January 21, 2011, - 4:34 pm
The movie Pet Sematary of January is almost over, with the key word being, “almost.” Still nothing worth two hours and ten bucks apiece, yet.
* “No Strings Attached“: Um, who wants to see a movie where the chick is the guy in the relationship and the guy is not only the chick in the relationship, but he’s Bruce Willis’ son, Christopher Ashton Kutcher (thanks, Ricky Gervais)? Yup, this is basically a dumb chick flick with even dumber role reversals. While this movie was mildly–veeeeery mildly–entertaining, it was mostly unfunny (supposed to be a rom-com, but there was very little rom and almost no com) and just, well . . . groanworthy. And is it really necessary for a movie to be full of the c-word (the one that rhymes with “rock,” not the other one, but same diff) and other gratuitous graphic language, which you don’t need to be a prude to know had absolutely no purpose. I felt like I was hearing the audio track to a bad porno flick. And even though it’s rated “R,” you know it’s aimed at teens and most of America’s malpracticing “parents” a/k/a womb-/sperm-donors will let their kids go see it without a second thought. Could’ve also done without two giant shots of Chris Kutcher’s naked butt in my face.
The “story” lasted about 20 minutes. Then, the rest was stupid machinations, overwrought melo-drama, and sundry other stupidity. The “plot”: Kutcher and Natalie Portman have known each other since summer camp, and he’s always wanted to have sex with her. Her, not so much. Ultimately, they have sex, after he is hungover from a night of drunkenness upon learning that his aging TV actor father, a very old-looking Kevin Kline, is sleeping with his ex-girlfriend. Soon, Kutcher and Portman are just sex-buddies because she doesn’t want to date him or be in a relationship. Looong, slooow, booooring. It ended like five times, then sadly kept going. Yaaaawn. Next.
Soooo predictable. You know what’s gonna happen before the opening scene. And soooo pointless. Remember, there’s a reason it’s being shown in January. It’s a miss, not a hit.
TWO-AND-A HALF MARXES
Watch the trailer . . .
* “Client 9: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer“: Sooo sick of this guy. Even more tiresome, though, is liberals trying to tell us that this john is some sort of hero who was unfairly “targeted” because he was persecuting Wall Street and the banks. In this “documentary” propaganda, they are the villains and he is the hero. Riiiight. The guy was a lout, is a lout, and will always be a lout. A rich guy who keeps getting richer and attacks other people for getting rich will never be a hero. There’s a different h-word for that: hypocrite.
I learned that Ashley Dupre, Spitzer’s prostitute, only saw him once, and that the woman who was his regular, um, “receptacle” is now a day trader–information that really won’t make the slightest bit of difference in my life and wasn’t worth two hours of baloney. What’s next–a “documentary” defending O.J. Simpson?
There’s a reason his CNN show is a ratings failure. He’s liberal. . . a liberal hypocrite. And he’s just not likable.
Watch the trailer . . .
Tags: Ashton Kutcher, Chris Kutcher, Christopher Ashton Kutcher, Client 9, Client 9: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer, Eliot Spitzer, Kevin Kline, Natalie Portman, No Strings Attached