November 25, 2008, - 3:32 pm
By Debbie Schlussel
**** NOTE to the Humorless, 11/26/08: No, I’m not really being serious here. Of course, I know that “Black Friday” is not racist. I think it’s obvious, this is comedy. ****
Contrary to popular White Guilt voter belief, the election of Barack Hussein Obama did not alleviate the chip on the shoulder of certain segments of Black America. In fact, in many cases, the chip is now a boulder.
And in that vein, I ask the question we’ve all been wondering: Isn’t the term “Black Friday” racist? After all, everything bad always gets termed “dark” or “Black”. Dark Chocolate (all those flavenoids stealing their name from Flava Flav), Black Bart, Black Monday, Black September (evil Muslims killing evil Muslims, then other evil Muslims adopting the name and killing Israeli Olympians), Black licorice and jellybeans (totally racist, since cherry licorice and grape jellybeans taste way better), Jack Black (bad actor–yup, that’s racist), Black and Decker (their appliances are an example of the man oppressing us with da convenience), blacksmiths (they practically work for slave wages), black hats, Black Forest Cake (so many calories, so of course it implies Black chicks are fat), Johnnie Walker Black label (implies Blacks are whinos)–all of these are blatant examples of racist, bigoted Blaxploitation.
But the worst is “Black Friday”–which, because of the huge bargains and doorbuster items between 4:00 a.m. and noon at a lot of retailers, implies that only Black people want a bargain.
Therefore, from now on (or at least for today), in the interest of civil rights, affirmative action, healing, and all that jazz, I am calling it White Friday. You know what happens on White Friday, right? No, I’m not talking about the shopping. I’m talking about the leftovers. On White Friday, people eat leftover pumpkin pie from Thanksgiving. Sweet potato pie leftovers?–That’s on Black Friday.
Anyway, my favorite site for looking at Black . . . er, White Friday bargains is bfads.net (they didn’t yet get the memo on the PC name change). Over the weekend, they already had scans of all the White Friday bargains at most major retailers. Check it out.
Of all the things I saw, I liked this ten inch digital TV flat screen at Walgreen’s (pictured above), which is on sale for $99 (after a $20 mail-in rebate). It’s regularly about $180. It’s cute and economical for those who don’t have a lot of space and/or can’t afford a large flat screen digital TV. Or it’s great for your kitchen. It comes with a remote.
But get there early, since at 7:00 a.m. they might all be snapped up. By the way, look at the racist photo of the woman on the TV screen. That’s a clear message to Black people not to buy it. Yup, Michelle Hussein Obama noted, America is a mean country.