September 24, 2007, - 6:24 pm
By Debbie Schlussel
If you want to teach your kids something other than “Do as I say, not as I do,” don’t buy them the latest issue (October) of National Geographic Kids.
The magazine’s first “Green Issue” not only bears environmental activist/actress Cameron Diaz on the cover, but she’s the “guest editor,” and inside, she offers your kiddies tips for becoming environmentally active:
“I wash the plastic wrap after I use it, but I also do things like put a plate over the bowl instead of plastic wrap. I just try to figure out how to do things differently so it’s better for the environment.” Also making an appearance are Diaz’s Shrek the Third co-stars, who share what they’re doing to protect the planet.
Um, washing and reusing plastic wrap could actually be hazardous, as the polyphenols from plastic could leach into food with each re-use. No thanks, Cameron.
And the prob is, there are even better tips to saving energy, which she herself hasn’t thought of apparently. Therefore, I’ve compiled a list of environment-friendly rules for her:
1) Give up blow-drier use. Too much energy usage is bad for the environment.
2) The end of hair color and make-up. Harmful bleaches leech into the water AND the soil. Ditto for the make-up when you wash it off. Pollutes the water.
3) No more Hollywood movies. Those large studio sets use a lot of energy. And those lights and cameras. Oy, the energy they sap from our world.
4) You’re putting that manse up for sale. Right, Cameron? What? You mean there’s nothing wrong with heating and air-conditioning 5,000-plus square feet? And displacing those animals from their natural habitat in Malibu or Hollywood Hills or wherever? A big no-no, chickie. Time to move back to man’s original caves for you, my dear.
5) Must wear same gown or, at least, used clothes to every awards dinner/ceremony. Oh, I see. You didn’t realize the vast amount of energy used and environmental damage caused in order to create fabric, color your gowns? No more custom-made haute couture for you, hun.
6) No more condoms. Used latex pollutes the environment. They get into the sewers and water. So no more, whether it’s with Justin Timberlake or whatever flavor with which she’s sleeping, this week. In a giggly video interview on the National Geographic Kids site, Diaz urges all kids to follow her lead in donating their used running shoes in order to recycle the rubber in our world. Therefore, I urge her to follow suit with her used condoms. We hear she contributes her fair share to the Hollywood sewer and septic arena.
And that is anything but “green.”
And it’s a pollutant that surely contributes to global warming, child abuse, the War in Iraq, and every other malady in existence that she and her friends have blamed on conservatives. (You’ll recall that she told Oprah that if we don’t vote, rape will be legal in America; so, I’m just using her logic, though mine makes far more sense.)
Tags: activist /actress, America, Cameron Diaz, Debbie Schlussel, editor, energy, energy usage, food, Hollywood hill, Hollywood Hills, Iraq, Justin Timberlake, Malibu, Malibu hill, National Geographic Kids, rubber, Shrek the Third, the National Geographic Kids