November 9, 2006, - 4:51 pm

New Bond . . . James Bond = Yawn . . . Big Yawn; The Metro-Sexual Bond

By Debbie Schlussel
Just got back from seeing, “Casino Royale,” the new James Bond movie, the 21st installment. My reaction:
Bring back Sean Connery . . . . Bring back Roger Moore . . . . Bring back George Lazenby . . . . Bring back almost anybody (but not Timothy Dalton or Pierce Brosnan). This new dude, Daniel Craig, just doesn’t cut it. He’s DULL. No charisma, no charm, no suavity and debonaireness.
Too old and haggard looking. And he’s way too thin (scrawny) and small (hair’s too short and ears stick out, too–like Alfred E. Neuman). Very blah. Not sexy. Nice eyes, but nothing behind them. Would Ian Fleming fancy this guy playing Bond? Doubtful.

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James Bond is meant to be tall, dark and handsome. Not small, blonde, and nebbishy. Jeans, a biker shorts swimsuit? James Bond wouldn’t be caught dead in Daniel Craig’s “Casino Royale” everyman mallwear.
And the plot . . . oy. James Bond, MI-6 Secret Agent, is fighting the enemy in a boring poker game. Puh-leeze. There’s a reason “The World Series of Poker” is not an action adventure spy movie. It’s a yawner.
I predict Daniel Craig will last about as long as Dalton. As in not very. He’s just not hot. Ironically, both leads, Craig and French Actress Eva Green got had their biggest roles to date in Islamist movies, he in “Munich” (playing Steven Spielberg’s phony version of a Mossad agent uttering outrageous statements Mossad agents would never utter, but in which he, ironically, looked more like James Bond–beefier and with better hair) and she in “Kingdom of Heaven.”
Gotta say I agree with (the new, female?!) “M”‘s line in the movie: “I miss the Cold War.” I do, too. Because without it, James Bond is boring. And out.
Stay tuned for my complete review when the movie comes out.
****
Fave DebbieSchlussel.com James Bond flick: “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service,” starring George Lazenby, the one and only time he played Bond. Also liked, “From Russia With Love,” “Goldfinger,” and “Dr. No.”
Fave DebbieSchlussel.com James Bond: George Lazenby, with Sean Connery a close second.
Fave DebbieSchlussel.com James Bond villain: Blofeld (full name: Ernst Stavro Blofeld), as played by Telly Savalas (Blofeld was also played by Donald Pleasence and Max Von Sydow).
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George Lazenby as James Bond & Telly Savalas as Blofeld

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17 Responses

Heard Howard Stern knocking this movie yesterday as if it was some posthumous contrived Ian Fleming story when in fact this was the FIRST Bond novel he ever wrote, and some people considered it his best!
YOUR contention that DC may be a bit long in the tooth to have played Bond flies in the face of what 007 was originally…a 40-something-year-old’s Walter Mitty doppelganger. But let’s face it, Bond jumped the shark when “Our Man Flynt” get-smarted the whole genre.

EminemsRevenge on November 9, 2006 at 5:18 pm

I agree, OHMSS was the best of the Bond movies, although Lazemby was a bit wooden. He did, however, have the best Bond “look”. Big guy with a superhero chin. The story was one of the best, and Telly Savalas made a perfect Blofeld. And Diana Rigg…. well, you know.
I never cared for Roger Moore, but For Your Eyes Only was a very good movie because they stopped with the ridiculous gadgets for once. Overall, I’d say Connery in the first 4 movies was the best Bond.
And finding out you’re a Bond fan (to the point of knowing Blofeld’s full name) makes you even sexier.

Stealthkix on November 9, 2006 at 5:21 pm

All I know about Craig is from his turn as the bitter and brutish blue-eyed South African-born Israeli in “Munich: (“The only blood that matters to me is Jewish blood”).
THAT’S THE PART I WAS TALKING ABOUT. VERY OFFENSIVE. I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT OUTRAGEOUS, ABSURD LINE, WHICH DEFAMED JEWS EVERYWHERE.
DEBBIE SCHLUSSEL

Jeremiah on November 9, 2006 at 5:40 pm

Daniel Craig looks like a chimp in a tuxedo. For the next movie, Bond should team up with Tarzan.

