April 25, 2008, - 3:32 pm

Weekend Box Office: Skipworthy “Selection” of New Movies

By Debbie Schlussel
While there are several new offerings at theaters, this weekend, I can’t recommend any of them. They are all skipworthy. Rent something, or try to see “Flawless,” “The Bank Job,” or “The Counterfeiters,” all already in theaters. I did not screen “Young at Heart,” due to scheduling conflicts, and I did not screen “Deception,” as I was told it was not being screened for critics, a bad sign.
* “Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay“: As my friend, Sirius Patriot Channel host Mike Church (on whose show I do movie reviews every Friday morning) says, the audience of young, stupid frat boys, etc. that will go to see this movie, are the same crowd that are working for and will vote for Barack Hussein Obama. And whatta coincidence!–star Kal Penn is spending his time campaigning for Obama.

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As I predicted, this movie is more Gitmo Trutherism from Hollywood and other similar political BS. No, Americans aren’t held at Gitmo, nor are aliens taken from American soil to that detention facility. So, right off the bat, this vulgar comedy is entirely BS. This very raunchy movie was completely disgusting, full of bathroom humor and constant gratuitous vagina, penis, and breast shots . . . so many it could have been a porn movie. Plus it made a political statement: that our counterterrorism policy is a racist, degrading over-reaction carried out by complete idiots. Well, at least, they got the last part right.
This sequel to “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle” takes place the day after the setting of that movie. Harold and Kumar are traveling to Amsterdam, where they can realize their dream of smoking endless legalized pot. But Kumar sneaks a make-shift bong on the plane, and it is mistaken for a bomb. They are accused of being terrorists by the Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security, who is a complete idiot (yes, it does resemble real life in certain ways) and a racist. The two pot-smoking Americans of color are sent to Gitmo, where all inmates are forced to perform oral sex on the guards. That’s how they are, er, “fed.” Gross.
They escape and try to get to Texas, where their acquaintance, a son of one of President Bush’s close buddy, can help them get out of the terrorism charges. Problem is, he’s also about to marry the woman of Kumar’s dreams and he wants to stop that. Meanwhile, Homeland Security is tracking them, and they run into their old friend, Neil Patrick Harris (of “Doogie Howser” fame).
There isn’t one good White person in this entire movie. Even a biracial TSA screener is a “bad guy.” All White people in the movie are stupid, hickish, inbred, racist, evil, or some combination thereof. President Bush is a major pot-smoking hypocrite (well, they, again, get the second part right). The movie also makes fun of Jews as cheap and money-grubbing, but, hey, it’s written by self-hating Jews, so I guess that means it’s okay (by Hollywood “standards”). All White Americans are to be mocked and disrespected–that’s the message of this highly annoying and sickening movie.
While it has its very funny moments, skip this movie if you have any taste or class whatsoever. Or if you have a conscience. Cinema for the sub-human.
* “Baby Mama“: The former SNL-team of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler star in this flick about a career woman and exec (Fey) at a Whole Foods-esque supermarket chain who suddenly decides she wants to become a single mother but can’t conceive. She decides to enlist a surrogate mother (Poehler), a hick from a nearby Philly neighborhood, to have her child. Unfortunately, the surrogate moves in with her and “hilarity” ensues.
This movie wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be–Steve Martin is hilarious as a silly, new-aged CEO of the organic supermarket chain–but it isn’t great either. It has its funny moments, but mostly, it’s just stupid. And it’s very predictable. It doesn’t completely glorify becoming a single mother, as I thought it would, though.
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* “Chicago 10“: Almost 40 years after Yippie protesters disrupted the 1968 Democratic National Convention, this inane, annoying, and phony documentary attempts to glorify these 8(7) men who made life hell for Chicago police, residents, convention delegates, and a federal judge. The movie literally gave me a headache. And it doesn’t explain why the “Chicago Seven” (originally, “Chicago Eight”) are now called the “Ten.” Either someone did so many drugs then, he can’t add, or he’s adding the two prosecutors.
I admit that I walked out on this so-called “documentary,” which alternates between animated re-creations of the Chicago 7 trial and news footage of real-life interviews with them at the time they planned and carried out their violent “non-violent” protests. With the constant loud music, bad accents (from Boston, etc.) using the voices of B-movie actors, and the one-sided presentation of the motives, behavior, and results thereof of the Chicago 7, this movie was a boring, aimless piece of propaganda and a waste of my time.
Take my lead, and don’t waste your time.
* “The Grand“: This over-the-top comedy that is supposed to parody the real-life “World Series of Poker” was mostly very stupid and not funny. It stars, among others, Woody Harrelson. If you love poker, you might like this, but probably not. A waste of time.
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* “The Visitor“: This debuted in New York and L.A. a few weeks ago and is in nationwide release, this weekend. The premise–that Muslim illegal aliens brighten up Americans’ lives and are unfairly treated by our country and its policies–is absurd. Heavily marketed to the Islamic and Arabic communities in America, I will be posting a full column review of this high quality Bin Laden cinema, very soon. Stay tuned.

