Debbie Schlussel: Michael Jackson & Soccer Unite our Enemies

By Debbie Schlussel

What do Michael Jackson and soccer have in common? That's easy. Smart Americans with taste dislike both. But our enemies just love Michael Jackson and soccer. It's part of a secret international IQ test. Post 9/11, if you love freedom and decency, you have no interest in either the silly game of low scoring and the bizarre has-been-pop-star-come-plastic-surgery-victim. If you hate America and love terror, soccer and Michael Jackson are the best things since sliced bread (if you're from those countries who hate us and haven't yet emerged into the advanced era of sliced bread, then they are the best things since whole pita with hummus).

As USA Today reports, "'M.J.' Has Own U.N. in His Corner Outside Courthouse." Fans from Oslo (home of the failed give-in-to-terrorists Oslo Accords), Germany (home of the Hamburg cell and O.J-style juries that repeatedly fail to convict Al-Qaeda terrorists), and pot-smoking Amsterdam (where Muslim terrorists assassinate Van Gogh descendants), have all convened outside the Santa Barbara Courthouse to worship at the alter of the "King of Pop." Foreigners hold up signs with such reassuring messages as "Germany Fights With You!" (Germany fought with Der Fuhrer and the Third Reich, too) and "He's not Hitler." Hmmm . . . . That explains why every Muslim terrorist gets away with murder in Germany. They're not Hitler, either. I guess if you're not Hitler, anything else goes.

Posted by Debbie on June 12, 2005 11:15 AM to Debbie Schlussel