February 14, 2011, - 1:07 pm

Happy Male DREAD – Doghouse Risk Extra-Avoidance Day

By Debbie Schlussel

For most American women and the mainstream media, today is Valentine’s Day.  But for the realists and most American men, it’s really what I call DREAD – Doghouse Risk Extra-Avoidance Day.  So, to all the American men out there trying extra hard to avoid the doghouse by rushing to buy cards, chocolate, flowers, and/or a fancy dinner out, Happy DREAD.  I feel for you.  Yup, today is an obligation, not a manifestation of love. You have to do it, and if you don’t, you’re in trouble.

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Anyone who confuses what Hallmark tells you to do–and the expectations of  females who don’t appreciate your hard work and caring 364 other days of the year–with love doesn’t know what the word means.  Today is something you gotta do to stay out of the doghouse.  It’s not something you chose to do.  It’s an expectation you must meet or meet that fury far beyond what’s in store in hell, as the saying goes.

That’s how most American men feel.  I see it every year on this day around 6:00 p.m., if I’m at the local drugstore.  Like clockwork at that time on Valentine’s Day, a steady stream of hurried, harried, not-too-happy-looking men are intently rushing in-and-out, in an emergency stampede to avoid the cold shoulder at home for the next month.  That’s only the case for men.  Today is about women.  And they’re selfish.  They are the recipients, not the givers.  The stats show that, as men spend several times as much on their women as women do on their men.  And they do it, so they can avoid the whining, no sex, and other results of not American Greeting and Hallmarking the day along with Hershey’s and FTD.  If a husband or boyfriend doesn’t get anything for Valentine’s Day, I doubt he’ll be heartbroken over it . . . unless he’s gay.  Just doesn’t happen.

I’ve written about this every year (including here and here), and every year it’s the same.  It’s expected.  And the sheeple men do it because they won’t stand up and say, “Hey, does it not occur to you when I work 365 24/7 to put food on the table and keep our house heated, that that’s love?”  Yes, I know, today, many women are the workers and make more than hubby.  For the men in those relationships, I’ll bet today is that much worse.  They already feel less of a man (if they’re honest), and now they must show they’re more of a man by buying something when their wife/girlfriend–the bigger breadwinner–holds not just the purse, but the purse strings.

So, for me, today is always an entertaining day.  So predictable.  It never changes.  If there’s one good thing about Valentine’s Day, it’s the billions that get pumped into a very sour American economy.  But it’s out of obligation and it’s an artificial one-day-a-year thing.  Nothing impactful in the long run.

And, as I’ve noted on this site before, some Hersheys you’re buying today aren’t even made here.  The plant was moved to Mexico.  Buying that just confirms their sorry decision to put American workers out of jobs.  Ditto for the rest of DREAD candy, almost all of which is also made in Mexico.

Today has nothing to do with romance and everything to do with the trance of after-work men stopping off at the jewelry or candy store on the way home to avoid what awaits them if they show up empty handed.

Uh-huh. America’s confectioners, florists, jewelers, and restaurateurs are the pimps and pushers.  Happy DREAD, American Men.  You’d better buy more than a card .  .  . or you might not get lucky for a long time.

XOXOXOXO

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19 Responses

True story: The wife of a friend left him after 22-years of marriage because she was the only girl in her office who didn’t get flowers/candy for Valentines Day. Sounds ridiculous, but is nonetheless true. He bought her a new Lexus the previous XMAS but that apparently didn’t count.

#1 Vato on February 14, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Ugh–don’t be a hater. Some of us actually love this holiday. I decorate my apartment and throw a big party for all my single–and coupled–friends every year.

Scott Spiegel on February 14, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    How is this post hateful? St. Valentine’s Day was a Catholic saint’s day with a pleasant story behind it. Now, it is a very commercial event that has very little to do with love or affection, but the expectation(mostly from women)that the partner in their life owes them something above and beyond what they have already been given or have. At that point, we are not longer dealing with a spontaneous act of affection or love, but something more akin to income tax filing. The whole idea of the best gifts are those that are unexpected is completely turned on its head. Also, a male who has a girlfriend who is this shallow and materialistic should seriously consider looking elsewhere for a potential wife. A material girl tends not to stick around when the times get tough.

    Worry01 on February 14, 2011 at 2:43 pm

I lived in Japan for a while. There, on Valentine’s Day, it’s the ladies who woo the men. The men get to return the favor on the so-called “White Day” which occurs on March 14th (one month after Valentine’s Day).

Yes, White Day was instituted by commercial interests but who cares… This is ONE thing I think the US would be good to copy from Japan:

February 14th: the guys get to woo the gals.
March 14th: the gals get to woo the guys.

