February 14, 2017, - 9:25 pm
Longtime readers know what today is. Especially if they’re male. The media and Hallmark and Hershey and 1-800-FLOWERS call it Valentine’s Day. But you know what it really is: DREAD–Doghouse Relocation Extra-Avoidance Day.
I try to note the “holiday” every year, after I watch countless men racing–as I saw them today at CVS and Meijer and even the gas station–buying cards and candy and flowers and chocolates and whatever’s left. They can’t come home unless they produce something like this wrapped in pink and/or red. And if they don’t, well, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Especially a woman who feels scorned on DREAD, er . . . “Valentine’s Day.”
In this world of an ever-increasing population of Mr. Moms, even the men who still are the breadwinners are expected to produce a gift. If they don’t, nothing they do the other 364 days of the year–being a good dad, a good husband, a guy who goes to work and fixes things around the house–matters. They’re in the doghouse and it’s like walking through quicksand trying to get out of it.
And that’s why, in honor of DREAD, I gotta bring you my fave DREAD video. It captures the spirit of the, um, “holiday.” I know it’s the same video I post each year for DREAD, but I haven’t seen anything that quite so encapsulates the mood. I could watch this over and over and over again, even though it once was an unpopular (among women) J.C. Penney ad. Watch and enjoy . . .
Methinks it’s no coincidence that the “judge” looks just like the frightening hag Gloria Allred. By the way, I think the updated 2017 version of this is the husband has to buy a pink knit p-ssy hat and wear it in a march with a bunch of weirdo hags dressed as vaginal canals.
Happy DREAD 2017. As I always say, today has nothing to do with love. It’s all about obligation . . . and avoiding the doghouse.
Are you in the doghouse? If not, what did you do to avoid it?
Tags: DREAD, Valentine's Day