March 21, 2008, - 3:35 pm
By Debbie Schlussel
While there are several movies I detest at the movies, this weekend, there’s one I thought was hilarious. Tyler Perry’s “Meet the Browns” was not screened for critics, usually a bad sign:
* “Drillbit Taylor“: This comedy is getting panned by the critics, but I loved it. Finally, a Judd Apatow movie I like. I couldn’t stop laughing–the funniest movie I’ve seen in a long time. It’s the story of three nerds who are bullied and terrorized by an Eminem-style fellow student in high school. They pool the little money they have–including Bar Mitzvah money–to hire a bodyguard. The problem is, the bodyguard is really just a homeless Army deserter, Drillbit Taylor (Owen Wilson), who is scamming them for money and property.
The thing is, Drillbit soon finds he enjoys impersonating a substitute teacher, mingling with the upper middle-class non-homeless, and cares a little bit about the welfare of his “protectees”. And he gives the kids the pride to fight back.
This movie is hilarious, fast-paced, and very entertaining and fun. While it’s aimed at teens and college students, adults out of that age group will enjoy it, too. My one reservation was some of the language, as in a scene where the kids rap, and the rap is very crude. It could have been left out, since it adds nothing to the movie and takes away from the movie’s suitability for younger crowds. They won’t be offended, but their parents will, rightfully, be (and they might object to some of the other language in this movie, too).
This is the only movie I recommend, this weekend. If you liked “Revenge of the Nerds,” chances are you’ll like this.
* “Snow Angels“: This movie was not only very overtly anti-Christian, but it was depressing, pointless, and a statement against small-town/middle America. This is a template for how Hollywood sees Christians and mainstream America.
The story: Kate Beckinsale plays a mother and waitress who formerly babysat another character, a high school student–and that’s the only connection between two almost completely unrelated, but equally boring and uninteresting stories in the movie. Beckinsale is having an affair with a loser married man in her hometown. Meanwhile, her loser estranged husband, a devout Christian, is an unemployed drunk. Beckinsale’s daughter wanders off and dies in a frozen pond. Her estranged husband, while still making prayers to G-d, murders her and commits suicide. The end. Oh, and did you forget–he’s a Christian?
Skip this bigoted, dark waste of time at all cost.
* “Shutter“: A newly-married young American photographer (Joshua Jackson) and his wife (Rachael Taylor) move to Tokyo, Japan, where he is a fashion photographer. They get into a car accident and hit a Japanese girl. Soon, they start seeing her image in all of there photos. They learn that she is dead and is haunting them.
This movie, a remake of a Thai horror film, was so silly and absurd that the test audience who saw it when I did laughed repeatedly (as did I) when we were supposed to be scared. The story is preposterous, as is the ending.
You know “the ugly Americans”? This one shows them in spades. No thanks.
* “Paranoid Park“: Don’t let the cool, ominous-sounding title of this flick fool you. It’s neither cool nor ominous. Just flat out dull. Moves slower than paint drying, and far less exciting than watching it dry.
Sadly, I think this film may be the future of movies. It doesn’t have an ending or resolution, and it barely has a plot. But, hey, it’s about slacker skateboarder losers whose split-up parents are covered in tattoos, so it must be gold, right?
The “story”: A slacker skateboarder who frequents the skater park, called “Paranoid Park,” is questioned by police in the death of a trainyard security guard. The slacker skateboarder did it by accident, and we’re shown the disgustingly graphic scene in which the guard falls under a train, is split in half and–while still alive–crawls with one of the halves. Disgusting.
Other than that, we just see the skateboard slacker moping around, going through the motions of this empty life, and skateboarding. The crime isn’t even solved. The end.
Extreme sports? This movies is also extreme . . . Skipworthy to the extreme.
* “Doomsday“: This debuted, last week, and wasn’t screend for critics. After seeing it on my own, now I know why. It starts out well enough, with all of Scotland infested by a deadly virus, quarantined, and left for dead by the rest of Britain. But 30 years later, a female cop who escaped from there as a child goes back in to find new life and how it survived, since the virus has now spread to other parts of Britain and the Prime Minister (played by a Muslim Arab–how prophetic) seeks a cure for political reasons.
I walked out on this movie, after I watched scary humans bite off and eat the ears of a cop (yes, this is far more gruesome stuff than the Ear of Evander (Holyfield) that Mike Tyson bit), and saw a scene where they were about to cut up and eat alive another cop.
Skip this movie, which was made only to shock and gross you out. We have enough dehumanization in our world. Sick.
Tags: America, bodyguard, Britain, car accident, Christian Waste, Debbie Schlussel, Drillbit Taylor, Extreme sports, fashion photographer, guard, I, I've, Japan, Joshua Jackson, Kate Beckinsale, Meet the Browns, Mike Tyson, Owen Wilson, paint drying, Photographer, Prime Minister, Rachael Taylor, Scotland, Shutter, skateboarding, skater, Snow Angels, substitute teacher, Tokyo, trainyard security guard, Tyler Perry's " Meet, waitress