June 8, 2007, - 5:55 pm

Back to Jail, Ho!

By Debbie Schlussel
Finally, there is a scant bit of justice in America.
Yes, the most famous amateur porn star in America is being sent back to jail after the L.A. County Sheriff played judge and put her under mansion-arrest.
To those of you (that means you, Ann Coulter, with whom I usually agree) who say that our nation’s most celebrated Ho (that means Paris Hilton, for those of you that listen to, produce, and star on the Frank Beckmann Show) got a tough sentence because she’s rich and famous, I say think again. Sorry, but I’ve seen–and represented–criminal defendants who’ve done a lot less and have been given a lot less chances and pampered treatment.

parishiltononenight.jpgparishilton.jpg

Amateur Porn Star/Professional Skank Paris Hilton

Take Carmen Granata. I thought it was ridiculous when Eastpointe, Michigan District Court Judge Norene Redmond meted out a 30-day jail sentence for Ms. Granata because a guest at a party at her house spoke too loud on a cell phone at 2:00 a.m. outside, and a neighbor called police. But, unfortunately, Ms. Granata–no Paris Hilton–was forced to serve 30 days (she got two days off her sentence after she behaved well in prison–unlike Paris Hilton, whose original sentence already was cut in half, after it was psychicly-determined ahead of time that she’d behave well before the fact).
I felt bad for Ms. Granata, who shouldn’t have served a day, and now has all kinds of ridiculous post-sentence conditions, plus a two-year probation. I do not feel sorry for Skankis Hilton.
If Paris Hilton had gone before District Court Judge Marla Parker in Farmington Hills, Michigan, Judge Robert Bondy in Novi, Michigan, or Judge Susan Moiseev, of Southfield, Michigan, all of whom would have told Hilton off and thrown her in the slammer at first blush. Ditto for almost any judge in Macomb County Circuit Court, Michigan, under whom I’d bet she’d get a tough sentence at the very beginning of her driving misbehavior, and not get two probations.
I’ve seen plenty of people–who are poor and need to drive to get to work, because they can’t afford a cab or a driver–get the book thrown at them for a lot less.
Paris Hilton–who could well afford a full-time chauffeur or cab–not only drove on an expired license, but she TWICE violated probation and flaunted it. Even this morning, the judge in her case only found out on the radio that Ms. “One Night in Paris” (that’s the title of her most famous “movie”) was going to appear in his court via telephone. Uh, you–the defendant–don’t get to decide that, if you don’t feel like coming to court, you can just phone it in. That’s the judge’s decision.
And it seems like no-one here–not Paris Hilton, who flouted the judge now four times (two probations, one order to appear, and then another order to appear–she came 20 minutes late to court, when she finally did appear), not the PR-dense L.A. County Sheriff–no-one gets it.
Then, there’s Greta Van Facelift from FOX News a/k/a the Prince Al-Waleed News Network (PAWNN). She told FOX News’ Shepard Smith (he was also whining over the porn star’s sentence) that she thinks it’s unfair that Paris Hilton is going to jail because, after all, “I saw her whisper, ‘I Love You, Mom,’ in the courtroom.” BFD. My heart is so touched. A lot of criminal defendants love their moms. And some of them are much better actors. I guess Ms. Van Facelift er . . . Susteren raved over Paris’ acting job in the remake of “House of Wax.” No-one else bought it.
Van Susteren told Shep Smith that Paris Hilton was shaking and shivering and had a nervous tick, and so she shouldn’t go back to jail. Puh-leeze. There are a lot of shiverers in prison. Why was Hilton shivering after a peaceful night of mansion-arrest and Olympic-sized-swimming-pool-Hollywood-Hills-arrest? Maybe she was on something. and was undergoing withdrawal. Again, Greta Van Susteren, your BS detector is sadly defective. Head to Home Depot for a new one.
Bottom line: I applaud the judge–no, Ann Coulter, I don’t know his name (she told PAWNN’s Neil Cavuto) that the judge did it for the fame)–and his message to America’s Skank-in-Chief:

Back to Prison, Ho.

Had she stayed under mansion-arrest, she’d be doing a lot of this. A little jail-time would be good for her . . .
(WARNING: This video contains vile language, courtesy of Paris and her boyfriend.)


***
BTW, watch for my fave party-crasher, Jake Byrd–an actor who used to stalk Michael Jackson, now stalking the Parison Hilton circus for Jimmy Kimmel. He’ll be on tonight’s Kimmel Show. Tell me how it went and post that video on YouTube, so I can post it on Sunday or Monday.

