July 23, 2010, - 2:45 pm
Weekend Box Office: Feminist Fantasy “Salt” (Anti-Israel Jolie), “Ramona & Beezus,” “The Kids R All Right”
Yet another weekend of the consistently bad summer for movies. Ironically, the best of the bunch–and that’s very relative–is a kids movie, “Ramona and Beezus.” The two other new choices are feminist fantasies with no bearing on reality.
* “Salt“: This thriller is a far-left, anti-American feminist’s wet dream, in which an anorexic woman (Angelina Jolie) can physically beat up men who are not only bigger then her, they’re several times bigger. Sorry, but in the real world, that ain’t gonna happen. But in the feminist fantasy, yes, a tiny woman can beat up all the men. And don’t forget that Skankelina Jolie is openly very anti-Israel, pan-Muslim, pro-Syria, and compared US Immigration Enforcement to Hitler. (See also here.) She’s visited and hung out with Palestinian refugees in Jordan, the human rights abusing Assads of Syria, and Egyptian America-haters. If you see this movie, that’s who you are patronizing. And while we’re at it, a Muslim CIA mole would have been far more timely, believable, and appropriate than a Russian one, as is the premise of this movie.
Plus, the movie would have been more exciting if I hadn’t figured it out–figured out the twist and who the bad guys were–in the first five minutes. You see enough of these stock thrillers, it gets easier and easier. And while Angie Voight (that’s her real name) pretentiously said she wanted to play James Bond, not a Bond girl, the stunts and feats in this movie are even more ridiculous than those of Bond. I mean, really, jumping diagonally down an empty eight story elevator shaft–across the shaft one whole floor at a time without succumbing to the forces of gravity!–it’s just not credible. Ditto for a lot of the other stunts. Just laughable.
This role, about a suspected Russian spy who has infiltrated the CIA, was originally written for Tom Cruise. And aside from the fact he’s a male and stronger, he’d also have been more believable, especially since–unlike horrid actress, Skankelina Jolie–he actually can act. Her one-dimensional monotone delivery of bad, cheesy lines about marriage, love, and spying was absurd. But she’s in the movie for one reason: her looks (helped by blonde and black wigs to cover her thinning hair and balding scalp).
The story: a female undercover CIA agent (Jolie) is married to a German scientist who studies spiders. One day a Russian KGB agent comes to the building that is her and other CIA’s cover. He says he wants to defect and declares that she, Evelyn Salt, is a Russian agent and will attempt to kill the Russian President at the Vice President’s funeral in New York, the next day. We’re told it will be “Day X,” the start of all kinds of harm designed to take America down.
Soon, Salt is fleeing her fellow CIA agents, and we don’t know, at first, whether or not she’s actually a Russian agent, but we suspect that she is. We also learn that there was a program in place by a Russian KGB official to train young kids to become American sleepers who blend in and infiltrate the highest levels of the U.S. government.
Again, while it’s timely, given the recent outing of a cell of domestic Russian spies, it’s really not because those were run of the mill civilians who weren’t–as far as we know–effective. We’ve seen far many more instances of Muslims infiltrating the military, the White House, the Pentagon, etc., with great success. When Hollywood has the guts to do a movie on that and its dangers–and Skankelina Jolie has the guts to star in it–then I’ll find it more credible and worthy.
This was a decent thriller (lots of action and heart-pounding stuff, though it is quite slow at times and way too long), but for the reasons I’ve noted, it doesn’t really cut it.
Watch the trailer . . .
* “Ramona and Beezus“: Based on the Beverly Cleary kids’ books of the same name, this movie was cute and fine for its intended audience, young girls. 10-year-old actress Joey King is cute as Ramona, the kid who is smart but always getting into trouble at school. Ditto for Selena Gomez as Beezus. I liked that there is a nuclear family in this one–ie., a father and mother who are still married and living in the same house. And I especially liked that the father–John Corbett–is a cool and loving father, who is involved in his kids’ lives, not usual for Hollywood.
It’s fine for your kids and good for the whole family. But remember, it’s aimed at kids, so for adults, it may be slow and boring.
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS (for kids)
Watch the trailer . . .
* “The Kids Are All Right“: This is another feminist fantasy. It’s the feel-good lesbian-family, sperm-donor dysfunctional movie of the year.
A lesbian couple (Julianne Moore and Annette Benning), who like to watch gay male porn together as they give each other oral sex, are moms to a son and daughter. Charming. Ick #1. One lesbian gave birth to the son and the other gave birth to the daughter. Both were from the same sperm bank donor father. The son wants to learn the identity of his father. Since the daughter is 18 and headed to college, she inquires on his behalf.
Soon, they are face-to-face with their earthy, granola, green-to-the-max restaurant owner sperm donor father, Mark Ruffalo, who sleeps with his slutty, earthy female employees. Ick #2.
Soon after that Ruffalo meets the lesbian moms and starts a sexual affair with Julianne Moore. Ick #3. Annette Benning discovers the affair, they get into a fight, and then make up. The end.
Hey, dysfunctional lesbian families from sperm donors are just like all other American families who care for each other and have day to day problems–that’s the message they want you to come away with after viewing this pro-gay marriage propaganda film.
My message: don’t believe the hype. The mainstream liberal movie critics love it. I hated it. Skip at all cost. Oy.
FOUR MARXES PLUS AN OBAMA AND A BIN LADEN
Watch the trailer . . .
Tags: Angelina Jolie, Angie Voight, Annette Benning, Anti-Israel, Beverly Cleary, CIA, Israel, Joey King, Julianne Moore, lesbian family, lesbians, Mark Ruffalo, mole, Movie Reviews, Ramona and Beezus, Russian, salt, Selena Gomez, Skankelina Jolie, sperm donor, sperm donor family, spy, The Kids Are All Right