June 6, 2008, - 3:19 pm

Don’t Mess with “Zohan”: Adam Sandler Joins Ranks of Islamic Terrorism Propagandists

By Debbie Schlussel
A year ago, one of my readers told me about “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan,” Adam Sandler’s movie, in theaters today. In it, Sandler is “Zohan,” an Israeli Mossad agent who fakes his death to realize his dream of becoming a hairdresser in New York.
I figured it would be yet another peacenik, moral equivalency movie–as all movies emanating out of liberal LaLaLand always are. And that’s exactly what it turned out to be. That, coupled with anti-Israel, anti-Semitic stereotypes, and bad, vulgar, disgusting jokes.

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But along the way, while remaining skeptical, I fell for the usual tricks: misleading, carefully edited Sandler movie trailers that include the only good jokes in the movie, Sandler’s donation of 400 video games to Israeli victims of Hezbollah bombings, and his contributions to the Presidential candidate who best understood the Islamic terrorism threat to America, Rudolph Giuliani.
While I gushed over the hype and the funny trailer and was looking forward to it, I forgot the oft-told parable about the turtle and the scorpion:

A scorpion finds himself in the middle of a lake, when he realizes he can’t swim and begins to drown. A turtle passes by and the scorpion begs the turtle to allow him to ride on his back until they both reach shore. “But you will bite me, and we will both drown,” says the turtle. “No,” the scorpion assures him, “I won’t because I want to live and if I bite you, we will both drown.”
The turtle buys his story and allows the scorpion aboard. But when they come close to shore, the scorpion bites the turtle and he begins to die. “Why did you bite me, when I’ve saved your life?” asks the turtle. “Because I’m a scorpion. That’s my nature.”

