June 8, 2007, - 5:55 pm
By Debbie Schlussel
Finally, there is a scant bit of justice in America.
Yes, the most famous amateur porn star in America is being sent back to jail after the L.A. County Sheriff played judge and put her under mansion-arrest.
To those of you (that means you, Ann Coulter, with whom I usually agree) who say that our nation’s most celebrated Ho (that means Paris Hilton, for those of you that listen to, produce, and star on the Frank Beckmann Show) got a tough sentence because she’s rich and famous, I say think again. Sorry, but I’ve seen–and represented–criminal defendants who’ve done a lot less and have been given a lot less chances and pampered treatment.
Take Carmen Granata. I thought it was ridiculous when Eastpointe, Michigan District Court Judge Norene Redmond meted out a 30-day jail sentence for Ms. Granata because a guest at a party at her house spoke too loud on a cell phone at 2:00 a.m. outside, and a neighbor called police. But, unfortunately, Ms. Granata–no Paris Hilton–was forced to serve 30 days (she got two days off her sentence after she behaved well in prison–unlike Paris Hilton, whose original sentence already was cut in half, after it was psychicly-determined ahead of time that she’d behave well before the fact).
I felt bad for Ms. Granata, who shouldn’t have served a day, and now has all kinds of ridiculous post-sentence conditions, plus a two-year probation. I do not feel sorry for Skankis Hilton.
If Paris Hilton had gone before District Court Judge Marla Parker in Farmington Hills, Michigan, Judge Robert Bondy in Novi, Michigan, or Judge Susan Moiseev, of Southfield, Michigan, all of whom would have told Hilton off and thrown her in the slammer at first blush. Ditto for almost any judge in Macomb County Circuit Court, Michigan, under whom I’d bet she’d get a tough sentence at the very beginning of her driving misbehavior, and not get two probations.
I’ve seen plenty of people–who are poor and need to drive to get to work, because they can’t afford a cab or a driver–get the book thrown at them for a lot less.
Paris Hilton–who could well afford a full-time chauffeur or cab–not only drove on an expired license, but she TWICE violated probation and flaunted it. Even this morning, the judge in her case only found out on the radio that Ms. “One Night in Paris” (that’s the title of her most famous “movie”) was going to appear in his court via telephone. Uh, you–the defendant–don’t get to decide that, if you don’t feel like coming to court, you can just phone it in. That’s the judge’s decision.
And it seems like no-one here–not Paris Hilton, who flouted the judge now four times (two probations, one order to appear, and then another order to appear–she came 20 minutes late to court, when she finally did appear), not the PR-dense L.A. County Sheriff–no-one gets it.
Then, there’s Greta Van Facelift from FOX News a/k/a the Prince Al-Waleed News Network (PAWNN). She told FOX News’ Shepard Smith (he was also whining over the porn star’s sentence) that she thinks it’s unfair that Paris Hilton is going to jail because, after all, “I saw her whisper, ‘I Love You, Mom,’ in the courtroom.” BFD. My heart is so touched. A lot of criminal defendants love their moms. And some of them are much better actors. I guess Ms. Van Facelift er . . . Susteren raved over Paris’ acting job in the remake of “House of Wax.” No-one else bought it.
Van Susteren told Shep Smith that Paris Hilton was shaking and shivering and had a nervous tick, and so she shouldn’t go back to jail. Puh-leeze. There are a lot of shiverers in prison. Why was Hilton shivering after a peaceful night of mansion-arrest and Olympic-sized-swimming-pool-Hollywood-Hills-arrest? Maybe she was on something. and was undergoing withdrawal. Again, Greta Van Susteren, your BS detector is sadly defective. Head to Home Depot for a new one.
Bottom line: I applaud the judge–no, Ann Coulter, I don’t know his name (she told PAWNN’s Neil Cavuto) that the judge did it for the fame)–and his message to America’s Skank-in-Chief:
Back to Prison, Ho.
Had she stayed under mansion-arrest, she’d be doing a lot of this. A little jail-time would be good for her . . .
(WARNING: This video contains vile language, courtesy of Paris and her boyfriend.)
BTW, watch for my fave party-crasher, Jake Byrd–an actor who used to stalk Michael Jackson, now stalking the Parison Hilton circus for Jimmy Kimmel. He’ll be on tonight’s Kimmel Show. Tell me how it went and post that video on YouTube, so I can post it on Sunday or Monday.
Tags: actor, America, Ann Coulter, Carmen Granata, cellular telephone, Debbie Schlussel Finally, Farmington Hills, full-time chauffeur, Greta Van Facelift, Greta Van Susteren, Home Depot, House of Wax, Jake Byrd, Jimmy Kimmel, judge, L.A. County Sheriff, Macomb County Circuit Court, Marla Parker, Michael Jackson, Michigan, Michigan District Court, Neil Cavuto, Norene Redmond, Novi, Olympic, One Night in Paris, Paris Hilton, Prince, Robert Bondy, Shepard Smith, Southfield, Susan Moiseev, Van Susteren, YouTube