March 6, 2008, - 5:03 pm

Study: American Men More Whipped Than Ever

By Debbie Schlussel
Hey married men, whether or not your wife works, you are doing more and more of the work at home. But, apparently, it–not working hard to support your family–is the only way you will get more sex from your wife. Just hope you don’t end up like the husband of the NOW chick (amazing she goes that way).
This same report seems to come out every year, so I’m skeptical about the chores/sex reward ratio:

The average dad has gradually been getting better about picking himself up off the sofa and pitching in, according to a new report in which a psychologist suggests the payoff for doing more chores could be more sex.


The Shrewing of the Tame

The report, released Thursday by the Council on Contemporary Families, summarizes several recent studies on family dynamics. One found that men’s contribution to housework had doubled over the past four decades; another found they tripled the time spent on child care over that span.
“More couples are sharing family tasks than ever before, and the movement toward sharing has been especially significant for full-time dual-earner couples,” the report says. “Men and women may not be fully equal yet, but the rules of the game have been profoundly and irreversibly changed.”
Some couples have forged partnerships they consider fully equitable.
“We’ll both talk about how we’re so lucky to have someone who does more than their share,” said Mary Melchoir, a Washington-based fundraiser for the National Organization for Women, who – like her lawyer husband – works full-time while raising 6-year-old triplets.
He’s the one who makes breakfast and folds the laundry,” said Melchoir, 47. “I’m the one who fixes things around the house.”
Joshua Coleman, a San Francisco-area psychologist and author of “The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework,” said equitable sharing of housework can lead to a happier marriage and more frequent sex. . . .
The report’s co-authors, sociologists Scott Coltrane of the University of California, Riverside and Oriel Sullivan of Ben Gurion University, said they were addressing a perception that women’s gains in the workplace were not being matched by gains at home.
“The typical punch line of many news stories has been that even though women are working longer hours on the job and cutting back their own housework, men are not picking up the slack,” Coltrane and Sullivan wrote.
They said this perception was based on unrealistic expectations and underestimated the degree of change “going on behind the scenes” since the 1960s. The change, they said, “is too great a break from the past to be dismissed as a slow and grudging evolution.”
Among the findings they cited:
* In the U.S., time-use diary studies show that since the ’60s, men’s contribution to housework doubled from about 15 percent to more than 30 percent of the total. Over the same period, the average working mother reduced her weekly housework load by two hours.
* Between 1965 and 2003, men tripled the amount of time they spent on child care. During the same period, women also increased the time spent with their children, suggesting mutual interest in a more hands-on approach to child-raising.
Sullivan and Coltrane predict men’s contributions will increase further as more women take jobs.

Is this blurring of the gender roles a good thing? Only if you want your men to be women and your women to be men.

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20 Responses

Yesterday, I came across one of our clients with a hyphenated name – a MAN with a hyphenated name. He took his wife’s last name when they got married. Pathetic. This whole hyphenated thing makes me nuts anyway. Itís a simple decision ñ just pick one name and stick with it. Have you seen the sports jerseys on soccer playing yuppie spawn? The hyphenated names are so long they donít fit on the shirts.

dm60462 on March 6, 2008 at 5:54 pm

So it turns these women on sexually when the guy folds laundry and changes diapers? Who are these women?

spiffo on March 6, 2008 at 6:18 pm

isn’t it possible that increased sex leads to men being more amendable to helping out with the housework? Why do they assume it’s the other way around?

blink320 on March 6, 2008 at 6:31 pm

Since most couples only having one or two kids, if the man does half the child-raising and housework, the woman will only raise half a child, or one child to adulthood. Does the woman really feel accomplished in life after that little stint at child-raising, as though she did something great?

markjames on March 6, 2008 at 7:04 pm

Debbie, normally I would make some predictable comment about our domestic bliss, how you and the maid could sort out the housework, etc. But I don’t really feel up to it tonight.

Anonymous1 on March 6, 2008 at 9:15 pm

And when the divorce happens she still gets the house, kids, car, and the ex husband get left holding the bag (of bills).

RC Flyer on March 6, 2008 at 9:25 pm

After reading the address of San Fran I didn’t have to read any further.

samurai on March 6, 2008 at 9:47 pm

Maybe… because the women, who are working, taking care of the kids, shopping, laundry, cleaning, homework, etc get to breathe for a few minutes (and maybe get a little sleep) they actually have a little energy for sex!