FreethinkerNY on November 9, 2006 at 6:04 pm

I thought Roger Moore was funny. Best Bond to me, though most would not agree. None of these movies are that great. Books are always better, though there hasnt been very many good ones of late. I think the best writers are paralyzed by the rapidity of the changing world events. There is, maybe, one good movie a year on average. The super hero movies seem to be getting worse, not really sure how you can mess those up so badly.
Munich was terrible all on its own even without the baggage of which you speak.
I like novelist Vince Flynn’s CIA assassin Mitch Rapp, he’s better than Bond. If you havent read him you should.

dll2000 on November 9, 2006 at 6:24 pm

Speaking of Howard Stern. Do you still do his show? I havent listened to him since he flip-flopped on the WOT in 2003, I couldnt handle the constant Bush bashing in an election year. He just wouldnt let up and his anger had nothing to do with the WOT, he was pissed that he was being attacked and censored and was trying to influence the election any way he could. I miss Artie.

dll2000 on November 9, 2006 at 6:31 pm

The excellent early Bond films were produced by Albert “Cubby” Broccoli and Harry Saltzman. Then as Cubby was entering his golden years, his daughter, Barbara, took on a producer role. I imagine she was the driving force behind making James more sensitive to women’s issues. Starting with Timothy Dalton as Bond in “The Living Daylights”, where the villain was a drug kingpin and Wayne Newton was a crooked/horney Tel-evangelist? Huh? Give me the secret space vehicle base hidden in a volcano anytime, or Bond at dinner having a beautiful woman write her room number in lipstick under his kilt!

Irish Poet on November 9, 2006 at 6:36 pm

I didn’t watch a Bond movie since approximately 2 decades, did I miss something?
Didn’t bother going to the theaters nor stayed in front of the TV to watch a complete one. I’ve seen parts of the new ones, didn’t like them.
I used to like these movies when I was younger, Sean Connery and Roger Moore were my favorites.

Independent Conservative on November 9, 2006 at 6:39 pm

George Lazenby did well in life as a real estate investor. In California properties. I met one of his daughters 10 years ago and she laid it all out. She was charming and foxy!

dennisw on November 9, 2006 at 6:43 pm

Daniel Craig was very good in “Layer Cake” But he sure don’t look like a James Bond.

dennisw on November 9, 2006 at 6:44 pm

Please, never ever think of bringing back Roger Moore, the worst, who turned Bond into a sissy pants spouting lame one liners.
Bond has always been Sean Connery and my faves were all his movies until “Diamonds are Forever”, which wasn’t bad but not great.
I guess I’ll be the lone dissenter, but I’m very anxious to see this movie. Just from seeing the trailers it looks promising to me to see the silliness stripped away and a newer, fresher, grittier version.

The_Man on November 9, 2006 at 11:23 pm

Telly Savales’ estate should be suing Mike Meyers/Dr. Evil for copyright infringement, etc.

Anonymous1 on November 10, 2006 at 1:57 am

I haven’t seen the new movie – obviously, as it hasn’t been released to the general public yet – but from what I’ve read about it, it does seem to be a near translation to film from the original book (updated to the 21st century). I read all of them when I was a teenager, and for those of you who have only seen the movies, most of them, especially the recent ones, have NOTHING in common with Ian Fleming’s creation. Connery comes closest to interpreting Bond the way Fleming depicted him yet even he failed to capture Bond’s cold amorality and narcissistic priapism. For what it’s worth, the closest interpretation that I’ve seen is FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE. The other early Connery films (DR. NO, GOLDFINGER, YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE) complete the “Golden Age of Bond,” in my opinion. The rest are just dreck.
Got to disagree with you, Debbie, about Lazenby. He looked the part but had little charisma and was a wooden actor.
I have no preconception about this new film but will give it a chance.

PMarc on November 10, 2006 at 10:21 am

Dr. Evil is a parody of the Donald Pleasance Blofeld, not the Telly Savalas Blofeld. And his silver outfit is a parody of Dr. No. The Savalas estate doesn’t need to worry.

Stealthkix on November 10, 2006 at 10:34 am

Craig’s the most real Bond yet. He’s rougher and tougher than any of the others so far, I don’t see how that makes him “girlie”. In fact it is just the opposite. The film is excellent in my opinion.

eluril on November 18, 2006 at 2:06 pm

Ever read any of Ian Fleming’s books. Most of the people who have complained have complained endlessly like stuck pigs over Pierce Brosnan being replaced, seem not have, and seem to have the idea that being suave, with endless bad puns, explosions and gadgets, is what flemings creation was all about.
Having failed to see their predictions of failure for the new bond in Casino Royale, the anti-Daniel Craig brigade, have like angry supporters of communism, who never got over the fact that it failed, only seem to hate Daniel Craig all the more.
Debbie, Brosnan is not coming back, and Casino Royale was a success. So get over it.
[R: PIERCE BROSNAN? HUH? HE WAS A TERRIBLE JAMES BOND. DS]

roger on August 25, 2008 at 9:09 pm

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