February 24, 2008, - 8:43 pm

The Oscars: The Stinking Stench Continues; Anti-Islam Animated Film Gets Shafted, Hypocritical Use of American Soldiers; Anti-War Fake-umentary Wins

By Debbie Schlussel
8:43–Jon Stewart’s monologue is so unfunny, it was hard to keep track of my groans. A stupid joke about how we can’t let the audience win, relating to Iraq. Haha, funny. Where’s Joe Pesce when I need him? Yup, it was hard to keep track, but I think I laughed exactly zero times. Even most of the laughter from the audience seemed forced.
8:57Earlier today, I said that the only Oscar nomination with which I agreed was Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Best Supporting Actor bid. But I was wrong. I also loved the animated film “Persepolis,” nominated for Best Animated Film. It tells the story–through the eyes of a young girl–of what happened to Iran when Islamists took over and how everyone’s life was ruined. Figures that it didn’t win. Damn. Instead, “Ratatouille” won. Also a great animated film (among my year’s best for 2007), but not half as good as “Persepolis.” But Hollywood can’t give an award to a film like that. Too un-PC.

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9:11: More groanworthy Jon Stewart utterances about Cate Blanchett playing a cow’s butt. Yet more evidence that Stewart ain’t funny or even witty. He’s only good at being sarcastic and making fun of people in canned news stories he’s thought about all day. That does not a comedian make. Sorry, folks. He’s just a cue card reader. That’s it.
9:18: Figures that the vastly over-rated Javier Bardem wins the Best Supporting Actor Oscar. Feh. He played a cold-blooded serial killer with no redeeming purpose, just like the movie he was in, “No Country for Old Men.” Figures that the far more talented and funny Philip Seymour Hoffman didn’t win. I told you the Oscars stank and only liked the dark and macabre.
9:34: Is there some reason why we must sit through so many flashbacks from Oscars past? Isn’t that reserved for awards shows during a writer’s strike? Did someone not get the memo that it’s over? Also, is there really any resemblance of today’s macabre, dark, left-wing Oscars with those of the fifties and sixtes? I’m confused.
9:38: OMG, did Annie Lennox from “The Eurythmics” just win an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress? It was the dreadful Tilda Swinton of the dreadful “Michael Clayton” wearing an equally dreadful black satin pillowcase. Give her an Oscar for most creative use of a White Elephant sale item as a pseudo-evening gown. Yet another androgynous “woman” wins an Oscar for a female role. Which brings me to my evergreen Oscar question: Since women–especially in Hollywood–are all about equality, why do they need to divide the awards by sex/gender? Why can’t they just give one Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor statue each and pit all candidates of both genders against each other for the award? Is there something like in the WNBA that makes women less able actors and therefore requiring a special “league”?
9:50: Ugggghhh! In showing how they tally the Oscars, we’re shown self-hating Jew Ari Sandel, who is, sadly, now a “Member of the Academy.” Nauseating. That explains why these crapola “films” get nominated and win awards. Sandel, who won an Oscar, last year, for the moral equivalency short movie, “West Bank Story,” a stupid rip-off of “West Side Story.” The spoiled son of an Israeli, Sandel told me in an interview that he thinks they should have made a film about the moral equivalency of Jewish Holocaust victims and Nazis.
So this guy is a voting member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, but they still won’t let Rob Schneider in. HUH?
10:10: So an annoying, but pretty French chick wins the Best Actress Oscar. Still less annoying than Canadian Ellen Page, the star of the completely annoying, smart-alecky “Juno” winning it. She thought she had it sewn up, with all the undeserved gushing and hype over this movie in which pre-marital sex is seen as no big whoop and the baby is neatly adopted by a pretty, wealthy, middle class woman. Oh, and the adults are all stupid, unlike the smart alecky pregnant teen. Sorry, you lost, chickie.
10:18: Jon Stewart playing Wii tennis on stage is supposed to be funny? Funny how? Like I said, where’s Joe Pesce? He’s needed.
10:31: Um, Nicole Kidman, my neighbor called, and he wants the Christmas lights he wrapped around his roof back. No, what wraps around a roof doesn’t really work as a necklace.
10:35: Highlight of the night–seeing a 98-year-old guy, Robert Boyle, who worked with the great Alfred Hitchcock on art design, get the honorary Oscar. He’s old enough to remember when Hollywood was pro-America instead of pro-Bin Laden.
10:42: Penelope Cruz is talking. Someone please get me an interpreter. Listening to this woman is probably more annoying than listening to Hillary Rodham Cankles. Oy. Make it stop.
