March 4, 2018, - 12:31 pm

Oscar-Nominated Crap: The Shape of Water

By Debbie Schlussel

I’m waaay behind in my online movie reviews (you can always hear my current reviews live on Larry The Cable Guy’s SiriusXM show most Friday mornings and on the Richard Dixon Show on Birmingham, AL’s Talk 99.5 every Friday at 12:30 p.m. Eastern). But I wanted to catch up and post reviews of Oscar-nominated movies for which I haven’t yet posted a review. Most of them are horrible. And I’m starting with the highly overrated “The Shape of Water,” which is Rated R.

This movie got 13 Oscar nominations and is expected to win a lot of them at tonight’s Academy Awards.

But why? It’s a vastly overrated, big, giant nothing.

The movie is at best a very average or below-average movie. I was bored to tears watching it. On top of that, it’s unoriginal and hackneyed in almost every way. And, as is typical from Hollywood, the Communists are the good guys and the Americans are the bad guys. How many movies have you seen so far, in which the U.S. government is evil, and holds a kind, gentle alien against its will? Yaaaawn. I’ve seen more than enough of those. Come up with something new, Hollywood. In this movie, the alien is not only kept against its will, but the United States tortures it for no apparent reason. Hmmm . . . is this supposed to be some statement in solidarity with the murderous terrorists of Gitmo?

Also, do I really need to see a mute woman masturbating every single day? This movie, which shows the lead character’s daily routine, portrays her doing that regularly each day. Um, no thanks. And, on top of that, there are several references to the alien’s hidden penis and how he has sex, a theme in the movie. Um, no thanks times two.

The story: the mute masturbator in question is a woman (Sally Hawkins) who was abused as a child, causing her to be mute. She lives in a building above a theater. She takes care of others in the building who are sick and/or elderly, including her next door neighbor. And she works as a cleaning lady in a secret underground government facility. She learns that an alien (who likes exactly like the “Creature From the Black Lagoon”) is being held inside the facility and tortured. She develops a connection with the creature (who cannot talk) and falls in love with the creature. Along with a Soviet spy inside the facility and Hawkins’ fellow cleaning lady (Octavia Spencer), Hawkins helps the alien escape. She takes the alien to her apartment, fills up her bathroom with water, and has sex with the alien. As I noted, there are repeated discussions about the alien’s hidden penis, how he has sex with her, etc. All stuff that is gratuitous, unnecessary, and might make for an amateurish porn movie, but doesn’t make a great feature film. Not even close.

This movie is very quirky and high on style, sets, and wardrobe (except for the alien’s boring costume that looks like it came from the ’80s or even ’70s), but it’s very low on story. I found it to be incredibly boring and silly.

No wonder the Oscar voters (all liberals and mostly morons) love it. The alien from the Black Lagoon wears no clothing. And this stinks.

If you’re into interspecies erotica, this is your movie. For everyone else (a/k/a normal people), skip this.


Watch the trailer . . .


36 Responses

I haven’t watched the Oscars since Jabba the Mooron wailed on then President Bush about the Iraq War. All of their award shows suck big and are nothing but Hollyweird pat themselves on the back gag-fests. Speaking of gag-fests Shape of Water seems more liked water logged. As in water logged with the usual Hollyweird BS. Like the Oscars this will be skip worthy even when it winds up the Ollies 1.00$ dust bin.

Ken B on March 4, 2018 at 7:32 pm

I have to agree.
Critics have gushed that it’s the greatest film of a century still in its teens. The military industrial complex is at it full tilt with quasi-religious justification and Guillermo del Toro gives us a standard Marxist interpretation of the long gone period of American history recreated in the film. This for someone from Spain is about a unconventional as government loaf bread.

It might be intentional and not just hokey that the humanoid looks like the Creature From the Black Lagoon because that would be an inversion of a 50’s monster which I think is the period in which the film nostalgically celebrates while rejecting its every precept.

And really what else does Hollywood do besides kick dead horses until they’re upside down knowing that they don’t kick back.

