June 15, 2007, - 1:27 pm

Why?: New Ellen DeGeneres Greeting Cards

By Debbie Schlussel
American Greetings has announced that the company is “coming out” with a new “ellen collection” of greeting cards, featuring the name, likeness, and “wit” (if you consider that “wit”) of comedienne and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres.
Not sure what the cards will say, but here’s my guess:

Happy Birthday . . . and I’m Gay.”

Fortunately, the cards will not be “out” in time for Father’s Day. They arrive in drug and grocery stores on Monday. So, no, you can’t give a card–at least, this year–saying:

Happy Father’s Day . . . . I’m Gay.”

And no

Dear Butch Mommy #2: Happy Father’s Day.”

ellendegeneres.jpg

Nostra-TIME-us: Magazine Cover Previewed Sample Ellen Greeting Card

I predict this line of cards to be as successful as another gay-oriented product: the WNBA. Except that Ellen cards won’t be put on artificial, PC life-support for 11 years.
Think about it. Who the heck would want to give an Ellen DeGeneres card to anyone?
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that. . . .”

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8 Responses

The article to which you linked gave examples of what the cards would say and it didn’t mention anything about cards announcing a coming out. You obviously just don’t like Ellen DeGeneres. Anyone who can capitalize on the stupidity of Americans is okay in my book. There’s a sucker born every day as the saying goes.

LoveAManInAUniform on June 15, 2007 at 2:20 pm

These are actually kind of cool cards, not in time for Fathers day though. Oh Debbie you’re so funny and hot. You’re my reparative therapy.

LGSj on June 15, 2007 at 4:30 pm

What do you have against Ellen? She seems like a nice lady.

LibertarianBulbasaur on June 15, 2007 at 11:50 pm

God, I want to go back to the seventies, when everything was FREAKIN NORMAL

steve ventry on June 16, 2007 at 4:00 am

It’s not so much that Ellen DeGenerate is gay (no loss to the hetero world anyway) but that she’s not funny by any stretch. Her humor is bland; all it took was five minutes of her first show to make me turn the channel.
She needs to go back to Louisiana, crawl in the swamp, and stay there.

1shot1kill on June 16, 2007 at 8:07 am

As far as gay female comics go, I’d much rather have Ellen than Rosie. Ellen may be bland, but unlike Rosie, her being nice doesn’t seem like a horrible act to me. God only knows how Rosie fooled people for so long. Has Ellen really done anything that bad that she deserves to be told to climb into a swamp?

LibertarianBulbasaur on June 16, 2007 at 12:02 pm

Yes, what DO you have against Ellen? She never uses profanity and manages to be funny (yes, I think she is funny) without putting other people down. Are you hostile to her simply because she is gay?
NO, IT GOES BACK TO HER SIT-COM, ON WHICH SHE BECAME IN-YOUR-FACE GAY. WHO THE HECK WOULD GIVE AN ELLEN GREETING CARD? IT’S JUST PLAIN WEIRD.
DEBBIE SCHLUSSEL

MMC on June 19, 2007 at 1:53 pm

I agree it’s weird to have greeting cards that are gay oriented. It’s just as weird as the black cards they have and the christian ones, too. greeting cards ARE weird…write your own thoughts on paper! don’t be lazy!

billysantacruz on June 19, 2007 at 6:49 pm

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