June 16, 2006, - 12:37 pm
By Debbie Schlussel
We love capitalism. It and the free market are two of the greatest things about America. Societies with more capitalism tend to have greater freedom.
That said, today’s USA Today has an article that makes an interesting statement about the degree to which capitalism has run out of control. Actually, it’s not an indictment of capitalism at all, but a statement of how the free market bears out the wimpy tendencies of a sissy nation of the great helpless.
The article, “When Opulence Just Isn’t Enough,” details the most ridiculous new services created and sold on consumers at some of the nation’s swankiest hotels. The two new jobs that annoy us, in particular, are these:
* Bath Concierge a/k/a Bath Butler; and
* Suntan Butler.
In case you don’t know, the “bath concierge” helps draw your bath, remove your robe, and in some cases, even help bathe you. Uh, no, we’re not making this up.
The “suntan butler” slathers on your suntan lotion for you at the beach. Wasn’t that job previously reserved for boyfriends?
Person A: “What do you do for a living?”
Person B: “Oh, I’m a bath concierge/suntan butler. Yes. I have a Masters in Bathtub Enhancement Services Science/Suntan Lotion Slathering Technology Science.”
Puh-leeze, America. It’s one thing to help disabled people do such things they cannot do for themselves. That is noble and underappreciated work few will do. But these services are not for disabled people. They’re for the rich, lazy, and just plain mentally-challenged.
If you and/or your therapist can’t bathe yourself and put on your own suntan lotion, you don’t need a concierge or butler. You need a reintroduction to the civilized human species.
Tags: America, Bath Concierge a/k/a Bath Butler, bath concierge/suntan butler, Butler, Debbie Schlussel We, Psychotherapy, ridiculous new services, therapist, USA Today