Eliezer on February 14, 2011 at 1:35 pm

In Japan the Gals woo the Guys on Valentine’s Day. On so called White Day (March 14th, one month after Valentine’s Day) the Guys get to return the favor.

I think this is one instance where copying the Japanese might be a good idea…

Eliezer on February 14, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Oops… Sorry for the double post… It liked the comment hadn’t been submitted…

Eliezer on February 14, 2011 at 1:41 pm

American women are incredibly selfish brats. Its not love when you force your man to do something to keep your ego inflated. Love is about sacrifice but its mutual and one of the partners should never be forced to keep the other happy!

Its no wonder men don’t think Valentine’s Day is really about bringing lovers together!

NormanF on February 14, 2011 at 1:52 pm

The Bronx Zoo has a Valentine’s gift that may be appropriate for some of these women.

For $10 you can name one of their Madegascar Roaches after your Valentine and get an acknowledgment from the zoo. Among the reasons offered by the zoo for purchasing this naming gift:

On account of her great strength and resourcefulness
Since she isn’t a picky eater, (paraphrased)
Because your love is everlasting, like your roach problem
Because you-know-who deserves this

Little Al on February 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Years ago I got a box of chocolates and left it in the car. It wasn’t a hot day out so I didn’t think anything of it. Evidently it did get warm enough in the car for them to melt, then later, when they’d cooled after getting them home, they were all disfigured looking when she opened the box. I’ve heard about it every year since.

Hershey’s being made in Mexico is correct. I had a job driving an 18-wheeler for about six months last year. I picked up a trailer load of peanuts in Abilene TX, then took it to Laredo and dropped it there for a Mexican truck to take across the border.

CornCoLeo on February 14, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Now see, if http://www.steakandbjday.com/ were observed with the same fervor and “religiosity” as valentine’s day, there wouldn’t be a problem…

Mister E. Mixx on February 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Right on Debbie

Jake49 on February 14, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I got her the dozen six foot roses gift. She got me a memorial to my alma mater appearing in the Rose Bowl this year (the winners). I’m blessed every day with a fantastic woman. Best decision of my life was asking her to marry me. Worst decision was waiting 2 years to decide.

Occam's Tool on February 14, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Things could be worse. If they’ve got a job making candy in Mexico, they’re at least not living here.

Polichinello on February 14, 2011 at 4:53 pm

http://www.businessreviewusa.com/news/adrienne-fitch-frankel/unearthing-forced-labor-scenes-behind-hershey
See the link above to read about the plantations that engage in human trafficking (child slave labor) in Africa (where Hershey gets its chocolate).

Mominminnesota on February 14, 2011 at 9:40 pm

I got my wife maternity clothes and she bought me new shoes! What a great day!

DonkeyDonk on February 15, 2011 at 9:04 am

I bought my wife a years supply of doosh.

Truth on February 15, 2011 at 12:26 pm

The woman who dumped him after being the ONLY woman in the office who didn’t get something on Valentine’s Day – As I said in the post on the video – It’s about peer pressure.

Any other day, no one would care about her love life. If her husband gave her a new set of tires, because he wanted her to be safe on the road, they’d say “Wow, he really cares.” But on Valentine’s Day, there’s the pressure for the women to “perform” by getting their men to cough up something special. If he doesn’t do that, she (and the other women around her) view it a reflection on HER. She’s not good enough to inspire romance in her man.

Sad, but true. They’ve all been brainwashed. I don’t support it, but I do recognize it.

I think the best thing a man can do on Valentine’s Day is go home, and ask his wife what she wants to present to the women the next day. “Want to bring in a gooshy romantic card to show off? Let’s look for a poem together, and pick some flowers from the garden. Oh, and I added a hundred dollars to our vacation savings. At this rate, we can go to Jamaica in only two more years!” What’s more important here? The 364 – every day loving of being a responsible husband, of course. The rest is window dressing, to protect her from the Queen Bees and gossips.

Seriously, haven’t you seen the women bringing the flowers to the office the next day? The man brought the flowers home, but she puts them in a vase and brings them to work, “So she can appreciate them at her desk, all day long.”

It’s a competetion, and she doesn’t want to be branded a loser.

Think women aren’t just as stressed about this holiday as men are? Think again.

It’s silly and unfair, and really ought to stop. But I don’t think it will, any time soon.

Husbands/Boyfriends, if you love your woman the other 364 days of the year, ask her how you can protect her from scorn on V-Day. It doesn’t have to be the dozen roses or jewelry. A really gooey-sweet card will do the trick. A love note is free, and she’ll be the envy of the women who just got a bunch of roses with a pre-printed Hallmark card. Women DO get the difference between real love and “packaged” love, and would prefer the real one. But packaged love still protects them from the nasty gossips.

Michelle on February 15, 2011 at 4:40 pm

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