February 14, 2017, - 9:25 pm

Happy D.R.E.A.D. – Doghouse Relocation Extra-Avoidance Day 2017 – MUST Re-WATCH VIDEO

By Debbie Schlussel

dread

DREAD Artwork by David Lunde/Lundesigns, Design by Debbie Schlussel

avoiddoghouseday.jpgusendme2doghouse.jpgurinthedoghouseday.jpg

Be My DREADentine

Longtime readers know what today is. Especially if they’re male. The media and Hallmark and Hershey and 1-800-FLOWERS call it Valentine’s Day. But you know what it really is: DREAD–Doghouse Relocation Extra-Avoidance Day.



I try to note the “holiday” every year, after I watch countless men racing–as I saw them today at CVS and Meijer and even the gas station–buying cards and candy and flowers and chocolates and whatever’s left. They can’t come home unless they produce something like this wrapped in pink and/or red. And if they don’t, well, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Especially a woman who feels scorned on DREAD, er . . . “Valentine’s Day.”

In this world of an ever-increasing population of Mr. Moms, even the men who still are the breadwinners are expected to produce a gift. If they don’t, nothing they do the other 364 days of the year–being a good dad, a good husband, a guy who goes to work and fixes things around the house–matters. They’re in the doghouse and it’s like walking through quicksand trying to get out of it.

And that’s why, in honor of DREAD, I gotta bring you my fave DREAD video. It captures the spirit of the, um, “holiday.” I know it’s the same video I post each year for DREAD, but I haven’t seen anything that quite so encapsulates the mood. I could watch this over and over and over again, even though it once was an unpopular (among women) J.C. Penney ad. Watch and enjoy . . .

Methinks it’s no coincidence that the “judge” looks just like the frightening hag Gloria Allred. By the way, I think the updated 2017 version of this is the husband has to buy a pink knit p-ssy hat and wear it in a march with a bunch of weirdo hags dressed as vaginal canals.

Happy DREAD 2017. As I always say, today has nothing to do with love. It’s all about obligation . . . and avoiding the doghouse.

Are you in the doghouse? If not, what did you do to avoid it?

The Scream by Edvard Munch, 1893

Artwork by David Lunde

Related Posts with Thumbnails
Print Friendly




Tags: ,


28 Responses

I avoid by doing without . . .

Aa woman in my life. Not that any woman wants to be with a healthy and extremely fit pauper. That last part is the deal breaker, . . .
U
And

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on February 14, 2017 at 11:05 pm

Hard to post from a phone. That entry was supposed to end with . . .

and why I have peace of mind.

Thanks for the reminder, Debbie, your wisdom precedes you.

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on February 14, 2017 at 11:07 pm

    Yeah Al posting from a phone sucks. Almost as bad as from a tablet.

    Ken B on February 15, 2017 at 12:00 pm

Gloria Allred. An inappropriate first name, but her last name is certainly appropriate.

Little Al on February 15, 2017 at 8:40 am

Your only mistake is failing to note that, in 75% of relationships, the other 364 days are also DREAD.

Peter on February 15, 2017 at 9:52 am

Hi Dear Debbie thank you for sharing and God bless you always Dear Debbie with respect! Tirdad.

TIRDAD GHARIB on February 15, 2017 at 11:08 am

Funny stuff with first-rate, movie-level production values.

For years I’ve been saying what Debbie is saying. Valentine’s Day is not about what a man wants to do for his wife. It’s about what he fears what will happen if he DOESN’T do it. The complete subjugation of male will to that of the female can be considered a form of what is known as slavery. Nietzsche, I believe, would concur.

Primetime on February 15, 2017 at 11:10 am

I once worked with a guy who gave his wife a washer and dryer for Christmas. I think he slept on the couch for a week after that.

Jean on February 15, 2017 at 11:10 am

    Jean, I had a friend at work who was bragging about his new dishwasher so I asked him, “why did you need a new dishwasher?”
    He said the old one was making noise so I asked what kind of dishwasher he had before and he said, “My wife did the dishes.” She didn’t work, really. Two days a week answering phones somewhere. When he suggested that she participate in her company 401 she didn’t want to because she wanted all of her pay for spending money, and besides, it was his duty to invest his pay.

    Happy wife, happy life. It doesn’t seem to matter, for some reason, if husbands are so happy.

    A really wise saying that I just read on my gun forum: “I hope when I die my wife doesn’t sell my stuff for what I told her I paid for it.”

    Richard on February 17, 2017 at 3:52 pm

Picture it Tuesday February fourteenth in the year of my Lord two thousand seventeen. My better half and I are at our jobs in support of the freeloaders of America and I call her on my lunch break around high noon. I say Happy Valentines Day and that I love you. She says ditto and let’s pick up the youngins to get Chinese food after work. No flowers, cards, chocolate covered fruit, or stuffed animals were bought in this little V Day production of the Ken B family. Now where did I put those leftover egg rolls for my lunch today…LOL!

