with too many flavors and incompatible ingredients thrown under one uneven crust.
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* “Gracie“–Teen girl’s soccer-playing brother dies in an accident. Girl wants to take his place on boys high school soccer team. Her whole misogynist family is against her. But she beats down all the mean, evil men, overcoming them in this slow, boring, corny formulaic, dated, feminist sports movie that is anything but Junior Miss Rocky in a Sports Bra. Based on the real-life story of actress Elisabeth Shue, but mostly highly-fictionalized feminist Title IX crap. Read my complete review.
* “Jindabyne“–An interesting premise: Four men go on a weekend fishing trip and find a woman dead in the lake. They decide to fish for the whole weekend before finallyl notifying police. Takes place in Australia and the central characters are a troubled marriage of an American wife and Irish hubby, both immigrants.
With the thick accents and quick dialogue, it’s hard to understand what anyone is saying, but for the American. But once you do, you wish you didn’t in this annoying melodrama. Would have been interesting if they followed the one story about the men camping and ignoring the dead body until later. But this movie throws too many Lifetime Movies of the Week themes and racism (the dead body is a Black–ie., Aborigine–woman) into the mix, making it bloated and like a stuffed salami.
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* “Severance“–Horror movie brought to you by Al-Qaeda. Simply sickening dismemberment and beheading movie with this message: If you are British and American, especiallly if you work for a defense contractor, you deserve to die a horrible, brutal death for what you, your company, your country allegedly did to others. Read my full review of this nauseating production, and skip this at all costs. One of the worst, most disgusting movies of the year.

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7 Responses

Forget Mr. Brooks. As soon as I hear the name Dane Cook I know I won’t go. I wish someone could explain the Dane Cook phenomenon. Supposedly a comic, I’ve watched about 10 minutes of his HBO specials and I’ve yet to hear one single funny or entertaining routine.
AMEN. HE’S TERRIBLE. THE EMPEROR COMEDIAN WEARS NO CLOTHES.
DEBBIE SCHLUSSEL

Jeff_W on June 1, 2007 at 4:28 pm

As an elementary school teacher in an “urban” district, some of my students are the results of their mamas getting knocked up. There is nothing entertaining, or cute, or clever about the problems these children have due to the lack of a supportive family structure. Even if this was a great movie, I’d still have a difficult time with it.

sonofsheldon on June 1, 2007 at 4:55 pm

Dane Cook? More like: LAME Cook!

Jose on June 1, 2007 at 5:55 pm

Knocked up is THE perfect movie the death busters need to KILL the concept of marrige, starting a family, and a mother having her baby. You know who the audience this is geared to: Psychonuts mostly in my age groups. What better to destory the meaning of relationships (as if it wasn’t destoryed enough), and to spit right in the face of parenthood and the concept of a family than this movie.

Squirrel3D on June 1, 2007 at 11:39 pm

eh. knocked up was hilarious, and all of the characters purporting to be jewish–actually are.
UM, IT’S FICTION. THEY ARE ACTORS. HELLO . . .?
DEBBIE SCHLUSSEL

ConservativesLovePuns(descent) on June 4, 2007 at 9:42 am

Thought you guys might be interested in this. THE SERIAL KILLER MAGAZINE is now at Borders, B Dalton, Barnes and Nobel and other stores.

You can take a look at it at http://serialkillercalendar.com

The store also sells Serial Killer Trading Cards, Action Figures, Calendars and other morbid merch. Crazy stuff.

SerialKillerCalendar.com

James on October 13, 2009 at 12:12 am

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