Mochizuki Koga on March 4, 2018 at 9:33 pm

I havent watched the oscars since vanessa redgrave cried for the poor poor ancient “palestinians”

Pancake rachel corrie on March 4, 2018 at 9:48 pm

    PRC, unfortunately, there are no longer any people in Hollywood like Paddy Chayevsky to curb the Leftism that infests and, indeed, has overtaken Hollywood today, as shown in this clip of the esteemed writer who commented on Vanessa Redgrave’s pro-islamoterrorist message. In the audience, applauding Paddy, are others of the Hollywood Old Guard, such as Neil Simon and Arthur Laurents. They are gone, and, I’m afraid, we will never see their likes again.

    Paddy Chayevsky wrote the screenplays for such award-winning movies as Mary, The Hospital, and Network, among others. Neil Simon wrote Come Blow Your Horn, Barefoot in the Park, The Odd Couple, Sweet Charity, and The Goodbye Girl, among others. Arthur Laurents wrote West Side Story, Gypsy, The Way We Were, The Turning Point, among others.

    All those of their stature are gone. And with them, common sense, decency, and American values as well.

    Ralph Adamo on March 5, 2018 at 9:00 pm

What Oscars??? The only one I know is OSKAR SCHINDLER.

PHILLIP LEMKIN on March 5, 2018 at 1:42 am

I assumed Guillermo del Toro was from Spain because in terms of villains he basically remade Pan’s Labyrinth with Franco strongmen reconstituted as 50s establishment types. Apparently he’s Mexican and their revolutions are basically interchangeable. So apologies for that.

Mochizuki Koga on March 5, 2018 at 9:28 am

I’ll be honest. I have LITTLE desire to see something like this. I first heard about this on a Youtube video. Before then,I’d never heard of this. I’m beginning to wonder why this movie ever got nominated in the first place. Who ever heard of this movie before now? That’s what I want to know.

Ghostwriter on March 5, 2018 at 1:53 pm

3 Billboards should have probably won it, but Hollywood isn’t going to pass up an opportunity to promote “inter-specie” relations and perversion.

Tommy Thomas on March 5, 2018 at 3:46 pm

I didn’t see The Shape of Water, but I’ve seen an earlier movie written and directed by Guillermo del Toro called Pan’s Labyrinth (2006). I thought that 2006 movie was okay to good, but not great, and it received an 8.2 rating on IMDB (not that IMDB ratings are all that useful). However, based on Debbie’s review, it looks like del Toro’s captured the “magic Leftist” formula to enthrall Hollywood, even if he had to make his latest movie boring by comparison to Pan’s Labyrinth, and I note that The Shape of Water only got 7.6 on IMBD.

Ralph Adamo on March 5, 2018 at 9:09 pm

    The performances aren’t bad and there’s plenty of human/Swamp Thing interest so it’s not bad someone whose main influences are horror schlock.
    Just as long as you understand the real monsters are the conservative figures of the establishment you know almost everything about the deeper social meaning that del Toro tried infuse his film with.

    Religion is just an excuse to legitimize power structures which the cold/psychopathic Michael Shannon/Stickland discovers as it’s spoon fed to him by the evil military puppet master.
    Audiences might be a bit too slow to catch that otherwise.
    The whole deal.
    The artistic endeavours which go unappreciated by the callous corporatists in the case of the graphic artist while at the same providing the basis of his work compounded by the endemic bigotry of the era.
    The whole 50s thing was monstrous but visually entertaining.

    Mochizuki Koga on March 6, 2018 at 11:47 am

      Of course none of this would be of any interest to anybody including the Academy if it wasn’t fundamentally the values of the era he was attacking by caricature.

      While holding himself up to be the true custodian of the real human values of compassion and empathy which naturally people like del Torro find themselves to be as celebrated in film.

      Mochizuki Koga on March 6, 2018 at 12:14 pm

    Now you don’t have to watch it or maybe there’s some novelty left there

    Mochizuki Koga on March 6, 2018 at 11:55 am

This shows what happens when there is no longer a Production Code, and when there is no House UnAmerican Activities Committee to investigate subversion (and perversion) in Hollywood.

