January 18, 2013, - 3:45 pm

Wknd Box Office: The Last Stand, Broken City, Mama

By Debbie Schlussel

It’s January, the other pet cemetery to which Hollywood sends its crappy movies to die a quick and painless death (the other movie cemetery is August). So, the new movies Hollywood dumped on us this weekend ain’t no great shakes. Oddly enough, the most enjoyable and only entertaining one of the bunch stars an aged liberal ex-Governor whom I despise.

thelaststandbrokencity

mama

* “The Last Stand“: This is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s comeback vehicle for senior citizen action hero status. And while it’s a crummy movie, it’s mildly entertaining and far better than I expected. You know what you’re gonna get with this–lots of guns, shooting, action, car chases, stunts, and other stuff typical to pre-Governator, Maid-Impregnator Schwarzenegger movies. Keep in mind that this extremely bloody and violent movie, filled with guns is the comeback vehicle of a man who exuberantly supported gun control as the Governor of California.

Also, I had to laugh at Arnie’s lines like, “My honor can’t be bought,” when I think of how the real-life guy uttering those lines has no honor at all. Remember, this is the guy who invited major Nazi and Wehrmacht intelligence office Kurt Waldheim (who sent tens of thousands of Yugoslavian Jews to their deaths in the camps) to the Arnold-Maria wedding. At the Schwarzenegger-Shriver wedding, Arnold opened a gift from the Nazi Waldheim, who could not attend because, at that point, his Nazi past was exposed and he was on the no fly-list. Arnold told the assembled guests:


My friends don’t want me to mention Kurt’s name, because of all the recent Nazi stuff and the U.N. controversy, but I love him and Maria does too, and so thank you, Kurt.

More details here. And it’s the same Arnold who pardoned a convicted murderer and cut his sentence from 16 to seven years, simply because the murderer’s father was an important California Democratic legislator . . . and he mocked the family of the murder victim. Given that, it’s hard to watch Schwarzenegger in this movie and take him seriously as a law-and-order, tough-on-criminals sheriff. In real life, he was–and remains–the exact opposite as a public official and celebrity. So, when he says things like, “You give immigrants like me a bad name,” in the movie, I say, look in the mirror buddy.

The story: a violent convicted criminal, the son of a powerful Mexican drug cartel leader, is a federal prisoner who is being transferred amidst armed guards and FBI agents galore. He escapes and seeks to get to Mexico via a small Arizona border town. But the town’s sheriff, a retired Los Angeles cop (Schwarzenegger), sniffs part of the crime even before the escape. He sees thugs who pretend to be truck drivers and doesn’t quite believe their story. Then, a dairy farmer turns up dead. The sheriff gathers a motley crew of town cops, Johnny Knoxville (of “Jackass” fame), a town prisoner, etc. to fight off the escaped con, after getting a tip from the FBI that he may be headed that way.

It’s kind of weird that a sheriff with a very thick Austrian accent has the surname, Owen. Huh? Is that the anglicized for Anschluss? Also weird: almost all of the women in the movie look like Danica Patrick.

Like I said, the movie is better than I expected, but still not a good movie. It’s enjoyable empty calorie stuff if you’re into extremely violent, non-credible action flicks starring 65-year-old Nazi-lovers who pardon murderers and father kids with the maid. Just remember: the lead actor is a major hypocrite. But I guess that’s why they call it acting.

Oh, and one other thing: this movie is rated “R” for a reason. Parents who take their kids to see this are morons.

HALF A REAGAN
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Watch the trailer . . .

* “Broken City: More like, Broken Movie. This movie starts off okay, but descends into the most absurd, cockamamie, waste-of-time plots. And why do the major stars of a movie set in New York have stark Boston accents? Normally a tight, well-written thriller has some hint of “whodunit” and also a whiff of what the heck is going on. But this has neither because it’s a rambling, aimless two hours of silliness.

Mark Wahlberg plays a disgraced former New York cop who is now a private investigator taking photos of cheating spouses, when New York Mayor Russell Crowe (the second half of the Boston accent team – maybe Aussies can’t do New York accents?) summons Wahlberg to the Mayoral office. The Mayor wants the former police detective to tail the Mayor’s wife (Catherine Zeta-Jones) and find out with whom she’s having an affair. When he learns that the person in question is the campaign manager of the Mayor’s younger progressive opponent, he also learns that it’s not necessarily an affair the Mayor wants to find out about. And that the Mayor is not necessarily a victim, but perhaps a corrupt perpetrator. That’s when it all goes haywire and the plot is nonsensical, overwrought, and ridiculous.

