July 03, 2009
Weekend Box Office: Excellent "Moon," Horrid "Whatever Works" Mocks Conservatives, Southerners
You've already read my review of "Public Enemies," which arrived in theaters, Wednesday. Here are the other new offerings I screened.
* "Moon": This movie was meant to mark the 40th anniversary of the 1969 landing on the moon. But the storyline has little to do with that, though it does take place on the moon.
This futuristic thriller is sort of like an extended episode of "The Twilight Zone" or "The Outer Limits." While it's a little slow, I enjoyed it very much. The modern sets and cinematography of the moon are cool. I also liked its campy use of the 1991 Chesney Hawkes hit song, "(I Am) The One And Only," as the repeated alarm clock tune in this flick. And the plot is engaging.
Sam Rockwell plays Sam Bell, an astronaut working on the moon in the future. We've learned how to harvest the moon for energy back on earth. Rockwell is just two weeks shy of his three year contract to serve on the moon. He's about to return to Earth to be reunited with his wife and young daughter. But he feels like he's starting to see things, beginning to crack up. It's tough to spend three years in solitary existence on another planet, with a clever robot who makes smiley (and other) faces as your only friend and talking partner. Will he make it back or are things not exactly as they seem?
If you like sci-fi and modern, futuristic movies, this is for you. An interesting aside: Trudie Styler, Sting's wife, is one of the producers of this. It's good and the ending keeps you wondering. Not all the questions are answered. I like movies like that because they make you think.
Fun, enjoyable, entertaining, escapist--the way movies are meant to be.
THREE REAGANS
* "Whatever Works": This is typical Woody Allen stuff, though it's among his worst. The title of this awful cinematic tripe refers to the ending sexual choices of the characters--a religious Christian southerner becomes half of a gay couple, after his wife becomes an artist living with two men in a menage a trois. Yup, Southern, middle-American Christian conservative red-staters becoming gays and sexually experimental in Manhattan, and they all live happily ever after--isn't that great!
That's not to mention the extremely snooty, one-dimensional, snobbish way this movie presents and looks down upon Southerners. From beginning to end, the message is that Southerners--actually, all middle Americans--are stupid and backward, that their values are inferior to Manhattan intellectuals.
Larry David plays a much older snobby, genius scientist who falls for a young Southern girl runaway (Evan Rachel Wood) in Manhattan. The girl's mother soon follows, after her husband leaves her for another woman. The mother becomes an artist (whose work consists of naked photos) and is living and sleeping with two men. Soon, her father (Ed Begley, Jr.) comes to Manhattan and comes out as gay. And, hey, "Whatever Works," right?
That's the sad message of this highly unentertaining movie. "Whatever Works"? Isn't that the philosophy South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford practiced? And, um, it's not working for him. Ditto for former New Jersey Governor, James McGreevey. A lot of sad victims are left in their wake.
So, to sum up this movie: New York intellectuals--good, very good; Southern middle American conservatives--bad, very bad (and stupid hicks) . . . until they become gays and "artists" in menages-a-trois.
FOUR MARXES
Posted by Debbie at 11:33 AM
July 01, 2009
Small Favors: Unlike Star Depp, Slow, Boring "Public Enemies" Doesn't Glorify Dillinger
If you're planning on seeing "Public Enemies," in theaters today, make sure you ingest a lot of caffeine. It's slow and boring and seemed like it went on forever.
Last week, I told you about how "Public Enemies" star Johnny Depp said, "I'm a big fan" of John Dillinger, the cop-killing bank-robber he plays in the movie's lead role. He also said, "I actually hope people root for him, too."
Although I originally looked forward to the movie, I was worried that "Public Enemies" would glorify Dillinger, the way Depp did in press interviews. Fortunately, that did not come to pass. It shows Johnny Depp as violent and the crowd with which he ran as equally violent and murderous.
It does, however, show FBI agents as women-beaters and far less humane toward women than law enforcement. FBI agents are shown beating Dillinger's girlfriend and denying bathroom privileges to her, causing her to urinate in the chair to which she's chained. (The girlfriend, played by 9/11 Truther Marion Cotillard with a horrible attempt at an American accent--her real French accent rears its head at every turn. Cotillard took lessons to drop her French accent. She needs to sue the teacher for malpractice.) Dillinger, on the other hand, is shown as loyal to a fault when it comes to women, even the hookers.
Could have done without the indignant scene of Agent Purvis' secretary lecturing him, "Mr. Purvis, they cannot treat a woman this way." I thought I was hearing the ACLU lecture us on how to treat Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and the rest of his Islamic terrorist buds.
Moreover, the movie shouldn't have been called, "Public Enemies," which fools you into thinking that the movie provides equal time to both Dillinger and FBI Agent Melvin Purvis (played by Christian Bale), the lead agent on his case. It doesn't. Clearly, this movie is about Dillinger, with Depp as the star and Bale as a co-star, much like the Heath Ledger's Joker was the real star of "The Dark Knight," and Bale's Batman was the co-star of that one. Insofar as that goes, the villain is elevated, the hero diminished.
The movie is very slow-moving and boring. There's no excitement, little suspense. It's rare that you see such an action-packed film--complete with lots of bank robbery and shoot 'em up scenes--that is so unexciting and slow. But this movie was exactly that. A silly love story, with cheesy lines and dialogue doesn't help, but it's quite obvious that was thrown in to give something to women who go to see it. I wasn't buying, including when Dillinger cries over his girl, although I can't say I didn't smile seeing America-hating Depp shed tears.
The love story gives rise to one of the most gratuitous lines in the flick, in which Depp suggests he join his girlfriend in a tub:
Me and my friend, Prince Albert, will join you.
Um, is this a major motion picture or a bad Ron Jeremy porno?
My favorite scene in the movie is when a young J. Edgar Hoover testifies before a Congressional committee, seeking more money for his interstate manhunt of Dillinger and other criminals. He's repeatedly asked by a Congressman to reveal the number of times he has personally ever made an actual arrest. He finally answers, "None," and repeatedly decleared, "But I am an administrator." The Congressman tells him that makes him completely unqualified to head the FBI or any law enforcement agency.
I wanted to shout out to the theater, "Where is this Congressman when we need him?" None of the people heading our law enforcement agencies have this qualification, and they're all completely unqualified. Janet Napolitano, Robert Mueller, etc. None of 'em have ever made a single arrest in their lives. The same went for former Immigration and Customs Enforcement chieftess Julie L. Myers a/k/a "The ICE Princess," and her Obama replacement John Morton.
The male stars in this movie are nice to look at, as are their suave clothes--sharp, dapper suits from the days when men's sartorial splendor was all that. And the sets and cars from the 1930's are also beautiful. If only the script and the storyline had such exquisite attention paid to them.
But they did not.
In fact, we barely see much of some of the other crooks with whom Dillinger hung. Pretty Boy Floyd (Channing Tatum) is killed off in the first five minutes, and we don't know why. The movie is basically this: Dillinger in prison, Dillinger broken out of prison, Dillinger lives openly among the public who support and protect him, Dillinger falls in love, Dillinger robs banks, Dillinger in with the mob, Dillinger out with the mob, Dillinger tracked down, set up, and shot, the end.
I like a good gangster movie or crime thriller. But "Public Enemies" is only mildly entertaining, and not entertaining enough to make it worthy of your $10 bucks. I'm glad it's not the pan-criminal revisionist propaganda I feared.
But it's just not a great movie. Not even good. It's just eh.
HALF A REAGAN
Posted by Debbie at 09:39 AM
June 26, 2009
Weekend Box Office: Powerful "Stoning of Soraya M.", Annoying Cougar Flick "Cheri"
You've already read my review of "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" a/k/a "Transformers 2" (in which Israel is erased off the map). I did not see "My Sister's Keeper," though if I do, I'll post the review later over the weekend. Here's what I did see:
* "The Stoning of Soraya M.": This movie is not only powerful, it's important. It is extremely moving, too.
Cyrus Nowrasteh, the secular Muslim behind "The Path to 9/11" ABC miniseries, made this film of the true story of an Iranian woman who is stoned to death, after her rich husband and the town's Islamic cleric trump up fake adultery charges against her. All of this is done because Soraya's husband wants to divorce her (without paying her any support money or alimony), so he can marry a young girl with whom he's been apparently having an affair.
This movie is just the way I like it. It pulls no punches. It's very clear about the role Islam plays in brutality and fabricated "justice." And it spares us none of the up-close graphic violence and blood of an Islamic stoning, which goes on in countries all over the world today . . . Islamic countries. (It's violence and blood that is necessary to see, but not for the faint of heart and definitely NOT for kids.)
Shohreh Agdashloo--best known for playing the wife in a Turkish Muslim terrorist couple on the show "24"--is the star of this vehicle. She plays Soraya's courageous aunt, who talks to a reporter (Jim Caviezel) and gets the story out. Caviezel's reporter is a French Iranian whose car breaks down, and he is stranded in the small town until it is fixed. He tape records Agdashloo's retelling of what happened just the day before.
The stoning incident also shows how wantonly life is taken away under sharia (Islamic law) and how cavalierly the killing--the murder--is treated. After Soraya has her show trial (which she wasn't allowed nor was she allowed to testify), Soraya's stoning happens with a fervor. The townfolk celebrate it and laugh before, during, and after. During the stoning, a clown troop--complete with Iranian clown midget--come to entertain the town kids. When they learn there's a stoning going on, they eagerly entertain. That night, the whole town engages in feast and drink in celebration.
Very sickening, and, sadly, extremely true. If you love freedom as I do and despise jihad, this movie is a must see. I absolutely loved it. And it has no qualms about exposing Islam for what it is--a violent cult.
One other thing: Some western greeniac idiots who support the faux-democratic uprising in Iran are trying to use this movie as a vehicle for their unworthy cause. They are fools if they think that the Muslim green activists on the streets of Iran are any less for these Islamic stonings of women than Ahmadinejad and his supporters are. Mousavi supported there-establishment of Islamic rule and, thus, the stonings in 1979, and he supports it now. Wake the heck up.
FOUR REAGANS
* "Cheri": This is the "cougar" vehicle that's been much discussed in showbiz media outlets. It features Michelle Pfeiffer as a wealthy, aging prostitute in 1920s France, who falls in love with a much younger boy, "Cheri" (British actor, Rupert Friend), and lives with him from his late teens through his mid-20s.
I don't much care for movies in which women try to act like men (in pining for younger lovers), and the "men" are so gay-looking and effeminate that it simply isn't believable. Rupert Friend looks so much like a girl it's off-putting. A scene in which he dons a pearl necklace made me wanna hurl.
But this movie isn't for me or most of this site's audience. It's for middle-aged and post-middle-aged women who like to look at nice clothes (the costumes were incredible), nice scenery, and beautiful flowers.
For the rest of us, it's an annoying chick flick. As chick flicks go, it could have been far worse. But it's mostly skipworthy. I mean, after all, it's about the lives of prostitutes and one who becomes heartbroken. So what? Who cares? Not me.
The one good thing about the movie: it shows that a life of prostitution may bring a ton of easy money, but it also brings a more heavy truckload of tragedy and heartbreak.
HALF A MARX
Posted by Debbie at 12:01 PM
June 25, 2009
Johnny Depp: "I'm a Big Fan" and "Hope People Root For" Bank-Robbing, Cop-Killing Murderer
When I was a kid, one of the best syndicated re-runs of "The Brady Bunch" was an episode entitled "Bobby's Hero," in which Bobby Brady idolizes Jesse James. Mr. Brady, disturbed that one of his sons would idolize a criminal and murderer, forces Bobby to learn about the real evil embodied by his romanticized hero from the old West. It finally hits home when Mike Brady introduces son Bobby to a man whose father was murdered in cold blood by his "idol." (The full episode can be viewed in three parts here, here, and here--thanks to reader Yitzchak.)
If only we could go back 36 years and force actor Johnny Depp to have the fictional Mike Brady as his father. This is what I mean when I talk about the importance of good fathers in kids' lives in America. Say what you want about "The Brady Bunch." That was a TV father who did what many Americans don't do for their kids today . . . including, apparently, Johnny Depp's father.
Depp plays John Dillinger, the 1930s serial bank robber in "Public Enemies," the movie which debuts in theaters, next Wednesday. It's one of the big 4th of July holiday releases.
Sadly, Depp--who has a history of making anti-American statements--is just as clueless on the cold-blooded creep he plays. He's now idolizing Dillinger in the same way little Bobby Brady idolized Jesse James. And, with it, he and his castmates play the same old left-wing class warfare politics, which somehow makes bank robbery "cool."
Johnny Depp chuckles when he hears that his cast mates say he has a swagger similar to 1930s bank robber John Dillinger.He thinks so, too.
"Oddly," said the star of the legendary criminal, "I'm a big fan."
Depp chatted about the folklore-like merits of Dillinger at the Los Angeles premiere of Public Enemies. . . .
"Especially in that era . . . everything was going against the common man. People like John Dillinger came back and were anti the establishment in their own special way," Depp said. "I actually hope people root for him, too."
Sadly, co-star Christian Bale, who plays FBI Agent Melvin Purvis who went after Dillinger, drinks the pan-criminal Kool-Aid, too.
Bale said . . . moviegoers will naturally fall for the criminal's charm."Especially because this is a gangster who really has the heart of the common man, too," Bale said. "It's like today, there's a recession and like now, people back then felt there was this great sense of injustice and that these fat cats were just screwing them over. And Dillinger was somebody taking it back. It's like Dillinger was the right man at the right time and he seemed almost to have a cause. It's a question whether that was really the case, but you can see how easily the people felt about that and gravitated toward that."
9/11 Truther idiotette and co-star Marion Cotillard spouts the BS, too.
The cast also chatted about the Robin Hood-like quality that Depp brings to Dillinger."He wasn't really that bad," cooed Oscar winner Marion Cotillard, who portrays Depp's love interest in the film. "People will love this guy.
Disgusting.
Here's a reality check: John Dillinger was not a nice guy. He was a murderer. He killed a police officer, Patrick O'Malley. And he was a cop killer in more ways than one. When fellow degenerate friends of his sprung him from jail, a sheriff, Jess Sarber, was killed. And death and maiming, including of female bystanders, followed him everywhere he went.
This is America's new folk hero? It reminds me of the sickening worship of Charles Manson that continues to simmer within America's younger demographic.
When I first wrote about how I was looking forward to this movie, readers contacted me, hoping it wasn't going to romanticize Dillinger, and it looks like their fears have been realized, based on what we've seen so far.
Reader Mark, who wrote:
Did you see the 1973 movie, "Dillinger"? I watched it on TV recently, twice. The first time, I was thinking that you don't see movies like that too much any more, as it did not, over all, glorify the robbers and demonize the federal agents. Did you ever happen to hear Woodie Guthrie's "Pretty Boy Floyd"? I guess that presaged the coming of romanticizing evil. Nowadays, everybody wants to be an outlaw.
Sadly, they do. Gangsta is in. Good is out.
Reader OldSchoolW warned:
Michael Mann's films have never been known for their accuracy.
And if Dillinger is the hero these guys make him out to be, looks like this movie will be equally as inaccurate.
I'll be seeing the movie, Monday, and posting my review at just after Midnight on Wednesday Morning. Stay tuned.
In the meantime, I repost the trailer here:
Posted by Debbie at 04:10 PM
June 24, 2009
Transformers 2: Very Dumb, 'Nother Opportunity 2 Transform Your Kids Into Foul-Mouthed Morons (Plus Israel Off the Map)
As longtime readers know, my biggest problem with the movies that Hollywood puts out is not that they're mostly utter garbage (which they are). It's that studios pour gazillions into marketing crass, crude, sex-laden, F- and S-bomb encrusted movies to young kids.
That's yet again the case with "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" a/k/a Transformers 2--a long, boring, stupid movie marketed heavily to children. I mean, after all, it's Transformers--a set of mechanical toys from the '80s--upon which the movie is based. And M&M/Mars and Target are doing joint promotions to kids with gross-tasting peanut-butter and strawberry M&Ms (I tried 'em--yuck!) and chances to obtain cute M&M gumball machines.
But Hollywood execs don't care that too many Americans let them raise their kids. They don't take the responsibility seriously. They only take their bank accounts seriously. And that's why we have crap like "Transformers 2."
Yes, the movie is filled with cars/transformers and cool special effects . . . so many effects that my mind was numbed beyond the numbing of almost two-and-a-half hours of stupid on the big screen. And that's why, even though it stinks, this movie will make tons of money and top the box office.
And yes, it's filled with hot women, like Megan Fox, and an ivy league seductress who is actually a decepticon. But is that really for seven year olds? Want your kid staring at butt shots of a 20-something vixen leaning over a motorcycle in barely there jean shorts? Fine for older teens and 20-somethings, but your young kid? Do you want your eight year old son oogling at a sexy, scantilly clad decepticon trying to have sex with the movie's dull hero (Shia Lebeouf) and then having dangerous metal tentacles coming out of her rear end and sex organs? How 'bout the various scenes of dogs having sex or rubbing up against Megan Fox's leg?
Want your kids repeating crude jokes about "sucking sacs" and other references to oral sex? Repeating f-, s-, and a-hole words, which make up a good deal of the movie dialogue? How 'bout the p-word? That's in there, too. Thanks, M&M/Mars, you really know how to market to kids by promoting "Transformers 2" to them.