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19 Responses

maybe a prison porn will be made, she dont get it,imagine if she hurt or mamed somebody what would be her excuse, i was craving a hamburger, FU paris hope your someone make you a love doll in the slammer.

PNAMARBLE on June 8, 2007 at 6:41 pm

The real outrage about this case isn’t if Paris goes to jail or not, it’s that the media has give so much coverage to it. Earlier today, every major “news” outlet had this as their top story. Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t we in a war? Aren’t there more important stories that should be covered? There is a place for stories like this, they’re called the Tabloids.
Only in America would a C-list celebrities 45-day prison sentence due to driving on a suspended license take precedent over news of the joint cheif of staff stepping down during the middle of a war in order to avoid having to answer questions about the war. Sad…just plain sad.

D*Rek on June 8, 2007 at 7:11 pm

As nelson from the simpsons says, “HA HA”.
Welcome to reality, slut.

Squirrel3D on June 8, 2007 at 7:36 pm

I have to agree with Ann Coulter on this one. The Judge Ito wannabee wants his 15 minutes. Her sentence was inappropriately harsh to begin with. Go after some real criminals.

lexi on June 8, 2007 at 8:47 pm

Debbie,
I wonder what Paris’ mysterious medical condition could be? Perhaps it’s called ‘withdrawal’?

NJBeachbum on June 9, 2007 at 12:02 am

Paris should have offered to make a new video with the judge. Who knows, she may have done it with the Sherrif!

Infidel Pride on June 9, 2007 at 12:29 am

Early on….she signed an agreement with the Court stating she understood she was not to drive.
She violated that agreement.
Then she signed an agreement with the Court accepting probation and to obey all laws while on probabtion.
She violated that agreement.
Then she was ordered to attend special driving classes, which she agreed to.
Nope, no-can-do, couldn’t be bothered to attend the classes!
She then willingly, and without appeal—agreed to surrender to serve out her sentence in Jail.
Surprise! She violates that agreement by finagling a house arrest deal.
Amazingly, the Judge gives her an opportunity to explain this unusual set-up, and sets an immediate hearing for Friday, June 8.
Oh, no no no, can’t show up in person, she decides, on her own, she’s gonna “phone-in” her appearance !
An “average” person, by this time, would be thrown in Jail indefinitely. Look at all the innocent people, with no money or status in Jail for life—under the 3-strikes law….if it were anybody else….they’d have thrown away the key by now.
Clearly, they’ve been more than lenient with her.
How many times can one jerk the chain of a Judge, and thumb her nose at a Court, before it comes home to roost?
If you make an agreement with the Court, time and time again, you’d better live up to it. That is—unless you’re Paris Hilton in which case you get multiple chances to thumb your nose at the system!

Maxine Weiss on June 9, 2007 at 2:20 pm

Good grief, to all of you who think her sentence is harsh, don’t you realize that she is a DRUNK DRIVER????? Would you like for your child to be KILLED by a car driven by a drunken stupid ho-skank Paris Hilton?
Give me a break. And when they came to take her back to jail, she was bawling and squalling like a little girl and calling for her mother. How old is she, anyway? Isn’t she in her mid to late twenties?
If it meant I’d never have to see her mono-facial expression ever again, I’d support locking her up and throwing away the key. And no, I do not hate rich people.

AmericanJewess on June 9, 2007 at 3:17 pm

The LA Sheriff or some of his staff should be credited with world class spin on an embarrassing situation. If the Sheriff treated Paris as he would an average county detainee, then he and his staff would have to explain why Paris was released after only a small portion of her sentence, drawing international attention to the fact that LA can’t handle much more than the twenty thousand inmates it has without letting nearly every non-violent felon go after being processed into the facility. A violent felon, on the otherhand, might only do only a quarter of his sentence, everyone else is shown the door. The Sheriff’s are obviously reading tomorrow’s headlines and went for an ‘end around’ to try and flush a likely black-eye down the road.
If Paris’ lawyers were more honest with her, they would have had her to talk to Tommy Lee from Motley Crue about just knocking out a fraction of the time sentenced and moving on without drawing further embarrassment to public officials who have to somehow deal with being called on the joke that the Los Angeles criminal justice has become. Paris should take notes from illegal alien gang members, just knock-out a week or two and hit the party later.

code7 on June 9, 2007 at 4:12 pm

The spoiled skank should have her jail time extended for being temporarily released after bitching over a little rash. Now she goes from bikinis to orange jump suites. I guarantee you she will be featured on Oprah and Larry King shortly after her release that is if she can buy her way out. Heck, a celebrity can afford to have themselves exonerated from just about anything these days. Maybe the L.A. county might consider building a jail house in Hollywood exclusively for convicted celebrity sluts like Paris Hoethong.