Ken B on February 15, 2017 at 11:56 am

Wow, egg rolls, huh? Careful, KenB, this site is patrolled by left wing activist trolls. You may have just set yourself up to be indicted on charges of spousal abuse.

ROTFLMAO!!!

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on February 15, 2017 at 12:41 pm

    You’re right Al. Leftwing snowflake losers from The Daily Kooks, Huffington Post, Red State and the Washington Compost do like to troll Debbie’s site. I might have skip the extra spicy egg rolls next time. Speaking of skipping egg rolls way back when I was a young sailor in the Navy we went on liberty in Hong Kong. My buddy got some egg rolls when we went to eat. We never knew what was in them and the waitresses were speaking Chinese and laughing at my buddy. Needless to say I lost my appetite…LOL!

    Ken B on February 15, 2017 at 8:23 pm

Thanks for this most appropriate and timely post, Debbie! valentine’s day is nothing but a pagan-contrived “holiday”! As a female speaking, I’ve always viewed it as just a commercially driven mess. My heart goes out to all the men who have felt the the need to “bend over” and be forced to observe this ridiculous ritual. I, myself, have refused to observe it, even though my well-meaning husband has given me unsolicited gifts in observance in the past. Keep up the good work! Much love …

Songbird on February 15, 2017 at 1:21 pm

I also think it is worth looking at DREAD in a wider context.

DREAD is mildly anti-male, but, as we know, the Left has been redefining American holidays for the last several decades. Sooner or later they will get to Valentines Day in earnest.

The anti-male aspect of the holiday will become more and more pronounced, and in addition to the DREAD aspects, it will become an occasion to attack male ‘rape’ and other male ‘oppression’ of women. This is the logical outcome of the inchoate women’s demonstrations that we have been plagued with recently.

Little Al on February 15, 2017 at 1:27 pm

Last Saturday, I was grocery shopping, and at the checkout counter, I asked the gal if she was getting flowers and candy on Valentine’s Day.

She responded that unless her dog gave her something, she wouldn’t be getting anything.

So, the night before Valentine’s Day, I went back to the store and bought a sack full of Valentine’s goodies, plus a toy for the dog, and gave it to her.

She gave me a hug, and you should have heard the excited comments made behind my back as I was leaving.

Apparently, everybody in the store was enjoying the event.

Since I live alone in a small apartment building reserved for elderly folks, in which the majority of residents are female, I bought a whole bunch of little heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, some having a miniature Teddy bear attached, plus a bunch of long-stemmed chocolate roses.

The night before Valentine’s Day, after everybody was asleep, I went around and placed a long-stemmed chocolate rose at every female resident’s door, plus I distributed the little heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, until I ran out of them.

Not having enough little heart-shaped boxes of chocolates with miniature Teddy bears fastened to them wasn’t entirely my fault, as I’d purchased every one that was on the grocery store shelf.

When I was buying the Valentine’s Day goodies, I was surprised at seeing so many females also looking over the various Valentine’s goodies (which completely filled, and overflowed, two aisles).

I thought it was just us guys who had to shop for candy, flowers, and stuffed animals!

When the Meals On Wheels Program brought me my daily lunch, I was pleasantly surprised to see a small, heart-shaped box of chocolates included.

When the Community Health Nurse came to see me for my weekly check-up, I also gave her a box of chocolates and a long-stemmed chocolate rose.

She said her husband NEVER gave her anything for Valentine’s Day, but as the School Principal, he always distributed cookies to the children.

She was used to that, as that is how his family raised him.

I told her about Debbie Schlussel, and recommended a search the Internet to learn about Debbie Schlussel’s opinion of Valentine’s Day.

John Robert Mallernee on February 15, 2017 at 3:10 pm

    Bless you, John. You were obviously thinking of other lonely people who may have been feeling sad and thinking of things past. Christmas also often evokes similar feelings. Alfredo from Puerto Rico has a good point about non-observance of these commercially-driven “holidays”. Again, bless you for thinking of others during these times …

    Songbird on February 16, 2017 at 10:52 am

I take my wife out on Monday for Valentine Day, a day early so their isn’t a crowd and a waiting line.
Cost almost $50. I thought that was fulfilling my Valentine obligation.
No such luck. Tuesday rolls around and she throws a hissy fit because I didn’t buy her anything on the actual day.
What does $50 buy you, nothing.

Steve G on February 15, 2017 at 6:47 pm

    Sorry to hear that Steve G. All I can say is that sometimes it doesn’t pay when we do things ahead of time.

