July 16, 2018, - 1:18 am

Weird (or Cool?) Stuff I Saw in Plymouth, Michigan: This Screamed “Inadequate!”

By Debbie Schlussel

So, I saw this in Plymouth, Michigan, and it screamed to me, “I am Inadequate.”




First the backstory:

I am often in Plymouth, Michigan because I represent some criminal defendants and traffic ticket holders in Michigan’s 35th District Court. I love going there because the judges, court staff, and prosecutors are terrific, very nice, and really know how to run an efficient, professional operation. It is the second busiest district court in Michigan, after Detroit’s 36th District Court (which is the busiest district court in the country). Plymouth is a cute, little town, a Detroit suburb that is about 15 miles from “Moscow on the Huron” (my late dad’s name for Ann Arbor), and the city dates back to the early 1800s.

Plymouth is an upscale place, and when I’m there, I love going to Cantoro Italian Market and Trattoria. It’s a gourmet market with a huge selection of the most interesting honeys, jams, and lots of other stuff you just can’t find anywhere else in the Detroit area. Even though I keep kosher, there is a lot of stuff there I can have, and it’s fun just to go there and look around. (Though there are few Jews in Plymouth, they even have a kosher food section.) The market also has a fancy-schmancy gourmet Italian restaurant attached to it (thus, the “Trattoria” part).

Very recently, I saw this car parked outside the market, and it screamed a couple of things to me, the first of which was the inadequacy thing. The second thing was, “Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! lookatmelookatmelookatmeeeeeeee! I saw the guys who drove this car emerging from the market, and they were leaving the expensive restaurant. (I took their pics, but deleted them because there is no reason to embarrass them by posting those. I don’t now them, and they never did anything to me. I’m not a bitch like that.) Note the KERRMIT license plate to go with the garish metallic neon lime green hue (Mercedes calls the shade, “AMG Green Hell Magno”). It’s not easy being green. Or in this case, maybe it is.

I looked up the car, and I identified it as a 2018 Mercedes Benz AMG GT R, which has a starting price of $157,000. Wow. That’s the price of a house, not a car. I wonder how much it costs with all of the standard “extras.” (It is not the most expensive Mercedes, which costs $3 million.) The car goes from 0-60 in 3.5 seconds, has 577 horsepower, and it features gull-wing doors like a DeLorean (I saw that when the guys were getting into the car at the market).

If there was ever a ticket-magnet car, this is it. And that’s aside from the small penis stuff I mentioned earlier. Just sayin’

***

As I noted in the past, my dream car is American-made and looks cooler, for roughly the same starting ticket price.

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15 Responses

Surprisingly, the Mercedes isn’t one of the top ticket magnets. Here’s the current list:

Lexus ES 300 – 33.4%
Nissan 350Z – 32.5%
Dodge Charger SE/SXT – 32.1%
Volkswagen Jetta GL – 31.4%
Chevrolet Monte Carlo LS/LT – 30.8%
Mazda 3S – 30.3%
Volkswagen GTI – 30.3%
Dodge Stratus SXT – 30.2%
Acura 3.0S/CL – 30.1%
Toyota Tacoma – 30.1%

And for someone who bought a $150,000 car, a few tickets aren’t going to break the bank anyway. The real downside to a Mercedes is the outrageous parts and labor costs, particular since Mercedes vehicles are actually poorly designed and are far from maintenance-friendly. But, again, someone who’s willing to pay $150,000 isn’t likely to be complaining about the constant repair charges that will inevitably happen after owning the vehicle for a few years. As for me, I prefer the Warren Buffet approach to buying cars, based on utility, comfort, and (relative) economy. (He drives a 2014 Cadillac XTS.) My car is not a symbol of my inner Id.

Ralph Adamo on July 16, 2018 at 2:17 am

Y’know Debbie, that’s not a bad looking car at all. Until you mentioned “small penis” I was thinking NBA point guard, but since you actually saw the people, including I guess the owner, “small penis” would leave out almost EVERYONE in the NBA.

