August 23, 2007, - 10:00 am
Like most sane people with a life, I hate reality TV shows. Why should I care about loser nobody wannabes and what eight of them do together in a house or on an island or in an Australian desert?
But, based on my viewing of the first two episodes of “Anchorwoman” on FOX, last night, I think this show is an exception. Anchorwoman is Lauren Jones, a completely ditzy excessively-siliconed, peroxided former model (she was a “Barker Beauty” on “The Price is Right”) and WWE wrestler who wants to become a local news anchor. They’d never hire this idiot, but since FOX owns the small-town Texas TV station and wanted to make this TV series, the network gave the local news operation an offer “they couldn’t refuse.”
Jones is so completely annoying and dumb that it’s comical. She has no edit button, coupled with the persona and emotional development of a disobedient 3-year-old. Her less glamorous, real-news colleagues are extremely irked (and jealous) that they work so hard and yet have to put up with this bimbo getting a free ride in without paying dues.
But, hey, that’s what local and national news has become these days. It’s not about brains. It’s about looks and showbiz. Jones would fit right in at FOX News (or MSNBC or CNN Headline News–where a one-time model and NYPD Blues star once got an instant anchor seat–for that matter). It’s hilarious when she comes to work in stripper shoes and a shirt so low-cut you can see almost her entire basketball-sized, incongruous “enhancements.” (She was sent home to change.) Gives newswhore, er . . . newshound, a more definitive meaning.
And Jones seems to have this odd obsession with “the Jews” in her air-headedly funny comments. Here are a couple that made me both wince and laugh at her:
* When she can’t stand walking on a road to gather information for a news story, she remarks:
Holy cannoli. We eat those in New York. They’re Jewish.
Right. Like Knishes and Rugalach are Italian.
* When a superior tells her, “You’re way too WASP to get away with that,” Jones responds:
WASP? I’m not Jewish.
Man, whoever passed this woman on the high school equivalency test is ripe for a malpractice lawsuit.
I’m sure it will get old. Gawking at train wrecks and auto accidents quickly does. But for now, it’s jaw-droppingly entertaining in a jarring way to watch this woman’s breathtaking ignorance.
She says she’s “half-Katie Couric.” That actually might be accurate.
Tags: Airheads, Anchorwoman, cannoli, cannolis, FOX, Katie Couric, Lauren Jones, model, New York, reality shows, Texas, Texas TV station, WWE wrestler