November 18, 2005, - 9:20 am

Friday Morning Quarterback: Sports Absurdities of the Week (FBI’s NFL Jock-Sniffers et al)

By Debbie Schlussel
This week was gold for hypocrites and idiots in the world of sports–and that includes some FBI jocksniffers, too. Here’s the round-up:
* More Baggage than a Luggage Store: Oakland Raiders receiver Randy Moss (who has his own unique criminal and gangsta prima donna history) told ESPN he doesn’t want to play with embattled, fired NFLer Terrell Owens because, “I don’t think with his baggage and everything he’s been though, and my baggage and what I’ve been through, I don’t think that would work.”

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Randy Moss: Moss + Terrell Owens =

Too Much Baggage for Raiders Luggage Store

In case you forgot, some of Moss’ most recent episodes include: Driving his car into a female police officer and pushing her with his vehicle, and refusing to talk to Minnesota Vikings (his last team) sponsors on the team plane. I suppose the thug quota is already filled in the Raiders’ affirmative action hiring plan.
* FBI Jock-sniffers get Burned: The FBI has this silly program where it encourages NFL players to promote the agency and to participate in shooting at FBI ranges. But an industry (the NFL) in which one in five and as many as one in four players are violent criminals (according to “Pros & Cons: The Criminals Who Play in the NFL“) shouldn’t be the poster-children for the most “prestigious” law enforcement agency. Unfortunately, it is.
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Famous But Incompetent:

FBI Parties Down with Drunken, Shooting, Brawling NFLers

And when you play with matches, you get burned. The FBI is now wasting tax dollars and law enforcement resources investigating a drunken brawl at Chicago FBI shoooting range between Chicago Bears offensive linemen Olin Kreutz and Fred Miller. The fight took place after the shooting session during a barbecue for FBI employees and the players where alcohol was consumed. NFL millionaire brats using federal law enforcement facilities to shoot guns, then partying down with jock-sniffing FBI agents and alcohol VERY CLOSE TO the shooting range. Despite all this, the FBI refuses to end its “relationship” with the Chicago Bears. YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK!
***UPDATE: A Chicago FBI source of mine tells me that the shooting range is only TEN FEET(!) from where the NFLers and their jock-sniffing FBI counterparts were partying with alcohol. Nice going.
* Tell Congress to Get OUT of Pro Sports: These GM- or jock-wannabe Members of Congress are making me sick. There are few industries in which Congress gets this involved, wasting so much time and money, in the name of “they’re role models.” I’m compelled to cheer on the House, which rejected the forming of a U.S. Boxing Commission within the Commerce Dept. Like we need more government bureaucracies at our expense–for such pressing issues as sports. Do these boxers really pose any huge danger to society? Puh-leeze.
I have to laugh at hypocrite extraordinaire, Rep. Tom Osborne of Nebraska, though. The Republican and former coach of a cornucopia of Nebraska criminal thug football players is the world’s biggest phony. His panties in a bunch over the rejection of the federal boxing commission yielded this utterance: “How many people have to die, how many people have to have their brains scrambled? . . . We wouldn’t do this with animals.”
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Osborne: Man at left Still Thinks He’s the Man at right. He Can’t Be Both.

I’d ask Coach Osborne similar questions about the football criminals he continued to coddle and support at Nebraska–like Lawrence Phillips, Christian Peter, etc., etc. ad nauseam. “How many women have to be raped and brutalized, how many people have to get their heads smashed in and beaten near death, how many people have to get guns shot at them in attempted murder, how many guns and other evidence do you need to withhold and obstruct justice to protect your precious athletes? . . . We wouldn’t do this with animals–even though your players behaved like animals.”
The last few times I wrote about Osborne’s exploits, he used tax dollars to harass me. Well, at least he’s consistent in tax-wasting and hypocrisy–and Nebraskans are consistent in voting for this cretin.

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One Response

I love how these myopic Cornhusker Fans like to smear your name when you dare expose their former F¸hrer of Football, Tom Osborne is placed under the political microscope. http://conwebwatch.tripod.com/outthere/otschlussel2.html
Lawrence Phillips and Christian Peter are only 2 stellar examples of societies miscreants that had a modicum of athletic skill to don the red and white. You can add Jason Peter’s little brother Jarrod to the list of undesireables to play for Osborne as well as Jason Jenkins. There were at least 6 players from the 1995 National Championship Team that were arrested for felonies during that season! Here’s the problem with these imperceptive Nebraska Fans… Winning championships is tantamount to divinity. These people and their unconditional support for Tom Osborne is absolutely baffling.

Yiddish Steel on November 18, 2005 at 10:37 am

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