Then, there's the "story"/plot. It's hard to tell that there's actually one in this movie. And that's fine. We know people don't go to "Transformer" movies for the storyline. But, remember, I liked the first "Transformers" movie (read my review), though that also had a lot of four-letter words and crude references to masturbation, etc.--not suitable for kids. The first movie did have a story--a cute one and a great good-triumphs-over-evil message. In this one, well, not so much. It's more like: awkward teen goes to Ivy League School, while Decepticons fight good transformers, two hot chicks fight over teen, he has dopey Hispanic roommate/internet guru, and they all end up in Egypt and Jordan (which strangely are right next to each other--yup, even Hollywood has wiped Israel off the map). Ruins of the ancient city of Petra (now in Jordan) are shown to be just yards from the Egyptian Pyramids. Yup, this movie won't teach your kid geography either . . . but it'll teach 'em most of George Carlin's seven words. Terrific.
The movie is so stupid, it's like a three-year-old wrote it. I know I've said the same about "Land of the Lost" (read my review) and "Year One" (read my review). And this movie is in tight contention with those two to be the summer's dumbest, worst flick.
I know I've lectured you before about the morons who call themselves "parents" who take their kids to movies like "Friday the 13th" and "The Watchmen" (read my review). But this movie isn't much of an improvement. Yes, it doesn't have the "R" rating and isn't graphically violent and full of blood and wanton killing like those. But that doesn't mean it's good for your kids' minds.
Or your own.
Simply a waste of time, ten bucks, and 2.5 hours of life you can't reclaim after the fact.
Skip it.
ONE MARX
Posted by Debbie at 09:50 AM
June 19, 2009
Weekend Box Office: ICE Snubbed in Silly Marriage Fraud "Proposal"; Creepy But Sweet "Management"; UPDATED: Skip "Year One"
**** SCROLL DOWN FOR UPDATE-- "Year One" Review Added ****
* "The Proposal": While tiny bits of the storyline of this schlocky romantic comedy (that's a nice euphemism for "dopey chick flick") resemble the far more charming "Green Card," this movie is mostly groan fodder. And it's entirely predictable and formulaic. Plus, I don't go for the "cougar" dynamic here (45-year-old Sandra Bullock in great shape through a cheesecloth lense with much younger Ryan Reynolds). If we wanted women to act like men, they'd be men.
The story: An older complete bitch of a boss at a publishing company (Sandra Bullock) learns will be deported to Canada and lose her job as a top editor/executive. So, she demands that her assistant, Ryan Reynolds, to marry her and commit marriage fraud. He agrees after exacting a promotion from her. To make it look real, he takes her to Alaska for his grandmother's (Betty White--the Jump the Shark Ted McGinley of movies, meaning if she's in it, it's a sign: it sucks) 90th birthday.
While I laughed more than a few times, most of the jokes in this were stupid . . . unless you consider scenes of an out-of-shape Hispanic guy stripper in a thong funny (and I don't). Still, this is more trumped up melodrama than comedy. There are lots of--way too much--faux-tears and silly, unctious fights between family members.
And, as you'd predict, they fall in love. Shocker.
When this film was shot, there were lots of scenes filmed with Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) uniformed police and agents, but all of that has ended up on the cutting room floor. ICE was snubbed in this film, and the agents should be happy.
BTW, if only real life U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services adjudicators were as determined to weed out marriage fraud as the one in this movie. Sadly, it's not even close in the real world. And ICE rarely investigates or prosecutes the ones who are determined to be marriage fraud perpetrators.
Wanna see a film about real-life marriage fraud? Start filming in Dearbornistan.
As chick flicks go, this could have been far worse. But it also could have been far better. Great for the Oprah crowd, but for the rest of us . . .
HALF A REAGAN
* "Management": At first, I found this movie extremely weird and very creepy. But it grew better as it progressed.
A de-glammed Jennifer Aniston plays a traveling saleswoman, whose company sells mass-produced art to motels and offices. While staying at a motel out West, the son of the motel owners (Steven Zahn) develops a crush on her. But she sleeps with him, and then he starts stalking her . . . all over the country. Like I said, it's creepy.
Eventually, though, Aniston--tied up with her ex-punk rocker, organic yogurt mogul boyfriend--falls in love with Zahn, an aimless motel employee with no future.
But life is complicated and circumstances--economic circumstances and plans for the future--get in the way. Or do they?
The most annoying part of this movie is the lefty crap that's thrown in. Aniston's character is "one of those," making a fuss with the small-town motel owners that they don't have a recycling center, etc.
Still, I found this comedy funny, entertaining, and, eventually, charming, if waaaaaay creepy.
Steve Zahn is the star of this vehicle, not Aniston. And it's a chick flick you guys will enjoy. It's well done, if a little long and drawn out (even at only just over 1.5 hours).
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
*** UPDATE: "Year One": Absolutely awful. This movie was so bad, I walked out after a half-hour. I simply couldn't take the stupidity and inanity anymore. It just wasn't funny. And it was like a three year old made it. Extremely stupid.
Jack Black and Michael Cera play cave men at the beginning of man. They are kicked out of their village because Jack Black accidentally sets their village on fire.
Sound exciting to you? Me neither. I should have walked out well before Black eats dung and tells us it tastes like the producer of it ate apples. This is funny?
Skip at all cost. I lost $10 on this. Save yours and two valuable hours of life not worth wasting on this exercise in moronism.
FOUR MARXES
Posted by Debbie at 04:12 PM
June 15, 2009
More Obnoxious Than Ever: Flabulous Filmmaker Releases "Trailer"
As I've recounted on this site previously, I once sat next to Michael Moore at a showing of one of his movies, "The Big One," which rails against America's corporations and their CEOS (kinda like his next movie will do).
When the movie was over, he asked me what I thought, and I asked him why he'd rail against CEOs, and yet he was wearing a Detroit Tigers hat and a Chicago Bulls shirt. I reminded him that sports teams are the corporations who most soak taxpayers for their stadiums, etc., and yet they provide mostly seasonal jobs which pay well below market value. Plus, their clothes, which he was wearing, are not made in America, but overseas by the people he complained are paid less than a dollar a day. Moore's response was that he's a hypocrite and not consistent, and he seemed proud of that. So, it's no surprise that it's more of the same, since he has hundreds of thousands of dollars in corporate stock holdings and he's at it again, with yet another flick--this time, attacking Wall Street. Over the weekend, he unveiled this extremely obnoxious "trailer" for his next movie to movie audiences in New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago. Yuck.
The untitled movie comes out in October. Gee, I wonder how Michael Moore bought and sold stocks without Wall Street. Oh, yeah, he didn't avoid Wall Street. But, yet, they're baaad, very bad.
The "Team America: World Police" guys had exactly the right idea with this self-righteous hypocrite.
Posted by Debbie at 12:58 PM
June 12, 2009
Weekend Box Office: Fun "Pelham" Remake, Charming "Imagine That" for Kids, New Age Crap "Away We Go"
A couple of new movie releases that aren't bad, at this week's box office, and one awful New Age dud.
* "The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3": This is a remake of a 1974 movie, starring Walter Matthau, Martin Balsam, Robert Shaw, and Hector Elizondo. This incarnation stars Denzel Washington and John Travolta.
I watched the original, last night, and while I liked that, I liked this one much better. It's fun, fast-paced, exciting, and heart-pounding. John Travolta is good as a villain, and he plays the bad guy in this story about several crooks who hijack a New York subway train, demanding a ransom of $10 million to release the hostages.
Washington plays the schlubby subway traffic controller who negotiates with him. Travolta gives New York City officials an hour to get him the money before he starts killing one hostage a minute.
Travolta claims he's not a terrorist, but in fact he is. And the Mayor insists on negotiating with him against his advisors' unanimous advice. It gets from bad to worse, and reminded me of Barack Obama's desire to negotiate to the Ahmadinejads and HAMASniks. When his "negotiations" with a madman clearly don't work, his advisors tell him, "you entered his world, now exit it."
Yes, much of the movie is predictable, but it's still entertaining and fun to watch. If I had any reservations with it, it's the obvious things. Primary among them are the many scenes we're shown of NYPD officers' motorcade rushing to get the money across Midtown New York in the middle of the afternoon, with the motorcade hitting cars and ** Spoiler Alert ** cops getting severely injured or killed. In the meantime, hostages are killed because of the delay.** End of Spoiler ** Anyone who's ever been to New York knows that New York traffic at that time of day (and most of the day) is heavy and slow. Why didn't they just take a helicopter and land on top of a nearby skyscraper? Plus the villain is from Wall Street (more politics of envy class warfare brought to you by the fabulously wealthy in Hollywood).
I could have also done without the digs at Rudy Giuliani (though the original version of this movie was far harsher on then-New York Mayor Abe Beame). The New York Mayor is played by James Gandolfini, who is styled as a fat version of Giuliani (with the bankroll of current Mayor Michael Bloomberg), cheats on his wife, and is a jerk. And he says he doesn't want to be like Rudy Giuliani in making a speech to calm New York.
But, overall, I liked it.
One other thing: as an attorney, I don't think a man's admission, under duress, that he committed a felony--a statement made under the threat of killing people--would necessarily be admissible in court, and if it was, that it would be considered any sort of valid admission.
Note that this movie is not for young kids. It's bloody and violent and full of f- and s-bombs.
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
* "Imagine That": Eddie Murphy is back in his latest comeback attempt vehicle. And it's not bad. Like most kids' movies, this is predictable and slightly corny. But, unlike most kids' movies, it has a storyline that adults can enjoy, and I did. It's also mildly funny (though some of Murphy's standard humor from the '80s seems kind of dated and stale now). I laughed quite a few times. And it's very cute.
Murphy plays a investment advisor in a brokerage firm, who is in the process of divorcing his wife. His cute (actually, a little too cute) seven-year-old daughter has a security blanket of which she refuses to let go. She talks to three imaginary princesses and a queen via the blanket.
Murphy is competing with a sleazy, oily colleague--who says he's an American Indian--for advancement at the firm. Soon, Murphy learns that his daughters' imaginary friends give him brilliant investment advice and predict which companies and stocks will succeed and which will fail.
Even though the man is only 1/32nd American Indian (something we find out at the end), the movie is very offensive and negatively stereotypical in the way it portrays American Indians, and the Native American organizations would be rightfully upset with this movie. You can bet Hollywood would NEVER make fun of Muslims or Arabs this way . . . at least not now in our new post-9/11 uber-tolerance of all things Islamic.
The thing I really liked about this movie is that, unlike many Hollywood offerings, it ultimately shows a competent, loving father spending time with his daughter. Because of that, he finally gets his priorities in line, if at first, he didn't appreciate his father role.
TWO REAGANS
* "Away We Go": This is one of the absolutely most awful movies of all time. You know a movie is going to be bad when it starts out with two people in bed during oral sex discussing how one of them "tastes." Had I walked out them, I'd have been smart, but I was required to watch the whole thing to review it.
This long, boring exercise in New Age BS to the nth degree features an interracial boyfriend and girlfriend (Maya Rudolph and John Krasinski). Rudolph is pregnant and, since they have no friends and not much family, they go on a road trip to choose a place to live and raise their kid. Most of this involves people even more New Age and bizarre than they are and other crazy people in midlife crises.
The only mildly amusing part of this movie was a scene mocking another New Age couple (including homely America-hater Maggie Gyllenhaal), who were so outrageously off the deep end, even pretentious lefties in Hollywood could make fun of them.
Sitting through this was extremely painful. I imagine they force you to watch this over and over in hell. And I think it's great, um, "programming" for the detainees at Gitmo before the camp gets closed. Watching this truly is torture.
FOUR MARXES
Posted by Debbie at 01:26 PM
June 05, 2009
Weekend Box Office: Garbage, Garbage & More Garbage, Esp. in "The Hangover"
There's not much good at the box office, this weekend. In fact, I recommend you stay home and rent something.
* "The Hangover": This movie is as dreck-ish as they come. Absolute complete garbage. What was supposed to be a funny guy bachelor party movie, got about three laughs from me. And that's being generous.
You don't have to be a prude to know that this movie is trash. Perhaps the multiple shots--in the closing credits--of one of the characters getting oral sex (you can see the guy's penis and the woman mouth on it--why didn't this get an X or NC-17 rating?), along with other stuff usually reserved for the Playboy and SPICE Channels, should be a hint that it's trash.
The "plot": A guy is getting married, and he, his weird future brother-in-law, and two friends take a road trip to Vegas. They start out the night drinking shots on the roof of Caesar's Palace, where they've rented a gaudy villa, and wake up the next morning with the place a complete mess. They can't remember what happened, and the groom is missing. The rest of this waste-of-time flick shows them trying to piece it all together and find the groom. So what? Who cares?
I like a good, funny guys road trip or bachelor party movie. "Animal House," "Class," and others like it set the pace, and I liked those. This is just pointless.
A weird guys' butt in a jock strap in close-up. Haha funny. And old man's droopy butt in a hospital scene. Frickin' hilarious. Mike Tyson singing a Genesis song out of tune and then punching someone out. Oh, gosh, I'm in stitches. A stripper (Heather Graham) pulling out a breast to nurse a baby, complete with nipple shot. Laugh attack. Sorry, not funny. The movie isn't funny at all. And the F-words and other obscenities in every other line don't make it any more so.
Just stupid.
But, hey, the audience filled with teens and twenty-somethings I saw this with thought it was completely hilarious. They laughed at one stupid line after another and gave applause at the end of the movie. Given that, I'm convinced the vast majority of America's generation Y and younger are mostly morons and simpletons with zero idea of humor, not to mention class or intelligence. But what can you expect with a generation raised on Paris Hilton, the spoiled morons of "The Hills," and "Keeping up with the Kardashians." It's no longer C-students who run the world. Porn and idiocy rule. As do the vile and vulgar.
As bad as a hangover feels, you'd be better off getting one than wasting your time and ten bucks on this total time-bandit flick, which steals almost two hours of your life you'll never get back.
FOUR MARXES
* "Land of the Lost": I normally like Will Ferrell and find him somewhat funny. But this movie was just stupid. And mostly not funny. Moreover, while the sets and special effects are cool, the movie sounded like a three-year-old wrote it. (With all due apologies to three-year-olds.)
Though the movie is based on the '70s kids TV series of the same name, the f-bombs, s-bombs, and multiple sexual references make it unsuitable for kids. Not to mention the brain-addled story. The movie also trys way too hard to be artsy and cool. It doesn't work, but it's interesting and colorful to look it.
Ferrell plays a marginal scientist who is the laughing stock of the world because of his theories of parallel and alternative universes in time and space . . . and a bad interview he did with Matt Lauer on "The Today Show."
But Ferrell proves them all wrong when he, his attractive British student assistant, and a hickish tour guide find themselves in a parallel universe, where dinosaurs and enemy lizard men,
"sleestaks," rule. They meet and take on as a companion a sex-obsessed pre-human being who is like half-man, half monkey, named Chaka.
I laughed a few times, but not much and certainly not as much as I do in a typical Will Ferrell offering. It was mildly entertaining due to the eye-candy of the colorful sets, effects, and sci-fi nature of it all.
Don't waste your time or your money on this.
HALF-MARX
* "My Life in Ruins": I don't think I've seen a more corny, cheesy, stupid love story movie ever. And why is it that Greek people--like star and producer Nia Vardalos--get away with making awful anti-Greek minstrel shows like this painful-to-watch utter waste?
Vardalos plays an American with a Ph.D. who is working as a tour guide for a shlocky company in Greece, while she waits to get a professorship at an American university. A cast of annoying tourists--some of them "ugly Americans," others are stupid stereotypes of other Western locales (but don't worry no Muslim stereotypes, couldn't do that)--join a hairy Greek bus driver by the name of Poopy Kakas, with a nephew named Doody Kakas (either of which should have been the name of this movie). 'Nuff said.
Soon, Vardalos finds herself falling for the bus driver. Who cares? I didn't. I just couldn't wait for the credits to roll. Among the credits is Richard Dreyfus. Annoying leftist America-hating actor apparently needed a paycheck . . . badly.
Skip this no matter what. Gives even chick flicks a bad name.
TWO-AND-A-HALF MARXES
* "The Summer Hours": Ironically, this slow-moving, non-action art house flick is the best of the bunch at the theaters, this weekend. But that's all relative.
It's a French movie with English subtitles, which moves very slowly and is mildly entertaining, though enjoyable. But it's not for everyone. There's no suspense or much of a plot.
An aging French woman knows that eventually, like all of us, she will die. She has a very valuable art collection, much of which is the work of her famous artist uncle. The work is contained in her charming, valuable French country house.
The woman dies and her three kids need to figure out how to dispose of her estate. A son wants to keep the artwork and the house in the family. Meanwhile, the other son and the daughter want to sell it all, as they both live and have their lives abroad and no longer have much of a connection to France.
ONE REAGAN
Posted by Debbie at 03:39 PM
June 04, 2009
Just Got Back From Screening . . .
. . . "The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3," starring Denzel Washington and John Travolta. This is a remake of a 1974 flick, starring Walter Matthau and Martin Balsam. Doubt the original has digs at Rudy Giuliani (or Wall Street--if you've seen it, does it?). Will try to see it to compare, before my review is posted a week from tomorrow, when the movie debuts. Stay tuned. In the meantime, here's the trailer:
Posted by Debbie at 01:23 PM
May 29, 2009
Weekend Box Office: Fun "Drag Me to Hell" Destined to be Horror Classic; "Brothers Bloom" Too Quirky
I've already posted my review of "Up," which I thoroughly enjoyed. Here are the other two movies opening this weekend.
