February 1, 2009, - 10:48 pm
Supe MVP is Baby Daddy Criminal Chick-Beater Flasher (Can’t Wait 4 the Disney Ad); Funniest Supe Commercial’s Unintended Humor
By Debbie Schlussel
**** UPDATE: Watch the VIDEO of Disney ad featuring criminal thug baby daddy druggie chick-beater Santonio. ****
So, the Pittsburgh Steelers won the Super Bowl. Big whoop. Now to the more important Supe Post Mortems. . . .
First, the funniest Super Bowl ad was the one saying the Detroit Lions will be winners, next year. No lie, that was a Supe ad here in Detroit, and I assume, nationally, too. Yup, that is the funniest ad I saw tonight. Hiiiiiilaaaaaariiiioooouuuusss. But the humor in that ad won’t make me wanna go out and buy the product. Oh yeah, the product was the Lions. Well, they only gotta win one game to improve upon last season.
Then, there’s the Super Bowl MVP, Santonio Holmes. Dude, what–your mother couldn’t pronounce San Antonio, so she had to combine it into one word to save syllables? Looking forward to hearing about future Super Bowl MVPs, Flauderdale Jones and L’Vegas Smith.
In Holmes case, Most Valuable Playah might be a more appropriate title. Here’s a little scoopage on Mr. Holmes. Like most NFL players, he’s the son of a single mother, who had him when she was 16. We can’t fault him for that misfortune. But, sadly, the Santonio Cycle of Skank continues: He’s the baby daddy to at least three out-of-wedlock kids, one (Shaniya) with a woman named LaShae Boone, whom he assaulted, for which he was charged with domestic violence and assault. The other two kids from other different women–Santonio III (I guess they skipped II) and Nicori–are being raised by Holmes’ mother.
But this certified role model for Disney commercial watchers all over America also has a rich criminal history aside from that. As a kid, he was a drug dealer, and just this past October he got arrested for marijuana possession and missed a game because of it. Hey, he and Michael Phelps could do an ad together . . . for their favorite brand of post-toke potato chips.
Oh, and then, there’s Santonio’s predilection for exposing himself to the world (Click below for pic and look only before eating–I posted the censored version.)
Like I said, can’t wait for that Disney ad that every Super Bowl MVP in contemporary years gets to do.
Santonio Flauderdale L’Vegas Holmes, you just won the Super Bowl. What are you gonna do next?
I’m gonna father some out-of-wedlock kids, beat up some hos, get naked, smoke some pot, and then I’m gonna eat all of Disney World.
Hey, at least Disney had some class when three-time murderer Ray Lewis won the Super Bowl and didn’t let him do the ad. Here’s hoping they repeat in this case. **** UPDATE: Incredibly, Disney doesn’t use any discretion and is going with Holmes (and Ben Roethlisberger) for the ad. ****
As I always say, you pluck kids out of the Killing Fields of America, and you’ll usually get thugs. That’s the NFL for ya.
Welcome to declining America’s ever-declining new role models.
Lest you think this is a race thing, think again, since I’ve criticized several White players in the NFL from the same background, including Ryan Tucker, Christian Peter, and many others. (And I critiqued Sarah Palin’s kids’ names, too.)