10:45: While I loved the movie, “Enchanted,” it’s more than a little annoying that at least three of its songs are being re-enacted, since they’re Oscar nominees. Yup, the rest of the movies were so dark, they nominated everything from this one. Sad. Also sad that this charming movie wasn’t “good enough” for the Academy to nominate for any of the meaningful Oscars, but yet, its cheesy, awful songs are somehow meritorious. And no, no-one cares who won in this stupid category.
10:52: Jon Stewart, go away. And take the bloated Vinnie Barbarino with you, please.
10:53: If I see that new age Dianne Von Furstenberg American Express ad one more time, I think I’ll kill myself. What is it with the women with thick, annoying foreign accents, tonight? These are the ads of the “Superbowl for Women”? Pretty shabby.
10:57: Wow, you do, indeed, get a do-over for your Oscar thank you. The women who co-wrote the “Best Song” winner got to come back out and give the thank you speech she forgot. Um, on second thought, please no more do-overs.
10:58: Cameron Diaz . . . Official Spokesmodel for Hollywood liberal airheads (and smoked too much pot before the ceremony).
11:01: Hillary Swank. This man is wearing a beautiful dress.
11:05: Interesting but not surprising that in the litany of Hollywood stars and behind-the-scenes people who died over the last year, the one they saved for last and for which they clapped the loudest was the least accomplished and most trendy, the over-rated Heath Ledger. His death is more sad than, say, that of the great Suzanne Pleshette? Puh-leeze. Brokeback Derangement Syndrome.
11:10: More of the Hollywood emphasis on the macabre and depressing–the composer for the dreadful “Atonement” wins the Oscar for Best Original Score. But the score of this movie was painful and excruciating (including an extremely loud typewriter keystroke minuet). It was so loud, obtrusive, and obnoxious, it gave me a headache. And who the heck could pay attention to the movie, which it vastly overpowered? Not that we wanted to.
11:12: Hmmm . . . Hollywood is finally showing some appreciation for the troops, using soldiers in Iraq to introduce nominees for Best Short Documentary Film. After the way Hollywood trashed our soldiers all year long in movies like “Redacted,” it’s just a tad hypocritical. Just a tad. Get a clue, Hollywood. Show your appreciation for our soldiers by portraying them positively on the silver screen, NOT just a silly, self-important awards show.
11:14: Figures that the Best Short DocuFakery winner is about promoting lesbians adopting kids and came with a political, sob story “thank you” speech about how bad lesbians have it. Blah, blah, blah. Spare us. They have the WNBA, don’t they?
11:17: “Taxi to the Dark Side,” which is blatant, lying propaganda wins best “Documentary.” Sickening. This Fake-umentary is exactly the way Bin Laden would make it. Michael Moore must be extremely proud, even though this one wasn’t his. I screened it last week (my review will be posted on Friday). The movie is positively horrid and a pack of lies whining about Bagram, Abu Ghraib, and Gitmo prisons. You’ve heard it all before. We really don’t need to hear it again. That this got an Oscar is no surprise. But it shows, yet again, the hypocrisy of the Oscars using soldiers to introduce their movies, when they just hate American soldiers.
11:25: Damn. Annoying, liberal “Juno” won the Best Screenplay Oscar (see above for why I hate it). And former stripper Diablo Cody, the woman who wrote it, looks real damned classy with her goth hairdo and multiple tattoos, including a giant, badge of skank on her right arm featuring a readhead in a bikini. Equally as skanky, her tattoo high above her fat thights, very visible in her very-high-slitted leopard-skin “gown” that looks like she bought it off the rack at Frederick’s of Chubby Chaserland.
11:35: Figures #54,463. Self-hating, pro-Palestinian Jew Daniel Day-Lewis who stars in the very depressing, awful anti-Christian, anti-business, “There Will Be Blood,” wins Best Actor. Predictable.
Overall, veeeery boring show, this year. Snoozer.
11:47: The Oscars are, thankfully, over. And the bizarre, violent, weirdly-ending “No Country for Old Men” won Best Director and Best Picture. Yup, more Hollywood rewarding movies glorifying killing for no reason. Blood and the macabre, just like I said earlier today. No shocker there (though of the bloody, violent movies on the Oscar list, this one is, by far, the most tolerable).

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15 Responses

I can see why Javier Bordom won over Philip Seymour Hoffman.Most people have actually seen a film wth PSH in it.IS THAT ART?Come on now be reasonable.

gordito on February 24, 2008 at 9:52 pm

Broadcast banned by Federal Bureau of Corrections per court order. CRUEL & UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT. Tonight’s FISHING on the deuce (ESPN2) will have a higher rating.

