April 23, 2010, - 4:02 pm

The NFL Draft Sucks; Told Ya So on Tebow

By Debbie Schlussel

Okay, so I don’t really know if the NFL Draft sucks.  ‘Cuz I’m not watching.

nfldraftwhoopigoldbergmuppets.jpg

Nor are most people.  They’re at work.  Who schedules an NFL draft during weekdays?  Only a bonehead.  The draft is supposed to be non-football season watching for football fans.  It should be on a Sunday (or a Saturday and Sunday).  Not during the week.

Then, they have this stupid red carpet during the draft and who is on it?!  Two words that make all men and all football fans want to change the channel as quickly as possible:  Whoopi.  Golberg.  Yes, you read that right.  Not Bill Goldberg.  Whoopi “I make men celibate” Goldberg.  It’s the NFL Draft, for crying out loud.  They’re supposed to have sports geeks and hot supermodels.  Not the most annoying, most unattractive Marxist hag on television.  What were they thinking?  And trust me, it won’t bring more women to the NFL fan base.  They like to look at the  hot women, too.  It’s aspirational.  Nobody–man or woman–aspires to looking or sounding like Whoopi Goldberg.  No-one.

And they stretched it out to three days.  Three days to watch a bunch of middle-aged men pick the names of a less than 200 20-somethings–half of whom will be robbing banks or filing for bankruptcy in ten years?  Who cares? Yaaawn.

But I was right about one thing.  Remember back during Superbowl week when I said Tim Tebow would go in the first round, and everyone told me I was on crack?  Well, guess who went in the first round?  Told ya so. Not that I think he’ll live up to that draft slot.  But they picked him.  Their prob.  They’re making billions, he’ll make millions.  Why should I care?   I don’t.  But the two cool things about him being drafted so high  is that the Denver Broncos said they picked him for his character, which the team said raised him to the first round.  Finally.  Maybe the NFL is finally getting it.  Maybe.  Plus, Tebow thanked G-d after he was drafted.  Great to hear.

Do you?  Is anyone reading this paying attention to the draft?  Why?  Ya got no wet paint to watch while it dries?

Reader and blogger Barry Popik:

I know you’re an NFL fan. I sometimes used to attend the NFL draft (free) at Radio City Music Hall in New York City. Now I watch on ESPN.

Three days? THREE DAYS? Are they kidding?

No, they’re not kidding. They’re delusional.

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28 Responses

Debbie….dont be a sports philistine….you have innate NFL draft pick perspicacity….as evidenced by your over-astute Tim Tebow call…convert….to a New England Patriots fan…rejoin your tribe….and yes, it can be a whole lot more fun than watching paint dry…but being a Detroit native explains your gender-centric perspective…..the Lions, well, sck….nothing wrong with taking a day off from suicide bombersfor football draft day sports talk…..

harvk@aol.com on April 23, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    Debbie used to be a sports attorney. Worked for guys like these and just got sick of it. Now she watches it like the rest of us from a distance.

    NFL draft? No ones cares.

    NormanF on April 23, 2010 at 5:58 pm

I’d rather be watching tennis…

Skunky on April 23, 2010 at 4:51 pm

National Felons League.
No I do not watch.

Max on April 23, 2010 at 5:02 pm

Tebow always puts God first and he will be thanking the Lord after he gets even more blessings from above, than he already has gotten. He’s a winner and I predict you won’t see him on in the tabloids, or on smoking gun with a mugshot, were most of the thugs and sperm donors of the NFL usually end up…

Who cares? on April 23, 2010 at 6:04 pm

good for Tebow..hope he makes millions, but also really great passes….i know he will not be the 1st on the field this year…but just give him time, and time to practice…IT IS VERY REFRESHING TO SEE A YOUNG CHRISTIAN MAN PICKED IN THE FIRST ROUND…he has made no secret of his religious views..however, he has lived up to those standard…there will not be any wife beating, dog fighting,dui’s and rape and/’or attempted rape…this is a clean kid.

now he has to settle down, practice and throw like the devil…well maybe not the devil….but this kid is going places….the NFL should have about 99% more players like him

congrats tim …..job well done…enjoy Denver, i lived in Denver and the mountains are breathtaking ……jmc

pink bunny on April 23, 2010 at 6:28 pm

If I had a mug like Dreadface, I would probably be a radical Marxist/Commie too.

Butt Cushion on April 23, 2010 at 6:45 pm

Debbie, I agree Tebow will not live up to the hype. This pick to me was inexplicable. And as a Florida taxpayer I found his Xtian warrior act on the UF football field to be nauseating, more in line with his low IQ than his alleged spirituality.

A1 on April 23, 2010 at 9:25 pm

LOL! Yeah, I’ve had it in for the Whoopster ever since she (he?) ruined Star Trek TNG. To this day, I can’t watch anything featuring that fugly ho’.