Oh, and did I mention that the one of the “decent” people in the movie, the Mayor’s wife, is a big supporter of gay marriage. We’re treated to her speech at a Human Rights Campaign event where she lectures us about how “I should be able to love who I damn well please.” Barf. You know it’s a bad movie when they’re shoving politics down your throat in the first few scenes. Also, the bizarre hairstyle Russell Crowe sports in this–which looks like the tail of a wet dog is sitting on his forehead–doesn’t help relieve the unintended comedy.

An absolute time bandit, stealing two hours of your time you’ll never get back (and ten-plus bucks). Skip this.

TWO MARXES
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Watch the trailer . . .

* “Mama“: This movie is preposterous and not even scary, like it’s supposed to be. When I was supposed to scream, I laughed–in part because of the lousy CGI (Computer Generated Image) ghost. And the plot and story were silly.

A man kills his partners and his wife and runs away with his two young daughters into a snowy forest. There, they find an abandoned cottage and go inside, where the father gets possessed by a ghost and disappears. The two young girls who are probably about ages five and three miraculously manage to survive the next five years in this cold, unheated, abandoned house in wintry woods because the ghost sends them an abundance of cherries. Five years later, the girls are found by a private detective hired by their father’s brother (their uncle). They are living and functioning like animals.

The father and his goth girlfriend (Jessica Chastain in a black wig and dark make-up and t-shirts) work a deal with a state psychiatrist, allowing them to have custody of the girls, so long as they all live in a state-funded house used for observing patients and subjects. Soon, the mysterious ghost appears in the house in various manifestations and wreaks havoc.

Trust me when I say, you won’t really care who the ghost is or why she is doing this. And when you sorta find out–it’s never fully explained–you won’t care.

A complete waste of time. And just not scary. But it is laughable.

ONE MARX
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Watch the trailer . . .

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43 Responses

Arnold Schwarzenegger used to be a terrific action-genre actor. The original “Terminator” – a sleeper film made in the 1980s was one of his best and its slam bang non-stop action that keeps you at the edge of your seat until the final reel. Its the standard by which all action movies are measured.

There’s some good work here but none of it compares to the film that made Schwarzenegger a bankable Hollywood star.

NormanF on January 18, 2013 at 8:28 pm

    @NF,

    No argument about Terminator 1984. Ace movie – but it owes most of its success to James Cameron (before he sold out and started lensing billion-dollar love stories, that is).

    Schwartzenegger was just along for the ride. I mean really, how hard is it to act like an emotionless cyborg?

    St a tus MoNk on January 19, 2013 at 12:20 pm

schwarzeneggar

think what that name is
in english

big phony
i can fully understand
why he was willing
to marry a kennedy
and vice versa

go back to osterrerich
phony

altho i have to admit
this jerk admits
where he was born
and a citizen

the imposter
in the oval office
will not

prestigio on January 18, 2013 at 8:32 pm

So, nothing to see. Thanks, Deb, for throwing yourself on the grenade.

Occam's Tool on January 18, 2013 at 10:05 pm

Well, the movies may have sucked but the reviews never do. The info about the disgusting pig from Österreich (as Prestigio points out) was far more compelling than the movies themselves.

I am glad I have never seen a complete AS film…some parts of “Total Recall” but that is it. Never understood why Yanks went gag-ga over that fool. I had wanted him to win in Cali but only because I was new to the GOP and new his election would give Libtards fits. I even made an exception to my grand dislike of him. The now defunct “Premiere” once did an article on him talking about what a mean bastard he was. Even though I wanted Gray Davis gone I didn’t realize what a RINO was back then.

“The Road Warrior” is a far better film than any AS crap. And what do you know…both stars have an affinity for Nazis!

Russell Crowe. He’s another creepo I despise. He’s another yobo who doesn’t deserve the praise he gets. I’m glad his hair looked like a misplaced merkin just slapped on anywhere. That idiot Wahlberg is from Boston (y’all know that…) so that explains his inappropriate Boston accent and as far as RC goes…who knows? He’s one Aussie I don’t care about. Maybe for him his Aussie accent (even thou’ he’s a Kiwi) was easier to morph into a Boston one as both Australians and Bostonians drop their R’s (into ‘ahs’). Always thought a thick Aussie accent was close to a Boston one (in some ways) anyway.

Jessica Chastain AGAIN! Ugh. It’s like being followed by a stale saltine. You don’t like it, it’s weird and extremely boring!!!

Skunky on January 18, 2013 at 10:26 pm

Doesn’t Schwarzenegger ALWAYS play guys with regular Anglicized names? It’s almost always somebody named John with a regular American Joe kind of background, who sounds like the big brother of Dieter from Schprockets on SNL. Sure. Maybe making me focus on THAT will distract me from his acting.