* "Drag Me to Hell": This fun, campy, self-deprecating movie is destined to be a horror movie cult classic. It's everything a horror movie thriller should be, but, these days, usually isn't. If you don't like horror movies, this isn't for you. But if you do--and you don't like the blood and gore--this is your flick. I loved it. And it was funny. It's a creation of director Sam Raimi of the "Evil Dead" and "Spiderman" movies (and one of my favorites, "Darkman").
Alison Lohman plays a young woman working as an enterprising loan officer a bank. She came from a farm and is trying to advance in life on her own, seeking to become assistant bank manager. But she's competing against the new guy, Stu Rubin (who is noticeably Korean--funny, he doesn't look Rubin-ish).
An old, ill gypsy woman--who is blind in one eye and has decrepit teeth--comes to the bank because she's being kicked out of her home, which was foreclosed upon. The bank already gave her two extensions, and Lohman wants to give her one more. But her boss reminds her that she is in contention for the assistant bank manager position, and that it's up to her. She turns the woman down. When the woman lunges at her, she calls security, and the woman screams, "You shamed me!" Later, after a scuffle in the parking lot, the Gypsy woman puts a curse on Lohman.
Soon, the curse comes to life and Lohman is terrorized by intangible spirits and shadows. And strange things happen to her that jeopardize her chances of getting the promotion at work. Add to that her boyfriend (Justin Long) from a snobbish, wealthy family who look down on this commoner girl from the farm without social connections. We watch as Lohman tries to deal with these and attempts to rid herself of the curse, which may soon take her life. We watch as she consults an Indian psychic and tries to follow his advice.
Best line in the movie: When Lohman is told she must kill an animal as a sacrifice to the evil spirit. "But I'm a vegetarian."
While there was a violent fight scenes and a very tiny bit of blood, this was not your typical contemporary horror flick, in that most of the bad stuff, most of the thrill and horror are in your mind and not on the screen. There are a few scenes set in scary places like a grave in a cemetery, and there are a few quick shots of various human mucus, but most of the scare is psychological and left to your imagination. And that's what director Raimi said he aimed for. A great horror movie relies on imagination instead of the wanton, graphic and gratuitous violence, blood, and torture porn we see in much of today's very weak horror flick offerings. In this one, for instance, while we know that a cat was killed, we aren't shown that. It's all in your mind. There are even no sex scenes. That's in your mind too, though you see Lohman and her boyfriend waking up in bed together, after a really bad dream.
Still, this movie is not for kids. Don't take them.
I loved everything about the movie, the casting, the sets, the tone and tempo, the camp (or is that, "campiness"?), and the fact that it made fun of itself. There was a lot of laughter, and deliberately so. It was almost as much a comedy as it is a horror movie. It had suspense, action, and excitement. And it was well done, including its classic horror flick ending.
If I had any qualms about the movie, it was that I was surprised at the usual negative stereotypes about Gypsies put forth in a major way in this film. You wouldn't dare see Hollywood do this with a Muslim. No, not ever. But, see, there's not Council on American-Gypsy Relations or Gypsy-American Anti-Defamation League.
Instead of lots of violence and gore, it leaves that to your imagination.
But, despite that minor flaw, I liked this movie a lot and felt it went by so fast, I wanted more. That's the hallmark of a great movie.
THREE REAGANS
* "The Brothers Bloom": Mark Ruffalo and Adrien Brody play two brothers who are con men. Brody is fed up and wants out, but Ruffalo convinces him to do one last con. The target: a young, eccentric multi-millionairess (Rachel Weisz), whom Brody romances to get her to fall for the con.
While parts of this were entertaining, this movie tried too hard to be artsy and cute. Ruffalo has an Asian girlfriend who never speaks and uses hand gestures, and the two brothers dress like they're on a 1930's set, even though the flick takes place today. It tried too much to be quirky, and in my view that took away from the movie. It annoyed me.
Plus it was very predictable, though the end gets very confusing. Mildly entertaining, but not my cup of tea. Plus I can't stand Ruffalo, not because he's a far left tool, but because the guy just can't act. He's not convincing. And Rachel Weisz, with her fake, forced American accent, caused me cognitive dissonance.
HALF REAGAN
Posted by Debbie at 12:42 PM
May 28, 2009
"Up": Charming, Must See Movie is Best Animation Since "Wall-E"
Even if you don't have kids or a family, "Up" is a movie you must see. If you do have kids, this Disney/Pixar flick is a great family viewing experience.
The movie is the best animated picture I've seen since "WALL-E" (read my review), with "Coraline" a close third (though that one is too creepy for young kids--read my review).
It's not just the animation in this, which is so real that the fifties-style movie news clips at the beginning look like the real thing. It's the charming story, which has everything--action, adventure, a young kid, an old man, talking dogs, a flying house kept in the air by balloons, a Charles Hughes-esque adventurer, and a peacock/ostrich combo bird. I just can't say enough good things about this fun, enjoyable, escapist experience. It's relaxing, entertaining, and full of imagination, the way movies--animated or not--are supposed to be. The story is timeless, but it sort of reminds you of the great movies they used to make.
The movie begins with a young kid, Carl, who marvels at the movies, seeing clips of his hero, Charles Muntz, an explorer/adventurer. Soon he meets a tomboy girl, Ellie, who shares his interest in adventure. They meet in a ramshackle abandoned house down his street. They grow up, fall in love, and get married, always saving for Ellie's dream of moving to a South American paradise. They've renovated the ramshackle home where they met as their home.
But time goes by, they grow old, and Ellie dies before they realize their dream--her dream. (I thought that part was a little sad for kids, but it's a very minor, brief part of the movie.) Soon, Carl finds himself a grumpy old man in his home, which is now surrounded by construction of a condo development. Rather than get hauled off to a nursing home, he attaches helium balloons to his home, in the hope of traveling to his and Ellie's paradise. But he discovers that a boy scout seeking a "help the elderly" badge is stuck in his floating house.
Eventually, Carl and the boy scout find themselves in South America, right near the paradise Carl was seeking. And that's where the real adventure begins. I don't want to say more, lest I give away the story. But I guarantee you'll be captured by its charm and cuteness. It's also very funny.
If I had any reservation with "Up," it's that Carl is voiced by far-left activist Ed Asner. (In the '80s, my father and Asner had a public fight in the press over Asner's fundraising letters for a far-left Western Michigan Congressman, citing his Jewishness. My dear father, a recipient of the letter, responded with a letter of his own to Asner supporting the Congressman's conservative Republican opponent, and it became a national news story. My dad told Ed Asner where to go, and Asner was too cowardly to respond.)
But there are other greats who voice the characters in the movie. The great Christopher Plummer plays explorer Charles Muntz. And John Ratzenberger of "Cheers" fame is the instantly recognizable voice of a construction foreman.
As I noted, the animation in this is phenomenal (and I didn't even see it in 3D, though there are some theaters showing it that way). It's lifelike. And the characters are very realistic (well, maybe not the talking dogs, who are also master chefs, etc.) and cute.
And at just over an hour and a half (it's 96 minutes including credits), it's the perfect length. Plus, as a bonus, there are cute, entertaining cartoon shorts preceding the movie. Also enjoyable and funny.
Don't miss this. And don't wait for it on DVD. This is a movie you should see on the big screen.
FOUR REAGANS
Posted by Debbie at 12:25 PM
May 27, 2009
Movies I Screened Today, Reviews to Follow
Stuck in a theater again today, but one of these was well worth it. My review for "Up" will be posted later tonight or early in the morning. My review for "The Brothers Bloom," pre-written before the Jewish Shavuot holiday goes up on Friday.
In the meantime, here are the trailers. See if you can guess which one I loved.
Posted by Debbie at 09:18 PM
May 26, 2009
Movies I Saw Tonight, Reviews Later in Week
Had to go screen these two movies, this evening. Watch the trailers. Can you guess which one I liked? Find out at just after Midnight, early Friday Morning, this week and next, when my reviews post. (Reviews this Friday will be posted in my absence in observance of the Jewish holiday of Shavuot ["Pentecost"].)
"Drag Me to Hell," out this Friday, May 29th:
"My Life in Ruins," out the following Friday, June 5th:
Posted by Debbie at 09:41 PM
May 22, 2009
Weekend Box Office: "Night @ Museum" Sequel Fun Family Entertainment, But Long, Repetitive
I've already posted my review of "Terminator Salvation." I can't post a review of "Dance Flick," because I did not see the whole movie. I walked out. Read between the lines.
And then, there's "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian," the sequel to the first "Night at the Museum." Although the movie is a little long, repetitive, and rambunctious, I liked it, if not quite as much as the far superior original. Only the special effects are better than the original. But that doesn't mean it isn't good or worthwhile.
On the contrary, the movie is charming and great for families with kids. It was cute and will give parents an opportunity to teach them about some of the characters that come to life in the movie, including Abraham Lincoln, General George Custer, and Einstein. Anything that can get your kids interested in historical figures is something I applaud. Didn't have any use, though, for "The Thinker" coming to life as a complete idiot who sounded like a "valley dude" surfer type. But other parts of it were very funny.
Ben Stiller is back as the man who was the night guard at the museum, the exhibits of which came to life at night. But now he's a successful TV gadget infomercial entrepreneur a la Ron Popeil. He returns to his old haunt, New York's Museum of Natural History, and learns that the exhibits are being packed up and shipped off to storage in the federal archive at the Smithsonian. That means the end of coming to life at night. That's sad enough.
And then, Stiller learns of an even more wicked plot. An effeminate, evil Egyptian Pharaoh, Kahmunrah--the older brother of Ahkmenrah--plots to take the golden tablet and bring all of the evil forces in history to life and take over the world, along with Napoleon, Ivan the Terrible, and some others.
So Stiller travels to Washington and finds himself in the basement of the Smithsonian museums in a giant archive. He teams up with General Custer, Einstein, and Amelia Earhart to battle the evil prince and his forces and save the world . . . or at least the world of historical exhibits. Many of the characters from the first installment are back for the sequel, including Robin Williams' Teddy Roosevelt and Owen Wilson's cowboy Jedediah Smith.
Some of the sequences are repetitive and silly, and that gets tiresome. But others are very cool, such as when Stiller and some of the other characters walk into the famous picture of the soldier kissing a woman on the street at the end of World War II. Ditto for the black and white mobsters--including Al Capone--who come to life in black and white and team up with the evil forces. Also cool: seeing Honest Abe come to life and leave his perch at the Lincoln Memorial to give Stiller some battle advice.
Overall, this is an ideal family and kids' movie. Fun, great effects, lots of cool characters, and many historical figures about whom your kids can learn something after the movie is over.
TWO REAGANS
Posted by Debbie at 01:00 PM
May 21, 2009
Not Bad "Terminator Salvation" Better Sequel Than Expected
Unlike most other critics, I actually like "Terminator Salvation." As sequels go, it wasn't bad. If there was one objectionable thing it was that Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger apparently has so few problems to deal with in California, he apparently had time to work with filmmakers for his computer-generated, much younger-looking naked cameo in the film.
But aside from that, I found it entertaining. It wasn't a great movie. But it was engrossing, if often a little slow, despite the action. It's dark, gritty, and definitely a guy's movie.
I liked it not just for its unwavering portrayal of good versus evil and man versus machine. I liked that the movie was full of heroism and respect for human life. And no-one wanted to go "negotiate" or "reason" with the terminator machines, like they do with Ahmadinejad or the rest of our enemies. They realized they were their enemies and they wanted to just flat-out destroy them.
The plot: It's the year 2018, and an entity known as "Skynet"--run by computers--has taken over the world. It and its terminator robots and machines have destroyed most humans and most cities (and the desolate sets reflect that). But pockets of human resistance in Los Angeles and other parts of California are fighting back, so that the human race will survive.
John Connor (Christian Bale) is the grown man who was once the baby of the Linda Hamilton character in the original "Terminator" movie. He is leading the human resistance or sort of leading it and contending with higher ranking human commanders. Connor knows that he must find and save a kid named Kyle Rees, who is his real-life father. If he doesn't, he will cease to exist and the human race will be defeated by Skynet and its terminator machines.
Meanwhile, Marcus Wright, a man who thought he was executed in 2003 awakens and finds himself helping the resistance. But is he really human or a machine?
Full of action and special effects, the real star of the movie was not Christian Bale, but actor Sam Worthington, who plays the heroic Wright--poignantly playing a wholly moral being torn between man and machine.
Yes, the movie is a doomsday flick. And, even though I like that genre, I'm getting tired of those. Aren't we all?
Still, as a sequel and sci-fi movie complete with light escapist entertainment and a ton of action and great FX, this one isn't bad. And it's actually pretty good. Plus, you needn't have seen any previous "Terminator" movies to see and know what's going on in this one.
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
Posted by Debbie at 02:48 PM
May 20, 2009
Which White Actor Should Play Martin Luther King, Jr?: Announcing The Draft Owen Wilson Committee
The other day we all heard news that pitch Black actor Jamie Foxx (slave name: Eric Bishop) is being seriously considered to play Frank Sinatra in a bio-flick about "Old Blue Eyes."
And so, in this vein, when I read that, yesterday, DreamWorks Studios announced plans for the "first big-screen portrayal of the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.," I was thinking of who should have a serious shot of playing him.
And I was thinking--of course!--it should be . . . OWEN WILSON. After all, we've moved beyond the race thing. And who better to play Dr. King than the very blond, very pale White Owen Wilson.
I mean, after all, Wilson looks as much like King as Foxx looks like Sinatra.
And, as we all know, the great Dr. King would have preferred that people be judged by the content of their acting chops and not by the color of their skin.
What's good for the Foxx is good for the Wilson. So, I am starting a committee, "DRAFT Owen Wilson to Play MLK."
Oh, and by the way, Jamie Foxx is slated to host the 2009 BET Awards show. And I think that he should quit defining himself in such a small category.
After all, as we all know, in the spirit of Sinatra, FOXX should be hosting the Italian American Foundation banquet. And play Rocky in Rocky VII. I'm sure it's no coincidence that his first name ends in a vowel. So, it's all kosher. Capisce?
Maybe you can come up with a paler, Whiter actor for the King role. Suggestions in the comments section.
Posted by Debbie at 01:47 PM
Movie I'm Really Looking Forward To: "Public Enemies"
I'm really looking forward to "Public Enemies," which comes out July 1st. It's the onscreen telling of how the feds went up against John Dillinger, Pretty Boy Floyd, and Baby Face Nelson in the '30s. I'm not a fan of Johnny Depp, who plays Dillinger. Not a fan of 9/11 truther nut Marion Cotillard, either. But I do like Christian Bale (regardless of the tape of him screaming at the guy on set of the new Terminator flick), who portrays Melvin Purvis, a member of law enforcement who went after these guys. And I like Channing Tatum, who portrays Floyd. Looks to be good. I love these kinds of movies. "The Untouchables" is still classic in my mind.
Posted by Debbie at 12:37 PM
May 18, 2009
Night @ the Smithsonian, Afternoon in a Screening Room
Just got back from a critics' screening of "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian." They didn't have the print of the movie on time and so we began viewing it almost an hour late. It happens (and it worked out great for people who are perpetually late and always rushing, like me). But that's why I've been away.
The movie--the second installment of "Night at the Museum"--is in theaters on Friday. I really liked the original, which is great for kids. I'll be posting my review for the sequel early Friday Morning. Stay tuned.
In the meantime, watch the trailer:
Posted by Debbie at 02:30 PM
May 15, 2009
More Weekend Box Office: "Tyson"--Glorifying a Thuggish Idiot Who Became a Muslim
I've already reviewed "Angels & Demons." The other new movie out, this weekend, is the documentary "Tyson."
I think it's hard to actually call this a "documentary," because it doesn't document anything. It's Mike Tyson going on and on about his life, and there's simply nothing new in it. There are no interviews with anyone else. It's just a video ode to a guy that doesn't deserve one. Mike Tyson is a thug, and an uncivilized monster who messed up every single thing in his life. And he converted to Islam. But, then, I repeat myself.
Tyson talks about how he enjoyed robbing White people and sleeping around. And he tries in vain to use big words that sound important, but yet he doesn't know what they mean and uses them improperly. My favorite part is when he tells us how he met everyone important, including the "President of Istanbul." There is no President of Istanbul (but there is a President and a Prime Minister of Turkey). He can't travel to South Africa to meet his idol and friend, Nelson Mandela, "because of probation problems." No kidding.
My other favorite part is when Tyson tells us of his conversion to the "Religion of Peace," as Mike Tyson really is emblematic of most of the soulless, thuggish, empty Americans who try to find who they don't have in Islam, and don't get anything new from it, but for extremism:
When I was in jail, I lost faith in G-d. I became a Muslim in prison, but I really lost faith in myself. When I first took my shehadah [DS: Islamic oath of martyrdom, the uttering of which makes one a Muslim], I became extreme. I used Islam because I was bitter at the world. I was full of hate.
Yup, that sounds like your typical Muslim convert. Or just typical Muslim, period. Sadly, Tyson goes on to try to rehabilitate Islam and tell us of the "true Islam," bragging of his Islamic, Che Guevara, and Mao tattoos and how ahead of his time he was to admire these scumbags. You trendsetter, you. But we can't forget his famous statement to Lennox Lewis, which strangely now includes what our media left out at the end--the part about Allah.
I want your heart. I want to eat his children, praise be to Allah.