Wow, can’t believe nobody picked up Y.A. Tittle! Wha’ happened?

Graty Slapchop on April 23, 2010 at 10:33 pm

Great article. I detest espn and roger goodell. I think they are both to blame for the red carpet crap and breaking a seventy five year tradition of having the draft on all day saturday and sunday. It just wasn’t the same. Another thing that pissed me off was its the nba playoffs and the draft went right up against it. The nfl has no respect for other leagues. Like for example when the college basketball national championship game is on the nba has no games out of respect. The nfl is the complete opposite.

tyler on April 23, 2010 at 11:16 pm

40 year Broncos fan. Lived through Craig Morton years. The Dan Reeves years. Elway. Etc. I don’t confess to understand the ins and outs of how decisions are made in professional sports – cause I have a brain wired for rational, problem solving, no blowback solutions built out of character, experience, my Boy Scout upbringing and a lifetime of church and Bible. It puts me at a disadvantage to understanding naw-chash.

Anyway – I’m damn glad Tebow is coming to Denver. Unless the world rolls over and Al Gore is revealed to be Israel’s long awaited Messiah … I’m pretty sure we’re not going to see Tebow in an SUV shot to death by gangstas, not going to see him on the late news being perp walked for gun possession in a nightclub, beating his wife, beating his girlfriend, shot to death by is girlfriend for not leaving his wife, disappearing on his Contract and ending up smoking a ton of weed at a Naturapathic College, running a whore barge up the river or owning the mortgage on a whore-house in Dallas for the other Players.

This I’m pretty sure of.

I’m also pretty sure he’s very serious about competing, about proving critics wrong and preserving that fire in the belly that we love in, say, Drew Brees. Personally, I don’t think he’ll disappoint. But then, I’m the kind of chump who thinks Brandstater (a Denver QB) is capable of impressing the hell out of, and surprising the hell out of the NFL nay sayers. Woody Paige tells me I’m smoking my socks, but I’ve watched that kid throw a ball harder and more accurately than Elway. And he’s TALL. In the NFL I believe a QB today has to be able to see over the line, for pete’s sake. So …

… Debbie surely knows more about the inner workings of professional sports, but this time, I’m going to say I think Tebow will be what they hope for him to be.

Jury’s out on McDaniels. It’s only one year, but damn … it was a rough and flippin crazy year.

Alright. That’s all. Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.

Jack on April 24, 2010 at 12:38 am

No bigger crap shoot than the nfl draft. sam bradford and his surgically repaired shoulder may have been the first pick, but if the rams don’t have an offensive line, bradford will spend much of this season (and possibly the next) eating lots of artificial turf.

Richard on April 24, 2010 at 9:12 am

Yeah, Tebow is a nice guy, but I don’t think he will ever be a great quarterback in the NFL. When you look at the two losers that are already on the Broncos’ team you can understand why they took him. Orton’s QB rating was 86.8 from last season, and Brady Quinn (aquired from the Browns) was a pathetic 67.2

He probably won’t start anytime soon as a passing situation quarterback, but the Bronco’s might come up with a wildcat style system that can take advantage of Tebow’s size and current skills.

Jarhead on April 24, 2010 at 10:45 am

As a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, I have one question here, why the hell is the NFL Draft being moved to Thursday night? I just don’t get it, I’m used to it being on Saturday & Sunday, and your Debbie, during the course of the week, people are working, etc., so I don’t know why Roger Goodell did this crap by moving it to Thursday, I just can’t put 2-@-2 together on that one!

Liberalism is a Mental Disorder!!!

“A nation is identified by it’s borders, language & culture!”

Sean R. on April 24, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Sean – I’m a Steelers fan too. Do you think Leftwich will replace Roethlisberger for the rest of the season? You know what I mean, Ben gets traded for being a dumbass and goes to a loser team like the Lions.

    Jarhead on April 24, 2010 at 12:45 pm

During a weekday? The Thursday and Friday first, second rounds etc started at 7 or 7:30 pm didn’t they? A minor point for sure but wasn’t the intention to try and maximize the prime time exposure especially given the lack of TV competition?

I watched very little but saw enough to know that it looked like endless hours of hyping every choice as the ideal pick for the respective team making choices. Did Roger G hug every pick in every round like he was greating the return of a prodigal son?

The same scenarion played out for every pick I saw. Shots of the player with family friends or body guards celebrating their pick (visions of millions running through each persons brain I’m sure), stupid precorded video of the pics adopting vaious poses on the side of the screen with some kind of stats on the remainder, analysis by six? or more ESPN experts. And what’s up with the dorks in jerseys in the hotel ballrooom hooting and howling every pick. and Goodell schmoozing with these fans. He must know that he has to play to this fan base but it turns me off.

There must be some culural phenom known as ESPN syndrome that is impacting a large segment of our population. College football and basketball recruiting has almost reached this point too.