ParaLyzer on February 24, 2008 at 11:13 pm

I am grateful to you for letting me know how better to spend my time. I feel for you, having to watch so much filth and flotsam. I did a beneficial thing by downloading a Bible onto my computer, and the brainbath is refreshing!

Jauhara Al-Kafirah on February 25, 2008 at 1:19 am

I guess, after reading all the comments about Jon Stewart’s suckworthy performance, the writers must be either on strike or in revenge mode.

Jauhara Al-Kafirah on February 25, 2008 at 1:23 am

Debbie–
Exceptional job live-blogging the Oscars! You deserve a purple heart for this.
Someone should do a Ph.D. thesis on why anyone would watch the show. After all, unless you have a financial interest in the picture, why should you care who wins which award?
Female co-workers tell me that they watch to see the gowns–but beyond that I’m afraid that there is something kinda sick going on here.
Loved your comment on Hillary Swank.

Red Ryder on February 25, 2008 at 9:29 am

Dear Deb,
Thank you for watching all of it so I didn’t have to. I tried for as long as possible, first half hour. Couldn’t and went to two re-runs of “Law and Order” that turned out to be two I hadn’t seen. Caught up with the latest shootings on the eleven o’clock news and then finished up with the awards from 11.07. Thanks, again.
I was not a Hollywood phanatic, but always wanted to see the Awards up until about ten years ago, I’m 60 now. Since then it’s turned into a group of people I have no interest in. They still can put out a decent product sometime, but we’ve seen so much behind the curtain they’ve taken out all of the fun.

John Cunningham on February 25, 2008 at 9:58 am

My darling Debbie, now I know why the sky is gray…because all of the blue is in your eyes.
I never watch the trash. Besides you of course, this is just another thing Oprah watching middle America feels they must watch because everyone just loves to follow along with their fellow sheep.
My theory for the reason for the dark movies is this always happens during a Republican administration. It’s so uncool to be “happy” with a Republican in control, so it’s so hip to be “dark and edgy.”
I’m happy to say, along with much of America it seems, I didn’t watch any of the nominated movies. To me it was a very mediocre year for movies.

Jeff_W on February 25, 2008 at 10:42 am

Debbie, before you comment on the documentary short that you referred to as “promoting lesbians adopting kids” you should make sure you have the right film. While it is about a gay woman, it doesn’t have anything to do with adoption – it is about a woman who worked for over 20 years as a police officer in New Jersey, is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, and her battle with the city council to leave her pension benefits to her life partner. While there are a lot of films (and yes, even Oscar presenters and winners) out there deserving of your WNBA label, this isn’t one of them.

redstater on February 25, 2008 at 12:22 pm

Oscars nothing to write home about (from the Hollywood Reporter)
By James Hibberd
Feb 26, 2008
This season continues to be no country for network award shows.
Following the lowest-rated Emmys since 1990, the strike-hindered ratings performance of a severely truncated version of the Golden Globes and a nonstruck airing of the Grammys that nonetheless disappointed, Sunday night’s presentation of the 80th Annual Academy Awards on ABC looks like it hit a record low.
According to ABC’s very preliminary household metered market overnights, the awards averaged a 21.9 rating/33 share. That’s down a sharp 21% from last year and the lowest on record in at least 20 years. The more accurate fast national ratings have been delayed by Nielsen and should be available midday.
Last night’s Oscar telecast, where “No Country for Old Men” took the top prize, was expected to underperform given the lack of movies with broad boxoffice appeal vying for best picture. ABC and producers also were unsure if the Oscars were going forward with a full production until the writers strike was resolved Feb. 12, resulting in last-minute scramble to prepare and market the show.
The strike hurt the awards in another way, too. ABC had fewer scripted hits such as “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Desperate Housewives” airing original episodes, so there was less of a promotional platform for running Oscar ads. During the week of Feb. 11-17, ABC’s average ratings were down 36% versus last season among adults 18-49.
The highest-rated Oscar telecast during the past five years was in 2004, when audience favorite “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” won best picture. The airing was seen by 43.5 million viewers and received a 15.3 rating among adults 18-49. Viewership declined the next two years, then spiked slightly in 2007 when “The Departed” took home the top prize (14.1 rating/33 share and was seen by 40 million viewers).
Critics said Sunday night’s production’s last-minute turnaround was evident, with the event lacking humorous sketches and overstuffed with dreary clip shows.
The Associated Press said the Oscars “had an underwhelming feel that left the clear impression it was put together on the fly.” The Washington Post said, “The show was so overstocked with clips from movies — from this year’s nominees and from Oscar winners going back to 1929 — that it was like a TV show with the hiccups. While THR noted: “producers failed to notice that the best moments in those endless montages came from memorable acceptance speeches. Instead they were in “a rush to get winners off the stage.”