The most disgusting part of the movie are scenes of mobs of fans (most of them White) greeting this thug, Tyson, when he gets released from prison on rape charges, and watching this brainless mob follow him to the mosque, the first place he goes (to pray).
Tyson's statements about how his character in relation to Islam is one of the few insights in this entire movie. The rest of just crap, unless you consider Tyson's disgusting, vulgar renditions of some of his sexual escapades and how he "grew up in a promiscuous neighborhood, a promiscuous family, my mom was promiscuous, everyone was promiscuous, everyone was like suck my d---, lick my p----," an "insight." (And as if that somehow excuses his animal-like behavior.) Anyone who reads a paper or watched a news report knows that sex is rampant in the ghetto. It's no revelation when Tyson tells us how he got gonorrhea "from a prostitute or a filthy woman or something." That he can't remember is a pretty good indication that someone needs to look in the mirror when he tells us about "filth."
We also know that racism is, too. Tyson tells us that a fighter who is White was a "punk-assed White boy," and that when the late trainer Cus D'Amato took him into his home in the suburbs, "I wanted to rob those White people." Tyson does admit that while he hated White people, he chose as his handler, the man who stole a lot of his money--the
wretched, slimy reptilian motherf--ker Don King. This is supposed to be my Black brother. I attacked him in front of these old, decrepit White women. They probably thought I was some Black heathen or something. But I stomped him and I stomped him and I stomped him.
And after that beating and some legal battles, King only gave him back "a small amount" of his money.
He finally gave me a small amount of money. It waas like 20 or 30 million or something. I don't know how much, but it was really small.
Ah, Tyson--always the guy to have everything in perspective. And not violent either, like in the case of dining on Ear of Evander (Holyfield) or Leg of Lennox (Lewis).
I wasn't upset with myself that I bit his ear, but that I lost my composure. At that point, I didn't care about the fight. He hurt me, and I wanted to inflict the most pain possible against him.
Let's hear it for Tyson perspective and maturity.
Way to go, Mike. Whatta guy. On the other hand, it is Don King, so I think we can give him a pass.
On the other hand, the perpetually sick-in-the-head Tyson tells us he liked people who were leeches. "I wanted them to suck my blood." And how could you find a bigger leech than King, whom some stupid Republicans glommed onto in 2004 when he said he was voting for Bush?
It's much of the obvious: Tyson telling us how he became a big boxer, how he made and spent most of his money, how he had so many women, how his obtrusively ugly face tattoo represents a Maori warrior (funny, he doesn't look Maorish), how he didn't really beat Robin Givens, and how the rape charges against him were made up (I do believe this claim, but not because he said so). Probably the funniest line is when Tyson speaks of getting sent to a juvenile detention center at age 12, where he runs into many of his equally youthful criminal consorts.
All of my friends that I hadn't seen in a while, and I wondered where they went--they were there. Going to juvenile detention, it was like a class reunion.
One interview clip the movie shows is that of Tyson telling a TV interviewer:
I want to put the bourgeoisie and the erudites in their place--you know, all the people who think I'm trash and I'm scum. I'll be trash and scum, but I'll be angelic trash and scum.
Huh? You keep telling yourself that, Rusted Iron Mike. Leave bad attempts at working class bonhomie to the professionals. This is definitely a case where bourgeoiesie and erudites are underrated.
Finally, Tyson tells us some truth:
I never left the street corner . . . . I'm an insane individual.
No kidding. But did I need to sit through more than an hour of Mike Tyson yapping, as if he's giving me some holy insight, to hear him utter the obvious?
I had to laugh, this morning, when I heard director James Toback say his movie explores the "depths," "inner poignancy," and "existential abyss" that he claims is Mike Tyson.
Sorry, but after watching this movie, I didn't see any of that. Not even close. But maybe with enough such fertilizer from the director, something will grow.
On second thought . . . nah.
TWO MARXES
Posted by Debbie at 03:25 PM
May 14, 2009
My "Angels & Demons" Review . . . Or "101 Ways to Torture and Slay a Priest" *** SPOILER Alert ***
**** WARNING: There are a number of spoilers in this review of the movie, "Angels & Demons." If you don't want to know these spoilers and the ending of the movie, don't read any further than the first three paragraphs of this review. ****
As readers know (and as I've noted on this site), my biggest objection to the movie, "Angels & Demons"--which opens tonight in theaters at Midnight--is that director Ron Howard changed the identity of the assassin in the movie from Muslim to "Danish."
After seeing the movie, full of scenes in which "the preferiti"--high ranking Vatican priests with the best shot of becoming Pope--are tortured and slaughtered to death in various explicitly gruesome ways, I can see why it was so important for this character to remain a Muslim in the movie, as he was in the book. And why Ron Howard, a PC liberal, was so eager for a Muslim not to be portrayed doing such horrid things that are carried out by the minute throughout the "Danish" Middle-East.
After all the most nearly successful modern attempt on a Pope's life was committed by Mehmet Ali Agca . . . clearly, a Danish name. And we don't want Catholics seeing a Muslim carrying out such hideous tortures and murders of priests because, after all, the "Religion of Peace" would never ever do such a thing and never has throughout it's history over the centuries. In fact, Director Ron Howard and scriptwriter Akiva Goldsman went out of their way to have this non-descript, non-Muslim assassin utter lines about how the Jewish G-d, allah, and the Christian G-d are all the same and all murderous. Yup, love that anti-religious moral equivalency lumping us Judeo-Christians with the religion of Greater BarbArabia.
**** SPOILERS BEGIN HERE ****
That said, for the first two hours and five minutes of the two-hour, twenty-minute "Angels & Demons," I thought, "WOW, this is a great movie, and very pro=Catholic, too." But, then, when the heroic Irish Catholic priest who is the adopted son and personal assistant to the Pope suddenly becomes not the young moral superman and hero we thought, but instead a crazed murdering, torturing monster, the movie lost me. The movie lost me, especially because the reason the padre did this was because he was against science. Pure propaganda.
Even though I'm no Catholic--I'm a Jew--I am pro-life and against embryonic stem cell research, just like the Vatican. Does this mean I am "against science"? Does this mean that my religious leaders would set of a chain reaction of torturous murders of top clerics and try to blow up an entire major city . . . all just to fight science? Are those of us who are conservative on social issues and don't want the "brave new world" scenario--are we all monsters?
The movie slapped me with this message basically in the second to last scene of the movie. It was such a buzzkill. Until then, my only reservation, other than the Muslim whitewash, was the repeated scenes of priests being branded, tortured, and killed in disgusting ways. That was painful to watch, and I hope it doesn't give nuts copycat ideas. "101 Ways to Torture and Kill a Priest" isn't a video manual we needed (especially when, in the original "Angels & Demons" book, it's more like, "101 Muslim Ways to Torture and Kill a Priest").
And that's sad, because until then, I loved this movie. It was fun, exciting, suspenseful and thrilling (if kinda gruesome). The special effects are fantastic, the scenes of Rome and the statues inside old churches--most of which are likely Hollywood sets and computer generated images--were stunning. I found it extremely entertaining and enjoyable.
The story: The Pope has just died, and a new one must be chosen by Vatican Cardinals. Symbologist Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) is invited by the Vatican to help in a desperate crisis. Someone has kidnapped four "preferiti" (Cardinals favored to become the next Pope). That same person assassinated a priest working at a supercollider and stole a dangerous vial of "anti-matter," which could blow up a major city.
The kidnapper threatens to murder one of them each hour for four hours. At the end of the day--at Midnight--the killer will let the anti-matter explode all of Vatican City and parts of Rome. The kidnapper has identified himself as part of the Illuminati, a mysterious ancient society of scientists at war with the Catholic Church.
Dr. Langdon, with his knowledge of symbols and ancient societies like the Illuminati, is brought in to try to decipher hints of where the preferiti are being held. Also there is a female scientist who headed up the supercollider anti-matter project. They work with the Vatican City's Swiss Guard and the help of the late Pope's adopted son/personal assistant, a young Irish Catholic priest. It is a race against time to find the priests before they are murdered one by one and then everyone is blown to kingdom come.
I didn't find this movie to be anti-Catholic. If anything--despite the murderous, anti-science, young Priest (which was definitely objectionable, not to mention preposterous)--the movie is endearing to the Catholic Church and far better than "The Da Vinci Code." The Church and its traditions is contrasted with the absolute pronounced agnostic and nearly-atheist bent of Robert Langdon, whom you can tell must have a tiny shred of belief somewhere under all of his elitist Harvard scientist armor.
Yes, overall, it is a positive portrayal of the Catholic Church, including the very end. But it is not a positive portrayal of those of us who are morally conservative and have ethical dilemmas with brave new world technologies--a core position of the Church. We are not against science. In fact, many of us, like me, embrace science, which has made our lives easier and helped us to develop cures and better treatments for diseases, etc.
But that doesn't mean we have to embrace science's extremes. Nor that we have to accept this otherwise great movie's portrayal of us as extremists.
TWO REAGANS (Would have been THREE, but One Reagan Deducted for Muslim Whitewashing in Script and Phony Anti-Science Extremism)
Posted by Debbie at 01:28 PM
May 12, 2009
The "End" of Westerns: Did Americans Really Lose a Sense of "Manifest Destiny"?
Although there have been some good westerns in recent years--my fave is the remake of "3:10 to Yuma" (read my review)--they are sparse and few.
And that's sad. Even more disturbing, though, is one commentator's belief as to why this is, which I was disappointed to read in this weekend's "USA Weekend" celebrity gossip column:
Will actors Sam Elliot, Tom Selleck or Bruce Boxleitner, who have played memorable cowboys, star in a new TV western? No one makes them anymore.Roy McCallen, Aurora, Colo.
Gary Edgerton, author of a new history of American TV, says westerns are on the wane because we're "less enamored with a sense of manifest destiny and nation-building than 50 years ago." Creators of new TV westerns need to freshen up the formula, Edgerton says. As for the actors you mention, none of them has a western in the works.
Well, I'm all against "nation-building"--which is something we did and had no business doing in Iraq and something which the Nation-Builder-in-Chief, Bush, campaigned against. (Now we've built a "nation," indeed--a greater Iranian Shi'ite nation.) But there is nothing wrong with the best era of American's boldness--our manifest destiny, with the great old west and discovering, conquering, and settling new lands in the west and the south.
I don't agree with Edgerton that "we're" less enamored with that era. Hollywood is. And that's because that's an era of American pride, where Americans worked hard, sold hard (there's a great tradition of Jewish traders and salesman out west, including the ancestors of late Senator Barry Goldwater), and succeeded. Hollywood doesn't like to remember times when America was great, and when they do, we're usually portrayed as rapers and murderers of Indians. So, maybe it's best, they no longer make those films.
Still, it's sad that there are less Westerns. They can be fun, exciting movies. And I wish we had more, instead of the giant heap of crap Hollywood has been serving up lately.
So, what is your take? Why have Westerns "gone out of style"? Why aren't they making them? Have Americans really lost interest in them? Are they too slow for the IPod, Playstation, Wii, post-post-MTV generation?
Posted by Debbie at 12:17 PM
May 11, 2009
Hollywood Does It Again: "Angels & Demons" Flick Changes Muslim Villain to "Danish" Villain
Over the years, I've written about the many movies in which Hollywood changes the villain or the terrorist in the original script or novel from a Muslim to something else out of politically correct deference to Islam, the religion of whiners (and ultimately, murderers).
Now, Hollywood continues in this tradition. This week, "Angels & Demons"--the controversial second installment of Dan Brown's already controversial "The Da Vinci Code"--opens in theaters. My review will be posted at Midnight/early Thursday Morning (stay tuned).
But I'm already learning that the movie has been "disinfected" by Islamopanderers (Director Ron Howard) not wanting to upset our dear friends in the "Religion of Peace," who might do something "peaceful" if the movie had stayed true to the book.
Reader Michelle writes:
Well, Debbie, Hollywood has chickened out again.I read the book last year, and the Hassassin was muslim.
I just checked the cast list in IMDB, and the Hassassin is now Danish.They mustn't offend, now, must they?
Barf.
Double Barf.
For readers who think Michelle typoed, using the word, "Hassassin," she actually didn't. You see the word, "assassin," comes from the Arabic word, "Hashashin" [hashish user] because Muslim assassins smoked hashish before they murdered.
But don't worry. They won't use the word Muslim or "assassin" or "hashish" in the same sentence because that would be wrong. Instead, Director Ron "Opie" "Richie Cunningham" Howard will vilify the Catholics because that would be . . .oh so right. Right?
Howard admitted he took "a lot more creative license" with this adaptation of a Brown thriller, changing both the ending and an assassin, who is Muslim in the book. . . .One theater trailer, however, claims the church "ordered a brutal massacre" to silence scientists, and another focuses on the "war"
between science and religion, a key theme explored in the book.
And if you look at the credits, the "Assassin" character isn't played by an Ahmed Baba Ganouche or a Mohammed Tabbouli. Nope. It's played by some dude named Nicolaj Lie Kaas. Yup, just like reader Michelle said, a Scandinavian name. Because everyone knows that those blond Scandinavians are the original Middle Eastern assassins who introduced us to the marvels of hashish and khat.
Alhamdillullah [praise allah] for Hollywood and Ron Howard. And where's Pottsie and Ralph Malph (or is that "Mouth"?) when you need them to inject a little sanity?
Posted by Debbie at 02:33 PM
May 08, 2009
Rest of the Weekend Box Office: Skipworthy (Other than "Trek")
You've already seen my review of the new "Star Trek" movie. Here are my reviews of the rest of the new releases, this weekend. These two movies have a couple of things in common: 1) I hated them, and 2) both feature limb-cutting disgusting scenes designed just for the purpose of shocking us. I say, stick with "Star Trek," or rent something.
* "Next Day Air": This movie, starring a mostly Black (and the few that are not Black are Hispanic) cast, is something of a voluntary minstrel show. Black actors voluntarily join the casts of this type of garbage, and Black audiences go to see movies like this in droves, after Black radio stations promote it and give out free tickets. And it's complete and utter crap. If I were Black, I'd wonder why Hollywood consistently serves my people up with so much trash like this. I'd wonder why they think I should see this kind of big screen glorification of pointless violence, obscenity, and drug trade.
Donald Faison plays a delivery man for a private national express mail service, much like FedEx or UPS. A complete stoner, he is high when he accidentally delivers a large ceramic piece containing a huge cocaine shipment to the wrong address. The slacker stoners who live in the apartment quickly plan on how they will sell the stuff and make millions for themselves. They deal with one of their drug-dealing cousins, but don't completely trust him. Meanwhile, the man who as supposed to receive the shipment, across the hall, and his girlfriend are sweating over the drugs. Their kingpin travels from Mexico to get them to talk and find the drugs.
The movie is mostly four-letter words--pretty much every other word--and an exercise in observing unworthy lowlifes in, um, "conversation." That, and a disgusting scene in which a man's tongue is cut out by one of the slacker lowlifes planning to deal the drugs. Yes, American society has long past disintegrated, and this piece of on-screen celluloid crap is Exhibit "A." Extremely violent, disgusting, boring, and pointless. Stop glamorizing the dregs of the 'hood, Hollywood.
If the studio allowed me to still review this movie, not having seen the whole execrable thing, I'd have walked out. Believe me, I wanted to very badly, the entire time.
FOUR MARXES PLUS
* "Is Anybody There?": Michael Caine plays an aging man who lives in a senior citizens nursing home in the house of a middle-aged, bitter working-class English couple in the midst of marital strife. Struck with mild dementia, he befriends the couple's young son. But while his declining mental state is not apparent, it soon becomes so, with dire and disgusting consequences. He performs a finger-cutting magic trick that he screws up, accidentally cutting off another ailing senior citizen's finger in front of the kids at the young son's birthday party. That was disgusting and unnecessary.
As was, in my opinion, the rest of this boring movie. A complete, depressing waste of time. I like Michael Caine, but I wish I'd skipped this. You were forewarned. Most critics raved over this, but the movie emperor wears no film. There's nothing here to see here.
THREE MARXES
Posted by Debbie at 06:16 PM
May 07, 2009
Seeing This Today . . .
Bet I laugh a lot. Stay tuned for my review, next week.
Posted by Debbie at 11:58 AM
"Star Trek" Review: Fun, New Big Screen Installment Marks Refreshing Rebirth of Aging Franchise
*** review bumped up from Midnight ***
Stardate 2009.05.07. (Okay, I promise, this is the last stardate . . . until the next "Star Trek" movie.)
Though I'm no Trekkie, I liked the "Star Trek" TV series re-runs and movies as much as the next person (and my mom taught Leonard Nimoy's son in the New York Public Schools--see my Schlussel Star Trek Trivia post
). But it was getting a little old, like its stars, and tired and haggard. Heck, the original Scottie, James Doohan, is long dead. And the last couple of sequels and TV spin-offs were just not all that.
But "Star Trek," the latest installment of this late '60s TV series turned movie franchise, breathes new life into it. And it's a fun, engaging update, which not only pays homage to its past, but even includes one of the past--Leonard Nimoy as original Spock--in a significant role. His presence is a nice handing off of the proverbial baton, and I'm sure William Shatner is regretting his decision to have himself killed off as the original Kirk, preventing any plausible return in this incarnation.
The movie begins tonight in limited release, with full national release Friday. I saw it amidst a Trekkie audience that consumed it like junkies on crack.
