December 6, 2011, - 11:37 pm

Movie Coma Day: The Movies That Occupied My Entire Day Today

By Debbie Schlussel

As longtime readers know, I’m a film critic for the SiriusXM Patriot Channel’s terrific morning show, “The Mike Church Show,” and you can hear my movie reviews on the show, every Friday Morning between 7:30 and 8:30 a.m. Eastern. You can also hear my movie reviews and political commentary on “The James Show,” on New Orleans’ WRNO 99.5 FM on Saturday Nights from 7:00 to 7:30 p.m. Central. And I’m a member of the Detroit Film Critics Society. Every year, we have a day when we sit through movie after movie after movie, so that we can vote, as every city’s mainstream media film critics do, on the movies of the year, best actor, etc.  As I tell you each year after these, I know it sounds fun–and pathetic to whine about it–but we waste the day away, sitting through a whole lot of bad movies for those one or two gems. (Plus, we get a ton of movies in the mail, which we’re expected to watch, then cut up and throw out (or save and never ever lend out to anyone, lest we be banned from screening lists). I’ve cut up and thrown out a heck of a lot, this year.)  Today the screenings began at 8:00 a.m. and went through 9:00 p.m. Six movies, which is a lot, too much.

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Below are the movies we saw today.  There is one that is a FOUR REAGAN movie and among my top five for this year.  Can you guess from the trailers which ones I liked and which I didn’t like? I can’t say, but you, my readers, are very good at guessing the answers to that question. Stay tuned for my reviews when the movies debut, beginning this Friday.

Which of these movies did I like? . . .

* “The Adventures of Tintin“:

*  “We Bought a Zoo“:

*  “The Artist“:

*  “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo“:

*  “Carnage“:

*  “New Year’s Eve“:

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20 Responses

I’m guessing that the Four Reagan movie is “The Artist”.

“The Adventures of Tintin“ looks alright, but then it’s directed by Steven “Munich” Spielberg, so my guess is probably a one Reagan movie at best.

“We Bought a Zoo” is probably a one Reagan movie.

“New Year’s Eve” is two or more Marxes.

The other two movies are probably one Marx each.

JeffE on December 7, 2011 at 12:18 am

Miss Schlussel, Et Alia:

“THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN” and “WE BOUGHT A ZOO” both look like movies I’d want to see.

I’m guessing “THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN” got the “Four Reagans” award.

Thank you.

John Robert Mallernee
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Gulfport, Mississippi 39507

John Robert Mallernee on December 7, 2011 at 12:51 am

Hard to guess which is the four Reagans, as Hollyweird always tends to slip in some stupid unnecessary message or innate bias to undermine something even as promising as “The Adventures of Tintin.”

I’ll take the easy road and make the safe guess that it isn’t New Year’s Eve. I’ve been pounded with the commercial for that piece o’ crap over the past three weeks, and even that is overlong and unbearable.

Brian R. on December 7, 2011 at 7:23 am

If I had to rank them in order from worst to first:

New Year’s Eve – pretentious douchebaggery
Carnage – Roman Polanski
Girl w/Dragon Tattoo – lame
I bought a Zoo – Matt Damon
The Artist – possibly interesting concept
Tintin –

Side Note: Rooney Mara, star of Dragon Tattoo, is football royalty. Her family on her dad’s side (Mara) started the NY Giants, and her family on her mother’s side (Rooney) started the Pittsburgh Steelers.

eric g on December 7, 2011 at 8:29 am

My guess in Tintin for the 4 Reagans.

bjr118 on December 7, 2011 at 10:32 am

Been waiting a long time to see Schlussel bodyslam the vile “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” and (and also the equally vile “The Hunger Games”). Looks like the fun is about to start!

Still haven’t decided whether to take the kids to see the “Catholic hero” (seriously, a top Catholic figure in Europe recently called him that) Tintin yet. Schlussel’s review might tip the scales one way or another.

Gerald on December 7, 2011 at 11:05 am

And “We Bought A Zoo”? Please. 30 years ago, back when they took family and mainstream audiences more seriously, Hollywood was actually capable of turning projects like these into good films. Now, when the “independent film” sensibility has taken over Hollywood? Yeah … sure, Matt Damon may be getting old in the tooth, a little pudgy and taking “dad” roles as a result, but I’ll believe that the fellow is capable of pulling off a family film project when I see it. Steve Martin 20 years ago? Maybe. Matt Damon now? Please. Especially since the director of this project made “Jerry Maguire” and “Vanilla Sky”.

