September 27, 2006, - 11:46 am

Stupid Breast Implant Study of the Day

By Debbie Schlussel
Hard to believe someone paid money for this study, but someone did: A Canadian study found that women who get breast implants are more like to commit suicide.
That’s no surprise, since it’s quite likely that if you surgically sew large foreign objects inside your chest, you probably have little self-worth–and the operation won’t change that.
The New York Times reports that researchers from the Universite Laval Favulty of Medicine and the Public Health Agency of Canada studies almost 25,000 women who had implants from 1974-1989. During that time, 480–or almost 2%–of them died. Upon investigating the reasons for death, they found that that the percentage of the 25,000 who committed suicide was 73% higher than the rate of the those committing suicide in the general population.

breastimplants.jpgpamelaandersonimplants.jpg

More Likely to be Suicidal

The obvious point that we made above–that women who get implants are more likely to have low self-esteem (and to be mentally ill)–is the conclusion of the researchers. The implants are just another manifestation of Darwin Award winning female material.
Which money was less well-spent–the money for this useless study or the few thousand for the implants that still didn’t stop natural selection from taking place?
Fortunately, in this case, it looks like Canadians–not U.S. taxpayers–footed the bill.
More interesting details at Cosmos.

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9 Responses

At the very least pamela anderson won’t have to worry about drowning…

Southernops on September 27, 2006 at 1:38 pm

Let them commit suicide, after I’m done playing with their fun-jugs

KOAJaps on September 27, 2006 at 4:47 pm

Pam Anderson looks like a FREAK with those flotation devices. I can empathize with a woman who may want a little bigger than an A cup but let’s keep it believable!

Minnie Mouse on September 27, 2006 at 5:19 pm

I bet for most of the surviving women the implants improved their socioeconomic status to some degree.

shleppy on September 27, 2006 at 6:41 pm

Look at it this way ladies.
If you were Pam, had implants and then realized all your success was due to two dangerous cosmetic devices, the decision is, when have I made enough money to return to normal?
Will one of these implants leak and destroy my immune system?
Real men hate hard objects between them and their partners.
No doubt suicide is one of the options.= TG

Anthony Robinson on September 27, 2006 at 8:01 pm

Someone, said she could use them for life perservers, Hmmm… doesn’t the bouyant force of silicon have to be less than that of water in order for them to float, or would she sink to a certain level and then float,or pop back up like a cork…On the other hand what would happen if they were filled with helium instead, would they float all on their own, and if she were in Denver, the mile high city, would that cause a problem, sagging or just totally deflated because of the air being thinner, or in this case balloons, dare not use Hydrogen, they could explode.
Also since silicon is a semi-conductor would she be more or less prone to lightning strikes than say… Oprah.
Breast augmentation is suppose to enhance not overwhelm on to the side of grotesque.

mark on September 27, 2006 at 8:44 pm

The French used to be into smaller breasts, they liked the breasts that would fit into a champagne glasss. This Professor within earshot defended my theory once adding that the first champagne glasses as we know them were thought to have been cast from Marie Antionette’s breasts. I haven’t the foggiest whether that is true or not, but I like the story.
Women that get them don’t bother me, but the Doctors that do them are mostly repulsive. One described it as easy as stuffing a marshmellow in a piggy bank. A medical sales rep gave me one of the models with silicone in the 1980′s. I was tossing around the bar that night (everyone wanted to handle it) when it started leaking. The mess seemed to spread so I left the breast implant there and made for the door.

code7 on September 27, 2006 at 10:09 pm

WELLÖI donít think we should be too hard on Pam.
She HAS DISCOVERED what a lot of women have yet to learn.
Indeed, why should any woman be concerned about her looks?
Well babyÖBECAUSE MOST MEN can seeÖa whole lot better than they can think~
Thatís why.
Yup, BOOBS baffle brains~
And AT LEAST we can tell RIGHT AWAY that Pam is a woman~
No flannel or ì1000 year durabilityî polyester on her.
Want to make an impression girlsÖget a degree or two…
WANT TO TAKEOVERÖexercise GIRLPOWER!

The Canadien on September 28, 2006 at 6:07 pm

Oh Minnie, it’s only fake boobs…yum yum! But I’m the only one here would admit that I would bang them tits. Not her poon, because, she has hep. But banging her tits may not work well, considering that I am Japanese and hung like a chick. I could always dream

KOAJaps on September 28, 2006 at 6:53 pm

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