March 21, 2007, - 12:47 pm

What’s in a Name?: Not Much, if You’re a Girlie-Man

By Debbie Schlussel
Last year, I told you about Mike Buday, who is fighting to change his surname to that of his wife, Diana Bijon. But he’s not the only girlie-man with SMID (Surname/Masculinity Identity Disorder).
Today’s USA Today Life Section has an entire page dedicated to spreading and mainstreaming the disorder. In it, you’ll see that the epidemic is worse than we’d earlier diagnosed:

The newlyweds knew it would be surprising, but they never expected it to go quite so badly.
As Donna and Mike entered their wedding reception, an unwitting announcer told the expectant crowd, “Ladies and gentleman, put your hands together for the new Mr. and Mrs. Salinger!”

nasrallahgirliemanparade.jpg

Girlie Men: Not Just in Hezbollah

(Artwork by David Lunde, Jedi Master of PhotoShopping)

Some guests clapped, some chuckled at what they presumed was a joke and most looked at one another in confusion. The couple spent the entire reception and some of their honeymoon explaining to people what they had done.
The groom, you see, had started his day as Mike Davis and ended it by doing something precious few of his brothers-in-arms do: He took his wife’s last name instead of her taking his. . . .
Mike Salinger, who said it cost him about $350 to change his name legally, concedes he changed his name “because I’m a big ole granola liberal and I wanted to tweak the tradition while showing my wife I love her.” . . .
Christopher Sclafani and Jeannie Rhee avoided the wedding-night scene the Salingers endured by instructing their deejay not to introduce them with their last names, but their decision to take on both names without a hyphen caused other problems. The new Christopher Sclafani Rhee was immediately and persistently called Mr. Rhee, which most people assumed was his whole last name.
“People could not handle the idea that a man had a two-part last name,” says the 34-year-old Washington, D.C., lawyer. “The first couple of months were incredibly jarring. Then we realized both are hard names to spell and to explain, so I just accepted this (Rhee) as my new last name.”
Sam Van Hallgren, 32, co-host of the movie-review podcast Filmspotting, had to explain himself not just to his listeners but even to his co-host, Adam Kempenaar. Kempenaar was caught by surprise the first time Van Hallgren introduced himself at the top of their show with his new name. Van Hallgren was formerly Sam Hallgren until he wed Carrie Van Deest in August and they both took on the new, combined names.
Van Hallgren received a scathing note from a longtime listener with a subject line that read, “Sam, turn in your man card.” The listener asked what “sissy juice” the host was drinking.

Yes, exactly what sissy juice was he drinking? Was it Absolut or Caribou Coffee? Hard to tell.
The story also talks about other couples with hyphenated last names. I just can’t wait until two hyphenated surname kids get married, and they have four-hyphenated names and so on and so on and so on.
And that’s assuming the male half is masculine enough to produce offspring–in these cases, hardly a sure bet. For these guys, locating their testicles might be like playing “Where’s Waldo.”

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19 Responses

I will go to great lengths to show a woman that I care for her.
Needlessly creating and living with a social stigma to prove a very stupid point is NOT one of them.
Permit to carry testicles REVOKED.

Koozebane on March 21, 2007 at 1:23 pm

That’s right, Van Halen! Turn in your Man Card!!

Yiddish Steel on March 21, 2007 at 1:28 pm

Dear Debbie;
I LOVE that picture!! It is SOOOOOOOO funny!!
Sincerely;
EJO

EJO on March 21, 2007 at 2:12 pm

I laugh my ass off everytime I see that Hassan Nasrallah pic.Its so cowardice how these Terrorist Leaders (Muslims) send young Muslims off to kill and murder while they (The Terrorist Leaders) run and hide. Nothing but cowards and girlie men.
http://www.prophetofdoom.net/pics/Feedback_Muslim_Woman_Defends_Oppression/shepherd.jpg
http://www.prophetofdoom.net/pics/Feedback_Muslim_Woman_Defends_Oppression/madrass_love.jpg

the_don on March 21, 2007 at 2:18 pm

What would possess them? These are not men, they are girls. And every last one a Democrat, I guarantee.