I was surprised but all four persons in my offcie watched all or part of the first evening. One watched Survivor then switched over. Two of us watched off and on. The other being a nebraska fan seemed to think having one of their players selected second overall validated Nebraska as an elite football school.

Chris on April 24, 2010 at 11:03 am

Hopefully Tebow won’t be like that other Heisman QB, Charlie Ward, who didn’t have the HEART to go NFL and instead ruined the Knicks, but it was OK, since he had prayer meetings afterwards!

Lyle Alzado once said he wanted to hit a guy so hard his head would roll down the field..THAT is the kind of ATTITUDE one is supposed to have playing football.

EminemsRevenge on April 24, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Tebow, Schmebow. People act like there aren’t Christians in the NFL already, like he’s some kind of missionary. There are a ton of Christians who play that never get any mention because it doesn’t sell newspapers or make headlines like that dummy Plaxico Burress.

Matt Frost on April 24, 2010 at 2:06 pm

Well, I didn’t watch the draft on Friday as I was at the Preds vs. Black Hawks NHL playoff game. But, if I would have been at home I would have watched for sure.

I love anything NFL related, even the draft. Why did they have that super annoying hag Whoopi on there? That’s as bad as Keith Blubbermann on the Sunday night NFL games!

Since I’m a Vandy football season ticket holder, the Broncos should have kept my guy Jay Cutler in town. He was bad last year but he’s going to be a great one.

I’ve seen Tebow in the SEC here in person and on TV. It’s going to take at least 2 years but this guy WILL be a star NFL QB. Bank on it.

As a Christian I definitely admire his lifestyle. But, what some people forget is Tebow is a warrior and extreme competitor. He’s going to be another Steve Young.

Lastly, the best part of the NFL draft every year? Seeing DRAFT EXPERT Mel Kiper’s hair do!!!!!

Jeff W. on April 24, 2010 at 2:18 pm

Love football, love my Packers.

But you couldn’t PAY me to watch the draft.

Matt on April 24, 2010 at 4:24 pm

I think he won’t adjust and throw like he is in college and will still be a great QB. He is a Steve Young. Everyone said Young wouldn’t make it in the NFL. He got drafted in the USFL, and they said he was a bust. The USFL folded (because of a-hole Donald Trump) and Young excelled and won a Super Bowl. If you are tough and got heart with his talent he will go far.

CaliforniaScreaming on April 26, 2010 at 1:11 am

Tim Tebow’s a winner. While he won’t start this season, give him a couple of seasons and he’ll have Denver in the playoffs. He’s Steve Young 2.0, a bigger and stronger version. Can you imagine the fear in a 5’8″, 180-lb defensive back’s eyes when he sees a yoked, 6’3″, 235-lb quarterback coming straight at him and through him as Tebow makes a key first down in a huge game the Broncos have to win?

Jon on April 26, 2010 at 2:27 am

From what I’ve read the folks at the NFL say viewership was up this year. I realize folks have to work but it didn’t seem to go on all that late Thursday night. While it would have been more convenient to have it all done over the weekend by, but breaking it down into 3 days it did give the chattering heads more time to talk about little known players from colleges that didn’t get as much press who, as we all know, sometimes make for the most inetresting stories. And when things got slow I had a garage that got cleaned (sponsored by Miller Lite)a yard that got mowed (also sponsored by Miller Lite) and the remote to bounce me around the other 100+ channels.

Jim on April 26, 2010 at 8:40 am

pro hoops and football have been taken over by the gangsta-thugg-ghetto culture and i haven’t watched for years…

so, for me, events like the NFL draft rank below hollywood award shoes (sometimes i watch to make the wife happy… until i snap after 10 minutes and go watch nova or clean the garage.

howardroark on April 26, 2010 at 11:07 am

typo: ‘shoes’ should have been ‘shows’…

howardroark on April 26, 2010 at 11:09 am

Jarhead, from what I’ve heard, the Steelers haven’t named a starting QB for opening day, but I think it’ll be Byron Leftwich, if that’s the case, then he’ll replace Big Ben for the first 4-6 games, back a few years ago in the Steelers championship season, Leftwich played really good in replacing Roethlisberger when he was a little banged up. But I think the Steelers should play the “wildcat offense”, either Roethlisberger or Leftwich will do the traditional offense, and put Dennis Dixon in for the wildcat formation, did you see that TD run Dixon made against the Ravens last season (in which I really hate the Ravens, Bengals & Browns).

Jarhead, I hope the Steelers don’t trade Big Ben at all, he won two superbowls with our team, they better not trade him to either the Browns, Bengals, or Ravens!

Liberalism is a Mental Disorder!!!

“A nation is identified by it’s borders, language & culture!”

Sean R. on April 26, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Sean R. – I also think Big Ben is a great quarterback. But if Leftwich wins those 4-6 games, they should keep starting him. I wouldn’t mess with something that is working.

    Jarhead on April 26, 2010 at 5:42 pm

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