November 24, 2008, - 1:20 pm

Your Day in Celebrity Baby-Naming Child Abuse

By Debbie Schlussel
You know my thing against people who name their kids weird–and let’s face it, mostly pretentious–names. It’s a constant on this site, because idiots naming their kids idiotic names is also a constant. (See my extended commentary on these absurd names and my rules for naming a kid.)
To name a few, there was Moxie Crimefighter (Penn Jillette’s daughter–Jillette and I sorta had it out publicly over this dumb name), Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee’s kid), and Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow). And then there are those people who named their kids “Track” and “Van Palin.” You know who they are.
Now, there’s the latest in this absurd contest for lifelong child abuse (or, at least, until they are 18 and want to go through an annoying, hassle-filled legal process to change it). Pop singers Pete Wentz (he of girlie-manish manner) and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz named their son, Bronx Mowgli Wentz after the jungle kid in the loincloth from “The Jungle Book.”

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Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson-Wentz Introduce us to

the Melding of Their Low IQs, Bronx Mowgli Wentz of “The Jungle Book”

Just one question: Why?
These parents, like all the others that do this, are extremely selfish and attention-hungry.
I’m actually waiting for one of these brainless couples to name their kid “Rumpelstiltskin” or “Count Chocula” or “Lollipop Licker” (Lolli for short).
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8 Responses

LOL: “Lollipop Licker” … Wanted to thank you for sharing your previous posting on ‘Rules for Naming A Kid.” I actually had a nurse, in a maternity ward, once tell me that a mother had named her daughter Placenta. I’m sure it seemed perfectly logical, at the time, if one waits until after birth to name their baby.
Jimmy Lewis
SCS, Michigan
Blog: http://rougerevival.blogspot.com/

Jimmy on November 24, 2008 at 2:43 pm

I guess this female couple will teach their boys to pee with seat down and girls will pee standing. I thank my parents for using the Bible as a guide for naming me. Amazing that the Simpson girls started off as religious gospel singers. I guess the conversion has been complete to whoredom. I wonder if their pastor father is proud to what he did to their children. I guess the best judge of a person is their offspring.

californiascreaming on November 24, 2008 at 5:00 pm

I knew a woman in the 1970′s who named her baby girl “Chlamydia” because it “sounded Italian.”

49smudge on November 24, 2008 at 7:07 pm

A woman named her baby “Chlamydia” because it “sounded Italian.”

49smudge on November 24, 2008 at 7:09 pm

Let me suggest a couple of names for these kids…Jon O’Rear and Si Phyliss. With their lifestyles, these names would be appropo.

arejaymack on November 24, 2008 at 8:08 pm

Debbie, I do feel a need to have a kid or two. I think it would be personally entertaining and also good for society. If I clone myself would the kid be Jewish or would I need a formal conversion for the critter?

Anonymous1 on November 24, 2008 at 10:37 pm

Used to say: the odder the name the greater the fame. Could be the case here. How could we forget Dweezil Zappa?
I my family, we use family names or the names of people we admire. I think that gives a child a since of importance and belonging.
I remember that a lot of girls ended up being named Brie, after a prostitute played by Jane Fonda (ah, type casting). Of course, the name was really short for Aubrey, but that never ran through the crinkles of their cerebellums.
If you name a boy Tanner, you have marked him as low class for life.

taffy on November 25, 2008 at 6:16 am

I work with a fellow from an asian country. He named his daughter Jadzia after the character on Star Trek – Jadzia Dax, who was brutally killed by the evil Gul Dukat, former leader of the Cardassian Empire (a little color from a google search). I told him I thought that was nutty, he didn’t think so.

Richard on November 25, 2008 at 3:37 pm

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