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on July 16, 2018 at 8:18 am

Don’t like the color, don’t like the rear spoiler, but other than that a beautiful car. I have a couple Mercedes (love my GLE Coupe)but just can’t get crazy enough to spend the bucks on this one.

Bob Reusche on July 16, 2018 at 8:47 am

With that money I would have considered a Jaguar F-Type R or similar, or a Maserati Quattroporte, and a reasonable color which goes without saying. Maybe the engine in the F-Type is Ford based, for whatever that’s worth.

Phil Lipofsky on July 16, 2018 at 10:32 am

Small penis? Where does that come from, you or them? Yep they’ve got that nouveau rich jibe to their jib.

Tom Umland on July 16, 2018 at 10:42 am

Actually, Mercedes had gull-wing doors long before DeLorean did. $157K won’t even get in the door for a super car (now they even have hyper cars). Check out the YouTube channel “Vehicle Virgins” to get an idea about the lifestyle of those that are into those type of cars.

BravoTwoZero on July 16, 2018 at 3:50 pm

You mean like the price tag on a custom Lamborghini Countach? Hee, hee, heee!!!

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on July 16, 2018 at 6:08 pm

If it creates jobs for people in the U.S., I do not mind. Also, on the West Coast, $157k would not even get you a condo.

Worry on July 17, 2018 at 3:13 pm

It screamed inadequacy, but for a different reason; namely, “Kermit the Frog” is a pretty passive character – there’s no way I can think of to spin the connotation, otherwise.

Also, being an ex-proud Detroiter, it’s still offensive to me to see people from there buying import cars. Selfish imbeciles and cuck so typicial of boomers and their hipster ideological progeny.

DS_ROCKS! on July 17, 2018 at 3:37 pm

Same in NYC, forget condo, you can’t buy a sweater in NYC for less than a quarter mil.

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on July 17, 2018 at 3:38 pm

Rice Rocket!

lexi on July 19, 2018 at 11:35 am

I drive a 1981 AMC Gremlin. I am a cool dude.

Truth on July 22, 2018 at 12:39 pm

Nothing wrong with that. Personally, although I don’t drive, I love the late 40’s to early 70’s look. But at least your car doesn’t need a FREAKING COMPUTER TO FUNCTION!!! ARRRRRRGGGHHHH!!! A diesel locomotive can be completely disabled by a lightning strike, all because we’re locked in

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on July 22, 2018 at 2:04 pm

, and there’s no way out. Sorry for the malfunction, but my computer died on 6/29, and a tech friend signed the Death Certificate on 7/13. Been on my phone since, hate it for this stuff. Awaiting the dough ray meeee for a new device.

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on July 22, 2018 at 2:08 pm

It screams? It’s laughing at itself. Crashing a sporty Merc is not the same as what happens in a normal Ford. But, the Mercs are built by a nanny state. The car will shut you down if you’ve exceeded or ignored a maintenance schedule. My Ford is not like that and it’s got bare patina. It burns any kind of gasoline. It can bury the speedometer or haul a bulldozer in the middle of winter.

You sports car fans have not lived though until you’ve driven a big money American diesel ‘dually’ pickup truck at 170+ mph. You know what though….people still laugh about those big pickup trucks as much as the little green demons.

Most of them though, either way, have never been on any highway that would accommodate those speeds either and so none of them understand the thrill, noise, smell, dust etc.

You, who are now wagging your fingers, right now, over that comment, are the same kind who got nothing better than some snarky popular psychology -from the seventies- to bash very-very rich people who have a twisted sense of humor.

So of course, the owner of that car WANTS you to laugh – takes guts to draw fire. By way of disclosure though, I own a big fancy Merc only so that my precious wife will be safe no matter what she tries. That’s no joking.

Lightning on July 24, 2018 at 4:22 pm

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