June 5, 2006, - 12:01 pm
By Debbie Schlussel
Reader Lui alerts us to the following story about HOprah. Hands down, we prefer Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson to this wedding crasher.
Her Royal Highness, Self-Anointed Moral Authority of the Universe randomly visited a wedding in Oklahoma–with boyfriend, Gayle King, in tow. Well, “visited” is a generous term.
Actually, HOprah was not an invited guest and unexpectedly barged in on the wedding to say hello and drop off a gift. But she kept all the wedding guests in attendance at least 50 feet away with body guards and security.
[Wedding guest] Judy Pattinson: “But the security guards had us about 50 feet away. Everyone was taking pictures with their cell phones, so.”
You know, can’t have the cattle a/k/a “the little people” anywhere near Queen HOprah. They might leave a smudge or get her dirty.
Leave it to the big, fat O to steal the bride’s day and limelight from the bride. (And being the HOprah fan that she is, she was apparently too dumb to notice that she just allowed Oprah to upstage her at her own wedding.) Everything’s all about Oprah. Just ask the employees at the Paris Hermes store. . . who now have to go through sensitivity training.
To listen to the blind adulation of brain-addled guests, it’s as if the Second Coming happened, instead of the self-centered parade-rain by an overweight egotistical talk show host empress who wears no clothing:
[Wedding guest] Austin Zellner: “I’ve never seen so many people in tuxes, and nice formal dresses horde in one place so fast in my entire life.”
[Wedding guest] Heather Klein: “We were just in shock. I mean, we were truly in shock.
[Wedding guest] Ben Klein: “And then all the screaming began. One thing lead to another and here we are so.”
Oprah stayed and posed for pictures with the wedding party. But guests say she was off within ten minutes. The couple said it was a night they’d remember no matter what. Oprah’s surprise appearance just makes it a better story to tell.
Bride Bethany Francis told me Oprah said she was hitting 16 weddings, and just found the two in Tulsa on the Internet.
The footage her crews shot Saturday night should air on her show sometime in September.
As we’ve noted here, ever since the movie, “The Wedding Crashers,” wedding crashing has become a low class trend. And far be it from HOprah to miss out on a trend, no matter how low class.
Question: Since the “Angel” of relationship death visited 16 weddings, will she provide the divorce lawyers free of charge when these marriages end (we predict, very soon)?
Having HO-prah visit your wedding is kind of like having a black cat cross your path. Not exactly a good omen.
For more on the REAL Oprah, check out OprahSucks.com.
Tags: Austin Zellner, Ben Klein, Bethany Francis, cell phones, Debbie Schlussel Reader Lui, Empress, Gayle King, Heather Klein, Judy Pattinson, Oklahoma, Owen Wilson, Paris Hermes store, Queen, Self-Anointed Moral Authority of the Universe, show host, the Second Coming, The Wedding Crashers, Tulsa, Vince Vaughn