"Star Trek" isn't so much a "sequel" as it is a reboot with a modern update. We learn how James Tiberias Kirk became Captain of the U.S.S. Starship, and how the half-Vulcan/half-human Spock got there, too. We see both of them as young kids, and that's fun and interesting. It's always fun to see a young Vulcan beat up other Vulcans who mock his half-humanness. And it's fun to see the robot cops on flying motorcycles apprehending a wayward young daredevil, Kirk.
There's somewhat of a confusing flashback/flash-forward to get us through this and bring back original Spock. But it all gets straightened out and tidied up eventually, amidst terrific special effects and battles with Romulan aliens.
Yes, there is the usual beaming up (and down) of the crew of the spaceship, which is in space amidst a threat from the surviving Romulans (led by actor Eric Bana), out to destroy some important planets. And there are the lines we've all come to remember from Montgomery Scott a/k/a "Scotty," Nimoy's Spock, and the like.
And the resemblance between the old and new cast members with some modern snarky updates is incredible. The new Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy character, played by Karl Urban, reminds us of the original, DeForest Kelley, getting his mannerisms and hyper-seriousness exactly on point. Ditto for Zachary Quinto's Spock, who looks just like the younger Nimoy, after make-up, eyebrow transplant, and ear-plasty (or whatever you call an "ear job"). And, of course, main star Chris Pine (whom I liked in last year's excellent "Bottle Shock"--read my review) is a good casting choice as the funny, restless and slackerish yet smart James Kirk. He's got spunk, and he's funny. And I like the new Scotty, as well as learning how he learns to transport members of the Enterprise while the ship is moving. You hardly notice he is the usually goofy comedic actor, Simon Pegg, even though he's, well, goofy.
If there were any characters I thought were over the top or who added nothing, that would be Chekov and Sulu. Anton Yelchin overdoes Chekov's Russian accent, extending a stupid joke from a previous Star Trek movie, about being unable to pronounce the "v" sound (which is actually a sound quite common in Russian and easily pronounced--Vasily, Vladimir, Vanya, etc.). The role of Hikaru Sulu is wasted on John Cho, whom we'll forever see as the stoner in the Harold & Kumar movies. He seems to be there only because he shares George Takei's Asian visage. Cho adds nothing and is barely noticed. Takei has nothing to worry about in terms of a Star Trek legacy because his "replacement" is like the invisible man.
The beautiful Zoe Saldana, too, adds nothing as Uhura and is more supermodel than Nichelle Nichols' race-barrier-breaking original. But she is cute and adds the chick factor and mini-skirts to lighten things up.
The always handsome and charismatic Bruce Greenwood as the mature Captain Pike, teacher to both star pupils Kirk and Spock, is a better fit. On the other hand, it was weird and jarring to see the aging Winona Ryder as Spock's human mother. Shoplifting at Saks makes you look old, apparently, in addition to a good make-up artist on the set.
In case you were wondering, there is "interspecies erotica"--sort of--in this movie. Not the vile, disgusting kind as in "Clerks 2" (read my review of that depraved flick), but very tame romance between humans and aliens . . . and half-aliens (don't worry, parents, it's just some kisses and a scene in underwear).
Sad to say, there are no Klingons in this installment (though there is one passing reference). They need to save something for the next sequel.
There isn't a lot of suspense or excitement to the story, but that's typical of the "Star Trek" genre, both on TV and on screen. Some of the best scenes include one in which Kirk trying to escape giant beings chasing him on a wintry planet. It's reminiscent of a young Luke Skywalker running from beings in "Star Wars." And a cool bar scene toward the beginning is also reminiscent of Star Wars' "Cantina," with aliens drinking and partying side by side with human space crew members. Both scenes were fun, light, and escapist, the way you want your sci-fi adventure movies to be. I want one of those cool Starship Enterprise salt shakers.
Another bonus: The movie is fine for kids, other than some four-letter words and one frisky, relatively tame brief scene between Kirk and a green woman. It's not very violent. There are a few fighting scenes between Enterprise crew and alien Romulans, but it's not bloody or disturbing in the least. It's basic Star Trek-esque stuff. Also great, the movie is devoid of political sentiment and statements. Very welcome.
If anything, this movie is brighter and more optimistic, plus more humorous than I remember the other "Star Trek" movies. The cast is mostly fresh and a welcome update.
With this new, young cast amply comprising the updated Enterprise crew we know and love, you can be sure the "Star Trek" series will live long and prosper.
Don't beam me up just yet, Scotty. There's actually some tiny modicum of intelligent life in Hollywood, after all.
THREE REAGANS
***
BTW, there's sort of an homage to this scene in the new "Star Trek" movie (and I'm not talking about that weird man-bra Kirk is wearing):
Posted by Debbie at 01:28 AM
May 06, 2009
Good News, Trekkies: Schlussel "Star Trek" Review Posts @ Midnight Tonight; Also, Schlussel Review on ABC Radio's "Curtis Sliwa" Tonight
Stardate 2009.05.06.
I just got permission from the studio to post my "Star Trek" review, soon. It'll be up at about Midnight, Tonight. You can also hear my review, latenight, along with my discussion of other topics on the nationally syndicated ABC Radio show, "The Curtis Sliwa Show," where I usually make a weekly appearance or more.
Stay tuned.
Posted by Debbie at 02:43 PM
May 05, 2009
Just Got Back From Screening . . .
. . . Yet another crappy movie. Can't say what it is now, but you'll see in my reviews, posted every Friday or hear it when I review movies, every Friday on the Sirius Patriot Channel's Mike Church Show, between 10:30 and 11:30 a.m. Eastern.
Seems like such a shame to waste my life away in the middle of such a beautiful, balmy day inside a dark theater watching crap. Oh, the stuff I sit through, so you don't have to . . . . : )
I know, I know--I'm whining about easy work. But trust me, seeing most of these movies ain't fun. It's work.
Posted by Debbie at 01:36 PM
Star Trek Fever
Stardate 2009.05.05.
Last Night, I saw "Star Trek," the latest movie incarnation of the famed TV series, which ran from 1966-69. I can't post my review until Friday--it'll be up at Midnight, just as Thursday ends. Check out Zachary Quinto, the new Spock actor, and how amazingly close he looks to Nimoy's Spock from the '60s.
Until my review posts--even though I'm not a Trekkie--here's a little of my own Star Trek trivia.
My mother was a teacher in New York City Public Schools in the late '60s, as "Star Trek" was on the air, and she taught Leonard Nimoy's son. Even though the Trekkie phenomenon grew after "Star Trek" was canceled and into the rerun phase, at the time, the school had to hold separate parent-teacher conferences for Nimoy, away from the other parents. The fan-dom was that big already. My mother swore there was something weird about Nimoy's ears. They seemed a little "bent."
The sign that Spock makes with his hand split, as he says "Live Long and Prosper" is ripped off from Judaism. It's the sign the Cohen--the Jewish high priest--makes. When I was a little kid, and I didn't know this, I made the sign with my hand after watching a "Star Trek" re-run on TV. My dad admonished me never to do it again. It's considered a holy thing that only the Cohens are supposed to do.
And you know what? Even though "Star Trek" made a mockery of a holy thing in Judaism, we Jews didn't riot all over the world, try to burn down Western embassies, and kill nuns in Africa. When they do something like that with a symbol or icon of Islam, well, you know what happens (which is why you'll never see Star Trek or any show mock Islam like that).
And, hey, the fact that the two top guys helming the Starship Enterprise were both Jews--William Shatner and Nimoy--isn't exactly a source of pride for me.
Leonard Nimoy has made something of a post-Trek career of mocking Judaism and unboldly going where no man should go before, now, or after. He is a photographer who publishes picture books of naked women--particularly his fetish of naked fat women--posing completely in the buff with Jewish religious paraphernalia. Again, imagine if he did that with Muslim religious paraphernalia--all the Vulcan know-how in the world wouldn't protect him from not living long and prospering. But, here in the liberal-dominated Detroit Jewish community, they--a liberal schmuck named Hanan Lis, who married into a rich, leftist family--even invited Spock to show his disgusting nudie book at the Jewish Book Fair.
Yup, beam me up, Scotty, there's no intelligent life in my community of fellow co-religionists, including Spock Nimoy.
Just a little off-the-beaten-path Trekkie trivia.
Again, stay tuned for my review at Midnight, Thursday Night/Friday Morning.
'Til then, read (my site) long and Twitter (it).
Posted by Debbie at 09:59 AM
May 01, 2009
Weekend Box Office: X-Men's "Wolverine" Tops Very Lame Offerings; UPDATE: Review of Dumb "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" Added
**** UPDATE: Scroll down for review of horrid "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" ****
* "X-Men Origins: Wolverine": This was better than I expected, but not that great. It was just okay. It's got fantastic special effects. Very cool set designs and scenery. And for that, it's worth it. That's what people go to this kind of superhero movie to see--the FX. And you'll get your fill here.
It's just that it was missing that "something special," that magic that makes a good superhero movie great, like "Iron Man" or the far superior original "X-Men" movie, which I liked a lot. Also, this movie let me down in that it begins with a bang and ends with a mediocre, formulaic whimper.
At the beginning, we learn how Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) discovers his powers as a kid, along with his crazy brother (Liev Schreiber). We see the two of them fighting on the side of the U.S. in a number of wars--the Civil War, World War II, and Vietnam. That was cool. And we learn how Wolverine's claws and the rest of his body become undestructible. That was cool, too.
But it just wasn't all that. And I could have done without the usual anti-military tripe that comes out of Hollywood: that an evil general is turning humans into ultimate weapons and setting Wolverine up and trying to blackmail/extort him. We've seen this before. That aspect of the movie is typical and boring. And it's the sign of a weak script and plot.
But, hey, like I said, the script and plot isn't the reason we go to see this kind of movie. And for what we do go to see, it's not bad. It's got its moments of excitement and the like. But there wasn't much in the way of suspense or the magic sparks I like in my superhero flicks. And there wasn't any humor. I laughed like maybe three or four times, where I don't think it was meant to be funny. I like a certain amount of humor and snark in the guys with special powers. But this movie just takes itself too seriously.
(Also, parents should note that it's a tad violent for younger kids. Lots of stabbing with the Wolverine claws, and there's a beheaded wolf. But it should be okay for teens.)
Worth ten bucks and almost two hours, but not spectacular. Just all right.
TWO REAGANS
* "Battle for Terra": This was probably the worst animated movie I've seen in a long time. It's not just that the animation was stiff and seemed like 20 years behind the times. It's that the story was ridiculous and boring. And all of the alien characters looked the same. It was in 3D, and the 3D was unremarkable and useless. Did nothing for me.
And then there's the anti-war theme, that we human Americans want to war and destroy a peaceful people and take their land. Sound familiar? Ditto for the global warming BS.
Terrians are aliens who look like tadpoles or sea monkeys. They all look the same and can float and undulate. (It's odd, when one of them crashes and gets injured because we know they can fly.) They live on the planet of Terra, which has very cool animated sets, but that's where the coolness of the animation ends. The rest is anachronistic in terms of today's animation technology and imagination.
Humans from earth (they're Americans with standard English names) have destroyed there planet because they "misused the natural resources and the land and destroyed it." (At this point I was thinking, "Shut up, Al Gore and Sheryl Crow.") They've been relegated to a giant spaceship, which will soon run out of oxygen, so they plan to invade Terra, destroy the Terrians and change their atmosphere to an oxygen-based one.
But the Terrians, after an initial exploratory invasion by the humans, fight back, led by a young Terrian girl, Mala. We're told, "Even the most peaceful world has a right to fight back and defend itself, when it's under attack." Sounds like what Al-Qaeda says to recruit terrorists, while showing them Iraq video clips.
I found it odd that an animated movie meant for kids was not only so boring, but way too complicated and over the top for a younger crowd.
Skip it. If you're looking for a great movie for kids, try the timeless (non-animated) classic, "My Side of the Mountain," instead. It's from 1969, and despite the 40-year lag, it's far more advanced for kids than this baloney.
TWO MARXES
* "Lymelife": In case we didn't see enough attacks on American life in the suburbs and capitalism--with movies like "Revolutionary Road" (read my review)--this boring, pointless movie, starring Alec Baldwin (need I say more) will give you more than you could ask for. The movie poster features this horrid film's message: "The American Dream Sucks." Um, no, it doesn't. Just in Hollywood, where they want us to feel bad and despise America.
Baldwin plays a successful Long Island builder bent on building a bigger house. His wife is happy in their modest middle class home and life back in Queens. In the meantime, Baldwin is cheating on his wife with his female employee, whose husband (Timothy Hutton) is an unemployed man afflicted by Lyme disease. Baldwin's son is friends with and has a crush on Hutton's daughter. Everyone is miserable. Then end.
A complete waste of time. Save two hours of your life and $10 and avoid like the plague. Utter crap.
FOUR MARXES
**** UPDATE--"Ghosts of Girlfriends Past": Possibly the dumbest, most annoying, most cheesy, dopey, and predictable movie ever. It was torture sitting through this absolutely awful chick flick starring the utterly untalented Matthew McConaughey and almost as untalented Jennifer Garner. If I wasn't reviewing it, I'd have walked out in the middle (or probably toward the beginning). Painful. If we were still allowed to "torture" terrorists, this would be at the top of my list to make 'em sit through over and over. This was supposed to be a comedy, and I didn't laugh once. But I did fall asleep (yaaaaawn).
McConaughey plays a playboy and a photographer who is single, alone, and a proud womanizer. He was raised this way by his late uncle Wayne (Michael Douglas). Now, he's at his uncle's house for his brother's wedding, where he's trying to bed everything in sight and finds his past girlfriend, Garner, whom he left because he's a commitment-phobe. Soon, he's visited by ghosts of his uncle and others from his life, warning him not to be a womanizer or he'll die old and alone and ruin everything.
The only thing good about this movie was Michael Douglas as the womanizing uncle, and he makes only a few brief appearances.
Guys, don't let your wife or girlfriend drag you to this tripe. Absolutely awful. Avoid at all cost.
FOUR MARXES PLUS
Listen to my movie reviews every Friday morning between 10:30 and 11:30 a.m. Eastern on the Mike Church Show on the Sirius Patriot Channel 144.
Posted by Debbie at 12:36 PM
No Kidding: Brush-cutted Kelly McGillis Confirms She's a Lesbian
Actress Kelly McGillis--who stopped looking like a woman after her star turn in "Top Gun," a few decades ago--reveals something everyone in the world (except her two husbands) already knew.
Kelly McGillis, best known for playing teacher to Tom Cruise in "Top Gun," has confirmed long-held rumors that she's a lesbian, according to an interview on the website shewired."I'm done with the man thing," says McGillis, 51, who is twice married and twice divorced and has two teenage daughters. "I did that, I need to move on in life. It's a part of being true to yourself. That's been a challenge for me."
Gee, after two decades plus of the butch-look, brush-cuts, thousands of pantsuits, and "sensible shoes" (or is that "comfortable shoes"?), who knew? She probably thinks that outing herself will help her faded career. And, knowing Hollywood, it probably will.
Watch the full video interview here.
Posted by Debbie at 12:12 PM
April 29, 2009
Who Should Play Captain America?: Hamm is Kosher in This Case
Just got back from a super secret movie screening, so secret that I am forbidden to even name the movie on this site until Friday (watch for my reviews at Midnight, just after Thursday ends, and stay tuned for my reviews on Friday Morning on the Sirius Patriot Channel's Mike Church Show).
In the meantime, they're getting ready to make a new Captain America movie, "The First Avenger: Captain America," and here are the actors being talked up for the role:
* Matthew McConaughey--Too goofy and unheroic. Captain America ain't no slacker, and he doesn't run around naked beating tribal drums either;
* Jon Hamm--This is my personal choice--suave, debonaire, confident, has that polished superhero look and a snarky sense of humor. This "Mad Man" could definitely be Captain America. Captain America is very muscular, so he might have to bulk up a bit or fake it under a muscle suit.
Yes, sadly, this handsome Midwesterner is a lib (partied with the green global warming crowd at a Natural Resources Defense Council fundraiser), and since the crowd writing Captain America has gone lib, too, this is appropriate. You'll recall that Captain America--part of the ACLU of superheroes--was assassinated in the steps of a courthouse in an argument over the Superhero Registration Act, which was essentially the comic book version of the Patriot Act (hmmm . . . when was anyone ever assassinated over the Patriot Act? );
* Channing Tatum--Too hip-hoppish and ghetto (Am I still allowed to say that? After all, we Jews were stuck in plenty o' ghettos) and too young and wet behind the ears;
* Jon Cena--Too wrestler-ish and not polished. Lacks the suavity;
* Matt Damon--She's too effeminate and miniature; Captain America isn't a girlie-man or a part of an Arrogant Affleck sandwich. Stick with the Jason Bourne stuff;
* Brad Pitt--Too pretty-boyish and eccentric, too left, too conceited, too sensitive, too whipped. Captain America is not a Mr. Angelina Jolie, er . . . Angie Voight;
* Jerry O'Connell--Um, do I need to comment on this? "The Apartment," anyone? 'Nuff said. Plus, Captain America is not a brother of "The Bachelor" or Mr. Rebecca Romijn, either. He's not a starter, he's scout team or Arena Football;
* Paul Walker--Hot, but sounds like he's full of rocks when he talks. Too surfer-boyish and brainless to play a hero;
* Justin Timberlake--Captain America doesn't have a brillo pad for hair or do videos about his penis in a box. You stay classy, Justin. And he didn't "date" (euphemism) backwoods nutjob Britney Spears. No thanks;
* Scott Speedman--Who? Felicity's ex-boyfriend? Too blond-ish (yes, I know Captain America's alter ego is blond, but I like my superheroes with dark hair).