Sean M on January 18, 2013 at 10:36 pm

    Sean M., I loved that you mentioned “Sprockets” from SNL. I think that was my all-time fav skit. It always cracked me up and I understood how they were making sport of Germans but I am really not sure WHY I got it. One of those intrinsic things I guess.

    Worry, I can see that quote you mentioned on the movie poster promoting the crap film. I would add “…but this movie is the PITS!”. I always did like that Genesis song of the same name. But I’m not a Genesis fan at all (the band, that is..)

    KenB, you are so right about Glover being at the tip of the spear for those Hollywood idiots! It’s such a pity about Freeman (Easy Reader!) and Samuel L. Jackson. SLJ is just one of the best actors ever. Guess he proves you can be good at your craft but not have much in between the ears.

    Skunky on January 19, 2013 at 9:50 am

      Skunky,

      What’s also funny is that you don’t hear Denzel Washington saying anything stupid about politics. Even if he is a liberal who voted for the Oclown you’d never know it because unlike his fellow Black actors he chooses to keep that stuff private.

      Ken b on January 19, 2013 at 9:14 pm

        That’s right Ken B. and he’s a damn good actor too!

        And we all know Hollyweird is like a grown up (but not literally…and super skanky and devoid of character) High School class. You’re either in or your out..and they get to pick who’s “in”.

        I am bored by the “in crowd”. There are many, many good actors who don’t get their due or a fair chance to shine but they are not household names, THOSE are the sorts I’m into. I get very excited when someone is good at their craft and not part of the Hollywood machine.

        Rush mentioned a show this week I never seen but I was interested when he named a character actress named Margo Martindale. She won awards a few years ago from some other show I didn’t watch but I remember her in “The Riches” (a show I REALLY liked but is now defunct) and she was GOOD! Those are the “actors” I am interested in.

        Skunky on January 19, 2013 at 10:09 pm

          You’re right about the Hollywierd “in crowd” Skunky. Far too many really good actors and actresses for one reason or another get the hammer and either wind up on TV (Jim Caviezel) or just outright forgotten. I do also remember Margo Martindale for her role in the TV show “Justified” with Timothy Olyphant.

          Ken b on January 20, 2013 at 4:02 pm

Ugh! “The two young girls who are probably about ages five and three miraculously manage to survive the next five years in this cold, unheated, abandoned house in wintry woods because the ghost sends them an abundance of cherries.”

For some reason, it seems to me that only a crack head could have put something like Mama together. “Life is just a Bowl of Cherries.” :D

Worry01 on January 18, 2013 at 10:44 pm

Most of these Hollywierd actors are pricks. Look at this Danny Glover, saying that the Second amendment was put in to defend slavery and take the land away from the Indians.

RT on January 18, 2013 at 10:49 pm

    RT,

    Most if not all of the Black Hollyweird “male” actors are pricks. Danny Glover is the leader of this pack of fools along with Samuel L. Jackson, Morgan Freeman, Jamie Foxx, Jay Z, and Chris Rock.

    Ken b on January 18, 2013 at 11:46 pm

    RE: Danny Glover’s Comments about the Second Amendment.

    How full of crap can someone be? I think people get e. coli just from being in the same building as him.

    There ought to be some mechanism to take away his citizenship for those comments. I’d like to see him get parachuted into N. Korea as a stateless person.

    St a tus MoNk on January 19, 2013 at 12:26 pm

Gun Control is nothing new: http://www.gunlaw.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=60

It does not have that reputable a history.

Worry01 on January 19, 2013 at 2:58 am

It seems that a clash of values (sic) is coming up for Hollywood. The reflexive liberal support of gun control vs. the violence that at least in part attracts their audiences.

Little Al on January 19, 2013 at 11:19 am

    @Little Al–

    Should not be a problem, based on how they all support women’s rights, yet portray most women as sex objects in the movies.

    Red Ryder on January 19, 2013 at 12:17 pm

Boycott every movie coming out of Hollywood. Pure trash or their way of brainwashing stupid people. Most of the time these “actors” mumble so you can’t understand them anyway. Bring back Clark Gable, Tyrone Power, John Wayne, and other MEN instead of the sissies now as leading men.

Fred on January 19, 2013 at 12:10 pm

Marie’s grandfather was recalled as ambassador to the Court of St. James in the UK because he was a Nazi-lover prior to our involvement to WWII.

Rochelle on January 19, 2013 at 12:56 pm

Judging by the reviews… what’s on Netflix?

