July 21, 2006, - 12:33 am
By Debbie Schlussel
I wish I’d walked out of the Detroit “Clerks II” critics screening at the point Joel Siegel did in New York.
Siegel, ABC’s “Good Morning America” film critic, walked out of the movie when characters were talking about paying a woman to perform oral sex on a donkey. Unfortunately, I stayed and saw the part where a man actually does that–and anal sex with the animal, too.
Where is People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals–and Moviegoers–when you need them? This is the deviant “cultural” level to which America has declined. I hope it’s the nadir, but I fear we will decline much further. I’m no prude, but I know what sick is. And Clerks II is the epitome of it.
“Clerks“–a mid-1990s low-budget “indie” film–put director Kevin Smith on the map. But, as the disgusting sequel, “Clerks II,” proves, he never deserved to make it there.
When I saw the original “Clerks” after much praise and hoopla for the genius boy-wonder filmmaker, I couldn’t understand the hype. The film had maybe three funny scenes and a lot of other boring, obscenity-laced ones. It was the most over-rated film of its day.
Now, “Clerks II” will replace its predecessor for that title. The film is garbage. It’s depraved, disgusting, and demented–all of which reflect the same on its writer/director, the now-worshipped idol of the slacker set, Smith.
The movie is a celluloid monument to the continuing decline of America–and civilization in general. What is funny about bestiality (or “interspecies erotica,” as the movie calls it)? What is funny about losers who have no human decency? What is funny about drug dealers? What is funny about putting flies in someone’s cheeseburger and urine in someone’s drink at a fast-food joint?
If that’s funny to you, you’re a loser, much like Kevin Smith and his characters are. Sure, Smith–creator of the loseratti culture–is now a multi-millionaire from his movies, proving there’s no accounting for good taste in America. But he’s just a loser with money. He is subhuman, as evidenced by this sad, sick silver screen tale. He’ll never arise from the gutter.
The movie was not funny, not interesting, and not the least bit entertaining. It was just frightening–frightening that something like this could make it to the big screen and merit the hype of a repeatedly looping one-hour VH1 special. The cult-following that Smith and his Clerks movies garner is disturbing. But maybe that’s why it’s called a cult following. After all, a whole cult drank poisoned Kool-Aid to their fatal detriment.
And this movie, “Clerks II,” is a moving picture version of that Kool-Aid for our decrepit society. What is likeable about 33-year-old losers who swear and dream up depraved, obscene scenarios all day long? This is Gen-X “wit”? You can hear that on satellite radio. It’s no big whoop. What is likeable about drug dealers who do the same? Nothing.
But Smith likes those kinds of people. What he doesn’t like–as we know from the rest of his repertoire of garbage flicks–are Christians or any religious persons. Clerks II has a heavy, partially-hydrogenated dose of that. A slow, dimwitted fast food worker is–of course!–a Christian. Worse, he’s a Christian who believes in the Bible, was home-schooled, and at age 19 hasn’t had sex with his girlfriend. And–of course!–he’s the one turned on by the “interspecies erotica.” It’s the obligatory, predictable, undue ridicule of morality and decency in this latest Kevin Smith celebration of juvenile, moronic idiots who still haven’t grown up in their mid-30s.
Incredibly, there is a documentary about the making of this trash.
There is nothing likeable or redeeming about any of the characters in “Clerks II.” In fact, if Middle America were truly populated entirely by the Clerks II crew, we should all commit suicide now. There’s nothing worth living for.
But, thank G-d, it’s make believe. That’s why the heroes who save the day are Jay and Silent Bob, drug dealers who’ve made some extra cash through their wise peddling of pot and coke. Drug dealers are the only businessmen the left seems to like. All hail the left’s new twisted, revered version of capitalism.
I didn’t do the smart thing like Joel Siegel and walk out of Clerks II. Instead, I stayed until the end. Unlike the perverted rest of the movie, it’s strangely sanguine–as if this excuses the despicable nature of the rest of the movie to that point. It doesn’t.
But what the long, boring Clerks II does provide is a great opportunity. For an enterprising trial attorney to file a Class Action suit. It’s the only way for thousands of duped movie-goers to get compensation for almost two disturbing hours of their life they wasted.
Two empty hours of their lives, courtesy of Kevin Smith, that they will never get back.
Tags: ABC, America, Clerks, Clerks II, Clerks movies garner, Debbie Schlussel, Depraved Monument, Detroit, director, enterprising trial attorney, film critic, food, food worker, Good Morning America, Jay Bob, Joel Siegel, Joel Siegel Was Right, Kevin Smith, New York, satellite radio, Silent Bob, the now-worshipped idol, Writer /Director