Like I said, the Hamm is kosher for this part in my book. Whom would you pick--on this list or someone else?
Posted by Debbie at 01:05 PM
April 27, 2009
Quote of the Day
On Friday, I told you about the racist movie "Obsessed," brought to you by Beyonce Knowles, her daddy, and Magic Johnson (yes, that "Magic" Johnson).
Some people e-mailed and/or commented that I was wrong or over-reacting. But not the "Why Black Women Are Angry" blog, written by, obviously, an "angry Black women." Actually the name of the blog is "Diary of a Content Black Woman," but the URL for the site bears what she obviously meant to call it: WhyBlackWomenAreAngry.blogspot.com. Clearly, this woman is far more angry than content, and she illustrates the point I was making about how this movie plays into Black women's racism against White women.
The reason that Obsessed is #1 is because Black women have been dying to see a movie where the Black woman kicks the ass of the white woman who tries to steal her man! There. I said it. . . .
[T]hrough the silver screen, every Black woman's fantasy was fulfilled. Beyonce (Susan) kicked "this crazy white woman insistent on taking her husband's" ass.It was exhilarating!
'Nuff said. Time to send this chick, er . . . "Angry Black Woman," er . . . "Content Black Women" to anger management and sensitivity training.
*** UPDATE: It gets worse. Here's what a Black woman said about "Obsessed" on a Black supremacist website:
Go see the movie Obsessed. White women stalking and seducing a black man. . . .My husband told me one time he notices that white women are aggressive especially when you turn them down.
Hakeema
Posted by Debbie at 02:52 PM
April 24, 2009
More Weekend Box Office: "Obsessed" = Blondingo--Beyonce's Race-Baiting White-sploitation
I'd planned to post my brief review of Beyonce Knowles' "Obsessed" as an update to my reviews of this weekend's other new releases. But after seeing it, I think this movie should get its own post. And not because it's good. But because it's racist. Blatantly so.
It's not bad . . . for a Lifetime movie of the week, produced by BET. (There was absolutely no suspense and it's a poor, cheap copy of the far superior classic, "Fatal Attraction.")
But it's also racist in a way that would be unacceptable, today, the era of Obama and the Post-"Mandingo" movie age, were the races in this movie reversed. You've heard of "Blaxploitation." Now, check out the new racist trend out of Hollywood: White-sploitation.
In this movie executive produced by Beyonce Knowles, her father/manager, Matthew Knowles, and Earvin "Magic" Johnson, Beyonce plays the Black wife of a Black investment executive. Her husband is relentlessly pursued and stalked by a hot, White (and crazy) blonde temp (Ali Larter). Although the husband never gives in to the White chick's pursuits, she frames him up to make it look as if he did, and he's in the doghouse with his wife.
And the Black couple is surrounded by a cadre of brainless and otherwise non-ideal human beings with gaping flaws. There is the lecherous, married White male co-worker (Jerry O'Connell) who can't believe the Black executive won't accept a little something on the side with the hot blonde--something he (the White guy) says he wants to do with her. Then, there is the world's most brainless White baby sitter, who gullibly lets the stalker White chick into the house to kidnap the baby. And don't forget the world's most brainless gay White male secretary, who ditzily gives the stalker White blonde the complete scoop on the Black couples' weekend plans, making it easier for her to stalk them. Even the White chick cop (Christine Lahti) isn't too bright. Yup, not a single White character in the movie who is sympathetic.
Sure, race is never mentioned in the movie. It doesn't have to be. Look at the movie poster and the colors they chose for the design, and the way the characters are juxtaposed. It's all about Black versus White, baby. I live in a mostly Black suburb of Detroit, and I saw the movie in a local theater with an entirely Black audience. I heard all assortment of racist comments about the White people and the White chick stalker, throughout the movie and afterward as I left. No wonder this obvious race-baiting film wasn't screened for critics.
It plays on the worst fears of many Black women in America, who fear that White women are stealing their men--even though less than 5% of Black men are married to White women, according to the Janks Morton documentary, "What Black Men Think." And of those 5%, I doubt most of the women were merciless stalkers as in this movie. Movies like this breed and feed on racism, particularly against White women. This kind of pop culture influence on the Black community is of no benefit and serves no purpose other than confirmation of baseless anger and racial hatred. I can't tell you how many times In my own neighborhood stores, I've been called racial epithets, like "bony-assed White bitch," for no reason whatsoever other than my skin tone.
I wondered how the audience would like it if the movie was about a Black male stalker was terrorizing a White couple, and all of the other Black characters in the movie were vapid, morons, or both. And why Hollywood can make a film like this, yet it's justifiably no longer permissible to make a movie in which the races are reversed.
Well, actually, I know why. We've long advanced past the era of "Mandingo," but we've regressed "forward" into the era of . . . "Blondingo," courtesy of Hollywood's newest producers (and race-baiters), Beyonce and her daddy.
The movie is mildly entertaining, but would it have killed them to include a single sympathetic White character in the entire movie? Are we all that bad and/or stupid?
I guess Beyonce, her father, and Magic Johnson have forgotten the race of most of those who've made them rich beyond their wildest dreams and beyond the wealth of most Americans, Black OR White:
Blondingos like me.
FOUR MARXES
Posted by Debbie at 07:43 PM
Weekend Box Office: "Fighting" Rocky Lite Bests Sorry Selection
Hear my reviews every Friday Morning between 10:30 a.m. and 11:30 a.m. Eastern on the Sirius Patriot Channel's "Mike Church Show."
It's ironic that the movie I most expected to hate, "Fighting," is the one I liked the best of the bunch of new movie releases this weekend, top-heavy with sorry offerings. "Obsessed" was not screened for critics, a sign it's a dud. But I'll review it later this afternoon. Here's what I did see:
* "Fighting": This movie was far better than I expected. While it's not a "great" movie (the thin story is predictable, and a good deal of it is schlocky), it's not bad. It has a "Rocky"-for-the-Ultimate-Fighting-crowd vibe to it. And even though it's obviously low budget, it had a certain charm to it. The audience at the screening I attended applauded at the end because it turns out to be a feel-good movie. It is what it is--a working-class-guy-struggles-to-make-it fighting movie, starring a very hot-looking actor (the smokin' hot Channing Tatum) with a love interest story in the background.
Channing Tatum plays a hayseed fighter from the South who is struggling to eke out a living on the streets of New York by selling counterfeit merchandise. When he gets into a fight, a street hustler (Terrence Howard) spies his right hook shot and sees a diamond in the rough--a fighter who can make him some money. Soon, Howard is wheeling and dealing with mobsters to organize private fights at clubs between Tatum and others, and they're in business in underground, unsanctioned street fighting. Tatum also meets a cute but mysterious Puerto Ricana single mother and tries to romance her.
But can Tatum win the ultimate fight of his life, in which the purse is 100,000? Can he swallow his pride and agree to lose to his hated childhood rival if it will help his friend and patron make money by betting against him?
Like I said, this movie was far above my expectations, even if it seems kind of dated and like something from the '80s. It's really a guys' movie, but with the eye candy of Tatum, it will keep women interested. It's fine for teens and above. While the fighting was very violent (and there is some blood), there isn't that much in the way of four letter words, and even the "sex" scene is just a scene of Tatum and the girl sharing a kiss.
TWO REAGANS
* "Anvil!: The Story of Anvil": Not knowing that there actually was a metal band from the '80s called "Anvil," when I saw this movie, I thought it had to be a parody in the vein of "This is Spinal Tap." But, sadly, it isn't. It's a documentary about losers who won't wake up and won't grow up, to the total disregard of their families.
These guys are losers. The members of the '80s band are still--in their mid-fifties--unable to face the fact that they didn't make it. And they're still pursuing their dream, even though their style of music long ago became passe. And even though their long lush locks of hair are now scraggly fragments hanging from scalps that are covered with doo-rags, apparently to hide baldness.
I hated these people, and I wanted them to fail. Robb Reiner and Steve "Lips" Kudlow are the original members of Anvil, the rock group that had one hit in the '80s, "Metal on Metal." And they just can't let go of the fact that it didn't go beyond that. At the beginning, we see disgusting shots of them from their better years: Kudlow playing a guitar with a vibrator (wow, this guy has taste) and another shot of him in complete hairy, gross frontal nudity. Yuck.During the course of this movie, we watch these idiots trudge through Europe on a tour, where they are treated like dirt and, in many cases, no-one (or barely anyone) shows up to their gigs. Still, they don't get it. They leave their families for months on end and later beg and borrow to get funding for a 13th album, which they must sell on-line and out of their cars.
The best scene in the movie is when "Lips" Kudlow, in a bid to earn money to fund the album, works at the telemarketing firm of one of his superfans. We watch him fail miserably to telemarket sunglasses, as he unconvincingly tells someone on the phone that the sunglasses are the ones worn by Keanu Reeves in "The Matrix." Yes, even "Anvil" superfan geeks have grown up and succeeded in the real world. But not "Anvil" band members, who just can't get it together.
Most annoying part of this movie--and there are many such parts--when both Kudlow and Reiner tell us how their parents were Holocaust survivors.
They survived the camps and escaped the Nazi ovens so their kids could do this?! Hilarious. And ultimately, very sad.
While I hated these people, the documentary is a great case study in narcissistic losers who don't grow up, even at age 56. And you gotta watch it that way to enjoy it. Memo to Anvil: Get a haircut. That is, the few hairs you have left.
ONE REAGAN
* "Earth": While this movie is stunningly beautiful and very entertaining, my biggest beef with it is the same beef I have with every other movie about animals aimed at kids: parts of the narration (in this case, by James Earl Jones) are so annoyingly eco-frightening and meant to scare your kids, it disappointed me. Fortunately, of those movies, this one is the best and the eco-preachy messages in the movie aren't as obtrusive and frequent as in "Under the Sea 3D" (read my review) and "Arctic Tale" (read my review).
This Disney flick follows a year in the lives of three families of animals--elephants, dolphins, and polar bears--along with assorted scenes of other animal and plant life. It's fascinating and the imagery is unbelievable. It's also interesting, too. While the brief environmental messages are there--the animals are always thirsty, hungry, and in desperate struggles to survive because of global warming, we are told--I still recommend this movie highly for your kids. It's a wonderful portrayal of nature and wildlife and a great way to get kids interested in science and nature. You can explain to them that they should ignore the narrator's brief hyperbolic interludes on impending disaster.
TWO REAGANS
* "The Soloist": When will the uber-boring romanticization of the homeless end? I feel bad for those less fortunate, but as the main character in this movie illustrates, some of them are given all the opportunities in the world, but they are down and out anyway, by virtue of their own refusal to get it together.
Jamie Foxx plays a homeless, Juilliard-trained cellist discovered on the streets in L.A. by a Los Angeles Times columnist. It's based on a true story profiled on "60 Minutes." But that's where it should have remained--as a boring 12-minute segment on a news show, instead of an extremely boring two-hour exercise in insomnia cure at the box office.
We're treated over and over again to scenes of Jamie Foxx acting like a nutty, out-of-touch homeless guy refusing help when it is offered and any chance of making it back to the real world. Some of the scenes are so laughable, I thought it was a flashback to Foxx's days on the comedy show, "In Living Color." The arrogant, annoying reporter, Robert Downey, Jr., is equally boring. What's the point of this movie? That homeless people are people, too? I already knew that. But this repetitive waste of time didn't help their case. This movie was so fricking slow and boring I fell asleep twice and didn't miss a thing. Dude, go back to playing Ray Charles.
Extremely skipworthy.
FOUR MARXES
* "The Informers": Annoying, has-been novelist of '80s "excess"-laden angst of the yuppies, Brett Easton Ellis, brings us more. As if we needed it. We didn't. I already saw this same movie by the same author, back in the '80s. It was called "Less Than Zero." (This also copies much of "Bright Lights, Big City.")
I think the purpose of this movie was to show us '80s assymetrical hairstyles on men and scene after scene of topless sex orgies. Um, no thanks.
A group of over-privileged, spoiled Hollywood kids party, do drugs, and have bisexual orgies. One of them gets AIDS and dies. An English rock star barely gets to see his son who lives with his estranged wife. In the meantime, he has endless nights of sex with teen boys and girls. A Hollywood studio exec (Billy Bob Thornton) who is estranged from his wife (Kim Basinger) gets back together with her, while he pines for his TV reporter girlfriend (a very old-looking and hardly recognizable Winona Ryder). And a failed actor/doorman who was kidnapped as a kid is visited by his former captor who raised him, who has kidnapped another kid for sale to a pervert. The end.
A horrible, horrible, dreadful movie. Completely vile, disgusting, and pointless. And, oh yeah, there's no plot. Semi-porn. And complete trash.
FOUR MARXES PLUS
Posted by Debbie at 01:23 PM
April 21, 2009
"Red Dawn": Important Movie Marks 25th Anniversary, as Star Fights Heroic Battle Against Cancer
This is one of those things that makes you feel old. Some movie publicists tell me that Thursday is the 25th anniversary of an important movie, "Red Dawn," which depicts a Soviet Communist invasion of America and a band of American teens--the "Wolverines"--who heroically fight them off. (IMDB differs and says it was released on August 10, 1984, so I'll repost on this, again, then.)
American Cinemathique sent me word that the organization will be marking "Red Dawn's" 25th anniversary with a special showing and discussion at the historic, restored Aero Theatre in Santa Monica, on Thursday Night at 7:30 p.m. So if you live in the Los Angeles area, this is a great opportunity to see this excellent movie as it was meant to be seen--on the big screen. More details here.
"Red Dawn" Trailer . . .
Although it was panned by many critics (a/k/a liberals) at the time, "Red Dawn" is a great movie that stands the test of time . . . if you realize that the Communist threat of yesterday in the movie could easily be the Islamic threat of today, taking over our country unless we stop them. Only a few years after "Red Dawn" came out, the Soviet Union fell. But several of the Communist leaders on our own Western Hemisphere, in Latin America, who were around then--like Nicaragua's Daniel Ortega--are back or have been replaced by far worse, such as Venezuela's Hugo Chavez and Bolivia's Evo Morales.
As I wrote in a previous column:
At the time it came out, we were in the midst of fighting the Soviets and other forces of Communist hegemony in the Cold War. That's why despite universal critical panning, the movie was a box office success, with Americans paying to see it in droves. It was an important film that embodied the fight Ronald Reagan was preventing in our future by fighting--and beating--it during his Presidency. If only President Bush had done the same in the last 6.5 years, instead of kowtowing to it. Unlike Ronald Reagan, his actions insure that "Black Dawn" will not just be a movie.
I've always said that "Red Dawn" and "Arlington Road" are both great movies that should be remade into timely movies with Muslims replacing Communists and homegrown militias. They are the current threat. But Hollywood refuses to believe it. Given that mentality, it's in fact miraculous that "Red Dawn" was ever made. Don't look for "Green Dawn" or "Black Dawn"--about the Muslim invasion--to ever get greenlit.
And as we celebrate this great, important movie, let's not forget its star, Patrick Swayze, whose heroic battle against pancreatic cancer has taken a turn for the worse. He has lived far longer than most who are struck with this horrible disease. And, even though I've been critical of some of his political statements in the past (here and here), I don't forget his contribution in starring in "Red Dawn." And we should keep him in our prayers.
Posted by Debbie at 11:51 AM
April 17, 2009
Weekend Box Office 2: "17 Again," "Mysteries of Pittsburgh," "Observe & Report"
Earlier today you read my review of "State of Play," a propaganda-laden "thriller," starring dough-boy Ben Affleck, which was a complete mess. Here are the reviews of most of the other new releases I didn't get a chance to post reviews for earlier.
* "17 Again": This movie is all the rage for tweens and teens because it stars their heartthrob, Zac Efron. The plot has been done before in reverse in "Big," and done similarly in "13 Going on 30," "Freaky Friday," and a gazillion other movies.
Overall, though very predictable, it's a positive movie and good for teens and would be great viewing for Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol, and her ex-boyfriend Levi Johnston. In this movie, the pregnant teen and her baby daddy get married and make a life. And in the end, the father becomes a great dad and realizes the important things in life. Plus, there's plenty of humor in it.
But I was troubled at some of the mature subject matter for a tween-appealing movie. Sex and condoms are discussed at length, and the issue of teen pregnancy is central. Some of the situations are suggestively incestual as a daughter comes on to the boy who is, unbeknownst to her, her father. Characters are shown in bed, coming on to each other, and high school kids call each other "douche" and "bitch" and told that they "have a small weiner." Not that they don't say those things in high school. I'm sure they say things far worse. But high schoolers are not the primary audience for this and not Zach Efron's fan base. They're far younger.
Matthew Perry plays a failed salesman in his late thirties, who wishes he could live his high school days over again. He blew a chance at a college basketball scholarship and never went to college, so that he could marry his pregnant girlfriend. And he regrets it. They're in the middle of a divorce, and his kids aren't close to him.
Soon, he finds himself 17 again and looks like Zach Efron. He discovers that his daughter is dating the school jock/bully and is planning to sleep with him and give up her college opportunity at Georgetown to be with him. His son, who he thinks is on the school basketball team, is actually not on the team but bullied by them and his daughter's boyfriend. He goes to high school with them to be the parent to them that his kids won't allow him to be as himself, but are very open to, when it's in the form of a cool 17-year-old peer. While doing all of this Efron stays at the home of his very wealthy and very geeky computer programmer friend, whose house looks like a museum of outer space kitsch.