The story’s usually told to describe Jews and Israelis who believe they’ll finally get peace by trusting and giving the store away to Palestinians. But it’s also a good parable for me, regarding my hope that this very bad movie–which Bin Laden and Nasrallah couldn’t have made more to their liking–would finally be the exciting movie that makes fun of Islamic terrorists and shows Jews and Israelis in a positive light, rather than as weak, venal oppressors of primitive peoples.
In that hope, I was the turtle. I expected Sandler–who is, after all, just another fixture of Hollywood and puts out more than his own fair share of its garbage–to act contrary to Hollywood’s and his nature.
“You Don’t Mess with the Zohan” is hardly contrary. It’s a disgusting display of the same old, same old. And it’s stupid. In fact, it’s one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a long time. I took a pro-Israel Arab friend of mine who did undercover work against terrorists to see it, and he said it was the worst movie he’d ever seen in his life. He put his head in his hands for most of the movie and wanted to leave. I did, too.
Zohan is tired of fighting terrorists. “When will it end?” he asks. Sadly, that’s the same attitude and professed sentiment of Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, who is using it as an excuse to negotiate away Israel’s national security. Tragically, it is only Mossad agent Zohan–not Olmert–who fakes his death, in a fight against Arab terrorist, “The Phantom,” and moves to New York.
The Phantom is both Hezbollah and Palestinian in this movie (his sister is Palestinian and yet he maintains the “Hezbollah Terrorist Hotline”), which gets even the most obvious details wrong. Why worry about accuracy on the basics, when you’re so busy making the “dick jokes” (which just aren’t funny) and making fun of the Jews?
So while Phantom is hailed throughout the Lebanese or Palestinian world (we’re not sure which) and owns a chain of MuchenTuchen fast food restaurants (this is funny? Arab restaurants with German sounding gibberish names? Believe me, it sounds funnier here than it is in the movie), Sandler/Zohan is busy trying to get a job at Paul Mitchell and other salons in New York.
But, of course, the only one who will hire him is–shocker!–the friendly, generous Palestinian woman salon owner, played by peacenik Moroccan Jew Emanuelle Chriqui (who calls her Israeli relatives and being pro-Israel, very “negative”). Oh, and–another shocker!–they fall in love. This is after Sandler has sex with about 100 grannies whose hair he’s cut.
Meanwhile a [insert Palestinian or Lebanese here] cab driver recognizes Zohan and informs the Phantom via the Hezbollah Hotline. They plan to capture Zohan and kill him. But in the end, it’s all Rodney King “can’t we all just get along?” crap.
Sound entertaining to you? It isn’t. This movie’s a mess, and I’m being generous.
Instead of being funny and exploring the contradictions of Islamic terrorists who won’t make peace and would rather send their own children to their deaths, we’re given a steady supply of very graphic penis jokes (including a vulgar discussion of Sandler/Zohan’s pubic hair enhancement strategy) which aren’t funny and scenes in which Adam Sandler is having sex with old ladies. We see lots of unnecessary shots of Sandler’s (or a body double’s) naked butt, and every other comment is about “making the big bang boom.”
Yup, those randy, Israeli sex fiends. To enhance the “point,” Sandler wears a sock or some other artificial enhancement under tight bike shorts throughout the movie to make his groin region look big.
Haha, funny. You know the depraved, slutty life that Bin Laden likes to say America is living? That’s this movie. And I question how such a filthy movie–with no less nudity and frank talk than the deservedly R-rated “Sex and the City“–managed to snag a PG-13 rating.
Then, there are the running Israeli stereotypes. Throughout the movie, we’re hit over the head with Sandler’s sleazy Israeli friends who cheat people with bad merchandise at electronics stores. They all wear shirts unbottoned down to there and look like they’re just off the “Saturday Night Fever” set. The stereotype was bad enough when it was a short skit on “Saturday Night Live,” over a decade ago, when Sandler and guest host Tom Hanks used bad Israeli accents and blasphemed my religion, citing the Jewish sabbath as some reason to defraud customers. But in this movie, it’s non-stop. In fact, the whole movie is like a bad SNL skit that shouldn’t have gone on past the first minute when the joke got old.
And, yes, Israelis, like Americans, wore jean shorts when they were in style. But Sandler wears them like that’s the Israeli uniform. It ain’t. You think Israelis are cheesy dolts, Adam. We get it.
The hummus joke wasn’t funny when he brushed his teeth with it. Even less funny when he uses it as hair mousse and to put out a fire.
Oh, and by the way, the fire was set by his evil whitebread landlord who is the common enemy of the Israelis and the Muslims in this movie. Oh, now I get it–the American Muslims who repeatedly send me rape, torture, and death threats are not my real enemy. It’s corporate America and evil developers–who make my life far more civilized than the Greater Barbaria that is the Muslim world–whom I should despise.
Yes, the message in this movie is that, Muslims and Jews, Palestinians/Lebanese and Israelis all get along here in America and don’t hate each other in the least. Sad that the 10,000 Muslim Lebanese and Palestinians who marched daily–and made anti-Semitic slogans de riguer in their speeches and signage–in Dearborn, during the 2006 Israel-Hezbollah war, didn’t get the Sandler memo.
Our real enemy is not each other, goes the Sandler didactic. It’s Whitey and corporate America. Gee, and I thought that was Michelle Obama’s enemy, not mine. Silly me.
A few celebs have cameos in this movie–Henry Winkler, Mariah Carey, and Chris Rock, to name a few. But their brief appearances are like attending an Adam Sandler PC beach party, of which this silly movie is the onscreen equivalent.
Do yourself a favor and watch the 2-minute trailers for this movie. You’ll see most of what’s funny in this movie and save yourself ten bucks.
Other than what’s in the trailer for this movie, there’s very little that made me chuckle and a lot that made me groan. An Arab terrorist training Rocky-style to fight Zohan, made me laugh. He runs up a desert sand dune to the tune of “Gonna Fly Now,” the Rocky theme song, played by the Mid-Eastern Oud instrument. Then, there was an Arab Sheik’s request that Mariah Carey sign a photo, “All I Want for Ramadan is You.”
But other than that, this movie does to Israel and the Jews what Bin Laden, Hezbollah, and HAMAS could not, in defaming them on the silver screen in wide release in theaters across America and around the world.
Israeli newspaper Ha’Aretz reported that Sandler sought to fend off Hollywood criticism of his movie as “The Israeli Movie.” Well, he succeeded in spades.
This movie is high quality Bin Laden Cinema. Allahu Shampoo & Conditioner.
Take Adam Sandler’s advice: Don’t Mess with “Zohan.” Stay home.

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12 Responses

Debbie, I once a bought a Walkman from an Israeli store in Miami Beach. The guy wouldn’t give me a refund, and made me pay another $10 for a “better” model that came without a box and had buttons that didn’t work after a few days. When I complained to friends that it didn’t work, the husband almost fell over in laughter. Israeli or not, I now only buy things from large stores where I can count on a $10 clerk who refunds my money without getting too emotional.

