July 23, 2017, - 11:37 pm

Weekend Box Office: Dunkirk, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, Girls Trip

By Debbie Schlussel


Despite the hype and gushing from other movie critics, I found little to like about any of the new movies in theaters this weekend, including the Batman director’s “World War II” movie, which is a politically correct joke.



* Dunkirk – Rated PG-13: The vast fraternity of mainstream (a/k/a liberal) movie critics is gushing over this, which generally means only one thing: it’s horrible. And that truism is applicable here. I hated this.

And I think one of the reasons the groupthink critics love this, is that there are no Nazis to see. No swastikas whatsoever. Even though in real life, the Nazis were the ones who pushed British and French soldiers to the beach at Dunkirk during World War II, you wouldn’t know it by watching this slog of a snuff film. Director Christopher Nolan deliberately excluded anything with a hint of Nazi to it because he said he didn’t want to get into “politics” and wanted to make it “universal.” It reminds me of far-left nutjob Oliver Stone’s “World Trade Center” (read my review), the 9/11 flick that would have you believe the culprits could be outer space aliens or some other unknown malefactor, as no Muslims are seen as perpetrators in any way, shape or form. This lack of depicting the identity of mortal enemies is despicable. And this movie is, therefore, despicable. I guess we don’t want to offend 1) Germans, 2) all of the Muslims around the world who think Hitler was a great guy and who’ve made Mein Kampf an evergreen best-seller on the Muslim street, and 3) everyone else who hates the West and celebrates those who mass murder Western soldiers. I guess this should be no surprise, given that one of the stars of this is an anti-Semitic Israel-boycotting scumbag.

On top of that, the movie is a dud. It’s loud, noisy, disjointed, and choppy. And a total bore. Sure, there is lots (and lots and lots and lots more) loud, urgent music throughout (bring your earplugs, as I did). But there is really no story. There are just three sets of actors in three vignettes that have nary a plot to be spoken of. The story of Dunkirk–of Nazis brutally driving Allied soldiers to the beach to pick them off while they were on ships, waiting to board ships, and the like–deserved to be told. But it really wasn’t told here. Instead, we are treated to multiple scenes of bombings of ships, of soldiers brutally drowning. The killing is vivid, way too vivid, and it hits you over the head over and over again–and, as noted previously, without letting you know who is doing the killing. Also, the dialogue hard to understand because the British accents are so heavy, the dialogue so fast and muffled, the music superimposed upon it so loud, and so on, that I needed a British Ebonics translator (and none was offered).

The aforementioned three vignettes are interspersed with each other. The first is a French soldier and a British one who barely escape the Nazi onslaught in the city and at the beach, they seize a stretcher with a wounded soldier on it, thinking it will get them ahead of the long lines of soldiers waiting to board the ships. But, by doing so, they aren’t escaping disaster, but rather chasing it, as the ships get attacked. Then, there is a British pilot (Tom Hardy) who is trying to stop the German pilots (you’d hardly know they are German because, again, they don’t tell you and the insignia isn’t there). And, finally, there is an older man who owns one of the many private boats commissioned by the British government to cross the English Channel and transport British soldiers from the beach. The man is on the ship with his teen son and the son’s friend. It should be noted that the ship owner is played by Mark Rylance, an open Jew-hater who hates Israel, supports the boycott of it, and who–as I noted on this site–had a tantrum prior to the Oscars ceremony a year or so ago, when Israel donated free trips in the goody bags of Oscar nominees and presenter.

Yes, Rylance is as sh–ty as this movie. As in, very.

ONE-AND-A-HALF MARXES
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Watch the trailer . . .

* Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets – Rated PG-13: This is another big-budget bore. This movie has drawn buzz because it’s the largest budgeted film ever for an “indie” movie, with a budget of $180 million. (For those unfamiliar, an indie movie is one not produced by one of the six biggest studios.) And it’s a disappointment for me because it’s written and directed by someone whose work I usually like, director/producer/writer Luc Besson. This is his pet project that he’s been dreaming of doing for years, and now it is everyone else’s movie nightmare. It’s based on a popular French series of sci-fi, futuristic comic books based on the two lead characters, Valerian and Laureline.