Like I said, not a bad movie and it has very positive messages (like waiting to have sex and a loving father who wants to lead his family but isn't given the chance until he becomes a kid), but not as clean of a movie as I expected for an audience this young.
TWO REAGANS
* "Observe & Report": This is a low-class, obscene, dark, stupid rip-off of the charming, far superior "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" (read my review). If the F-word is funny to you, then you'll love this because it's every other word. And if you like watching extended, unfunny scenes of a fat naked guy running with his penis bobbing up and down, this is your flick. For everyone else, even the tiniest modicum of class and taste should keep you away from this.
Seth Rogen plays a fat, self-important but incompetent mall cop. He's trying to find out who is stealing from the mall and stopping the mall flasher. The flasher thing and a no-talent cast is the only thing different from "Paul Blart." When will the undue obsession with this talentless, unattractive hack, Rogen, end? Not soon enough. This movie is complete garbage. Skip it all all cost. Two hours of valuable life wasted I'll never get back.
FOUR MARXES
* "The Mysteries of Pittsburgh": The son of a mobster spends a college summer working at a bookstore and having sex with his manager. Soon he falls in love with an attractive blonde (Sienna Miller) and her mob hitman boyfriend (Peter Sarsgard)--who is sent to assassinate him--and sleeps with both of them, literally. Then, the hitman commits suicide. The end. Who the heck greenlights this crap? Disgusting, stupid, pointless, and a complete waste of time. Extremely skipworthy, complete trash.
FOUR MARXES
Posted by Debbie at 07:37 PM
Weekend Box Office: "State of Play" Collapses Under Anti-Blackwater, Anti-Blog, Anti-FOX News Propaganda; Congressman Ben Affleck? (OY)
[Note: Because of Passover, I did not see "17 Again" and "Sin Nombre," but will try to post reviews of those and another film I did see, "Mysteries of Pittsburgh," later today.]
"Congressman Ben Affleck." It's enough to make you sick. It's also hard to see pictures of Affleck in military fatigues and talk of his military service in the First Gulf War. As if.
But in "State of Play," the smug, pasty-faced, chubby-cheeked, one-time paramour of J-Lo plays exactly the kind of Congressman he'd be in real life: an extremely liberal, arrogant, moralizing hypocrite who cheats on his wife (Mrs. Jeff Spicoli a/k/a Robin Wright Penn) and is far worse than the Blackwater-like outfit he claims to be upset about. The only great part of "Congressman Ben Affleck" in this movie is when he starts crying on national TV and real men on the street notice with disdain. Affleck's sensitive man tears sure beat his over melodramatic screaming and whining, which got so bad I thought I was watching a chick flick.
But don't let my description of Congressman Affleck's impersonation of an elected official/liberal hypocrite fool you. This movie is a hit-piece on Blackwater, blogs, and News Corp (which owns FOX News, the Wall Street Journal, the New York Post, and assorted other media outlets around the globe). The propaganda and smug preaching and moralizing against these parties is so heavy in this movie, the film tumbles under its weight into a tangled mess. It's a terribly substandard semi-ripoff of the far superior "Enemy of the State," with a dash of "All of the President's Men" thrown in the jumble.
Given that the U.S. government canceled its contracts with Blackwater, and that the liberal left is now in power in the corridors of Washington and failing miserably, this movies seems dated and a matter of piling on over an era that was better and is over. The movie's attacks on blogs in favor of newsprint that will leave you with "smudged hands" is also passe, given that many newspapers have gone out of business and those that survived are mostly alive online.
This movie might have gone over better had it appeared in theaters a year or two ago, when its statements were still the weak arguments of the left. Now, it's just yesterday's trash and birdcage liner.
Plus, you know a movie is probably a stinker when media whores Chris Matthews and Lou Dobbs invade your escapism by their appearances on the big screen. They'll do any movie. And any movie that asks them, ain't all that.
Affleck is a Congressman holding hearings to investigation Pointcorp--this movie's fictional name for Blackwater (now known as "Xe"), the private company with which our government had contracts to protect public officials in Iraq and to do other security duties not performed by and/or in conjunction with our soldiers. Blackwater, to its credit, never lost a single person it was protecting. It never failed in its security obligations. But it's been unfairly vilified because how dare private enterprise--employing many retired military vets looking for extra money--actually shoot violent Iraqis out to kill them. And how dare Blackwater's owner, Erik Prince (also lampooned in "State of Play"), actually make money and get compensated for his company's success.
Affleck lectures us on "Pointcorp"/Blackwater's alleged view of its military vet contractors:
Innocent civilians are disposable lives and collateral damage.
But did Blackwater hire women to sleep with Congressmen and spy on them? Did it possibly hire hitmen to snuff out its Congressional critics' mistresses when they refuse to continue to be double agents?
Well, despite absolutely no evidence that it ever did either, Blackwater, er . . . "Pointcorp," perpetrates at least the former and perhaps the latter in this movie.
Congressman Affleck is cheating on his wife with his chief researcher in his hearings against Blackwater/"Pointcorp." At the beginning of the movie, she has a mysterious fatal accident on the Washington subway on her way to work. The night before a pizza delivery man and another guy are also shot, one of them fatally. Are the two murders connected?
It appears that they are. And it also appears that this is the work of the evil Pointcorp, attempting to frame and blackmail its main Congressional critic.
Soon we learn that Pointcorp wants to take over 1/3 of the federal government by providing a standing army and taking over and privatizing the Department of Homeland Security.
Not that Blackwater ever tried to do that, but being something of an expert and critic on that bloated, incompetent agency, I ask: And if Blackwater replaced the Department of Homeland Security, this would be a bad thing because . . . ? PUH-LEEZE. If Blackwater ran ICE, illegal aliens would be eradicated from America. If Blackwater took over terrorism investigations and border security, America would be batting 1,000. And the Islamic terrorists who were afraid of Blackwater in Iraq would be afraid here. Yup, what a "horrible" prospect. I guarantee Blackwater wouldn't waste DHS money and resources putting out "White Papers" about the "threat of right wingers."
All of this is fleshed out by grizzled newspaper journalist Russell Crowe. He works for a newspaper, The Washington Globe, which has just been bought by "Media Corp" (the movie's obvious take on Rupert Murdoch's "New Corp"). Media Corp isn't interested in real, substantiated journalism, but sensational stories that sell papers. Crowe's editor, a feisty Helen Mirren, is wasted on this film, which is simply beneath her. But there is a cute sign about her on someone's desk: "Never Trust an Editor."
Crowe, by coincidence, is the former college roommate of Congressman Affleck, and also by coincidence, he's investigating the murders of the pizza delivery guy and the other shooting victim. But unlike the gossip columnist blogger at the Globe (Rachel McAdams), he actually takes a long time to get his facts straight, whereas she just posts things every hour.
Soon, they are teaming up to report the story on Congressman Affleck's dead girlfriend, the evil PointCorp, etc. And eventually, McAdams learns to appreciate that print journalists are the "real" journalists. And blogs are just crap. When they finally get the big story, McAdams declines his offer to put it on her blog page at the paper.
A story this big, people should probably have newsprint on their hands, don't ya think?
Awww. No biggie that newspapers aren't the ones doing the real investigative journalism and digging these days. That's why the Detroit Newsistan had to follow my lead when I broke the story about how your tax money was funding Muslim foot baths at the University of Michigan-Dearborn. Or why I had to point out what the Detroit Free Press consistently suppressed--the Shi'ite Muslims names and Hezbollah terrorist connections of arrested food stamp defrauders and cigarette smugglers. The only thing I get from my local newspapers are the newsprint smudge and some good recipes in the food section. Accurate information and original news reporting--the journalism part--just ain't there.
As they investigate PointCorp, they realize that it has 14 or more other corporations with different names all allied through a fake umbrella company called MoFI--the Medal of Freedom Institute. The makers of this film might as well call it "MoFO," since they make it very clear in the script that's what they think of Blackwater, blogs, and News Corp. When Crowe and McAdams go to MoFI's offices they find an empty suite--a front for what is obviously a shell.
I don't recall Blackwater doing this over the last several years, but I do recall several Muslim lobbying organizations having such an arrangement--with several names when it was all really the same thing, terrorist fundraising at 555 Grove Street in one of Virginia's Washington, DC suburbs. I also remember how money-laundering Grover Norquist, his Indian-defrauding lobbyist buddy Jack Abramoff, and their Islamofascist lobbying partner Khaled Saffuri had a similar arrangement. Saffuri headed something called the Islamic Free Market Institute at Grover's Americans for Tax Reform offices and the three were connected in several mysterious lobbying organizations, including something called "The Lexington Group," which also had empty offices in one of Virginia's Washington, DC suburbs.
But don't worry about a Congressman Ben Affleck movie ever going after or moralizing against extremist Muslims in our midst with their shell corporations and mysteriously empty office suites. They have a much more "worthy" target, in their minds, in Blackwater. And we know their point of view when Congressman Affleck waxes on angrily about Blackwater/"Pointcorp"'s sole source of income as "The Muslim Terror Goldrush."
The movie is long--just over two hours, mostly predictable, too preachy, and slow-moving. I'd give it FOUR MARXES, but because there is one great, thrilling escape scene in which Russell Crowe tries to evade a scary killer, and it has a scant few other interesting parts and lines in it, there is a mild entertainment factor. None of this is enough, though, to overcome the heavy-handed propaganda in this movie.
And so, it gets . . .
TWO-AND-A-HALF MARXES
Posted by Debbie at 12:19 PM
April 16, 2009
New Game: Guess the Propaganda Director's Religion--"Lemon Tree"
Recently, I told you about the anti-Israel propaganda film "Waltz with Bashir" ["Vals Im Bashir"]. As I noted, that piece of high quality Bin Laden cinema was made not by HAMAS or Hezbollah's Nasrallah or the Saudi Royal Film Commission, or even madman Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. It was made by Israelis.
And as I noted then and many times on this site, the most anti-Israel, most pan-terrorist filmmakers are not in the depths of the Islamic world and the Arab street. They are in the heart of the discos of Tel Aviv and the beaches of Eilat. They make our America-hating Hollywood left look like red-blooded patriots. And unfortunately, they receive a ton of tax-funded money from the Israeli government and its film commission. Let's see if new Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu has the guts to put an end to that, but don't hold your breath. It's like our PBS. No-one will kill the monster, once and for all.
As a movie critic, I recently received notice from Mark Cuban's Landmark Theaters about upcoming movies, which they periodically send me. And in that latest e-mail missive, there was word that the following movie was coming to Detroit on May 15th, to be shown at the Landmark Maple in the heart of an area largely populated by secular Jews--you know, the 78% of my fellow co-religionists who voted for Obama and eat up this propaganda.
I would ask you to guess the religion and nationality of the director/co-writer of this celluloid propaganda fiction, the latest high quality Bin Laden cinema, but I think it's too easy. The Muslims and the pan-Islamist Arabs are HAMAS-green with envy over this "cinematic splendor." And all the better that it debuts in Detroit on Israel's birthdate of May 15th. But it's been making its way around U.S. arthouse theaters for the last couple of weeks.
May 15LEMON TREE / MAPLE / 106 Mins / IFC
Hiam Abbass (The Visitor) won the Israeli Academy Award for Best Actress for this film. She plays Salma, a Palestinian widow who stands up against her new neighbor, the Israeli Defense Minister, when he moves into his new house opposite her lemon grove, on the green line border between Israel and the West Bank. The Israeli security forces are quick to declare that Salma's trees pose a threat to the Minister's safety and issue orders to uproot them. Together with Ziad (Ali Suliman), her young Palestinian lawyer, Salma goes all the way to the Israeli Supreme Court to try and save her trees. Her struggle raises the interest of Mira (Rona Lipaz-Michael), the Defense Minister's wife, who is trapped in her new home and in an unhappy life. Despite their differences and the borders between them the two women develop an invisible bond, while forbidden ties grow stronger between Salma and Ziad. Salma's legal and personal journey lead her deep into the complex, dark and sometimes funny chaos of the ongoing struggle in the Middle East, in which all players find themselves alone in their struggle to survive. Directed and co-written by Eran Riklis (The Syrian Bride, Cup Final). (Partially subtitled)
Let's here it for Grrlpower! It's like a bad episode (redundant phrase) of Oprah where the sistaz are doin' it (America's moral and cultural destruction from within) for themselves.
It gets worse. Watch the trailer, below, for "Lemon Tree" ("Etz Limon) and its "Israelis as the new Nazis" imagery--a common theme of HAMAS, Fatah, and other Islamic anti-Israel propaganda (and, of late, of Israeli film garbage like this and "Waltz with Bashir"). The evil Zionists erect concentration camp-style guard towers in the poor, disheveled, widowed Muslim Palestinian woman's lemon tree grove. The Israeli Gestapo-like soldiers target innocent, old, poor Palestinian Muslim Arabs as they meekly walk through the lemon grove. The propaganda is so thick, you could cut it with an Islamic sword.
Do you think our government would hesitate to chop down a lemon grove if Defense Secretary Bill Gates' next-door neighbor's backyard was an entry point for Al-Qaeda terrorists out to assassinate him and kill more innocent Americans? Gimme a break. Just ask Susette Kelo, whose home wasn't taken for the noble cause of protecting us from Islamic terrorists bent on our destruction, but for the greed of New London, Connecticut driven by a proposed condo and townhouse development.
"Lemon Tree" is very tangentially based on a true story. A Palestinian woman did take a fight all the way the Israeli Supreme Court to keep her tree grove that was, indeed, a pathway for terrorists to enter Israel and attack innocent civilians. But other than that skeletal set of facts, the rest of the movie is just conjecture and slanted propaganda. The movie very apparently doesn't stress the important part: that a Palestinian Muslim woman could actually go all the way through the Israeli court system to protect her terrorist shielding backyard.
Do you think a Jew (or anyone else) could go to court in an Islamic country to protect his house, which wasn't a strategic entry point for terrorists? Fuhgedaboutit. They wouldn't live to see another day, and they'd be cut down along with the trees.
A million Jews were not only kicked out of Arab and Islamic countries, but their homes and property were seized by the governments and their Muslim countrymen, no questions asked. My friend Jeff's family members' homes in Libya and Iraq were seized from them. My friend Sherri's mother's home in Tunisia--taken, because the family were Jews. Newsflash: They didn't get to go to court to get their homes and property back. They barely escaped with their lives. Where is the Israeli movie about that?
Don't expect "Lemon Tree"'s Israeli director/co-writer Eran Riklis to make a movie about that. He's more concerned with portraying Arab Muslim terrorists and aggressors as victims and good people. Take his 1992 piece of ap-cray, "Cup Final" ("Gmar Gavi'a") about a group of Israeli soldiers who are taken captive in Lebanon and connect with their captors over a shared love of world soccer.
Do you think the horribly tortured, mutilated, disfigured Israeli soldiers captured and murdered by Hezbollah in Lebanon were thinking about their "shared love of soccer" as their lives were snuffed out and their penises were cut off and inserted into their mouths? Some of the bodies of the Israelis captured by the mutually "soccer-loving" terrorists have never been found nor returned by these Lebanese "soccer lovers." One of them, Ron Arad, is certainly dead, and his body has been missing for decades, "shared love of soccer" or not.
And it's no coincidence that "Lemon Tree"'s star, Muslim Arab Hiam Abbass, was also a star in "The Visitor" (read my brief commentary on this movie), which as I've noted on this site is a BS propaganda film about how bad we Americans are because Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents actually deport a Syrian Muslim illegal alien squatting in some guy's New York apartment. The nerve.
Yup, Ms. Abbass, has made a career of making anti-Western, Muslim victimhood movies. It's ironic (and hypocritical), since Abbass, who insists on identifying as Palestinian (she was born in Nazareth, ISRAEL), has the privilege of being an Israeli--where as a Muslim woman, she is treated far better than she (or any Jew, for that matter) would be in any Islamic country. She even won the Best Actress award from the Israeli Film Academy (Israel's Oscars). She makes a better living from Israel than most Israelis--Jew or Arab--could ever hope to make.
It's also no surprise that another anti-Israel Muslim Arab actor, Ali Suliman, stars in the film. He was one of the stars of "Paradise Now," the pro-homicide bomber, anti-Israel movie also funded by Israel. He is also from Nazareth, Israel. Like I said, the Israelis have made these two actors wealthy beyond their wildest dreams, funded by Israel, attacking Israel from within.
The bottom line, apparently not shown in this movie, is that if Palestinians--with whom Ms. Abbass now identifies after years of saying she was an Israeli Arab--stopped supporting and committing terrorism and using their land to shield and harbor cold-blooded killers on their way to blow up pizza joints and kill toddlers and babies, there would have been no need to go after this woman's lemon grove. But why dwell on that fact, when we can have critical thinking-free propaganda films against Israel?
Forget Hollywood's anti-Israel viewpoint in films. Hollywood has nothing on Israel's film industry. I await the day when I will actually see a pro-Israel--or even a balanced--film coming out of Israel.
But it's pretty likely that I'll be waiting forever. The Muslims don't need to make anti-Israel--and frankly, anti-Semitic--films. They have the Israeli Jewish left and its film industry doing it for them.
Neither Bin Laden nor Nasrallah, Ahmadinejad, Haniyeh, Abbas, Qaddafi, and the King Abdullahs need to open a studio. They already have several in Tel Aviv "Hollywood."