Anonymous1 on June 6, 2008 at 6:31 pm

I completely agree with your comments.
It always “sickens me” when Liberals get touted as so “cool”, or “brave”, when they can convey all of their thoughts/words/blame onto 1 of 5 specific groups (Christians, Jewish, Republician, Conservative, or Southern).
When it comes to REALLY being “brave”, and standing up against (let’s see how about KNOWN Terrorist sponsors) the likes of Iran (in spite of “Obama’s comment about minor”), they suddenly become…mute.
The Hollywood Liberals try to “wrap their oh-so-smart” intellect into films, TV shows, etc. by trotting it out as “cutting edge” or “humor” or “sudo-reality” when in fact it is PROPAGANDA.
Fortunatley there are alternative sites, who “call it like it is”, such as DebbieSchlussel.com whereby FACTUALLY CORRECT/ACCURATE descriptions are provided so that we don’t (accidently) monetarily reward these…”individuals”.
The more that AMERICAN CITIZENS learn the more I hope that people will start “waking up” and realizing that the threat from “within” is as great, if not greater, than the threat from the “outside”.
Keep up the good work!
Nuff said.
NOSTRADAMUSLIVES

Nostradamus on June 8, 2008 at 12:02 am

I saw Zohan today (free movie). The movie sucked royally. Besides being politically correct nonsense, it was stupid slap stick. An unbelievably stupid script with terrible acting all around.

Ripper on June 8, 2008 at 8:51 pm

Has Sandler EVER made a decent film??

Rick on June 9, 2008 at 11:27 am

For all intensive purposes, Sandler is not a Liberal, although he may have Liberal social leanings as Guliani and McCain do. He is registered as a Republican albeit a moderate one (again like McCain and guliani. He is also a self-depracating Jew. I see his movie as more of self mocking garbage rather than a “peacenick” movie which it may well be.This movie is unfortunately what truly liberal hollywood wants to see, especially when you have ultra liberal Jewish directors like Spielberg.
Sandler has made some decent movies including Punch Drunk Love, Spanglish, and recently Reign Over Me, which has a clip in it where his character, who has sheltered himself from the reality of life due to the death of his family on 9-11, is wathcing television and comes across a few news clips of Muslims shouting hate at America and the Jews. Unfortunately (or fortunately), with this movie, Sandler is going back to his Billy Madison days which as everyone knows was potty humor at it’s best, or worst depending on who you ask.
We shouldn’t be too harsh on the guy.

Monk on June 9, 2008 at 12:00 pm

Debbie, you hit the nail on the head when you said that movies like this are EXACTLY why Muslims (and so many other people around the world) despise American people. It is tripe like this that sends an abhorrent message to the rest of the world that we are depraved, mindless dolts. What’s worse is that a Communist Hollywood is on a propraganda rampage to portray the decent, law-abiding, moral people of this country as intollerant and mean by spewing forth such garbage on a regular basis. Senator Joseph McCarthy is probably rolling in his grave and the rest of us are waiting for decent and inspiring movies to play at our local theaters again.

The_Kat‚Ñ¢ on June 9, 2008 at 10:17 pm

It’s particularly infuriating that among the most obnoxious people agitating for us to surrender to the throat-slicers were the very ones doing the MOST angering the Mullah’s to begin with.
Hey, Obama- here’s a deal; You limit your mayhem to Hollywood movie stars & Northeast Liberals and we leave you alone.
Deal?

Flit on June 11, 2008 at 3:37 am

Debbie, please. I watched Zohan last night with my father who is Israeli (and fought in 67′) and had the stereotypical immigrant experience — although he moved to NYC and started a clothing business, not electronics.
My father is very dogmatic about the Israeli cause and suffice it to say, is not a big fan of the Arabs. Nevertheless, he never once expressed discontent with this movie. Actually, last night was the second time he’s seen the movie — he loved it!
And yes, a lot of Israeli’s still wear jean shorts along with the sandels and the chest hair… have you been to the beaches of Tel Aviv lately? But it doesn’t really matter, the Arab stereotypes were just as exaggerated — but THAT WAS THE POINT!
Like most American Jews, you don’t GET Israeli’s — the two communities really are two different cultures in many different ways.
Get a sense of humor and grow up Debs…

shady11 on June 13, 2008 at 2:44 pm

It is mildly important to remember the real lesson of this movie:

All Jews have superpowers.

Jewish superpowers are demonstratively better than Palestinian superpowers, which are only good for running away like a coward.

luagha on July 29, 2010 at 2:43 pm

the JEWS know very well that the UPPER HAND will be soon 2 the MUSLIMS, bcuz they know their wrong yet they never learn…..(NATURALY BORN STUPIDS)

?Ahmed ABDULLAH on September 12, 2011 at 3:44 pm

How about relaxing and just enjoying a comedy for what it is. The message that ran through for me is that hatred and confusion comes from people not respecting each other. It is also about living your dream and not being tied to societal and cultural expectations. Go adam.

bronwyn on December 12, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Sandler has always made me laugh and I think he has helped Israel even though he pokes fun at his race.

Just like many black comedians have poked fun about their own race. Often it works out favorably because it shows that the stereotypes are stupid.

Atleast he isn’t like Sacha Cohen who browns up and makes fun of another race. Lighten up, Sandler is funny.

sandlerawesome on July 13, 2013 at 8:28 pm

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