January 5, 2009, - 3:24 pm

World’s Most Famous Overbearing Shrew (& Hubby) Gives You “Sexy” Marriage Advice

By Debbie Schlussel
Cue the Minnie Riperton music and get out the barf bag. You knew this was coming. But why didn’t we get “sexy” marriage advice from Hillary and Bill?
I subscribe to “Women’s Health” magazine because they have good workout routines and exercises, as well as healthy recipes. I didn’t think my health included banal, obvious, unoriginal “advice” from these two. But I thought wrong. Blechhhh. Oh, and it’s not just the fitness mag, it’s US Magazine, too.

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Hmmm . . . Teamwork, Be Friends, Be Affectionate, Be Funny. I’m sure no married couple has ever heard such unique, insightful marital wisdom before. How ever did she (or her publicist) dream these up? Up next, genius fitness advice from the First Missus: Eat Less, Work Out.
Then, there are Barack’s rules, coupled with dumb, unPresidential, goofy photos. Same obvious non-insight: Be There For Your Family, Focus on the Future, Ignore Distractions, blah, blah, blah, etc.
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US Magazine:
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Musical Accompaniment:

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19 Responses

An unwarranted dig at Reagan. He was a movie star, married at one time of his life to Jane Wyman, one of the top movie stars in Hollywood. He never did anything romantic??!!??
It appears that these liberals, who oppose all kinds of oppression and discrimination are not above a little age discrimination themselves when it suits their purposes. Isn’t there some age discrimination in these magazines’ treatment of Reagan and George & Barbara Bush?
I haven’t seen too many women over 50 or 60 (or even 40) on the covr of Women’s Health. They would probably benefit from the workouts as much or more than any other women. Just like Prevention magazine, supposedly on the edge of leading culture. You really have to look in order to see, either in the text or the ads, older women.
But in perspective, weren’t Sarah Palin and her husband probably as affectionate as the Obamas? I’ll bet Sarah Palin likes flowers too, and the Palins were probably cute, funny, etc.

c f on January 5, 2009 at 4:08 pm

>>I subscribe to “Women’s Health” magazine because they have good workout routines and exercises, as well as healthy recipes.
Posted by Debbie at January 5, 2009 03:24 PM<<
———————————————–
Interesting.
I have my preferences.
I subscribe to “Al Qaeda Insider” and to its sister publication: “Virgins Unlimited.”
It’s just a matter of gender, I guess.
As for the Obamas’ advise for a “healthy and sexy marriage,” here it is:
1 – If you’re 100% Black and was born in the U.S.A., you will never be able to fool the idiot voters by selecting you as president and your story will never be on “Women’s Health” magazine.
2 – If you think that talk is cheap, think twice, we did it and we screwed the voters with our trained rhetoric.
3 – If you think that having a Muslim middle name can get you nowhere in America, look at my husband, he now wishes that his first name was “Muhammad,” he would’ve won the primaries with the popular vote handily.
4 – If you think that a “mÈnage ‡ trois” is immoral especially in the White House, look at Hillary, she answered our call, shaved her vagina and is ready to go.
5 – If you think that Bill Clinton is the “first Black president,” think twice, my husband made it as the “first Half-White” president.
6 – If you think that “once you go Black, you never go back,” think twice, I got it half-White and here I am, the next “First Lady.” Girls, you have to be plan ahead when choosing your future partner.
7 – If you think that marriage is based on “love,” think twice, I’ve been planning for the inauguration with him since our first f****.
8 – The most important lesson you can learn from our marriage:
It doesn’t matter if you have sex or not with your partner, you can still screw an entire nation and that’s better than sex.

Independent Conservative on January 5, 2009 at 4:48 pm

This has to be the most vomit-inducing thing involving the Obamas that I’ve ever seen in my life!
I’ve never seen the media this determined to try and make the Obamas look like the perfect couple. It frankly makes me sick.

MLR on January 5, 2009 at 5:08 pm

What a laugh!
What they failed to mention:
1. Having your own harem of alter boys at your racist church helps out when the shrew you’re married too won’t put out. And then when they mysteriously turn up dead once you become a public figure really helps the marraige.
2. Having your husbands mistress banned to an island also helps in the bedroom.
3. And when your wife losses her law licence for insurance fraud, appointing her to a 300,000 a year job sitting on a board for a hospital once you become senator and appropriate money to said hospital I’m sure is the best way to get her in the mood.
Along with everything else that’s tainted about the Obmam’s, Their marriage makes Bill and Hillary the poster couple for Valentine wishes and champaign story book love.

wolf2012 on January 5, 2009 at 5:48 pm

Right On !!!
You guys are so funny ( because you are spot on ! ) that there is nothing left to say !
You revive my hope ( faint as it is ) in this
once great nation.

