October 8, 2012, - 5:00 pm
**** UPDATED with info on another Jewish Bond girl, Tanya Roberts – Thanks to the many readers who let me know. ****
Friday was the 50th anniversary of the first showing of the first James Bond movie, which is somehow supposed to be history of some sort in our age of such “historic milestones” as Kardashian weddings and births of illegitimate Honey Boo Boo nieces with six fingers on each hand. And to mark the occasion, AP entertainment writer Sandy Cohen told us that Bond Girls made progress because they are now more diverse (with Blacks and Asians, etc.) and a part of the plot, instead of just looking good. Not sure if Halle Berry was a Bond girl because she’s half Black and “a part of the plot” or, more likely, because she looked good in a bikini. Ditto for Michelle Yeoh.
But, if we’re to be honest, frankly, Bond girls are not diverse enough nor are their parts in the plot in our era of uber-political correctness. After all, there is no “sexy” jihadist Muslima and there hasn’t been one. While you might cite to me, the Moroccan actress Leila Shenna, it’s believed that she, like her cousin, Malika Oufkir, left Islam to convert to Catholicism. (Oufkir wrote, in her book, “Stolen Lives : Twenty Years in a Desert Jail,” “We had rejected Islam, which had brought us nothing good, and opted for Catholicism instead.”) In contrast, there have been at least six 100% Jewish Bond Girls (three of them Israelis), Jill St. John (real name: Jill Arlyn Oppenheim), Tanya Roberts (real name: Victoria Leigh Blum), Eva Green, and Israelis Aliza Gur, Daliah Lavi, and Dr. Saskia (Shoshana) Cohen Tanugi, as well as at least two Bond Girls with Jewish dads, Barbara Bach and Jane Seymour (if you count them as Jews, then three out of four Bond Girls from 1971-77 were Jewish, according to some sources).
And, so, in the interest of “real diversity” on steroids (literally), I propose to you several new Bond girls who are both diverse in their backgrounds and their roles in the plot, any one of whom could play the role of Mussy Galore.
“Diverse” Halal Bond Girls Coming Soon to a Theater Near You . . .
Diverse Bond Girl #1: Kissy 9/11 Halal Kandy . . .
“Kissy Halal Kandy” on Ramallah Street Cheers 9/11 Attacks
This sexy Miss Palestine passes out candy in celebration of the 9/11 attacks on America in 2001, but in 2013, she helps bond pass out poisonous exploding candy to all the evil Zionist and great American satanist confectionary executives who refused to attend the International Lacto-Ovo Animal-Friendly Candy Convention.
Diverse Bond Girl #2: Full-Ninja Niqab Najah . . .
Forget the Skimpy Bond Girl Bikini, Full-Ninja Najah Blends In Well Wherever There’s Hate
You don’t know which one of these fashionable chicks she is and neither does bond. No worries, though, if she’s under age seven, she’s not available to anyone but M, himself.
Diverse Bond Girl #3: Al-Granny Non-ILF a/k/a Hell In (t)HAMAS . . .
She’s not Muslim, but this hot babe carries the jihad’s water, pretends to be a journalist (and a female), and helps Bond in sending all Jews–including Goldbergs, Goldfingers, and ambiguously Jewish Blofelds–back to Poland and Russia, carrying out the machinations of Bond’s creator, the notably anti-Semitic Ian Fleming.
Diverse Bond Girl #4: Sheikha Professor RuPaul Abeer Ali Hussein Schmattahead Al-Bang Bang . . .
In the interest of diversity, “she’s” not just Muslim, but of diverse, unknown gender identity. “She” could be Bond’s last love interest. En flagrante delicto she becomes a human IED.
Yup, we really need some “diversity” in the Bond Girls, don’t we? Next, they’ll be telling us that James has converted to Islam. Heck, his car already has. Not only won’t there be anymore shaken or stirred Martinis (those are gone in the next Bond movie), but no Heinekens (the paid product placement replacement Bond drink of choice), either.
Who was your favorite Bond Girl?
Tags: Aliza Gur, AP, Arab Bond Girls, Arab James Bond Girls, Barbara Bach, Bond Girl Diversity, Bond Girls, Daliah Lavi, Eva Green, Halle Berry, Israeli Bond Girls, Israeli James Bond Girls, James Bond, James Bond Girls, Jane Seymour, Jewish Bond Girls, Jewish James Bond Girls, Jill Arlyn Oppenheim, Jill St. John, Leila Shenna, Malika Oufkir, Michelle Yeoh, Muslim Bond Girls, Muslim James Bond Girls, Mussy Galore, Sandy Cohen, Saskia Cohen Tanugi, Saskia Shoshana Cohen Tanugi, Stolen Lives, Tanya Roberts, Victoria Leigh Blum