If you want to see the worst, most laughable, leftie, predictable elements of Avatar, Star Wars (and its sequels/prequels), Sesame Street, and other similar sci-fi movies all slapped together, then this is your movie. For everyone else, it’s unoriginal and derivative and not in an entertaining way. On top of that, stars Dane DeHaan as Valerian and Cara Delevingne as Laureline are stiff, stilted, and have zero chemistry, even though they are supposed to be romantically attracted to each other. None. Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford this is not. Not sure who cast this, but they should be fired.

The story: the various planets in the universe have banded together to form a colony and work and live together. Valerian and Laureline are crime-fighting astronauts. Valerian has a dream about a planet populated by bald, pale white aliens who wear almost nothing and who power their planet using energy from pearls. But their planet is destroyed by someone who has bombed and blown it up, and the princess gets killed in the process. Only a few members of the royal family survive. Soon, Valerian and Laureline learn that the story isn’t just a dream, but is true. And, per usual, evil, greedy, power-hungry humans (who selfishly obliterate indigenous populations) did it–their commander, to be specific. In the meantime, Valerian and Laureline investigate something allegedly going on in a virtual reality shopping mall or town (hard to tell if it’s one or the other) on a desert-like planet populated by Avatar-like creatures who look like Jar Jar Binks from the Star Wars prequel movies. Laureline is kidnapped by them and Valerian has to find her. All of it is kind of confusing because so much is going on here and there are so many characters. For instance, there are three miniature aliens who tattletale and have big mouths. They look like the character Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street. And their purpose in the movie is unclear.

There are only three scenes in this movie that I enjoyed and found entertaining . . . and one of them is a striptease by Rihanna. When that’s the best thing in a movie, you know it’s not very good. At the beginning of the movie, a montage of various meetings between Earth’s astronauts and officials meeting with various aliens from outer space over the years and generations is cool. You see the various humans age and then be replaced by new ones, meeting ever more and more outlandish-looking alien creatures and shaking their hands. And the Rihanna strip routine doesn’t really involve much removal of clothing or any nudity. Rihanna is Bubbles, an imprisoned alien creature who works for Ethan Hawke, a wacky club owner. To entertain Valerian, she morphs into various characters and works the pole, but it’s not dirty. And it’s kind of entertaining . . . especially when compared with the rest of this movie. And, the third scene I enjoyed was when the leader of the Avatar-like creatures who has kidnapped Laureline, has his fellow creatures bring out various weird alien food for him to eat, and he rejects each one.

Other than that, this movie is a pointless snoozefest. And, at two hours and seventeen minutes, you have better things to do with your time . . . and your money.

HALF A MARX

Watch the trailer . . .

* Girls Night – Rated R: This is yet the latest version of some group trying to emulate the success of “The Hangover” (read my review) and failing. I didn’t like Hangover, but like most of these movies, this one makes Hangover look like a very entertaining masterpiece. There have been several female versions of Hangover, including “Bridesmaids” (read my review) and the recent bomb “Rough Night.” Now, there is this–the female Black version of Hangover. Yes, now, Black women, too, have achieved the ultimate in civil rights: the right to make a worse version of The Hangover. Congrats!

And Black audiences love this and are going to see it in droves, which is funny because it’s two hours of a female Black minstrel show and a ton of stereotypes, plus it glorifies oversexed Black women. The White people in Hollywood who made this are laughing all the way to the bank (as are the four Black female stars, who have little in common with the rest of Black America). And I’m just laughing . . . but not at the movie (it’s mostly not funny)–just at the predictable idiocy of those who race in droves to see and rave over this.

If your idea of Black women riding on a zipline over the streets of New Orleans during Mardi Gras–and urinating on the people below–is funny, then this is your movie. For everyone else, eeeuuuuwwwww! Oh, and by the way, the filmmakers are so enamored with this stupid stunt that they did it not just once, but twice. Yup, two women urinated on Mardi Gras revelers in this. Haha, funny. Not. Another scene that’s supposed to be funny: a woman simulating oral sex on a grapefruit. Uh-huh this is what passes for a movie, these days.

Other than that, the story is dopey, stupid, and predictable. And I hated everyone in this except for the character played by Queen Latifah. She was the only one with any class or sense of decency. The rest of these women are disgusting. The movie is about four Black women who were college buddies and then lost touch. They get back together when one of them–the most successful and famous of them (Regina Hall)–is invited to be a speaker at the Essence Festival. The successful one is marketing her life and marriage as perfect. But the other three women learn that her husband is cheating on her with an Instagram model.