Hawkins on January 5, 2009 at 6:16 pm

At first I was really sick of hearing about Michelle’s “style” (what style? baby-mama thug???) and how beautiful she is (put down the KOOL AID people).
Now MARRIAGE advice? This is sick. I am embarrassed to be a woman.
Pardon while I gag.
Great post Debbie!

barbarany_9 on January 5, 2009 at 6:28 pm

pap for the ignorant, dumb downed masses.

kaps on January 5, 2009 at 9:38 pm

The masses want this president and they got it. Celebrity is America. America is celebrity. Just like Slick Willie, if it makes you feel good then just go for it. Damn the details. Smooth Barry is the same. Well put you in houses you cant afford, cars you cant keep payments on and Willie and Barry will tell you they can feel your pain. We’ll just print more money and call it Stimulus. “Happy Days are Here Again!!”
For conservatives the next 4 or most likely 8 years will be suffering in the pocket book and our liberties. But like they say “The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care.” Riiiiight?

californiascreaming on January 5, 2009 at 11:30 pm

WONDER IF SHE’S OPEN TO ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR KEEPING A HUSBAND FROM HAVING A RISQUE RELATIONSHIP WITH CHARLEZE THERON LIKE HERS WAS. PUT HER NEXT TO THE MOVIE STAR AND SHE LOOKS LIKE A PRE OP TRANNY.

samurai on January 6, 2009 at 12:06 am

I just read wolfs comments. I’m envious. I thought I was brutal! Your like a surgeon to my butcher.

samurai on January 6, 2009 at 2:23 am

She’s a Marxist and he’s a Socialist…a couple made in heaven. Like you said DS like other happy couples aren’t aware of the things they said. Like they made this up or someone for them. I been married for 12 years and wouldn’t give anything up for those years and more to come. Why, well won’t bore anyone with that stuff. I never knew I could love something more than when the day my children were born. Noticed they didn’t mention mutual respect or kids. Maybe I missed that part, since got bored reading the rest of it.
I didn’t vote for Obama and sure as hell don’t wish him ill will. But something tells me he’s going to mess our country worse than it is now. His new economic package isn’t so great. And when things look bad and most intelligent adults are aware of this. You don’t need the president elect saying…”the economy isn’t just bad…it’s gotten worse.” Sure that little comment will set Wall Street into a nice spin downwards the next day (TUE). See this is what people mean by our president needs to have some experience in being an executive…something Obama has none of.

Tenn Scholar on January 6, 2009 at 8:24 am

Why don’t we just elect Oprah?
Now we are Girly Man Nation.
Have we ever had a more sissyfied nation than now?

Jeff_W on January 6, 2009 at 9:10 am

This reminds me of some advice I read in a (National Lampoon spoof on)men’s magazine:
Hot tip, try holding the toilet paper on the same side as you roll your ass off the seat.

Richard on January 6, 2009 at 3:15 pm

Elsewhere in your blog you admonished McCain supporters and other Republicans to “stay classy” in the face of Obama’s victory.
You seem to be in need of your own advice in this posting. Michelle and Barrack have a loving committed relationship. They seem to have kept their honeymoon going for quite a while now.
I think that Americans could benefit from their example in the light of our high divorce rates and single parent families.
Perhaps you should address your criticisms of Obama in a more substanitive direction for your own benefit as well as ours.
Good luck with life.
[G: HUH?! WHEN DID I ADMONISH MCCAIN SUPPORTERS AND OTHER REPUBLICANS TO STAY CLASSY IN THE FACE OF OBAMA’S VICTORY? PLEASE SEND ME THE LINK. I’D NEVER DO SUCH A THING, AS THEY DON’T NEED THE ADMONISHMENT. THE OBAMANIACS DO. DS]

greenlynn on January 6, 2009 at 4:14 pm

I think I’ve solved the mystery of what’s going on with Michelle Obama’s jawline. I think she’s got a Skoal Bandit tucked in her lower lip. Of course I may be wrong, it could be a wad of long cut.
Soon she’ll be leaving her spit cups all over the White House, just great!

Richard on January 6, 2009 at 5:40 pm

Yeah, Wolf is right. Having a mistress on the side probably does have a salutary effect upon the Soeto marriage.
Has Ms. Thing on the Side escaped from Elba yet?

thegreatbeast on January 6, 2009 at 7:14 pm

Sorry, I misread your post about an “Obamaniac” who posted an insulting remark to you.
My bad, you may continue to call the kettle black, Ms. Pott.

greenlynn on January 7, 2009 at 10:24 am

I have no doubt that in the future it will be confirmed he has a little sumthin, sumthin on the side. Very well could be Oprah and Gail. She seems a bit obsessed with him. Buying a 50 million dollar home in DC, jus to be close. Seems a bit obessive to me. Although it might be a bit harder to get the rabbit on the front door of the White House.
Debbie thanks for the Minnie, been a long time since I heard that song. Let’s get Midnight at the Oasis warmed up for Barry, I am sure it will apply with some drama from him!!!

Mark on January 7, 2009 at 10:59 am

1. Look guys, you lost.
2. Even some of your fellow racists voted for Obama, that how much people hate your policies.
3. Conservatism is dead,
4. Capitalism is dying.
5. You guys need to learn to lose with dignity, you are going to be doing a lot more of it in the years to come. Get used to how losing feels, this is your future.

No Pasaran! on January 8, 2009 at 6:41 am

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