The Reverend Jacques on January 19, 2013 at 1:50 pm

Hi Deb! Mama is a scary movie,in my opinion! The clip was enough viewing for me!

wallyworkswell@yahoo.com on January 19, 2013 at 1:55 pm

Yeah, I’m done for the most part with the hollyweird experience. I actually thought ZeroDark30 was worth admission, and enjoyed some parts very much. I hit the bathroom and got popcorn during about the midway point where all the analysts are getting yelled at.
Won’t be watching anything with awnold from here on out. Lifelong ugly.

samurai on January 19, 2013 at 6:05 pm

Thanks for the reviews Debbie. It looks like it will be a Redbox weekend. I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t like any of Awwnuld Swatzakegger’s movies. I liked the first two Terminator movies and Commando. I still have the later on VHS. Yes that’s right I said VHS. My old DVD VHS player still works so what the heck. Anyway I even thought that AS was going to be a better governor of Cali when he replaced that moron Gray Davis back in 03. Sadly though he turned out to be a big fat RINO much like Chris Christie. Smoozing with Nazi scum, pardoning criminals, and cheating on his shrew wife (who needs to eat some meat) with the maid. After that he becomes a babydaddy. This guy is a joke and he will never get anymore money out of me to see his cinematic crap.

What can I say about “Mama” other than it stars Jessica Chastain. I’ll just wait for it to come out on Redbox because it does look like it’s worth the price of admission.

I’m not going to even waste my time on Marky Mark Wahlberg or that clown Russell Crowe. These two especially Wahlberg are two of the biggest phonies in Hollyweird. Not even Catherine Zeta Jones being in “Broken City” would make me go see this movie. Oh well like I said Rebox here I come.

Ken b on January 19, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Thanks, Debbie. WAS going to see “Mama” because it has Jessica Chastain in it, but, will stay home and watch “Tasmanian Devils”, with flame throwing “Winnie”, on SYFI, instead.

William Baranowski on January 19, 2013 at 8:20 pm

Like the rest of Hollywood, Schwarzenegger is also obtuse with respect to the relationship between movie/TV/video game violence and real-life violent acts which has been established in many studies; like the rest of Hollywood, he insists with a straight face that the violent fare Hollywood regularly puts out is not responsible in even the slightest way for all these school shootings et al., nor do such films, TV shows or games even remotely spur deranged, unstable misfits of society to commit unspeakable acts (or so he and the rest of these idiots say).

But on another plane (and this may be a rhetorical question) – how much of a percentage of these leftist gun-grabbing politicians have also had their skids greased (meaning, recipients of huge campaign contributions) by Hollywood and the video gaming industry? It is known that Obama received huge big $$$ from both industries for both his Presidential campaigns. And of course Chris Dodd (of “Dodd-Frank” infamy) is now the motion picture lobby’s chief.

ConcernedPatriot on January 20, 2013 at 3:05 pm

From what I have read, “The Last Stand” was a flop. Apparently, American audiences are now tired of Arnold. He never matured as an actor or man. Frankly, if he had not been such a pile of sludge as a husband and governor, he might have at least attracted a nostalgic audience.

Worry01 on January 20, 2013 at 4:00 pm

    I agree with you Worry. If AS didn’t turn out to be a creepy husband as well as a suckwad governor he might have been alright. As it stands I hope that anything that he does from here on out flops like a fish on a hot boat deck.

    Ken b on January 20, 2013 at 4:33 pm

Since ms schussel sits in a room with the lights off …phones unplugged and toliets overflowing [no flushing on sabbath] from sundown friday to sundown saturday when did she have time to go to the movies?…oy vey

sam on January 20, 2013 at 6:58 pm

Debbie what kind of candy and drinks do you consume whilst watching movies? I see you with a Diet Coke and a bag of Twizzzlers that you smuggled in from Target, but maybe I’m just projecting. BTW I can’t see much harm in AS knocking up the maid. His wife gave him a lot of rope and he took it. On a personal note I once had the chance to shag a friend’s cute young nanny but didn’t do it out of respect for my friend. She left the job shortly thereafter and meanwhile I still have no male heir.

A1 on January 20, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    A1, you may have been naked on a shag rug but I reckon you have NEVER “shagged” a sentient being in all your many years.

    Skunky on January 20, 2013 at 7:57 pm

      Good one, Skunky. A1, weren’t you banned? Of course, so was a particular simian and AIDS theorist, who has either developed some self-control or whose comments have been selectively removed.

      Golly, things look bleak here, with P’Shaw, Samir, etc, etc.

      skzion on January 21, 2013 at 12:05 pm

        Skzion, A1 *SAID* he was leaving the site ( a few months ago) but take it to the bank that he just lurks.

