Debbie Schlussel: Slick Willie, First Lady
If and when Hillary Rodham Cankles is elected President, the April issue of Glamour notes the duties--normally assigned to the First Lady--that First Lady William Jefferson Clinton will have to oversee (the comments in parentheses are mine):
* Supervise the butlers and kitchen staff (especially if they're hot, female, and wear thongs . . . just like Monica--well, at least she was female and wore thongs);
* Redecorate the Presidential living quarters (red crushed velvet, animal rugs, a vibrating bed, and Elvis' fur pillow cases for the Lincoln bedroom sound like the Slick Willie-style decor);
* Announce his favorite recipe to the press (Hillary couldn't bake cookies, but she claimed she made "a mean tossed salad;" Bill could make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, with a side of oysters for that libido-enhancement, or Viagra-frosted cupcakes);
* Entertain the wives of ambassadors at teas (especially if they're hot and want a "tour" of the Lincoln Bedroom);
* Organize the annual White House Easter egg hunt (Cool, he gets to kiss them under the mistle-toe. Oops, wrong holiday. Damn, those girls are underage, but he could reserve them a White House "intern" slot for a few years from now; "When you turn 17, come see me, honey.");
Well, it looks like First Lady Bill Clinton will have to stick to his more preferable day job as Chief Judge in the Hawaiian Tropic bikini contest.
Posted by Debbie on March 26, 2007 12:04 PM to Debbie Schlussel