Then, there are the uninteresting stories of the other three. One (Tiffany Haddish) is a lowlife who is loud, obnoxious, and obsessed with sex. Oh, wait, that describes at least three of these characters. Another (Jada Pinkett Smith) is a nerdy single mother who is convinced by her friends that she needs to find a man and have sex. And the third (Latifah) is a journalist who left prestigious publications to start a celebrity gossip site. But the site isn’t doing well, and all of her bills are coming due.

And, believe me, I’m making this disaster sound far better than it is, just by describing it in writing. This is a test. If you liked it, you’re a lowlife (and have little in the brain department).

On the other hand, a ton of so-called “conservatives” want Kid Rock (who videotaped girls giving him Lewinskys at his concert and did a lot of other similarly vile stuff) in the U.S. Senate. So, there are plenty of lowlifes to go around of all races and sides of the political divide.

FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR OBAMAS PLUS FOUR MICHELLE LAVAUGHN ROBINSON HUSSEIN OBAMA IDI AMIN DADAS PLUS THREE ISIS BEHEADINGS
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Watch the trailer . . .

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19 Responses

Hi Dear Debbie! Thank you for sharing and God bless you Dear Debbie! as always i tell every one! God Bless America USA God Bless Israel!with respect Tirdad.

TIRDAD GHARIB on July 24, 2017 at 10:17 am

And to think that the same Jada Pinkett Smith was shocked – shocked! – about Miley “Virus’ ” “twerking” at the VMA’s or wherever she did that . . .

Concerned Patriot on July 24, 2017 at 2:19 pm

Several days ago, I pre-ordered my DVD copy of the movie, “OPERATION DUNKIRK”, which won’t be released until Tuesday 03 October 2017, from the AMAZON web site.

Here is a famous poem I remember from my childhood:
_____________________________________

“DUNKIRK, A BALLAD”
By: ROBERT NATHAN
(1942)

Will came back from school that day,
And he had little to say.
To where the gray-green Channel water
And to where his boat, the Sarah P,
Bobbed at the tide on an even keel,
With her one old sail, patched at the leech,
Furled like a slattern down at heel.
He stood for a while above the beach,
He saw how the wind and current caught her;
He looked a long time out to sea.
There was steady wind, and the sky was pale,
And a haze in the east that looked like smoke.
But he stood a long time looking down
Slapped at the foot of the little town,
Will went back to the house to dress.
He was half way through, when his sister Bess
Who was near fourteen, and younger than he
By just two years, came home from play.
She asked him, “Where are you going, Will?”
He said, “For a good long sail.”
“Can I come along?”
“No, Bess,” he spoke.
“I may be gone for a night and a day.”
Bess looked at him. She kept very still.
She had heard the news of the Flanders rout,
How the English were trapped above Dunkirk,
And the fleet had gone to get them out—
But everyone thought that it wouldn’t work.
There was too much fear, there was too much doubt.
She looked at him, and he looked at her.
They were English children, born and bred.
He frowned her down, but she wouldn’t stir.
She shook her proud young head.
“You’ll need a crew,” she said.
They raised the sail on the Sarah P,
Like a penoncel on a young knight’s lance,
And headed the Sarah out to sea,
To bring their soldiers home from France.
There was no command, there was no set plan,
But six hundred boats went out with them
On the gray-green waters, sailing fast,
River excursion and fisherman,
Tug and schooner and racing M,
And the little boats came following last.
From every harbor and town they went
Who had sailed their craft in the sun and rain,
From the South Downs, from the cliffs of Kent,
From the village street, from the country lane.
There are twenty miles of rolling sea
From coast to coast, by the seagull’s flight,
But the tides were fair and the wind was free,
And they raised Dunkirk by the fall of night.
They raised Dunkirk with its harbor torn
By the blasted stern and the sunken prow;
They had raced for fun on an English tide,
They were English children bred and born,
And whether they lived, or whether they died,
They raced for England now.
Bess was as white as the Sarah’s sail,
She set her teeth and smiled at Will.
He held his course for the smoky veil
Where the harbor narrowed thin and long.
The British ships were firing strong.
He took the Sarah into his hands,
He drove her in through fire and death
To the wet men waiting on the sands.
He got his load and he got his breath,
And she came about, and the wind fought her.
He shut his eyes and he tried to pray.
He saw his England where she lay,
The wind’s green home, the sea’s proud daughter,
Still in the moonlight, dreaming deep,
The English cliffs and the English loam-
He had fourteen men to get away,
And the moon was clear, and the night like day
For planes to see where the white sails creep
Over the black water.
He closed his eyes and he prayed for her;
He prayed to the men who had made her great,
Who had built her land of forest and park,
Who had made the seas an English lake;
He prayed for a fog to bring the dark;
He prayed to get home for England’s sake.
And the fog came down on the rolling sea,
And covered the ships with English mist.
The diving planes were baffled and blind.
For Nelson was there in the Victory,
With his one good eye, and his sullen twist,
And guns were out on The Golden Hind,
Their shot flashed over the Sarah P.
He could hear them cheer as he came about.
By burning wharves, by battered slips,
Galleon, frigate, and brigantine,
The old dead Captains fought their ships,
And the great dead Admirals led the line.
It was England’s night, it was England’s sea.
The fog rolled over the harbor key.
Bess held to the stays, and conned him out.
And all through the dark, while the Sarah’s wake
Hissed behind him, and vanished in foam,
There at his side sat Francis Drake,
And held him true, and steered him home.
_____________________________________