Jew Chick on June 9, 2007 at 10:58 pm

I’m curious. Is all namecalling and hatred in respone to Paris Hilton a common theme among “Conservative Christian/Republicans”? I guess I missed the part of the bible where Jesus called Mary Magdalene a whore and chucked a rock at her.
It disturbs me that so many people on this board are taking such pleasure in someone elses pain, no matter how deserved that pain is.

D*Rek on June 10, 2007 at 3:07 pm

Sorry, but I want her to get the same sentence any one else would have received under the same circumstances. I am sick of making an example of Helmsley, Stewart, and Paris. A judge or prosecutor who does not understand that really needs to find another line.

Walter E. Wallis on June 10, 2007 at 3:08 pm

It’s now Sunday morning and they’re reporting that Paris has released a statement that she didn’t realize the attention she’d been getting, she’s not going to appeal, she’s going to do her time and that we all should pay closer attention to our military and their needs. The Foxy Prince will have to find something else to fill a news channel with in an effort to divert our attention from the world issue at hand.

John Cunningham on June 10, 2007 at 3:30 pm

Drek, listen to you! Trying to quote the bible! heh heh heh
I don’t think anyone here is delighting in someone else’s pain, rather, she’s a spoiled brat who wiggled out of her punishment (or tried to) and that is not right. I generally do not like people who flaut the law, particularly when their crime is of a serious, life and death nature. She could have killed someone. Do you get that? Could have been YOU — there, does that help you to take it more seriously? She was given multiple chances over a several month period and she kept refusing to follow court orders. The judge ultimately had no choice but to lock her up. You think an ordinary person would have gotten out of a 45 day sentence after serving 3 days cause of a tummy ache? a threat of a nervous breakdown? missing mommy?
Please. I will say that when I heard that she told her attys not to appeal and that she would serve her sentence, and that she hoped the media would now turn to more serious news, I had the faintest glimmer of emerging respect for her . . . Let’s see if she can turn her life around.

AmericanJewess on June 10, 2007 at 4:22 pm

Money Talks…BS walks…

markccu on June 10, 2007 at 5:03 pm

The media is having a bird. How dare the judge put Paris in prison. She will continue to drink and drive, and when she finally kills someone, it won’t be her fault. It will be the fault of the victim.

Burt on June 10, 2007 at 5:11 pm

hey, just because i don’t believe in the bible doesn’t mean i’m not aware of what’s in it.
And her celebrity is playing a roll in her sentencing, however, it is not having the effect that you would think. There have been several interviews with prosecuters in LA who said that she is receiving a harsher sentence because she is famous. The judge, it would seem, it just looking for his 15 minutes of fame.
There are even rumblings that this case is going to end up being a signifigant one, because it is the first time that a judge has attempted to tell the sherrif how to impose the sentence. In LA once the prisoner is turned over to the jail system, it is the sherrif who decides who gets time off for good behavior, and who gets house arrest. Remember, she isn’t in jail because she was driving drunk, she is in jail because she was driving with a suspended liscense (which, to be fair, was from driving drunk). There are numersous law professionals from California who are on record as saying that typically when you get caught driving with a suspended liscense, that it gets suspended longer. On a first offense it doesn’t result in jail time.
That being said, the bigger thing we should be worried about is why our media decided that was a bigger story than Gen. Pace stepping down in war time to avoid having to answer questions about the war during his re-conformation hearing.

D*Rek on June 10, 2007 at 5:12 pm

D*Rek…”Only in America would”….really? Are you familiar enough with the cultures of multiple other countries, and particularly the role of celebrities in those cultures, to feel confident that nothing similar would happen in any of those places?

photoncourier.blogspot.com on June 10, 2007 at 6:55 pm

Try watching the BBC news (which is about the only “world” news you can get here in the states without a dish). They don’t lead with insignifigant crap.
Face it, our “news” networks are turning into tabloid news networks.

D*Rek on June 10, 2007 at 11:29 pm

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