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8 Responses

I can’t wait to see Baby Mama! I think I will see if I can go tonight! :)

PrincessKaren on April 25, 2008 at 4:28 pm

How can you waste so many hours of your precious life watching movies? You even admitted you don’t enjoy movies. Why don’t you review books instead?

LoveAManInAUniform on April 25, 2008 at 5:54 pm

Debbie, how can you sit through that sh!t? I with the above poster, review books instead. Why even give money to Hollywood? I haven’t in years.

softwaregurus on April 25, 2008 at 7:10 pm

The reason she sits through these movies, is because someone has to take the bullets of the dead moon circus for the rest of us.
That first movie you reviewed was a disaster in the making. Full of glorfiying weed smoking, hating america, and making us believe all white people are racist and evil.

Squirrel3D on April 25, 2008 at 8:20 pm

Debbie, the NYT reviewer for Harold and Kumar complains about the idea of forced gay sex inducing panic, as if sex with Pam Anderson would be just as bad. He also recommends this movie for its “good sense and intelligence”. That reminds me I never got a partial refund when they ended NYT select. Anyway, I’d be proud to call you my baby Mama.

Anonymous1 on April 25, 2008 at 10:20 pm

Frank Beckman on 760 am in the morning had on two of the arabic stars of this movie and allowed them to wax philosophical about this b.s. movie for about 30 minuteslast week or so. If he would have discussed Lebanon(where the female was from) 1/2 as passionately as he does privatizing prisons the guests would’ve walked off the show. Both actors glossed over the fact that muslims ruined the country attacking civilians like they do in Israel by saying that Lebanon is a country of great beauty even now and the people are passionate. Passionately blowing up their kids and women with bombings of each islamic sect, back and forth. More propaganda from hollyweird.
[S: FRANK BECKMANN IS AN OVER-THE-HILL, IGNORANT, PAN-ISLAMIST MORON, WHO PRETENDS TO BE A CONSERVATIVE. HE AND HIS AIRHEAD PRODUCER, SHELLY DYRDA, ADMITTEDLY FREQUENT THIS SITE AND STEAL STORIES I'VE BROKEN (LIKE THE U-M/D MUSLIM FOOTBATHS), THEN BUTCHER THEM. THE GUY FREQUENTLY PRESENTS ON-AIR VERBAL FELLATIO TO HIS FRIEND, FBI AWARD REVOKEE/"FORMER" ISLAMIC TERRORIST IMAD HAMAD. PLEASE STOP LISTENING TO THIS A-HOLE, FOR WHOM EARLY DEMENTIA HAS LONG AGO ONSET. YOU SHOULD SEE SOME OF THE COMPLETELY NUTTY, THREATENING E-MAILS THAT IDIOT HAS SENT ME. ALSO, FYI, THE FEMALE IS NOT FROM LEBANON. SHE'S FROM ISRAEL, WHERE SHE HAD A GREAT LIFE AS AN ARAB, BETTER THAN SHE'D HAVE HAD ANYWHERE IN THE ARABIC WORLD. DS]

samurai on April 26, 2008 at 12:40 am

You know I lose more faith in pro wrestling journalists. This is what jason powell said concering the movie:
“-I postponed watching WWE Smackdown last night because my niece begged me to take her to see the new Harold and Kumar movie. No regrets. I don’t have kids, so I spoil my niece every chance I get. The movie was fun. If you like the first episode, you’ll enjoy this one. Yes, Neil Patrick Harris is back. By the way, stick around until the end of the credits for a fun clip.”

Squirrel3D on April 27, 2008 at 3:15 pm

I, for one, am glad that Debbie watches the movies and gives her opinion on them. First and foremost, it shows what message(s) are being sent to the movie going masses that see these shows. We should be up on the false things that Hollywood creates because we have to live with the generations that are sitting in the seats having their brains infiltrated with lies.
Second, it saves us money and time, which it seems I have neither lol. Movie Trailers are not always helpful in plots and I really don’t want to sit through a movie and see the ending being leftist loon malarky. Think of it this way, hollywood loses more money because of Debbie’s reviews.
Thanks Debbie for your movie opinions.

diaphanous on April 27, 2008 at 3:30 pm

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