March 2, 2011, - 1:30 am
As you may know, March 3rd (that’s Thursday, just a day away) is the deadline for the National Football League (NFL) and its players union (the NFL Players Association–NFLPA) to hammer out a new collective bargaining agreement. Without one, the NFL owners say they will lock out players. And I can’t wait. That’s ‘cuz I can’t wait to see which NFL player is the first to have to get a real job . . . like pumping gas or asking, “Would you like fries with that?” After all, that’s about the only jobs for which they’re qualified, and except in a very few places like New Jersey, there aren’t gas pumping jobs left in America.
You see, as I’ve repeatedly noted on this site, the NFL is basically the American League of Overpaid BabyDaddies. NFL multi-millionaires tend to father a gazillion kids with a gazillion mealticket-seeking slutty babymama groupies. And that child support is on top of their spending-like-there’s-no-tomorrow ways. You know–they all think they gotta live like they’re permanently refreshing the set of their own personal hip-hop video. And that’s not a racial thing, as it extends to the few White NFL players left (less than 25% of the league), though a smaller percentage of White players fail financially. And the day that regular season is supposed to start but doesn’t, many of these guys will not have any money left, despite the millions they made, which they flushed down the toilet for fancy cars, fancy digs, exorbitant strip club outings and other such stuff.
More than a decade ago, one rookie NFL player I knew (from being an academic tutor at the University of Wisconsin Athletic Department during grad school there) spent tens of thousands of dollars a month on custom giant aquariums stocked with exotic fish all over his condo because it reminded him of when he worked at a fish store in Indianapolis’ inner city. This guy’s fish regularly killed each other and were regularly replaced, costing oodles. This utter moron, who signed for and made millions, is now broke. And no longer in the league. He was recently suspended from a minor football league, where he went next. So sad, too bad. Hope those fish were fun, chump.
It’ll be a bit of schadenfreude if the lockout actually happens and extends to the regular season because it’ll be fun to see these profligate spoiled brats struggle to pay bills after living the high life to the max. I’m betting on Antonio Cromartie, who–as I told you, previously–fathered eight kids with seven women in less than five years (four or five of them in the same year!), to be the first current player to face serious financial trouble, if there’s an extended lockout. And taxpayers will have to pick up the tab for his litter of kids nationwide, who will likely be on welfare (and may already be). Even during this past NFL season, current player Mark Brunell, filed for bankruptcy, listing over $25 million in debts.
And this is why I believe the lockout won’t last into the season. It’s like the U.S. and Saudi oil. We can go for a few months without oil from Saudi Arabia, but their extravagant, big spender cadre of 50,000-70,000 princes and princesses cannot go for even a month without oil money coming in from the West. NFL owners are billionaires. They can afford to hold out and have their teams–which are largely vanity playthings–closed for business. NFL players–living from million-dollar paycheck to million-dollar paycheck–cannot. Many of them will be desperate for some cash, when mid-summer arrives and they’d normally report to training camp. Attention, Michael Vick (who also filed for bankruptcy): probably not a great idea to put in an application at PetSmart.
No tears from me. In fact, I’m looking forward to it. I like watching pro football. But like even more to watch worthless chumps have to live like the rest of us. And since they know that’s on the horizon soon, that’s why they’ll ultimately have to cut a deal and give in to NFL owners.
But, if they don’t give in and go without their million dollar paychecks, it won’t hurt me to be wrong. As I said, it’ll be fun to watch all the Snoop Dogg and Charlie Sheen wannabes struggle to live the life of Fred Sanford and the pre-Beverly Hillbillies.
So, what do you predict will happen with the NFL CBA (collective bargaining agreement)? Do you care? Which players are most likely to run out of money? To me, it’s billionaires arguing with their multi-millionaire employees, all subsidized by taxpayers who willingly and foolishly subsidize their office buildings (the stadiums and arenas). No sympathy for either side here.
Tags: babydaddies, bankrupt, Broke, CBA, Collective Bargaining Agreement, Lockout, McDonald's, NFL, NFL Lockout, NFL Players Association, NFLPA