March 1, 2007, - 2:03 pm
By Debbie Schlussel
In the wake of three white Duke University Lacrosse players being falsely accused of raping a black stripper, Duke has recommended a more diverse and inclusive campus culture.
Given that these men being falsely accused of a crime they did not commit by a member of another race and ethnicity, I have some ideas on how to make this situation and culture more diverse:
1) Three Black athletes should be falsely accused of rape by a White stripper;
2) Three gay hairstylists and home economics majors can be false accused of raping three lipstick lesbian strippers;
D is for Diversity
3) Three carnivorous male students should be wrongly accused of raping three lacto-ovo vegetarian, environmentalist strippers who wear Al-Gore t-shirts before they take it all off; and
4) While they’re at it, they must change the color of the Duke mascot. It must no longer be the “Duke Blue Devils.” Because, after all, Blue is a dominant, majority color and not diverse enough. So, annually, Duke must start using some of the underrepresented colors of the rainbow, so they can get their due. For 2008: The Duke Magenta Devils; 2009: The Duke Periwinkle Devils; 2010: The Duke Amber Devils . . . . Think about changing the Devils, too. Think, the Duke Magenta Ferrets; The Duke Periwinkle Peonies; The Duke, Amber Waves of Diversity . . . .
There. That’s diversity. And that should do it to satisfy this absurd recommendation that Duke address a crime that never happened by attacking the Whiteness and uber-plain Johnness of the wrongfully accused.
Tags: Amber Waves, Debbie Schlussel, Diversity, Duke University, lacrosse