July 20, 2009, - 6:06 pm

Dying Major City’s Non-Joke Joke of the Week: Detroit Police Tax-Funded Escort of Michael Jackson Stuffed Animals???!!!

By Debbie Schlussel
I swear I’m not making this up. It’s just more of the reality show called Detroit that’s all pure comedy and–unlike other reality shows–doesn’t need scripting to be entertaining . . . and sadly hilarious.
On Friday, four Detroit Police cruisers provided an escort to two hearses carrying stuff animals to a cemetery in tribute to Michael Jackson. Yup, Detroit isn’t just a dying major city with a ton of crime and a shortage of cops. It’s a dying major city with a police department that has zero common sense and a total lack of comprehension of the absurd.
Not only that, but the cemetery donated a huge plot–a plot which could have been donated to a real live human being in need–in which to bury the stuff animals. No joke. Watch the videos, and laugh your ass off. In the first one, you can hear the TV crew trying–and failing–to hold back laughter:



Detroit Police Provide Escort to

Stuffed Animals in Fake Michael Jackson Funeral

Sorry, we can’t try to prevent the people in the crack house next door from killing your son. We’re too busy escorting stuffed animals to a faux Michael Jackson funeral.
Detroit Police Department . . . we keep the streets safe for stuffed animals.

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13 Responses

If Detroit is a dying major city, how about it just swallow itself up and give itself its own burial? Kind of like how we wish Hollywood and San Francisco would do.

californiascreaming on July 20, 2009 at 8:23 pm

And, how many severely or terminally ill kids could have used those toys? Perhaps some kids in the foster care system needed someone furry to love.
Oops. What was I thinking? That makes too much sense.

cirrus1701 on July 20, 2009 at 9:40 pm

Wow. I’m just glad I live in baltimore.

Squirrel3D on July 20, 2009 at 9:54 pm

Since the claim is continually made about how much Michael Jackson cared about children, I guess the thought of donating them to abused children, orphans and children’s hospitals escaped them all?
Like cirrus said, I guess that is just too logical and sensible. Burying them is more fitting than bringing joy to other children?

Lew Waters on July 20, 2009 at 10:22 pm

MY uncle was asked to re-up in ’66, THEY even offered him a commission, but word was already out with the troops by then…only FOOLS went to Viet Nam!
Nah, you’re not racist. Not at all. It’s the “your kind” that makes it art.
Posted by: dw******************
Yeah, MY uncle was a “we shall overcome” NIGRO who WASTED 30 years of HIS life to get THREE Masters degrees AND a PhD by serving YOUR kkkuntry…and I AM a NON-“affirmative action” author that wrote a book y’all too STUPID to even GRASP…so where’s the racism???
MAYBE it lurks behind y’all’s unwillingness to admit that a BLACK MAN is better than your cracker gods?

EminemsRevenge on July 20, 2009 at 11:24 pm

I wonder if the stuffed animals were buried. I still have my teddy bear… but I’m not that vain!

NormanF on July 21, 2009 at 12:40 am

quick they are robbing the food lion!!!!!!!!!!

PNAMARBLE on July 21, 2009 at 4:55 am

It is a brain dead activity engaged in by brain dead politicians. Perhaps, it would be best to simply bulldoze Detroit and look at bringing back agriculture. I wonder if Michigan has vineyards?

Worry01 on July 21, 2009 at 9:11 am

Eminems Revenge, always good to see the Black Skinned NAZI has dropped in. Do you think anyone gives a sh*t about your uncle or your book? So what, who cares!! By the way what country that is so evil did you and your uncle get educated in? I think everyone on the DS site will chip in to give you a Haitian raft and go back to whatever Black country who desire.
Your Black Guilt doesn’t work on this site. Go yell it out on some street corner. Maybe then some guilted fools will smoke some herb with you and feel your rage as a Black man. Cuz remember we must understand the rage of the Black Man. Keep your misery to yourself.

californiascreaming on July 21, 2009 at 9:24 am

Eminems Revenge, Pastor Manning wants to have a word with you.

californiascreaming on July 21, 2009 at 9:41 am

Hi Deb,
As the gentleman and lady said, the important thing to remember about Michael is that he was a healer and a lover. And that incoherent babble about the soul. It does not really matter that he liked to sleep with little boys and fondle them on the peepee because he was willing to pay through the nose for his perversion. At least as long as he had a nose with sufficient capacity to process the payment.
Joe B.

Joe B. on July 21, 2009 at 9:49 am

How do YOU want to remember Michael Jackson?
Do you like him like this?
Yeah, me neither.

yonason on July 21, 2009 at 10:22 am

You sure those are police cars? They could double as taxi cabs and make the city some money…

Doda McCheesle on July 21, 2009 at 10:56 am

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