April 2, 2007, - 10:40 am

Most Buffoonish GOP Candidate Enters Presidential Fray

By Debbie Schlussel
Possibly the dumbest Republican to hold a cabinet position in contemporary times is running for President.
Former Wisconsin Governor and ex-Bush HHS Secretary, Tommy Thompson is running for President. Because even the mediocre, bumbling set need a representative in the race, apparently.
Having lived in Wisconsin for 5.5 years while I went to Law School, Business School, and worked (all while he was the Guv), I had the misfortune of seeing up close what a nincompoop this guy is. It’s laughable that he’d run.

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Bush is thinking: “Why did I pick this idiot?”

But he probably thinks that whoever ultimately gets the GOP Presidential nod might be dumb enough to pick him–an ostensibly conservative governor from a Midwestern state with no skeletons save for lack of a brain–to be a running mate.
G-d help us all if that happens. Bush picked Tommy Thompson as HHS Secretary to pay off a political debt in a position where he thought the bloviating Beer-and-Cheesehead-State boob would do the least harm. But he was wrong and soon regretted the decision. From my 2005 post on the Thompson Presidential balloon:

Thompson believes he deserves to occupy 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue because, he claims, nobody else has been “as vocal on [healthcare] as I have.” Thompson’s healthcare “legacy” was a cockamamie CIPRO (medicine for chemical weapon exposure) distribution scheme, multiple people dying of anthrax poisoning with the culprit never discovered, no vaccine for anthrax (except that being produced EXCLUSIVELY by ONE MUSLIM-OWNED company in the entire U.S.), flu vaccines running out everywhere, soaring healthcare and medicine prices, and not much else.
As you’ll recall, this genius, Thompson, announced in his resignation from HHS that he doesn’t understand why the terrorists haven’t yet targeted our food supply (and sounded as if he was practically begging them to, so that he could fly in and fail, yet again, to save the day). During the debates with John Kerry, President Bush alluded to some Cabinet appointments he regretted making. Reportedly, Bush was alluding to Bono-groupie (and part-time Treasury Secretary) Paul O’Neill and Tommy Thompson.
Since he left HHS, the intellectually-challenged Thompson has consistently engaged in exploits of the idiotic. For instance, he joined the board of a microchip company and endorsed the implantation of microchips in humans. Talk about Big Brother. That’ll make you really healthy.

It’s a great idea for Islamic terrorists, though. Just not law-abiding U.S. citizens.

Thompson was Governor of Wisconsin when I was in grad school (University of Wisconsin Law School ’93; University of Wisconsin Business School ’95). His nephews were in some of my classes, and even they acknowledged what a dummy their uncle was. We overwhelmingly voted for “Hollywood Squares'” Charles Nelson Reilly over Thompson as our law school graduation speaker, and he was dead (we thought).
Maybe it’s no coincidence that Thompson hails from Elroy, Wisconsin. It seems fitting that this cartoonish figure comes from a town that shares its name with a Jetsons character. Unfortunately, he’s no cartoon. Fortunately, Tommy Thompson has as much chance of becoming President as the Unabomber.

Unfortunately, he does have a chance as a running mate. And that’s just too close for comfort.

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5 Responses

Tommy must be running for vice president. Or maybe he thinks voters will confuse him with Fred Thompson.

lexi on April 2, 2007 at 11:30 am

The only running mate named Thompson that stands a chance is Fred. The voters were “pissed off” last November. And they still are. As dumb as the electorate is, this time they will not be fooled, assuming there is a viable candidate to vote for. Good-bye Tommy, I hardly knew you!

Happiness Pursuer on April 2, 2007 at 11:54 am

We don’t need a wannabe Thompson diluting the Presidential pool.
Run, Fred, run!

Koozebane on April 2, 2007 at 11:57 am

Tommy boy is running on Fred’s name recognition and to raise money, which he can keep after the election.

Jim Brown on April 2, 2007 at 2:04 pm

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