November 25, 2005, - 4:36 pm
By Debbie Schlussel
With the announcement of the most important news story of our time–the split of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey–we can now report that the bizarre relationship between Ms. Simpson and her father, Joe, may now proceed.
A former Baptist Christian minister who left the Church for the more “lofty” prospects of sporting a diamond stud earring, frosted hair, and marketing his two daughters as whores, the senior Simpson has made some interesting pronouncements about his daughter, such as this scintillating gem from a January interview in GQ:
“Jessica . . . just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she’s sexy in both. She’s got double D’s. You can’t cover those suckers up!”
The Simpsons: Double Ds and Father of Double Ds (FoDD)
Then, there’s this to US Magazine in June: “She gets bold with a glass of wine! . . . . I push Jessica and go ‘C’mon baby, you can do it.’ [Before she wed Nick], I was her provider, her knight in shining armor.”
Looks like Pops can go back to being Double Ds’ “knight in shining armor,” not typically a description for a father-daughter relationship. But then, most fathers are not their daughters’ slut-marketing gurus.
Hey, Jessica: Who’s Your Daddy?!
Tags: Debbie Schlussel, Double Ds, Jessica Simpson, Joe, Joe Simpson, Minister, Nick Lachey, The Simpsons