July 13, 2006
Darwin Awards Revisited: Stupid Hip-Hop Trend Causes Health Risks
Natural selection of idiots and survival of the non-stupid class takes place every day. The latest repeat winners of the Darwin Awards should be hip-hoppers.
If you're hip to pop culture trends as we are, you've no doubt noticed the latest stupid hip-hop status symbol over the last few years: grills.
What are grills, you ask? They're dental accessories that look like very ugly (and painful) braces worn over the jaded, phony smiles of rap artists and other assorted malefactors. The removable fixtures fit over front teeth and snap into place, usually made of gold or platinum and studded with diamond inlays. They can cost thousands of dollars and are yet another gaudy chapter in the look-at-me-and-the-riches-I-got hip-hop world. (We'd use the word "bling," but we got the memo a couple of years ago. That word is out.)
Rapper Nelly wrote a song glorifying them, "Grillz," gushing over robbery of jewelry stores to make these absurd mouth appliances:
Rob the jewelry store and tell 'em make me a grill. Dirrty, R&B. Add da whole top diamond and the bottom Row's gold.Yo we bout to start a epidemic wit dis one
Ya'll know what dis is... So So DefGot 30 down at the bottom, 30 mo at the top
All invisible set in little ice cube blocks
If I could call it a drink, call it a smile on da rocks
If I could call out a price, let's say I call out a lot
I got like platinum and white gold, traditional gold
I'm changin grillz errday, like Jay change clothes,
I might be grilled out nicely (oh) In my white tee (oh),
On South beach (oh) in my wife beat.
V V and studded you can tell when they cut it
Ya see my granmama hate it, but my lil mama love it . . . .What it do baby
It's da ice man Paul Wall
I got my mouth lookin somethin like a disco ball
I got da diamonds and da ice all hand set
I might cause a cold front if I take a deep breath
My teeth gleaming like I'm chewin on aluminum foil
Smilein showin off my diamonds sippin on some Pinot Noir
I put my money where my mouth is and bought a grill
20 carrots 30 stacks let 'em know im so fo real
My motivation is from 30 pointers V VS the furniture my mouth
Piece simply symbolize success
I got da wrist wear and neck wear dats captivatin
But it's my smile dats got these on-lookers spectatin
My mouth piece simply certified a total package
Open up my mouth and you see mo carrots than a salad
My teeth are mind blowin givin everybody chillz
Call me George Foreman cuz I'm sellin everybody grillz
Yum, chewing on aluminum foil. Sounds like a real pleasurable experience. Delish. Yet another sign there's no accounting for good taste--literally AND figuratively--in America.
Nelly and the rest of this silly portion of our culture apparently think their mouths are the fronts of Jeep Grand Cherokees and H2 Hummers. Do they think they should brush with Turtle Wax and anti-freeze, too? More swell photos of grill-wearing dummies here.
Now comes word that from dentist Dr. Matt Messina of the American Dental Association that grills harbor bacteria, are hard on teeth and gums, and cause lasting damage to various areas of the mouth. Gum infections, irritations, and cavities are just some of the costs of this latest, absurd hip-hop waste of money. It's Mother Nature's way of fighting back against the uber-ludicrous (not to be confused with rapper "Ludacris").
Reasonable human forces are noting the ridiculous and in appropriate nature of grills on teens. The Suburban Dallas school district of Arlington, Texas recently banned grills. Good for them.
Well, nobody said the rap world was synonymous with wisdom. In fact, it appears there's a very strong negative correlation between the two.
Posted by Debbie at July 13, 2006 03:53 PM
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Comments
My pick for worst looking grills is for boxer Zab Judah;he's probably taken up the most computer space for "fans" speculating,for example,
'What's that shit in Judah's mouth?'(google- grills on Zab Judah's teeth).If I were his attorney,I'd argue that his grills were a major factor in causing him to be fined $250,000 with a year's suspension for his last fight,in which he lost the title to Floyd 'Pretty Boy' Mayweather-another rap guy-but without grills.
Posted by: jaywilton ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.debbieschlussel.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at July 13, 2006 04:46 PM
Jesus christ, and they say rock music is weird?
Posted by: KOAJaps at July 13, 2006 04:54 PM
I've said before, and i'll say it again: Hip-Hop is the celebration of STUPIDITY!
Posted by: Yiddish Steel at July 13, 2006 05:06 PM
Well, the upside to all the damage being done is these rappers have way more money than they know what to do with. So, when the teeth start getting bad they can go to a dentist and get them fixed. Actually, these people are so dull,bad teeth will be the least of their problems.
Posted by: CoolToTheEnd at July 13, 2006 05:29 PM
So let me get this straight:
"Bling" is so yesterday, but "def" is still hip?
Who makes this stuff up?
(N.B. I think "hip-hop"--the culture, the music, the whole nine yards--is about the most useless tripe ever to afflict a free society. The sooner it dies, the better.
(Can you believe it was only "yesterday" that Miles Davis was a cutting-edge rebel? A guy that could actually play his instrument?)
Posted by: bpolhemus at July 13, 2006 07:41 PM
Hip-Hop is a criminal culture that has its roots in the prison system. I never ceases to amaze me that people buy this crap..it is grammer school level lyrics that do not even rhyme. What do you expect from people that do not even graduate from junior high.
What ticks me off is the Corporate assholes that support this rot gut culture and its music.
Posted by: ScottyDog at July 13, 2006 07:43 PM
I must be getting old, because when I was younger the worst thing to happen would be to have to wear braces.
I don't know which is dumber, grillz, baggy pants, or wearing baseball caps backward. (But, it all looks good on you, Dantard).
Wasn't it Mencken who said you'd never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public? Here's proof.
Posted by: The_Man at July 13, 2006 08:15 PM
Debbie I had braces as a kid so I guess I was cool after the fact. Anyway I've noticed that the underclass is really good at self-inflicted wounds like drugs, alcohol, violence, obesity, now the grills. Nice to see my tax dollars hard at work.
Posted by: shleppy at July 14, 2006 12:31 AM
On a related note:
"
Progress?
[Jason Mattera 07/13 09:07 AM]
Why isn't it a good idea to invite rapper Fat Joe to your student conference? Because he might start off with something like this, courtesy of The Washington Post:
Rapper Fat Joe, speaking on a panel yesterday at the Campus Progress National Student Conference in D.C., took the inevitable question on how he feels about the representation of women in hip-hop. "Y'all might as well throw spears at me now," he said. "Y'all are going to throw me out, but I think they're bitches and hos."
http://phibetacons.nationalreview.com/post/?q=NzQ1ZDdkMmRjNzY0OTI2ZGU1ZGI4OTJlZjZhYjc4ZDQ
Posted by: Eric at July 14, 2006 07:29 AM
Ah yes,well at least we can recognize an idiot from 100 yards away.Rap culture,lack of talent,having some asswipe wear his pants down to their knees. Well check out this video,this kid has genuine skills and can play the hell out of an instrument.ENJOY!
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5666429598115503824
Posted by: Chiefscotty24 at July 14, 2006 07:18 PM
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