Debbie Schlussel: Dumbest Republican May Run for Prez

By Debbie Schlussel

The GOP's biggest buffoon, former Health & Human Services (HHS) Secretary Tommy Thompson, says he is considering running for President. G-d save us from this blowhard.

Thompson believes he deserves to occupy 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue because, he claims, nobody else has been "as vocal on [healthcare] as I have." Thompson's healthcare "legacy" was a cockamamie CIPRO (medicine for chemical weapon exposure) distribution scheme, multiple people dying of anthrax poisoning with the culprit never discovered, no vaccine for anthrax (except that being produced EXCLUSIVELY by ONE MUSLIM-OWNED company in the entire U.S.), flu vaccines running out everywhere, soaring healthcare and medicine prices, and not much else.

As you'll recall, this genius, Thompson, announced in his resignation from HHS that he doesn't understand why the terrorists haven't yet targeted our food supply (and sounded as if he was practically begging them to, so that he could fly in and fail, yet again, to save the day). During the debates with John Kerry, President Bush alluded to some Cabinet appointments he regretted making. Reportedly, Bush was alluding to Bono-groupie (and part-time Treasury Secretary) Paul O'Neill and Tommy Thompson.

Bush is thinking: "Why did I pick this idiot?"

Since he left HHS, the intellectually-challenged Thompson has consistently engaged in exploits of the idiotic. For instance, he joined the board of a microchip company and endorsed the implantation of microchips in humans. Talk about Big Brother. That'll make you really healthy.

Thompson was Governor of Wisconsin when I was in grad school (University of Wisconsin Law School '93; University of Wisconsin Business School '95). His nephews were in some of my classes, and even they acknowledged what a dummy their uncle was. We overwhelmingly voted for "Hollywood Squares'" Charles Nelson Reilly over Thompson as our law school graduation speaker, and he was dead (we thought).

Maybe it's no coincidence that Thompson hails from Elroy, Wisconsin. It seems fitting that this cartoonish figure comes from a town that shares its name with a Jetsons character. Unfortunately, he's no cartoon. Fortunately, Tommy Thompson has as much chance of becoming President as the Unabomber.

Posted by Debbie on August 21, 2005 01:34 PM to Debbie Schlussel