May 6, 2013, - 9:01 pm

You Can’t Make This Up!: Detroit Stripper Crime of the Day

By Debbie Schlussel

I just can’t believe a stripper would resort to this. After all, everyone knows that strippers are just working girls who are only trying to save up until they put themselves through college and become the first rocket scientists to cure cancer and the STDs they contracted in the “Champagne Room.” Yeah, that’s the ticket.

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This is technically not in the City of Detroit, but it’s just across the street on the other side of Eight Mile Road (yes, Eminem’s Eight Mile) in Farmington Hills, Michigan, a suburb of Detroit. So close enough. I can’t find this online, so I had to scan it and post. Sounds like a ridiculous “Saturday Night Live” skit, but you just can’t make this stuff up. And in our Keeping Up With the Kardashians world, surely this Darwin-Award-winning stripper deserves a reality show, book deal, and millions of dollars for undergoing this ordeal of store credit for stripper boots.

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16 Responses

Debbie I’m going to need pictures of the alleged stripper to make any judgements here. If she looks like you then I’m on her side. If she looks like Fake Rabbi Alpert I recommend water boarding.

A1 on May 6, 2013 at 9:11 pm

Its ridiculous – the store can’t take back worn items for hygienic reasons but they did offer the woman an exchange or credit.

There’s no reason to trash a store that is simply trying to stay in business. Again, people have poor manners in this society and not only at funerals.

We’re a nation with a short attention span. I was hyperactive as a child but petulant behavior is absurd in an adult woman. Americans do need to grow up!

NormanF on May 6, 2013 at 9:30 pm

Not quite on the subject of the post, but it looks like the author of the Southfield Crime Watch is one of the affirmative action nitwits. Coral/corral??? And these are the reporters who ridicule conservatives?

Little Al on May 6, 2013 at 9:43 pm

    Dear Little Al: You took the words right off my keyboard. That newspaper has a (sic) editor.

    Miranda Rose Smith on May 7, 2013 at 8:03 am

Was it Aristotle who said: ‘Those boots are made for walkin’.’

Nir Leiu on May 6, 2013 at 10:14 pm

Typical hood rat behavior. She expected to use the store as a “Clothing rental”, only for free. And when the store proprietors or their representatives stood up for their rights and interests, she got violent. Typical. And the females often act crazier and more violent than the males of the north American pavement ape species. They used to pull this crazy sista head bobbing bullshit on white guys until most of us adopted the policy of “If you act like a man or fight like a man, we will knock you the fuck out like a man”. This doesn’t happen quite as often now. Without some old school mobster style security, I don’t know how anyone runs a business in the hood. The cops aren’t going to do anything. Probably take them the better part of a day to get there, and then they would probably prefer to arrest the person who called them than the perp. (“Don’t take the law into your own hands, just bend over and take it”.)

RT on May 7, 2013 at 2:24 am

    North American Pavement Ape!!!! ROTFLOL!!!!!
    Great description!!!

    Hollywood on May 7, 2013 at 6:01 pm

If I ran a business in the hood, which I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t call 911. I would just call some guy. Conversation would go like this: “Yo, Vinnie! We got a problem over here. Bring Carmine. Bring the gun, leave the Cannolis.”

RT on May 7, 2013 at 2:28 am

I think the least of her problems would have been calloused feet.

Worry01 on May 7, 2013 at 3:21 am

well, you really do have to have serious mental issues to be a stripper…

i had a program manager once- whom i’ll call eric mihal because that was his name- who had met a stripper, began dating her and was determined to “fix her”… she looked like a sweet, normal girl with the exception of one fact: SHE WAS A STRIPPER. anyway, shortly after they began dating he ate christmas dinner with her and her parents and the stripper’s own mom told him he was wasting his time with her daughter and he had to be out of his mind to think he could change her. her own mom told eric this, not on the clue phone, but to his face at christmas dinner. i tried talking some sense into him with no success. i think it the whole thing fell apart in about six months’ of misery when he realized: she was not going to stop stripping, yes there were other dudes who gave her extra money for special attention, she would disappear for days at a time and she was always asking for increasingly larger amounts of cash from him.

kirche on May 7, 2013 at 9:57 am

Jerry Springer …

Pray Hard on May 7, 2013 at 10:13 am

Ugh. This kind of crap is way too common. Just check out the “physical” (as in physical assault/abuse/threats) category on Not Always Right and you’ll see the stripper is in fine company.

Robert on May 7, 2013 at 2:37 pm

You know she has to be black

HARD CORE TEA on May 7, 2013 at 3:51 pm

I never bought into that crap about “sugar and spice and all that’s nice.” This hateful, narcissistic bitch acted as though something was “done” to her by the store and thus had a divine right to go on a rampage, a real Naomi Campbell/Tyra Banks meltdown.

Store management has this woman’s license plate number. Now it’s time to raise your game a little, guys. Call police and have her arrested. What are you waiting for?

Seek on May 7, 2013 at 4:38 pm

Can you say GET-TOE?

HARD CORE TEA on May 7, 2013 at 4:49 pm

Q: What’s the difference between Debbie Schlussel and a stripper?
A: There are some things a stripper just won’t say for money.

Bubbles on May 10, 2013 at 8:49 pm

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