July 22, 2014, - 3:15 pm
I’m all for tolerance and I believe in “live and let live” no matter the identity of who you are sleeping with (unless it’s animals or kids). Just keep it out of my face. But I’m getting a little confused by gay people and their lobby. Not only are they usurping a good deal of the alphabet, but I’m not sure which term I’m supposed to use to be, you know, up to snuff on the currently politically correct acronym. I think I need RuPaul and company to give me a tutorial.
I thought they referred to themselves as LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transsexual . . . or maybe Transvestite). But the Wall Street Journal, in a recent story about gay and tranny illegal aliens getting Obama-preferred immigration status, used the acronym LGBTI (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transsexual Intersex). I think Intersex is for someone with both genders’ sexual organs, like Brad Pitt or Sheryl Sandberg’s mangina-endowed “husband”. Or pre-op transsexual or something.
But, then, I saw an article by this politically correct completely phony Christian minister who until recently pandered to extremist Muslims as Michigan Republican Gov. Rick Snyder’s “civil rights” director. And in a pretentious article, he fawned over LGBTQ. I questioned what this Q was all about and I learned that it means “Questioning.” (Or it can also mean Queer, which I thought was an epithet for gay.) Was this pretentious faux-Christian minister, Steve Spreitzer, dissing the Intersex in favor of the Questioning? Is he prejudiced and a bigot against the Intersex in favor of the much more powerful, but just as ambiguous Questioning? Shouldn’t he be fired for that sort of intolerance and bigotry? And if you are actually inclusive and as obsessed with sexual diversity as our world demands, then do you use the term LGBTQI or LGBTIQ – or is that latter acronym insulting someone’s intelligence by implying you have the IQ or LGBT? These sexual acronymist activists aren’t even sure since they use both LGBTQI and LGBTIQ.
I’m very confused but not Confused. OY, now they’ll take the letter “C” away, too. They’ve already taken A for “Asexual” (but can also be “Androgynous”–how do you know which one is correct?) and U for “Undecided” and call themselves QUILTBAG. Some use A as “Ally” and use LGBTQIA. And I forgot the others who use LGBTQIAPD–with the P for “Pansexual” and D for “Demisexual.” (Not sure what those are OR if I ever wanna find out.) Hmmm . . . the Sexual Political Correctness Acronym Tribunal (that’s SPCAT) needs to meet up to get this straight. Er . . . that doesn’t mean Straight straight by the way, and I’m sure my use of that word was insensitive. All this begs the question, when we will begin hearing the whining about discrimination against Asexual rights or Undecideds? Just askin’. Regardless, they’ve taken on so many letters that, soon, it will be like that Hawaiian lady who sued to get her way-too-long surname on a driver’s license. And Pat Sajak and Vanna won’t have much left to work with. The gay Soup Nazi says, “No Alphabet Soup Left for You!”
Given all this, I wondered what letters of the alphabet are left for us straight people. After all, I don’t think the term LGBTQI covers it sufficiently. There should be an SD for Sexually Different or, is that, Sexually Diverse? That brings us to LGBTQISD. And there should be an NMBNYFC for Neutered Male But Not Yet Fully Castrated. We have one of those in the White House. And, speaking of politics, shouldn’t there be a PFBSGMOSMDC (“Politically Female But Still Genetically Male Or So My Doctor Claims”)? That’s like most of the men in the Democratic Party. Definitely the ones in Congress. And don’t forget the MWLCBITASD (Men Who Like Cats But Insist They Are Straight Dudes).
Oh, and there are also some other sexuals I would add: glycosexual, ambisexual, ambidextrisexual, multidextrisexual, multisexual, trisexual, trysexual, hyposexual, polysexual, antidisestablishmentarisexual, perimenosexual, TheViewopausexual, and Aljazeerasexual. I don’t know what any of these mean, but, then, I don’t know what most of the others made up by the gay lobby mean either. I’ve also been told that I am no longer allowed to just say that I’m a normal heterosexual female. I am now required to describe myself as a cisexual female, apparently. Huh?
Then there are the pictures. Gays now own the rainbow. Judy Garland and the Wizard were long ago evicted. And a whole lot of other color combinations are now off limits. (See the color schemes below and make sure you wear the appropriate striped tie or polo shirt. Whatever happened to the good old days when all you had to do was look at the colors of The Village People?) And, I’ve come to learn–thanks to Barbara Walters (see, I knew she would one day be of some base utility to humanity)–that the Ts, Qs, and Is (or maybe just the Ts) have usurped the mermaid because it has no genitalia. And I was wondering what is left for little girls now that rainbows and mermaids are off the market. Unicorns are about to be taken off the market (I’ll leave it up to you as to who gets them – but it might be Janet Napolitano), and word has it that RuPaul is cornering all stock of bows and hearts. There ain’t much left.
Anyway, someone needs to invent a new English alphabet, because with the letters LGBT, Q, and I already now off the market, by the time you finish reading this, there isn’t gonna be much left.
And I say that as a red-blooded heterosexual who is questioning this silliness but not Questioning. See, now, words are off the market, too. Damn.
Oh, and one last thing: unlike in America and Israel, gays and lesbians and all of their incarnations don’t have the luxury of the silliness of inventing endless acronyms and names of sexual variants. They just have one letter for open gays, lesbians, and transsexuals: D . . . as in Deadsexual.
Not Sure What to Call ‘Em . . .