        The Psycho Simian pops in during the Jewish Sabbath because he knows DS is not online. He’s very psychopathic and deranged.

        USA indeed DOES have a severe mental derangement problem. We see it here in micro sense (weirdos who post creepy, pervo messages to DS when they are not funny and/or clever…whack jobs who have been banned and asked not to come here but continue to (it’s a great site so I don’t blame the nutters) because their own dopey behaviour got them banned…and they are also not smart or clever) and the macro sense in the news stories of mental cases shooting or shoving peeps on subway train tracks.

        But everyone wants to crap on about guns (a right we are given and protected by the 2nd Amendment) when it’s mental illness we should be tackling like a 300LB football player.

        Skunky on January 21, 2013 at 12:31 pm

          Yeah, Skunky. I’ve had a cold over the weekend and so have had some time to look around the Internet more broadly.

          There are a lot of nutters! And a lot of dummies, but I already that.

          Back to War and Peace! Almost done. It reads fast, but it’s so long that it’s great for travel and illness.

          skzion on January 21, 2013 at 1:11 pm

I agree with the above comments here – artistic excellence often has nothing to do with character, integrity and values.

Schwarzennegger’s life demonstrated they can be two entirely different things. Scumbag politician, lying reprobate and and a cheating husband.

Famous celebrities can show their real-life deeds don’t match their proclaimed image and the ex-Governator was a complete fraud and hypocrite. Its fitting he went back to Hollywood. There you can be any one you want to be.

NormanF on January 21, 2013 at 1:56 am

‘I Barack Husein Obama do solemnly swear..’…9/11 and the election of husein obama….helped by the fact that 41% of americans believe that 9/11 was a govt false flag operation…without this correct analysis about 9/11 husein obama never gets elected and reelected….thanx

sam on January 21, 2013 at 10:57 am

The best movie this weekend is ‘The Takeover of the U.S. without Firing a Shot’…neocons…israel-first politicians…tea party members..conservatives can only look on and weep….its a new american century….america-first…freedom/democracy in the mideast…thanx

sam on January 21, 2013 at 11:03 am

    Now Samir, it’s been 14 days since I gave you a link to the full text of Talmud, Tractate Sanhedrin, so you could find the blood libel that you alleged was there.

    Twice you’ve just repeated the fake cite, “mate.”

    Your example reminds us all how filthy Muslims are. And not just the terrorists. Of course, you do have a “religion” based on satan.

    skzion on January 21, 2013 at 12:10 pm

jesus bible ‘this synagouge of satan will be razed to the ground..not one stone shall remain atop another at this place’…jesus[asa]pbuh prophecy would be fulfilled in 70ad when the romans razed the temple to the ground and booted out the jews…jews would be unwelcome in jerusalem for the next 567 yrs until omar took over and allowed jews free access once again to jerusalem…your’e welcome mate…thanx

sam on January 21, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    Excellent, Samir! With that “pbuh” crap you’ve finally come out as a Muslim. What a surprise, mate.

    Praise allah and the perverted mo!

    And no, Samir, I’m not going to bother with your new blood libels.

    skzion on January 21, 2013 at 1:03 pm

I saw the “The Last Stand” over the weekend. It reminded me of Roger Corman’s B-movies back in the day and also the films of Walter Hill (“The Warriors,” “48 Hours,” “Trespass”). That’s a high compliment.

Yes, the movie was extremely violent. Guess what? So are Mexican drug dealers. Amazing, isn’t it? Art imitates life. The film was fast-paced, terrifically plotted and satisfying in its conclusion. And whatever kind of governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was, it’s entirely irrelevant to the role he plays here or anywhere else. That’s why they call it acting.

And can we please dispense of the cynical cliche that January is some sort of cinematic graveyard? It never has described our film industry.

Seek on January 21, 2013 at 12:50 pm

The Simon Wiesenthal Center has honored Schwartzenegger multiple times. If he was such a Nazi-lover, why would a JEWISH Nazi hunting organization bestow praise on a steaming pile of poo like the Governator? Really, Miss Schlussel, surely Rabbi Marvin Heir can’t possibly be a self-hating Jew. Right?

FK: Because Arnold Schwarzenegger gave the Weisenthal Center several million dollars. Rabbi Hier could never be bought off by Arnold’s millions, right? Oh, and by the way, this is the same Rabbi Hier who enlisted anti-Israel actor Ben Kingsley for one of his fundraising campaigns, as I reported previously on this site. Hier is a sell-out. Period. DS

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