lexi on March 21, 2007 at 3:45 pm

Debbie said:
“And that’s assuming the male half is masculine enough to produce offspring–in these case, hardly a sure bet.”
If not, there’s always the turkey baster approach, which they can hear all about from their LGBT friends at the all-vegan co-op.
Worry not- nothing will stop them in their quest to say “We’re Pregnant!”

live from dearbornistan on March 21, 2007 at 4:03 pm

These “guys” probably weren’t ever spanked as kids. I wonder if they wear hats indoors, hold doors open for ladies, or expect to give up their seats on a bus for them.
If someone breaks into their house at night, do these couples flip a coin to see who goes downstairs with the baseball bat?
Articles like this make me thank God my dad was a no-nonsense man who could fix stuff, drink, swear on occasion, and stand up for himself if need be.

JSobieski on March 21, 2007 at 4:21 pm

Religion of Peace….not
Read these despicable stories
Muslims dragging dead soldiers through the streets and burning their bodies just like what happened a decade ago.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/africa/03/21/Somalia.reut/index.html
Muslims use kids as decoy for Suicide Car Bomb. Kids dead
http://www.thestar.com/News/article/194561
Its so hypocritical how Muslims talk about how civilians are dying because of the US or Israel in Middle east but they never come out to condemn acts like these perpetrated by their fellow Muslims.

the_don on March 21, 2007 at 5:09 pm

Wow! As an NCO in the U.S. Army with a hyphenated last name, the ignorance of your post and responses is amazing. I have three children with my wife, own a gun, and am not a Democrat. I guess it’s easier to make stupid comments than actually try to post anything newsworthy you hag.

Robert Hodgman-Burns on March 21, 2007 at 6:07 pm

H-B,
We had a NCO in our unit that took his wife’s name, everyone made fun of him behind his back and called him a P*ssy.

Minnie Mouse on March 21, 2007 at 9:34 pm

H-B: Are you infantry? I wouldn’t think so.

lexi on March 21, 2007 at 9:49 pm

Dear Debbie,
I love ya.
I have been thinking about the ‘secret’ postings that I have made.
Admittedly, some of them have not been thoroughly though through.
Therefore, I’m NOT going to make anymore ‘secret’ postings as the “Irish Poet”.
I apologize for not being in the Irish spirit for my fellow DS fans.
Plus, thinking about it, I’ve never have created a poem for my beautiful Deb!
It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.
Deb, keep up the good fight. What I feel for you is something more important than Love – it is Respect.
Sincerely,
The Irish Poet.

Irish Poet on March 21, 2007 at 9:59 pm

Someone certainly has their hyphens in a bunch.

Koozebane on March 21, 2007 at 10:07 pm

“he story also talks about other couples with hyphenated last names. I just can’t wait until two hyphenated surname kids get married, and they have four-hyphenated names and so on and so on and so on.”
On the plus side, having 128 last names makes genealogy much easier.

Dan on March 21, 2007 at 10:32 pm

Well Minnie Mouse, I really don’t care much about that, but whatever floats your boat. I don’t worry too much what the LE say, just whether or not they do what I tell them to and all. If that makes you feel better, great. And no, I am not 11B, I just joined at age 32 after 9/11. Man, I must be a p%$#%. Have fun Neanderthals.

Robert Hodgman-Burns on March 22, 2007 at 4:49 am

Hey, Bob.
Try dehyphenated coffee next time.
You seem a little tense.

Koozebane on March 22, 2007 at 6:36 am

Koozebane, That was actually pretty good. I can appreciate good teasing, you have to be able to with a hyphenated name.

Robert Hodgman-Burns on March 22, 2007 at 8:54 am

Robert Hodgman-Burns, the 2007 Klinger?
Actually I think this is one of those typical liberals mascarading, like the types who call into conservative talk radio shows pretending to be conservatives.

Jeff_W on March 22, 2007 at 9:25 am

No Jeff, if I was one of those I would be ranting and raving about politics. I am a libertarian, not a liberal. Tough to be either one in the military. Doesn’t really matter much what you think really. I don’t wear a dress like the great Klinger, I actually like being in the military, not trying to get out.

Robert Hodgman-Burns on March 22, 2007 at 9:40 am

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