March 26, 2013, - 12:01 pm

HELP! Minnie Mouse Kidnapped by Michelle Hussein Obama & Chico’s

By Debbie Schlussel

File this under: If It Ain’t Broke . . . .

For some reason Disney felt Minnie Mouse needed a makeover (she does not). That’s our reality show society: everything must be “made over” (for some sort of carefully manufactured publicity or hype) no matter what. And the company enlisted haute couture designer Alber Elbaz (a Moroccan-born Israeli Jew) of the French label, Lanvin, to “make over” Minnie. And now she looks like she was either kidnapped by Chico’s and Michelle Obama . . . or your [insert ethnicity here] grandmother’s closet. Or gaudy Arab terrorists’ moms–they like the chintz almost as much as jihad. Judge for yourself:

Pre-Makeover Minnie Mouse . . .

mickeyminnieold

Post-Makeover Minnie Mouse . . .

newminniemouse


In other news, Mickey Mouse just dumped Minnie. Up next: “The Real Ex-Wives of Disney Characters.” Daisy Duck wisely stayed away from makeovers.

mickeyminnie

I like Elbaz’s story. Like many Jews from Arab Muslim countries, he and his family fled Muslim harassment in their native North Africa for Israel, and, now, he is at the top of the fashion world. But he should stay away from remaking what is already perfect: Disney characters. The new gaudy get-up–complete with jewel-encrusted ruby tiara–debuted at a catwalk fashion show at Disneyland Paris. Blechhhh.

Again, if it ain’t broke, DON’T. FIX. IT.

France Fashion Lanvin Minnie

Alber Elbaz w/ His New, Dis-Improved Minnie Mouse

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34 Responses

Jesus tap-dancing Christ, that is one atrocious dress. Maybe polka dots aren’t in any more, but that new look will /never/ be in (well, maybe in 2250). SMH.

devo-T on March 26, 2013 at 12:34 pm

Debbie, please explain the Chico’s references. I don’t understand what you mean, really. I get that it’s more than your not liking their stuff but I don’t understand what your trying to say. I am familiar with Chico’s. Not my thing either.

This Minnie Mouse thing is just so wrong but if you were Elbaz, would any of you seriously turn down the commission? It’s fashion and it’s a business. It’s not like Minnie got “transgendered” and/or married Daisy Duck.

OTOH, it’s a great parody of women who try to be glam with such clothing.

Italkit on March 26, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    *YOU’RE

    Italkit on March 26, 2013 at 1:47 pm

      Thank you, grammar police. The rest of us already get it, and the ones that don’t never will. Don’t be so pedantic. Honestly….

      devo-T on March 26, 2013 at 11:24 pm

        Ugh, extra cranky today thanks to Kim Jong-Loon. I just noticed you’re (!) correcting yourself, not another. Which isn’t necessary, because your content was compelling — but still, snark retracted.

        devo-T on March 26, 2013 at 11:27 pm

          no prob, devo-T. I like to police my more egregious grammar mistakes. I don’t worry about typos but making 5th grade mistakes takes credibility away from what one says cause it makes one look iggerant. ;)

          Italkit on March 27, 2013 at 12:34 am

        sorry, devo, sloppy writing equals sloppy thinking.

        kirche on March 27, 2013 at 9:57 am

Mickey was in divorce court, and the judge said, ” Mickey, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie Mouse because she’s crazy.”

Mickey said, “Judge, I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she was f**kin’ Goofy.”

WilliamMunny on March 26, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    Later in the hearing Mickey started to say: ‘Your Honor…’

    And the judge interrupted: ‘No I ain’t!’

    Nir Leiu on March 26, 2013 at 5:33 pm

Can’t wait to see Mickey’s new outfit.

JeffT on March 26, 2013 at 3:09 pm

You know what? Mickey and Minnie are looking a little thick in the middle. Time for Extreme Makeover: Cartoon Character Weight Loss Edition. What a bunch of idiots.

Sean M on March 26, 2013 at 3:59 pm

Why did they make her fatter?

PitandPen on March 26, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    What,You don’t like her Michellian figure? And no, I didn’t mean Michelein but come to think of it, that fits too.

    Italkit on March 27, 2013 at 12:36 am

It makes her look like an old chinese lady.

luagha on March 26, 2013 at 4:49 pm

The designer is adorable but I HATE the new clothes. Agree, if it’s not broke don’t fix it.

I think DS means that clothing line in that boring, woman’s catalog. At least that’s what I think of when she refers to it (I think it’s funny because like Italkit, I don’t get it BUT I think I get it so THAT makes me LOL). I never paid attention to those clothes and perhaps that’s what she means (they are boring and drab, in MHO).