Even with Box Office pressures, Hollywood is incapable of self-regulation. Even after HUAC’s attempts to clean out Hollywood, it only took ten years for the Left to make a big comeback. That is what happens when you go after only Communists, and not their enablers among Directors and Actors. You get Trojan Horses like Spartacus, which initiated the decline to what we have today.

Little Al on March 6, 2018 at 10:34 am

    Excellent post. When I watched Spartacus in the past (I don’t watch it today), I could see the communist influence in the story and writing. The same for “Grapes of Wrath.” Although there are exceptions, the older the movie, the more likely it is to be better.

    Concerned Citizen on March 6, 2018 at 11:52 am

Debbie. This POS anti-American pro-Soviet and pro interspecies sex movie won the Oscar for Best Picture. The makeup for the thing in the Creature From the Black Lagoon in the 1950’s looked better than what was worn by the actor in this movie.

I did watch the Oscars – what a mistake. So political. Not only was Jimmy Kimmel continuing to be a hypocrite (see his Man Show performances), but the women actors who enabled the Harvey Weinstein’s of Hollywood continued to rant on. I also grew tired of the obvious “less white people & less American men” chants of the presenters. The ratings will go down again next year, as they went down 16% from the 2017 show, which had been one of the lowest rated Oscars history.

Oh, Adam (rip me) Rippon, the flaming gay American Olympic ice skater who denigrated Mike Pence, wore an outfit to the Oscars that included a harness. Didn’t know Mr. Rippon was into bondage and S & M. I wonder if his partner uses skates during their sessions?

Concerned Citizen on March 6, 2018 at 11:46 am

    You want to bet that the Academy of Stupid will hire Kimmel again. May the rating next year be even worse and as usual Hollyweird won’t get it.

    Ken B on March 7, 2018 at 7:58 am

I may have kinda sorta, once or twice like, maybe, like, overheard someone I knew or may know, who knows from first hand information, a story that if told and corroborated, . . .

would destroy Jimmy Kimmel. He is INDEED a HYPOCRITE.

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on March 6, 2018 at 11:53 am

    That would be interesting Alfredo as Kimmel is nothing but a beta male who cries at the drop of a hat. What a hypocritical soy eating milksop. To top it all off he’s not even remotely funny. The only thing that would be funny is if he hosts(stinks up) the Oscars next year and the ratings continue to slide into the red.

    Ken B on March 7, 2018 at 8:07 am

      It would be interesting KenB, unfortunately, it’s not my story to tell. And if the person(s) involved haven’t told it, well, that’s their business. I wouldn’t necessarily want to become a public figure over something like that, although there’s no doubt Jimmy Kimmel would never get a job anywhere else.

      Except perhaps, again, in Hollywood. Because after a lot of soul searching, sniffles, I’m so sorry’s, etc., he’d be welcomed back in, because y’know, Hollywood types are all about redempt—-, . . .

      I mean, Democrat good, Republican bad, that’s what they’re all about. As for Mr. Kimmel being America’s conscience, you have to have one first, and he doesn’t. Schmuck.

      Alfredo from Puerto Rico on March 7, 2018 at 11:46 am

I am old enough to remember the movie “The Creature from the Black Lagoon”. I never really saw the movie. My parents and I went to see some movie at that time and the preview at the end of the movie was the CFTBL. Oh dear!! I had nightmares for weeks. II was very frightening and was designed to be. The monster was scary was the theme in the old horror movies. That was the fun.

With this one the monster is not scary, but desires casual sex with the species that is torturing him. If there is a sequel, will the monster read the NYT as the kids frolic on the floor and/or in the pool. Can’t wait. I will not be afraid just nauseated.

Panhandle on March 6, 2018 at 12:48 pm

    I remember seeing “The Creature from the Black Lagoon” while out to sea in the Navy. The guy in charge of movies though that it would be cool to play it during lunch time. Talk about eating a slider(cheeseburger)while watching that. Too funny.