    Ken B on February 15, 2017 at 8:27 pm

Some must reading if you are a guy.

http://www.dontmarry.com/

Primetime on February 15, 2017 at 10:15 pm

SteveG, you spent $50 on your WIFE?!??!?!??!!! FAIL.

For those who observe such things, Valentine’s Day is next to her birthday. Requirements for Valentine’s Day are no less than $150-200 expenditures if she’s a wife, and no less than $300-500 on her birthday. Girlfriends, depending on the stage and state of the relationship, one can get away with spending somewhat less. SOMEWHAT less.

That’s $25-50 in Henpeckedton, range varies according to other locations.

You can look it up in The Book Of The (Vaginal) Law.

Or just ask Gwyneth Paltrow, Susan Sarandon, Ashley Judd, people like that. They MAKE the law.

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on February 15, 2017 at 10:36 pm

While I’ve never been big on traditions such as this, my primary reason for the DREAD is a spiritual one. Not to give away my age, but the celebration was originally called SAINT Valentine’s Day–the watering down of this fact is intentional in my mind. No self respecting Jew would ever be involved in Saint worship–this is the kind of idolatry that God warned the Jews about ever since there were, well, Jews. We were warned NOT TO TAKE ON THE CUSTOMS OF THE NATIONS AROUND US…word to the wise!

My second reason for the DREAD is based on common sense nutrition. As someone who is very particular as to what goes into his body I find it quite ironic that the weak of mind insist that way to show a woman you love her is by poisoning her.

Hence, my perfect date for Valentine’s Day would be NO DATE for Valentine’s Day. The perfect woman for me would need to understand this and would much prefer a $50 steak dinner any other day of the year than a $20 box of chocolates on some heathen day of rituals.

YCHtT on February 16, 2017 at 3:40 am

YCHtT affirms my own belief. I get my teachings from The Restored Church of God, who teach that observance of Valentine’s Day, and as I have mentioned before, Christmas, New Year’s, Easter, Halloween, etc., are not to be observed.

Only what the world THINKS are “Jewish holidays” are the true days/festivals to be observed by any people wishing to comport themselves with God’s Will.

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on February 16, 2017 at 6:42 am

    Alfredo–
    While I was born Jewish and have every intention of living out the rest of my life as such, I have not always followed that path. While perhaps the learning experience was (is) necessary, I do feel regret for those twists and turns which includes some 30 years in evangelical and baptist church settings. Needless to say, although I no longer see my foray into the theology of the NT as glorifying to God in the absolute sense it’s obvious that I don’t find a whole lot of spiritual ground in common with my family and other Jewish contacts either. The main takeaway is that I can read the Tenakh for myself and pray for God’s wisdom and not be beholden to the inadequacies of any particular religion. (Isaiah 29:13 JPS vers.) Once I was able to accept that I don’t fit in with either group, discerning spiritual truth became a whole lot easier. There is no scriptural basis for any of the so-called christian holidays–plus it seems that the more any of those holidays you mentioned are revered, the more steeped they are in pagan tradition.

    YCHtT on February 17, 2017 at 2:14 am

      Yes, they are. We are living in an age of rampant paganism and superficiality.

      Let’s see if this can go through correctly, from a NYC SUBWAY TRAIN, y’all.

      Alfredo from Puerto Rico on February 17, 2017 at 2:58 am

        “Paganism and spirituality”
        For 30 years Christians tried to tell me not to read the Tenakh (OT). They said it was too hard too understand. The Tenakh is really easy–it can be summed up in one word…IDOLATRY. If one cannot wrap their mind around the concept of idolatry, idolatry will surely infiltrate their practice.

        “NYC SUBWAY”
        Ahhh, the good ole days, traveling on the A train. By the time I moved from NYC I still had had no success communicating within the subway system.

        YCHtT on February 17, 2017 at 10:13 am

Me,I’ve never minded Valentine’s Day all that much. I’ve never really had a girlfriend. And,to be honest,I’m pretty much an average-looking guy who’s leads one of the DULLEST lives around. But,for me,the world would be poorer without Valentine’s Day,so I don’t have this negative view of it the rest of you do.

Ghostwriter on February 16, 2017 at 11:18 pm

I am going to have to ask you to cease the use of DREAD in the context currently in dialog. As a card carrying member of DREAD Detroit Rockers Engaged in the Abolition of Disco, I find it highly offensive that this dialog has hijacked our long standing acronym.

Freedom Fries on February 20, 2017 at 6:21 pm

I was up front with my significant other. I told her straight out: I’m not doing anything or buying you anything on Feb. 14. Decide how you want to deal with that.

Eventually, she actually ended up agreeing with me that it was smarter to take whatever cash I might have wasted and put it in our kid’s bank account. Over time it accumulates.

John Galt on April 24, 2017 at 3:49 pm

Leave a Reply

* denotes required field