August 8, 2007, - 3:39 pm

Stupid Breast Implant Study of the Day: Did Your Tax $s Fund it?

By Debbie Schlussel
Last fall, I ridiculed a Canadian government-funded university study that found that women with breast implants are more likely to commit suicide. I–and you intelligent readers–could have told them that for half the money.
Well, now, the American-based Annals of Plastic Surgery publishes a similar study of Swedish women in its Annals of Plastic Surgery, but with even more stark results.

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Three Times More Likely to be Suicidal

While last year’s study by Canadian Universite Laval Favulty of Medicine and the Public Health Agency of Canada found that women with implants were 73% more likely to commit suicide, the plastic surgery medical journal found that women with implants were three times–or 300%–more likely to commit suicide.
I’ll repeat what I wrote last fall:

That’s no surprise, since it’s quite likely that if you surgically sew large foreign objects inside your chest, you probably have little self-worth–and the operation won’t change that. . . .
The obvious point that we made above–that women who get implants are more likely to have low self-esteem (and to be mentally ill)–is the conclusion of the researchers. The implants are just another manifestation of Darwin Award winning female material.
Which money was less well-spent–the money for this useless study or the few thousand for the implants that still didn’t stop natural selection from taking place?

Looks like doctors authoring this study agree with part of my take:

Though the study did not look at the reasons behind the suicides, senior author Joseph McLaughlin, a professor of medicine at the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, said he believed that many had psychological problems before getting implants and that their conditions did not improve afterward.
Previous studies have shown that as many as 15% of plastic surgery patients have body dysmorphic disorder, a condition marked by severe distress over minor physical flaws. People with the disorder have a higher rate of suicidal thoughts and rarely improve after surgery.

The thing is, doctors who read this magazine, Annals of Plastic Surgery, are, obviously plastic surgeons. How many will now quite performing boob jobs because they now know their patients are more likely to kill themselves?
Very few, I’d bet. Watch for mass quantities of Silicone Valleys to continue to be created via the scalpel.
Question: Since the researchers on this study are Americans and mostly at publicly-funded American universities, how much of our tax money went to fund this silly study and exercise in the obvious? None of the reports I’ve read say.

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Studies Say Wannabe Hooters Girl, er . . . First Lady, May Have Psychological Issues

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11 Responses

Debbie, i may have said this before, but what they should study is the socioeconomic value of the implants. for the more focused ones who don’t defenestrate, etc., i think implants are beneficial. half the housewives of leisure in my upscale grocery store would be back where they came from without their improved frontage. and if i may say so, not everyone is as naturally gifted as you.

Anonymous1 on August 8, 2007 at 4:00 pm

Au Natural FTW! Jeri Thompson looks like the typical Beverly Hills starving housewife to an older man. Before long Fred wont be able to get it up and she will get caught porking the poolboy.
A “ROSEANNE” CO-STAR MARRIED TO A HOOTERS GIRL-ESQUE CHICK WITH OBVIOUS IMPLANTS. HOW NOVEL. HEY, IT’S ANNA NICOLE KEHN THOMPSON.
DEBBIE SCHLUSSEL

RadicalRightWinger on August 8, 2007 at 4:26 pm

First, I cannot tell whether Jeri Thompson has “obvious implants.” I do not want to know. I do not care to know. It is of no importance to me whatsoever.
What I want to know is whether her husband’s proposed policies are ugly.
chsw

chsw on August 8, 2007 at 5:05 pm

http://www.hannity.com/albums/in_the_studio/debbieschlussel2.sized.jpg
TO BORROW A LINE FROM “SEINFELD,” “THEY ARE REAL AND . . . .” HORRID PIC, THOUGH.
DEBBIE SCHLUSSEL

jaillibby2 on August 8, 2007 at 5:56 pm

Every night when Jeri goes to bed she feels old age creeping up on her.

feralcat9 on August 8, 2007 at 6:00 pm

I love ALL your posts, but this one made me literally laugh out loud. Well done!
And re: that pic … YOWZA!

CaptShady on August 8, 2007 at 7:27 pm

I stop bashing implants twenty years ago, any woman that has had her kids and is looking to bring her fun-bags up off the floor has my full support.

code7 on August 8, 2007 at 9:09 pm

I am an expert on these matters, no one her age with kids, without implants, can wear that dress without a bra. But I do admire the work, the key is to not over do it. You should see where those things go in a car accident, not a pretty site.

code7 on August 8, 2007 at 9:20 pm

“I am an expert on these matters, no one her age with kids, without implants, can wear that dress without a bra.”
Not true. Just depends on the type of breast, saluting the sun…or looking at the floor.
Some women are perky all their life.

interestinconundrum on August 9, 2007 at 12:11 am

Code 7, “go in a car accident”. A possible market for some way to come up with a seatbelt attachment one could hook the bra to the seatbelt. Oh, but, that means they’d have to wear a bra, they don’t even wear panties anymore.

John Cunningham on August 9, 2007 at 3:47 am

“Some women are perky all their life”
Very True, but there is a difference between perky and that sort of weightlessness she is sporting in that picture. 17-18 year old playmates used to get pregnant for their photo shoots in the sixties for that look, their physicals were done by the interns at Northwestern in those days, that’s were I got that piece of trivia if you might wonder.

code7 on August 9, 2007 at 12:10 pm

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