Gerald on December 7, 2011 at 11:14 am

They all look pretty bad and not worth the $10 to see them in a theater. Only 2 even appear to be netflix worthy and none of them look to be worth actually buying on dvd.

Ender on December 7, 2011 at 11:25 am

Debbie please send me your critic’s copy of “The Sitter.” I won’t tell. Thanks.

A1 on December 7, 2011 at 11:54 am

You had to sit through six movies in one day? Hell, I always make it a point to arrive at least ten minutes after the time a film is listed as “beginning” because I actually have trouble sitting through that many lousy trailers.

Which is why I’m not going to watch any of the above, but I’ll take a guess, just from the titles, that your favorite is probably “The Artist.”

Irving on December 7, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Carnage is disgusting, just like its Director. I hope you puke all over it. Tintin and The Artist look awesome and hope you think they are. The Zoo is probably so-so, and The Dragon Tattoo held no promise as a novel or movie. Sick to death of lesbian overkill. That leaves New Year’s…probably so-so. Can’t wait to see your reviews. Thanks, Debbie!

Laura Collins Phillips on December 7, 2011 at 1:49 pm

I’m gonna guess “The Artist” too. Because I have heard the buzz and I think even I will enjoy it. It’s supposed to be very good.

Plus…the others looks like they are your standard Hollywood Flicks. And you’re smart enough NOT to like such pap.

And like Gerald, I look forward to your review of “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo”. I found the poster especially offensive.

I have not seen either and haven’t even read the books. They “seem” like they’d be right up my dark alley but I hold back for some reason…

Skunky on December 7, 2011 at 3:35 pm

I’m guessing the 4 star one is “The Artist.”

Occam's Tool on December 7, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I am going to put all my money on New Year’s Eve… for four Marxes, two Obamas, a Reid and a Pelosi.

Pats on December 7, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Has to be TinTin. I’m not much of a cartoon movie guy, but just because the others have flaws.

The Artist looks too pretentious, trying too hard to impress with black and white, silent movie.

I love Daniel Craig as Bond. I haven’t read the “Girl with…” books, but another movie trying way too hard to be edgy. The goth lesbo, etc.

The Zoo movie, yuccccck. Matt Damon and annoying kids. But, it has my crush Scarlett Johansson….vavoom!

Carnage…pretentious garbage from the pervert director.

News Years Eve….worst of the bunch. Poor Debbie. I’d have to give up my screening job if I HAD to watch this garbage of Hollywood trying to be cutesy and loveable. If a very, very hot girl wanted me to go see this, I’d break up with her. This is the worst kind of chick flick, cutesy, manipulative, gag puke puke blecccccch movie I hate with a passion.

Jeff_W on December 7, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Jeff_W:

Better not let Hollywood define your crushes. The Scarlett Johansson and Mila Kunis thing … look, I remember when women in Hollywood looked like WOMEN instead of girls entering their teens. And making sex symbols out of teens and preteens (and older women who look like them) was phase I. Phase II: adrogyny. Lady Gaga. Nicki Minaj. They’re making what Prince and David Bowie dabbled with back in the day look tame.

I guess had I not come up in the 80s, I’d be into this “women who look like girls” (thing that started with Kate Moss but now dominates Hollywood) too. One of the things that makes me glad to be middle-aged …

Gerald on December 7, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Think you liked Spielberg’s…
think you didn’t care for “TGWTDT”, knowing you were not so keen on the original.
Think you hated “Carnage”.

MH on December 8, 2011 at 10:42 am

Gerald, have you ever seen Scarlett “VAVOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!” Johansson?!?!? She looks nothing like a preteen girl. I think she’s about 26 and the one reason she’s my crush is she is one of the few actressses who is full figured and DOESN’T look like a flat chested skank. Boobage alert! Not to mention I am a big fan of “The Prestige” (thanks to one of Debbie’s reviews) and “Lost in Translation.”

But, don’t take it seriously. I know she’s a left wing tramp and I could never touch any babe that “dated” Sean Penn….Scarlett might be my one exception, though!

Of, course, La Debbie knows she’s always my #1 Crush.

Jeff_W on December 8, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I dont want to see any movies any more…..Hollywierd has gotten rid of the Western ….The Western was the backbone of American movie making….With the decline of america into third world status, the western has been eliminated as a movie form….now all we are left with is movies with little substance.

shmujew on April 9, 2012 at 2:57 am

The Artist & The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo trilogy … I liked them …

Pray Hard on October 7, 2012 at 10:53 am

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