Red Ryder on February 25, 2008 at 1:21 pm

Ah, the annual showbiz wankfest and narcissist convention. Zzzzzzzzzzz.
I know a good movie or lousy one when I see it. I don’t need a statue of a naked gold man to tell me.

Tempus Fugit on February 25, 2008 at 3:18 pm

I saw a little of the Oscars. First, have to disagree with you about No Country for Old Men. I thought it was awesome.
I was really glad about the Once song winning. I’m Irish American and the movie was shot all over Dublin, where my parents are from. I went to see it w/ my gf and parents, and recognized many sights in the area.
Lastly, I totally agree on the enactments of Enchanted. Nobody wants to see a bunch of fairies in gay britches prancing around the stage.

JasonBourne81 on February 25, 2008 at 5:25 pm

I always thought that Jon Stewart was over rated. Most of the time his jokes were stale and when not funny they were just raw sarcarsm. I don’t understand why the folks in New York are so crazy about his show? May be because liberal birds of the same feather flock togather?

rj pad on February 26, 2008 at 3:38 am

I stopped watching the Oscars back in 1998 when Saving Private Ryan lost to Shakespeare in Love for best picture. Ick! The Oscars are full of Anti-American left wing wackos. Look at the Anti-Iranian Persepolis…didnt win but, Taxi to the Dark side won…hmmm, rigged? You betcha! Take note of the winners:
Best Actress: Marion Cotillard (FRENCH)
Best SA: Javier Bardem (SPANISH)
Best Actor: Day-Lewis (BRITISH)
Best SA: Tilda Swinton (BRITISH)
Not a single damn American won any major award.

RadicalRightWinger on February 26, 2008 at 10:19 am

I know you’ll never have the guts to put this on your site sooooo…
Hello crazy right-wing-nut-job-lady-who-knows-nothing-about-movies!
This was the funniest thing I’ve read all week! COMEDY GOLD. I think my favorite part is how you failed to understand Persepolis in the slightest. What that movie is actually about is how fundamentalist governments of any kind, the kind that try to rule people’s lives by some moral code, you know like the one conservatives” like you dearly wish we had in place here in the USA? Yeah, they don’t work. And people suffer and die for no reason. And they fucked Iran and Marjane’s entire life and family. All because people thought religion and politics should mix. Good thing you don’t, eh? It cracks me up that you think it’s “too PC” when, in actuality, it’s very liberal.
Oh, and you missed out on another real chance to show your hateful gay-bashing by talking about Scott Rudin (producer of No Country For Old Men) thanking his partner! OH NOES, THE GAYS RUN HOLLYWOOD AND RUIN OSCAR NIGHT FOR DEBBIE!!!! I mean, the totally misinformed and WRONG “summary” you posted about Freeheld was good, as well as the slam on lesbians, but I need MORE hatred from a good Christian like you. (oh, and, by the way, you heartless troll, the woman whose story is told in the documentary you were so dismissive of? She was a 20 year veteran of the Ocean City, NJ police department, a lieutenant. Don’t you have any respect for law enforcement, Debbie? Why do you hate cops?)
And, in case you’re wondering why I can’t take a single word out of your mouth seriously? It’s not because of any of this hateful, ignorant bile you’ve spewed here. No, it’s because you’re so stupid and lazy with your research that you have an obvious error in your FOURTH sentence. Joe Pesce? What in the hell? Do you mean JOE PESCI or JOE PISCOPO? Do you even know the difference between the Oscar winner and the failed SNL cast member or are all those damned dirty Eye-talins the same to you? Or, wait, in Lunatic Conservative Land, the place where you can spill all the hatred you want, is Joe Pesce a big, big star?
This has been fun! Maybe next year you can watch the Oscars and actually, you know, not be completely uninformed about every single aspect of every single film and star!! Here’s hoping!

LOLtastic! on February 27, 2008 at 6:13 am

I agree with you Debbie, Jon Stewart is not funny. He’s not funny on “The Daily Show,” and I cannot understand why he was the “Oscars” host. Is there NO ONE better?!
I also agree that the show was boring; why does Jon Stewart laugh at his own jokes? Is it because no one else does?
But I didn’t know that Daniel Day-Lewis was pro-Palestinian. Where have you heard that?

babygreens on February 27, 2008 at 3:17 pm

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