    Ken B on March 7, 2018 at 7:55 am

Why is this so acclaimed and the ultimate winner? Because it centers around a mute woman (disabled?) who has inter species sex, a black woman, a gay man and an alien-sea creature and wait for it: a law abiding government working white men who is the movie’s villain. What a big surprise.

FrankB on March 7, 2018 at 11:28 am


DOUBLE hmmmmmm. Especially after another half joint of Great White Shark, and some more black coffee.

As I’ve said a thousand times before, I don’t really read the movie reviews, and didn’t read much of this one. What brings me to the comment threads though, is what brings me to the comments of every article.

It’s the people. With participation up, especially from a few old favorites of mine posting more, I’m fascinated at the overall wealth of information and thought stimulation that can be had here.

But since I don’t really read the movie review articles, let’s see if I have something straight. This movie Debbie reviewed, it’s called, . . .

The Bleacher’s Full of Crackheads and Goons?

Is that right? Wow. That IS scawy stuff.

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on March 7, 2018 at 3:12 pm

Any movie with Michael Shannon is a non starter for me.
After his last rant about how evil, stupid, racist, etc. Trump voters are he is now on my “I will never watch one of his movies again” list.
That list gets bigger all the time, but I’m saving money because of it.

I also tired of the Oscars talking about how many women and minorities were nominated. Just concentrate on nominating the best people and be color-blind about it.
If all the nominees are white or if they are all women or all minorities, it shouldn’t matter just as long as the best are honored.
Not these participation trophies, which is what Oscars has turned into now.

Steve G on March 7, 2018 at 4:17 pm

    I agree with you Steve G on the stupidity of Shannon. That bozo with his rant just stated how many in Hollywood feel about people who voted for Donald Trump for president. I guess it’s only fitting that the last movie I saw him in was “Man of Steel.” What happened to him in that movie hopefully will happen to his career. Hollyweirdo putz.

    Ken B on March 8, 2018 at 9:10 am

Since the ” Oscars ”
Allow unrelated crap
to be told

regardless of relevance
just political crap

Why not think of the cheaply dressed whores
as being cheaply dressed whores ?

And the men who escort them as
cheap escorts ?

This is what’s happening
everybody is told what to wear and
who to be seen with

It’s all staged

It’s all phony

Welcome to Hollywood

JayPee on March 9, 2018 at 1:47 am

I did go see this movie about a month ago. There was a snowstorm, and my wife and I braved the roads to have a fun Sat. night. The theatre was literally empty. It was fun to sit all alone and watch the 50’s moti, shading’s, cars, dress etc. But the colorful range was deflated by the anti american view, the view of the writer that the women without voice, and the creature from the s american swamp were to be joined in that secret lab whist she was a cleaning women was of course, absurd. A whole lot of absurdity. And the fact that the swamp thing, killed and ate a cat in his escape to an apartment, then realizing it was wrong and becoming the friend of the other cats, was too precious for words. What kind of utopian meme was I watching, I thought? I felt cheated and a lovely night out in the snow, left me feeling slighting used, emotionally… hell, the girl gets her man, er, amphibian, who ate a cat but in the end is a better man than the americans, better man the the jelly green eyed russian spied, better man than anyone. Huh?
Next day, I dug up my old copy of ‘Big Fish’ to view a better surreal story, with no hint of anti americanism, and yet a surreal story about surreal lives lived, and felt like I had a good shower to get rid of the previous nights bad rub.
The shape of water was a bit of a dirty bath. The end.

msgoldberg on March 9, 2018 at 9:37 am

This movie sucked big time – I watched it with a friend last nite and couldn’t even make it all the way through – Thank the Lord for that. I told my friend to turn this garbage off less than halfway through. My friend went home and finished watching this piece of sh*t and told me that Sally Hawkins screwed the amphibian – I am so glad I did not watch this garbage through to the end!

MRobs on March 14, 2018 at 3:43 pm

    My Dad makes it a point to watch all of the movies that win best picture at the Hollywood gag-fest. He told me and I quote “This movie was nothing but hot garbage.” He also said that the only reason he didn’t ask for his money back is because as a veteran he gets his tickets half off plus with a senior citizen discount. So basically it cost him nothing to go WTH did I just watch for over 2 hours…LOL!