Watching&Crying on March 7, 2008 at 12:12 am

And while holding the bag of bills, for her “furthering education classes”, that’s when all the increased sex is happening, with the new “Uncle” of course.

ezranter on March 7, 2008 at 7:32 am

Debbie, the improtant thing I want to know–after marriage will you stay home and cook and clean and be a homemaker? Strong women who do that are the most wonderful. I”ve got 27 years of marriage experience –and I agree with the “women should be women and men should be men philosophy.” It’s how that get’s played that is quite varied amongst couples these days.
For the record, I’ve only done 2 loads of laundry in the last 27 years. I pitch in on dishes and organizing the kids to get various chores done to help–and more so since my beloved is now working outside the home 5 days a week. So far, I am still wearing the pants–but I do often say “yes dear!”

BB on March 7, 2008 at 7:49 am

RC Flyer hit it right on the head. Not only to they still get it all, they can find ways to remain “gainfully unemployed” so the poor dude has to pay more support to finance her crap.
Been there, done it!

1shot1kill on March 7, 2008 at 9:13 am

I don’t know about other people on the board, but with two working parents, such as in my family, you need to have the male spouse doing more. If a mom is a stay-at-home, of course she would do more. That tripling of the amount of time men now spend with kids is obviously directly related to women wokring more. It’s nice to say the roles should be the roles, but without two incomes, I can’t afford to live in the neghborhood I do. As to the kids, if I’m not working at my job or working on some chore at the house, all I want to do is be with them. Why have them otherwise?

Staypositive on March 7, 2008 at 9:30 am

Now if only they’d acknowledge that two full-time working parents are the actual problem, instead of just hinting at it, or treating it as a natural evolution. Few have the OPTION of having a stay at home parent.

CaptShady on March 7, 2008 at 9:37 am

Samuri wrote:
“Maybe… because the women, who are working, taking care of the kids, shopping, laundry, cleaning, homework, etc get to breathe for a few minutes (and maybe get a little sleep) they actually have a little energy for sex”
That’s a cop out to ALL men. We can work 12-14 hours days consistently but still want sex. As a matter of fact – We want MORE sex. Women on the other hand have to be “in the mood”, pampered, relaxed.
For men, Sex is what relaxes us, and all women have to do to put us in the mood is simply motion us to the bedroom with one finger… It’s that simple.
I’ve NEVER heard of a man (not the castrated type) saying to his other half “Gosh dear, I just put in a 12 hour day at the office. Can you wait until next week when I [might] be in the mood”.
That’s reality.

RC Flyer on March 7, 2008 at 10:48 am

Yep, been saying it for some time now. The American male has turned into doe’s with antlers.

West Dearbornistan on March 7, 2008 at 10:55 am

The article points our interesting observations, but doesn’t provide a lot in useful analysis of why. I beleive the WHY isn’t about men wanting more sex, or being bought off with more sex. If the relationship is worth pursuing, the sex is probably there anyway. The answer as to why is probably a lot more complex than the authors understand. Two income families count for a lot of it. It can also include more and more woman are not being raised to be “home-makers,” as in the past and husbands are picking up the slack. I’ve been married 24 years and have always done what I could to help with house and kids. As my wife entered the workforce and my career changed we split the duties a lot more evenly. I could go on and on, but guess I should wrap it up.
RC Flyer, try a 72-96 hour day at the office and see if you would be “up” for sex then.

Matt on March 7, 2008 at 12:13 pm

If you’re doing 72-96 hour days at the office, forget the sex; YOU HAVE NO LIFE!!!

1shot1kill on March 7, 2008 at 1:26 pm

I’ve never met a chick yet who cares for these type of “men.” Every woman I know still wants a masculine man. They’ll talk a good game about wanting one of those sissyfied guys mentioned in that tard article, but every single one I know still wants a real man and are turned off by one of those Nancy boy types.
Debbie, my honey, if we got hitched I’d help you, though. No sissy stuff, but I’d mow the lawn…taking out the trash, optional.
BTW, if you were a laser you’d be set to “stunning.”

Jeff_W on March 7, 2008 at 2:19 pm

its all about finding out who you are and what God expects of you:
for the man: marriage, work; support and nurturing the family
for the woman: marriage, children and the home
a two income household where the woman works outside will rob the family of TIME
1Titus 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
following this principle will strengthen the marriage relationship and as regards to sex:
the biblical principle is that in marriage the other partner has rights to your body and you must share unless there is a crisis that prevents the reunion.
1Corinthians 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

forrest shalom on March 7, 2008 at 6:59 pm

So Debbie, who cleans the toilets in your house?

NoeValleyJim on March 8, 2008 at 6:33 pm

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