John Robert Mallernee on July 24, 2017 at 3:36 pm

As for “Girls Trip,” the way the title is laid out is (apparently deliberately) ambiguous, looking almost like “Girl Strip” if you don’t look carefully. Which may not be a surprise, given what the supposed “plot” is all about.

Concerned Patriot on July 25, 2017 at 12:31 am

It’s worth mentioning that there was an excellent movie about Dunkirk, with the same title, made in Britain in 1958, with John Mills and Richard Attenborough. Save your money and wait for it to reappear on TCM

Alan Levine on July 25, 2017 at 8:30 am

    @ ALAN LEVINE:

    Thank you for posting that information.

    I went to the AMAZON web site, hoping to purchase it, but they don’t have that movie in stock.

    However, when I googled, “DUNKIRK (1958)”, I found it available to watch at this web site URL:

    https://archive.org/details/DunkirkWarDrama1958JohnMills#

    John Robert Mallernee on July 25, 2017 at 11:19 am

    @ ALAN LEVINE, Et Alia:

    OOPS ! ! !

    Something went wrong!

    I began watching that movie, and halfway through the film, the picture froze, but the sound continued.

    Despite all my experimenting and efforts, nothing worked.

    The picture runs perfectly up until the halfway point, but then freezes, while the soundtrack continues as normal.

    Anyway, when watching this movie, I was reminded of an even larger evacuation by boat, in fact, the largest evacuation by boat in history.

    Do you remember it?

    You can tell your children.

    It happened on Manhattan Island in New York City on Tuesday 11 September 2001.

    John Robert Mallernee on July 25, 2017 at 2:29 pm

Hey Debbie thank you so much for your great reviews. My idiot Obama and BLM loving cousin informed me that Girls Trip did better than Rough Night at the box office. He was all celebratory until I asked him wouldn’t that be a form of reverse racism. He hung up on me. Poor liberal snowflakes can’t deal with humor thrown back in their faces. Also on Fox and Friends this past weekend Kevin McCarthy gave Dunkirk 5 out of 5. I’ll stick with reading your reviews instead. Oh and my boss went to see Valerian and he told me just wait until it comes on HBO or goes to Red Box. I told him I’ll wait until it comes on network TV.

Ken B on July 25, 2017 at 11:34 am

Alan Levine is correct.
One of the scene had a Jewish Doctor staying behind to stay with the wounded. He picked the short straw but he did not say anything despite knowing what his future will be.

madman on July 25, 2017 at 12:54 pm

At least during the Dunkirk days the English fought to save their country.
Now they are being invaded by a culture way worse than the Germans and they are not fighting them in the least.

Sad beyond description. The British used to be proud and brave and kicked ass in every corner of the globe, now they are committing national suicide right in front of our eyes.

Steve G on July 25, 2017 at 9:46 pm

Don’t forget that the Germans themselves (thanks to pantsuit-wearing Hillary clone Angela Merkel) are being invaded by the same culture that is doing the same to the British – and likewise not only with no resistance, but essentially with a welcome mat. Some would call this karma, but . . .

