March 18, 2008, - 4:59 pm
By Debbie Schlussel
Last week, many ICE agents and other personnel of the agency sent me a hilarious e-mail sent out by the incompetentette-in-chief at Immigration and Customs Enforcement, Julie L. Myers, announcing that March is the Fifth Anniversary of the creation of ICE. All of her phony “achievements” in the e-mail were trumped up like nobody’s biz.
I chose to ignore the missive because there’s nothing to celebrate and everything to deplore about this aimless, massive bureaucracy–the largest within Homeland Security–headed by a spoiled child with zero law enforcement experience. The best thing to do on ICE’s Fifth Anniversary would be to disband it and create separate INS and U.S. Customs departments anew, with actual, real cops–not a real-life incarnation of a Willy Wonka contestant with a golden ticket–running each.
Still, I recognize the Fifth Anniversary of ICE today because I got notes from many of my ICE agent friends in Arizona that they’ve now gotten their SIXTH Special Agent in Charge in the Five Years of ICE.
Arizona is one of the most important border states. I’ve documented ranches on the border, which daily have upwards of 500 illegal aliens and drug smugglers overrunning the properties on their way into America. We need a stable, experienced leadership heading up investigations into these things to stop them from happening–to stop the alien and drug smuggling, to stop the criminals from invading Arizona and, later, the rest of us.
But when a kidlette who holds Halloween costume parties with awards for blackface is running the show, look for it to be strictly comedy . . . and horror show. So, now, Myers and her new ICE Prince, John “Costanza” Torres have chosen a man who oversaw such important functions as ICE agents seizing T-shirts at the Superbowl and the Major League Baseball All-Star Game and the many worksite show-raids we’ve all seen on TV, for which Julie Myers poses for the cameras . . . while half the aliens are set free.
Yes, now Matthew Allen comes to Arizona. There’s a new sheriff in town at ICE in Arizona, the sixth in five years of an agency which has zero confidence from its demoralized and beleaguered minions. Now agents have yet another thing to watch out for besides cacti and rattlers–a boss with a lack of institutional memory and a likely eye on the next train out of Dodge, like his predecessors.
Here’s the ICE press release:
Matthew Allen, who currently heads ICE’s Financial, Narcotics and Public Safety Division in Washington, D.C., will be taking over as the new special agent in charge (SAC) of the ICE office of investigations in Arizona. Formerly, Allen served as the Deputy Assistant Director of ICE’s Critical Infrastructure and Fraud Division, providing national oversight of the agency’s human smuggling, worksite, intellectual property rights, and document and benefit fraud enforcement efforts.
As the SAC for ICE in Arizona, Allen will be responsible for heading ICE’s six investigations offices statewide, including locations in Phoenix, Tucson, Douglas, Nogales, Sells and Yuma . . . .
Allen’s appointment comes as the current Arizona ICE SAC, Alonzo Pena, leaves the agency to assume another position. [DS: By most accounts, Pena was a good, experienced guy, but was not treated properly by The ICE Princess and her panoply of court jesters. So now he's gone.]
As the largest investigative arm of the Department of Homeland Security, ICE agents in Arizona are responsible for pursuing a wide range of criminal activity, including human smuggling, illegal hiring practices, money laundering, narcotics and weapons trafficking, financial crimes, commercial fraud, and violations relating to intellectual property rights.
Yup, this office is so important that the incompetents at the top of ICE can’t even keep anyone in the leadership, there.
Leave it to The ICE Princess and her Prince to make one of the most important border states a revolving door.
The one part of The ICE Princess’ self-flagellating letter I will share is this fiction:
I ask all of you to join me in celebrating our accomplishments and renewing our commitment to our homeland and the progress we have made toward developing ICE into the model law enforcement agency of the 21st Century.
This is the model?! Hilarious. G-d help us.
On that note, here’s a related video of the original Julie L. Myers:
I Want It Now! . . .
Tags: Alonzo Pena, America, Arizona, Assistant Homeland Security Secretary, D.C., David Lunde, Department of Homeland Security, Deputy Assistant Director, Halloween, ICE, ICE's Fifth Anniversary, ICE's Financial, Immigration Chief, John "Costanza" Torres, Julie L. Myers, law enforcement experience, Major, Matthew Allen, model law enforcement agency, Narcotics and Public Safety Division, Phoenix, Prince, Princess, sheriff, Special Agent, the Fifth Anniversary of ICE, the Fifth Anniversary of the creation of ICE, Washington