It’s bad enough Diane FrankenFeinstein is trying to look like our Minnie! Jeez!

I am just not liking what I see in 2013. All I feel is dread, dread, dread.

Skunky on March 26, 2013 at 4:53 pm

    Skunky

    Yeah girlfriend I do have to say that old MILCON Feinswine isn’t aging well. Liberalism not only makes you stupider as you get older but it also makes you frumpier. Just look at the other dimwit senator from Cali and you see my point.

    Ken b on March 26, 2013 at 5:35 pm

    Hey Skunky! She does mean the clothing line but I’m not sure what her objection to it is. It’s not really boring, In fact I’d say a lot of it is overdone but I associate it with women of a certain age who are trying to look with it and a lot of the suburban Jewish women I knew, especially in the South, loved it.

    Italkit on March 27, 2013 at 12:40 am

      Italkit, you are correct. I didn’t remember Chicos as tacky but I think I was conflating it with some other catalog that sold lots of pastels but since you described it I can now recall tacky and flashy. LOL.

      Either way, not my cuppa tea either. But it is a funny reference, LOL!

      Skunky on March 27, 2013 at 10:02 am

Polka dots have always been a funny and playful pattern, widely worn by cartoon characters, far more than by real people. It was perfect for Minnie. The new design has no cartoonish appeal or association. It’s something a third-world dictator’s wife would wear.

Jason on March 26, 2013 at 5:12 pm

Debbie you’re so right. Minnie’s new look needs to be filed under the if it ain’t broke don’t fix it category ASAP. While Disney’s doing that they should call Moochelle Obumbler aka The First Howler Monkey so that she can get her dress back.

Ken b on March 26, 2013 at 5:22 pm

That outfit is ridiculous! I agree if its not broke, don’t fix it! As far as the “fat” comments, GET OVER IT!!! Most people are”thick in the middle” thiIS America after all! We are a fat nation! I showed my 2 year old and said “is that Minnie?” She said “NO!” CHANGE HER BACK DISNEY!!!

Jill on March 26, 2013 at 7:58 pm

Oh my God!!! She’s a CARTOON character! She should remain forever the same. She’s an ICON! Instead she now looks like she’s post-menopausal (which she might be chronologically, but she’s a CARTOON CHARACTER!) Then they dressed her like Moochelle Obama. Is there any aspect of American life those people are not trying to “fundamentally change?”

DG in GA on March 26, 2013 at 11:03 pm

Again, if it ain’t broke, DON’T. FIX. IT.

Debbie, you’re obviously not a guy ;)

And it could have been worse. They could have put Minnie in a burqha or a jilbab. But I agree, that blue outfit looks – Blechhhh!

Infidel on March 27, 2013 at 4:27 am

Well, I just love the new outfit. Finally, a Grandma Minnie, now I dont feel so old. Disney for old folks

flgraminator on March 27, 2013 at 9:59 am

she’s creepy now… standing next to mickey she looks’ like a mail order bride. effing weirdsville.

kirche on March 27, 2013 at 10:05 am

Next outfit will be the Burqa, for those cuddly middle eastern audiences! And new accessories for Mickey, the full beard and IED….

Frank on March 27, 2013 at 11:33 am

    Now that is funny. The new outfits will probably be made in Mexico

    flgraminator on March 28, 2013 at 8:46 pm

Could Elbaz be any gayer ? He probably wears a dress just like that one.

Randal P on March 27, 2013 at 12:54 pm

If I didn’t see it here I wouldn’t believe it. What’s next? Maybe dressing up Winnie the Pooh. Beyond ridiculous. Downright nasty. Thanks Debbie and chag sameach to you and your loved ones.

Naomi R on March 27, 2013 at 8:57 pm

That is just HIDEOUS!

David on March 27, 2013 at 10:52 pm

Speaking of things not needing to change…I turned on Sesame Street recently with my 17-month-old. Hadn’t seen Sesame Street in decades. It’s horrible now. There’s not even a street. All the classic characters and skits are gone. It’s just a few new really annoying Muppets and a bunch of computer-generated animation. It. Sucks.

Matt on March 27, 2013 at 10:54 pm

Kim Kardashian was seen wearing almost the identical dress, really! EWWWWWWW! http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/kim-kardashian-wild-maternity-style-gallery-1.1252108

Italkit on March 28, 2013 at 5:13 am

Why is Minnie Mouse wearing a maternity dress? Mickey, what have you been up to?

Michelle C. Young on April 1, 2013 at 1:48 am

BLECH!!! IS RIGHT!!!!

Miranda Rose Smith on April 3, 2013 at 6:31 am

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