Concerned Patriot on July 26, 2017 at 6:56 am

I came across this site’s review of Dunkirk by accident and I certainly won’t be returning if this is typical of Ms Schlussel’s output. I don’t think I have ever read such a wilfully ignorant and factually incorrect film review. Some obvious points to pick out of the drivel:
“It’s loud” – well, gosh darnit, it is a war film;
“No Nazis to see” – apart from the German bombers and fighter planes that is historically correct: for reasons only known to them, the German army and tanks held off from a full assault on Dunkirk (and were partially delayed by a rearguard action by French and other British troops who were later captured) That was probably the biggest single factor in the success of the evacuation;
“the British accents are so heavy” – the evacuating troops and their rescuers were all British. I find some American accents hard to follow, but I manage. Get over it.
“you’d hardly know [the pilots] are German” – the planes all have insignia – I know, it’s so hard to make out sometimes on a moving image – and several characters identify them quite clearly. Or does Ms Schlussel think “Messerschmidt” and “Heinkel” are makes of British aircraft?
“Rylance is as sh-ty as this movie” – wrong on both counts. And if Ms Schlussel judges acting performances by the political views of actors then she is truly missing the point.
Please, read a history book!

Steve Mullis on July 26, 2017 at 9:51 am

Oh well, thanks Debbie, will wait until next week.

jake49 on July 26, 2017 at 5:48 pm

Hitler looks like a good guy for allowing the rescue to happen, being the nice guy that he was.

Thank you as usual for this movie review. Your reviews are good in that they see through the PC crap.

Panhandle on July 27, 2017 at 1:43 pm

Debbie,

You were right about the movie, “Dunkirk.” As one of the original baby boomers, I watched just about every WWII movie from Abbott & Costello’s “Buck Privates” to “30 Minutes Over Tokyo” to “Band of Brothers” and “Saving Private Ryan.” This Dunkirk movie stunk! It had no scenes/vignettes that were not in a movie before. For people who were with me (my wife and a friend) who were never in combat/military, nor familiar with the details of uniforms, it was confusing to tell who were the good guys and who were the bad guys. There were no insignias on the ships, planes, or uniforms to denote the country of origin. The closest I saw was a British Union Jack, a very few times, no swastikas on the planes (maybe a brief glimpse at an Iron Cross), no mention of Nazis (maybe I heard the word “jerry” once). It was only the “enemy.” I won’t even begin to tell about the “jumping the shark” moments in the movie, like planes that never run out of ammunition. I’ve seen better scenes in movies made in the 50’s and 60’s before CGI. I remained in the theater to see if it had any redeeming qualities. All three of us almost fell asleep!
I just wanted you to know how right you were, yet every other critic said it was great. I will never see a movie by Nolan. I guess this movie was great for millenials, because they are unfamiliar with history, and have no concept. I spoke to one at the theater who said the movie was not about war or battles? It was about the people so the countries, etc., were not relevant. What? I answered that when you are being bombed and strafed by machine guns, it’s war! She said Nolan wanted it to be not political. What? How could war not be political, and why would you not mention the word Nazi. At that point my wife dragged me away. We’re doomed!!

unholyone on July 28, 2017 at 2:51 am

I recommend “Mrs. Miniver”.

DaveC on July 31, 2017 at 9:12 pm

Dunkirk, did anyone notice how clean the soldiers were?

Bernard on August 1, 2017 at 1:28 pm

    @ BERNARD:

    You wrote: “Did anyone notice how clean the soldiers were?”
    ____________________________________

    Oh, that’s easy to explain.

    They all took baths in the English Channel, and used clams to shave their whiskers, fastidiously removing each hair, one by one.

    After washing their uniforms in the English Channel, they probably had them carefully pressed beneath the treads of an abandoned French tank, which they slowly pushed, backwards and forwards, up and down the beach.

    This confused the Germans, who thought it must be laundry day, and so, they halted their advance while exchanging their underwear and pillowcases.

    All things considered, it was truly a lovely day at the beach, and a good time was had by all.

    John Robert Mallernee on August 1, 2017 at 6:44 pm

“Dunkirk” really was a snoozer, save for the scenes in the air. Although Deb is correct (there doesn’t seem to be even the slightest indication that the Spitfires are chasing and shooting down ME 109’s — you know, GERMAN planes?), credit goes to the cinematography of the flying scenes — that (relatively small) part puts you right on the edge of your seat. Liked the mention of the Rolls Royce Merlin engine, too: once placed into a great new American air-frame, you got the greatest fighter of WWII, the P-51 D Mustang. Best description of that airplane I’ve ever heard was: “A nasty little shark. A killing machine.”

jc15 on September 2, 2017 at 8:16 pm

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