    Ken B on March 15, 2018 at 7:53 am

Stephen Hawking is finally dead. And I say good riddance to him; a truly loathsome human being. There are many reasons I say this. Hawking was a total phony as well as a lying Leftist pig. What has been called by the lying press “Hawking-Bekenstein radiation” was, in fact, first created by physicist Jacob Bekenstein, who first came up with the concept of entropy of a blackhole! Additionally, Hawking did not even agree with Bekenstein’s black hole analysis until he began to actually do some work and research to understand Benkenstein’s groundbreaking work. Then, and only then, did the moron Hawking recognize that he was wrong and that Bekenstein was right. This is yet another reason why anyone who thinks that Hawking is a genius is ill informed, naïve, or simply takes promotional press stories at face value without further inquiry. It is one thing to be wrong because you made a mistake. It is quite another thing to be wrong because you had no basis for even making an assertion that you were right. Of course, Hawking played down the fact that he was wrong and the liberal media has always given him a free pass at every stage of his career. Not for nothing has Hawking never won a Nobel Prize.

One of the key reasons, of course, that Hawking has long been overrated is that he has suffered from motor neuron disease, and would not even be able to communicate if not for on a computer-based system. And who makes this communications technology possible? Israeli technology is the answer.

But did Hawking respect the Israelis achievements and accomplishments? No, he’s been a user, a loser, condemned the Israelis and, instead, backed the Islamoterrorists and their boycott-Israel allies.

So, Hawking was a hypocrite as well as a phony and overrated loathsome human being. According to Shurat HaDin, an Israel law centre which represents victims of terrorism, the equipment that Hawking used to communicate was provided by Intel since 1997.
“Hawking’s decision to join the boycott of Israel is quite hypocritical for an individual who prides himself on his whole intellectual accomplishment. His whole computer-based communications system runs on a chip designed by Israel’s Intel team. I suggest if he truly wants to pull out of Israel he should also pull out his Intel Core i7 from his tablet,” said Nitsana Darshan-Leitner of Shurat HaDin.

Of course, Hawking continued to use Israeli technology, while helping to advance those who are enemies of civilization. Thus, for many reasons, I say good riddance to Hawking. He won’t be missed and despite the Leftists’ fawning and praise for this worthless human being, the sands of time will correct his unjustly rewarded fame and he will be totally forgotten like the dust he is to become.

Ralph Adamo on March 15, 2018 at 10:39 pm

I infer from your mean-minded scribble that you consider your intellect to eclipse that of Hawking. What then are YOUR lasting contributions to science and culture?
That he has condemned Israel is to his credit and is a testament to his humanity.
Hawking will be spoken of for decades to come whereas you will be forgotten within ten minutes after you are gone, you silly little man.

KP on March 25, 2018 at 2:09 pm

Ahhhhhhh, KP, KP, . . .

I was on KP duty today, . . .

at a funeral home.

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on March 25, 2018 at 8:08 pm

I watched this movie in the cinema and I can say that I liked it, it’s not an ordinary film, although I would give an Oscar to another film, but this is my subjective opinion, Alonso Duralde, the journalist of The Wrap portal, rated the film 95%. The critic saw in the tape a lot of visual references and a movie quote from other films: “Beauty and the Beast”, “Alien”, “Amelie”, “The creature of the Black Lagoon”. But, according to the author, the director, as always, creates his vision and shapes his own images. After reviewing this film, I actually saw most of these references and now I understand how much work has been done.

essay for me on April 24, 2018 at 10:30 am

A White woman abused by evil White men has sex with an illegal alien fish. I assume the fish man is also tortured by evil White men. This movie has it all. Academy Award for sure.

JoeG on May 9, 2018 at 4:21 pm

I do not know, I watched this film and would not say that it is very much impressed me. In General, the whole story and shooting seemed good to me. But not much praise for that. Isn’t that a good acting game?)

Benjamin on October 31, 2018 at 8:18 am

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