Posted by Debbie at 02:20 PM
April 06, 2009
Finally: Fox News Fires Liberal Movie/Celeb Writer Roger Friedman
In the past, I've decried FOXNews.com's extremely liberal entertainment writer, Roger Friedman, who fancied himself a critic, but really wasn't one. And I'm glad to see that, today, Friedman was fired. His gushing over liberals and liberalism was tiresome. And certainly neither "Fair" nor "Balanced."
Friedman would praise outrageous movies like Angelina Jolie's Islamo-sympathizing "A Mighty Heart" and Michael Moore's "Sicko." and stood up for Muslim extremists like HAMAS finance moll Cat Stevens a/k/a Yusuf Islam. And then, liberals like Rosie O'Donnell and the hags of "The View" would say, "Well, FOX News praised it," or "Well, FOX News said . . . ."
The guy was an ignoramus.
But he was even more of an ignoramus than I thought. That's because he bragged about stealing from his own employer on his employer's own website. And, predictably, it was his professional death knell. Long overdue, in Roger's case.
Talk about chutzpah. And stupidity. Friedman wrote about downloading a pirated FOX movie product, the new X-Men movie, and wrote about how easy and pleasant it was.
What was that saying about "don't [euphemism] where you eat/live/work"? Guess he never heard that one.
Roger Friedman, an entertainment columnist for FoxNews.com, discovered over the weekend just what Rupert Murdoch means by "zero tolerance" when it comes to movie piracy.On Friday, the film studio 20th Century Fox - owned by the News Corporation, the media conglomerate ruled by Mr. Murdoch - became angry after reading Mr. Friedman's latest column. . . . The subject was "X-Men Origins: Wolverine," a big-budget movie that was leaked in unfinished form on the Web last week.
Mr. Friedman posted a minireview, adding, "It took really less than seconds to start playing it all right onto my computer."
The film studio, which enlisted the F.B.I. last week to hunt the pirate, put out a statement calling Mr. Friedman's column "reprehensible," among other things.
Not a smart move. And now he's gone. Buh-bye, Roger. And don't let the bit torrent hit ya on the way out.
Now, maybe FOXNews.com can pick a real movie critic, instead of a celebrity gusher who dabbles in saying ignorant things to promote bad movies. And maybe they'll actually pick a conservative, instead of the same old liberal we see on every single other mainstream media website and news network.
But don't hold your breath.
Posted by Debbie at 07:51 PM
April 03, 2009
Weekend Box Office: "Fast/Furious" Has Cool Chase Scenes, Little Else; Charming But Slightly Raunchy "Adventureland"
Two new flicks at the box office. Neither is that bad. Both are very adult movies.
* "Fast and Furious": Wow, the creators of the original "The Fast and the Furious" were really inventive with the title of their third sequel in dropping the two "The"s. I liked this one far better than the other two sequels, but that's not saying much. The benchmark was low. And the movie was better than I expected. Again, the benchmark was low.
You needn't see any of the sequels and only the original to understand what's going on here. This incarnation was written to begin where the original left off and works as if the sequels had never occurred. All of the lead actors in the original (none of whom became a huge mega A-list star)--Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, and Michelle Rodriguez--are back.
Walker is now an FBI agent, and car thief Diesel is in Mexico with girlfriend Rodriguez. Both of them have fled there to avoid being caught by the feds for running their auto theft ring. Soon Diesel learns that his girlfriend has been murdered by a vicious, brutal Mexican drug lord after she returned Stateside, and he and Walker team up to find him and bring him to justice.
This movie had great car chases and very cool, death defying stunts, but little else . . . unless you're a red-blooded woman like me admiring the extreme hotness of Paul Walker, who looks slightly more haggard in this latest incarnation but just as hot as the original. That wasn't enough to save this movie, though.
The plot was a mess, the story weak, but what else did you expect from the fourth in a series of fast car movies, the original of which wasn't all that? Not that anyone goes to this movie to see a plot of any sort. People go to movies like this to see fast cars, big stunts, and hot chicks. And they got the first two out of the three. The cars in this movie are pretty sweet.
Mildly entertaining if you like to watch fast cars with loud engines. But, overall, I was bored. When there was action, the action was great. But when there wasn't, it was sleep-inducing and slow. Only the eye candy of Walker kept me awake and alert between cool car stunts.
Bloody, violent, and full of four-letter expression. Not for your kid. But not too bad.
HALF REAGAN
* "Adventureland": Although I had mixed feelings about this movie, overall I enjoyed it very much. Though it's made by the "Superbad" team, it's not nearly as raunchy, tasteless, or obscene. But it's got more than enough. And it's well done, with a far more decent storyline. Definitely not for prudes, though. Despite all that, it's got a certain charm to it.
If you grew up in the '80s--in which this movie is set--you'll probably enjoy it, as I did. The target audience is quite apparently the Gen-X crowd.
I laughed like crazy and I thought it was sweet and entertaining. On the other hand, there were a lot of drugs, which bothered me more than the lewd references and innuendoes. This movie is very adult. The R-rating is there for a reason. It's not for your kids.
Up-and-coming, very talented actor Jesse Eisenberg plays James, Brennan, a somewhat geeky college grad on his way to New York for journalism school. But, soon, he learns that his father has been "downsized" and he has to work for the summer. But the only thing a person who majored in English literature can get is a job at the local amusement park, "Adventureworld."
Brennan finds himself falling for Em (Kristen Stewart), an aloof girl at Adventureworld and interacts with fellow geeks, girls, and others at the amusement park, all set to an '80s soundtrack and complete with '80s hair and clothes. We watch Brennan try to get the girl but also come to terms with his collapsing future.
The one part I didn't like is the continuing theme of pot use as a social mechanism. Brennan's wealthy best friend gives him a bag of super potent marijuana before leaving for Europe for the summer. The pot makes Brennan instantly popular at the theme park.
Best line in the movie: When a geeky Jewish co-worker is rejected by his girlfriend because her Catholic parents don't want her to date a Jewish guy, Brennan's love interest Em, goes to tell the girl off and call her "anti-Semitic," to which the Jewish guy responds, "The Jews have been through worse." No kidding.
Like I said, this movie is absolutely not for kids and not teens below 17 either. It's an adult flick, and it's rife with four-letter salutes and suggestive situations. If you're a prude, it's not for you.
TWO REAGANS
Posted by Debbie at 01:02 AM
March 27, 2009
Weekend Box Office: Ho-Hum "Haunting in Connecticut"
[NOTE: I did not screen "Monsters vs. Aliens," though I may try to see it later and if so, will post my review after that.]
After other movies about scary possessed houses, like "The Amityville Horror" and even the bad 1981 Parker Stevenson TV movie, "This House Possessed," "The Haunting in Connecticut" doesn't seem that scary.
Yes, there are parts where I jumped or screamed, but mostly I alternately laughed out loud and was disgusted. "Haunting" relies more on morbid bodies, body parts, and visions of dead spirits to scare you. And while it half does, it also makes you wonder . . . about bad story lines with gaping holes.
Based on a true story, Virgina Madsen plays the mother of three kids, who is also raising her teen niece and has a reformed drunk for a husband. Her teen son is very sick with cancer. The constant hour-long drives from their distant home to take her son for cancer treatments is grinding on both herself and her son, and she looks for a rental home in the city where the hospital is located. The family is strapped for cash and she settles on a home which used to be a mortuary.
Soon, the cancer-stricken son begins to see ghosts and visions of spirits throughout the house. Some are scary, and others--walking charred bodies--are just laughable like from a zombie movie. The rest of the family thinks these visions are just the imagination of a kid sick with cancer. They can't see these spirits, and a priest, who is also sick with cancer, tells the son that those dying of cancer are in a netherworld, where they can see the dead.
A major hole in the story, which glared out at me, is when the family finally starts seeing the haunting effects of bodies once embalmed in the house. Why don't they just leave the house and check into a motel, instead of just cowering together on a bed? Well, then the movie would end.
A box of dried eyelids is just gross. Scenes and pictures of people with giant ectoplasmic emanations from haunted people's faces simply made me laugh out loud endlessly. They were more silly than scary. Scenes featuring the relapsed drunken dad were stupid and irrelevant to the story. They felt like they were just thrown in for unnecessary extra melodrama.
If you want to get frightened, there are several parts of the movie that will make you jump. But, in the end, this movie wasn't that scary.
If there's one thing I liked about this movie, it's the constant belief in G-d that's evident in the mother's character and the priest. In the end, that belief wins out.
There's nothing offensive about "The Haunting in Connecticut." There's just nothing special or exciting about it, either. Definitely creepy, but more gratuitously so than scary. The movie was just okay. Not bad, but not great, either.
This movie is PG-13. It's creepiness and gross-out factors are not for young kids. But for teens, it's fine. It's morbid, but not offensive in any way. Just kinda silly.
ONE REAGAN.
Posted by Debbie at 02:38 PM
March 20, 2009
Weekend Box Office: Excellent Movie Featuring My Friend From High School & Other Okay Selections
**** UPDATE: Review of "The Great Buck Howard" Posted Below--SCROLL DOWN ****
There is one excellent movie, this weekend, and it happens to include my friend from high school in a minor co-starring role. The rest of the selections range from not bad to funny but vile/disgusting. There was no advanced screening for "The Great Buck Howard," so I will see it and add a review here, later today.
* "Duplicity": Since I loathe Julia Roberts, I expected to hate this movie. But I was surprised. It was excellent and enjoyable from beginning to end. And not because my friend since high school, actor Rick Worthy (his real name from the days at Southfield High is Rick Titsworth, but he changed it for obvious reasons), is in it (he's the tall Black bald guy with the mustache--super nice guy and so down to earth).
This movie is everything a movie is supposed to be. It's fun, light, very suspenseful, and humorous. And it's clever. Roberts and Clive Owen play, respectively, former CIA and MI6 agents who were lovers in the past. They are now partners in crime in corporate espionage. She's involved in corporate security at a large pharmaceutical company. And he is working for a counterespionage outfit hired by a rival pharmaceutical company to spy on her company. She is secretly a double agent for the counterespionage outfit, and together they work to con the company out of a new product worth gazillions.
There are a lot of flashbacks in this movie, which are slightly annoying, but it would be hard to tell the story in a continuous timeline, without giving almost everything away.
This is one of those great caper movies you'll probably see on TV endlessly, once it's out of theater circulation. But you'll be happy you saw it in the theaters. Don't let the presence of the repugnant Julia Roberts scare you away from this. The best actor in this movie, though, is the always excellent Paul Giamatti as the pompous, insecure CEO of a rival pharmaceutical company.
Has some mild sex scenes and content, so not really for kids, and the plot is too sophisticated for them, anyway.
THREE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
* "Knowing": Although the last fifth of this movie was kind of a mess and slightly rambling, I liked it. Nicholas Cage stars in his fifth thriller involving coded messages and numbers in this doomsday movie. But he's convincing as usual in his sense of urgency.
A young girl at a school in 1959 suggests that she and her classmates draw pictures of what they see for the future, to be deposited in a time capsule, which will be opened on the school's 50th anniversary. The girl is suddenly possessed by voices, which force her to write a series of numbers. On the 50th anniversary, the capsule is opened and Nicholas Cage's young son gets the list of numbers.
Soon, Cage, a physicist who has done studies on flaring stars, discovers that the numbers correspond with the dates and numbers of human casualties for each disaster since 1959 . . . and future disasters. He reunites with the daughter of the girl from 1959 to find out what is happening and why strange men are haunting his family.
I don't want to say much more, as it will give away the movie, but I will note that there is a Noah's Ark-esque ending and message, which I liked.
As I noted, this movie ends kind of messily, but it begins with a bang and keeps you hooked until the mess begins. Not bad, but could have been tightened up. Fine for kids, though might be slightly scary for them.
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
* "I Love You, Man": While I'm embarrassed to say I laughed effusivley a few times during this flick, it was mostly vile and disgusting. Lots of bathroom humor--farts, vomiting, dog defecating jokes--and lots of pretty explicit, gross sexual humor. Um, I didn't need to know about a guy's masturbation station. TMI. And I don't exactly enjoy "bro-mance" movies that are basically gay, as this movie is. Nor did I need to see two guys French kiss. Didn't we already have this in "Milk," just a few months ago?
The people who made this movie were more interested in pushing the envelope than anything else. And the story is stupid.
The best parts of this movie are the presence of Lou Ferrigno and the band, "Rush." And that's not saying much.
The "plot": A L.A.-area real estate agent (Paul Rudd) with no guy friends but many female ones is engaged to be married (to Rashida Jones). He goes out on "man-dates" to meet male friends in search of one to become his best man at his wedding. Rudd eventually meets Jason Segel (who famously showed us his penis onscreen repeatedly in his last big box office release, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"), a free-spirited slacker former child star who free-loads at real estate open house buffets, hangs out in his man cave, and refuses to scoop after his dog poops.
Rudd meets him at the open house he is holding at Lou Ferrigno's mansion, which he's trying to sell. They start hanging out, and eventually their relationship supercedes Rudd's relationship with his soon-to-be bride, causing tension.
The funniest parts are the jokes about Lou Ferrigno and the Hulk and a guy throwing up on another guy after a beer drinking contest. And that should tell you something. This movie is just average. The jokes are raunchy and cheap. And the humor wrapped in mostly vile and disgusting dialogue simply isn't worth it.
Lines like,
He's forty pounds overweight, with a Jew-fro and a small d--k,
populate this trash. And that's the tame stuff.
This movie was clearly made for the twenty-something oversexed frat boy crowd whose diet includes too much Jon Stewart and little of substance or worth. For the rest of us--i.e., civilization--it's not for you. And definitely not for kids or even "mature" teens.
I Hated This, Man.
TWO-AND-A-HALF MARXES
* "Sunshine Cleaning": I had mixed feelings about this movie because it basically promotes single motherhood, giving us the message that "it all works out in the end," which as we know ain't the truth. Plus, it was kind of a grotesque version of a "sister doing it for herself" chick flick.
Amy Adams plays a single mother, who is stuck cleaning houses for a living. She's still sleeping with the married father of her kid, a police detective who was her high school quarterback boyfriend. While he has excelled in life, she's faltered and is stuck in a rut. And she has a loser sister, who is always late to work and gets fired for insolence. Then, there's her eccentric father (Alan Arkin) who is also hard up for money and always making bad business decisions, while looking for the "big" deal.
Adams' "gifted" (really, perverted and impolite) son is kicked out of school, and she needs to make more money to put him in private school. Plus, she is embarrassed when she ends up cleaning the home of a former high school classmate, who is relatively well-off.
Adams learns about the world of "biohazard removal"--basically cleaning up after dead and/or murdered people at crime scenes and starts her own business with her sister. The money starts to roll in.
But as in every movie with a story, it doesn't stay that way. Oh, and don't forget the girl who thinks her sister is a lesbian and comes on to her.
Not my cup of tea, but mildly entertaining. Not enough, though, for your ten bucks.
ONE MARX
* "The Great Buck Howard": I'm a fan of John Malkovich's acting, and that's why I thought I'd like this story of a has-been mentalist who is trying to get back on "The Tonight Show," and keep people coming to his touring shows. His character is based on "The Amazing Kreskin." The movie is the story of his young assistant (Colin Hanks, who is briefly joined in the movie by Tom Hanks who plays a novel role: his dad), a guy who drops out of law school to find himself as a writer and took the job as Buck Howard's road manager to bide his time.
Malkovich is his usual talented self, though his ambiguously gay, aging performer shtick seems like I've been there, seen that before. And I have, when he played an aging gay man who impersonates Stanley Kubrick in "Color Me Kubrick." And there wasn't that much new here. Still, it's entertaining, if slow and pointless, and it's funny.
ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
Posted by Debbie at 09:38 AM
March 18, 2009
Memo to "View" Hags et al: Sorry About Natasha Richardson, But Tell the Truth About the Redgraves, Esp. Islamic Terrorist Gun-Moll Vanessa
**** Update/FLASHBACK: Read my work on how Vanessa Redgrave posted bail for an Al-Qaeda terrorist, whose family founded the Muslim Brotherhood terrorist group, posted bail for two Gitmo terrorists, and read Gitmo detainees' poems at a performance. **** SCROLL DOWN FOR MORE UPDATES ****
Today, on ABC's ignoramus hag-fest, "The View," the ugly chicks discussed the brain-dead status of actress Natasha Richardson. While I don't wish that on anyone, these ignorant dogs went overboard. Joy Behar said, "The Redgraves are such good people. They never bothered anyone. They just mind their own business."
Oh, really? Perhaps, this aging dumbass forgot the 1977 Academy Awards acceptance speech by Richardson's mother, Vanessa Redgrave, about "Zionist hoodlums." My favorite part of this video is writer (and World War II Purple Heart awardee) Paddy Chayefsky's total smackdown of Ms. Redgrave--who didn't ever mind her own business and actually made a career of supporting the P.L.O., Al-Qaeda, and all variety of Islamic terrorists against Israel and America. Chayefsky's message was sadly lost on future Oscar winners, and it needs to be required viewing for all of them. It's a must watch:
Listen to the applause Chayefsky got from the Hollywood audience and the boos that Nazi-ette Brit Redgrave got. Those were the days. Today, he'd be the one booed, and Redgrave would be cheered by the Hollywood Oscar crowd.
Of course, the dumb hags of "The View" are so stupid, so dumb, so ignorant, so completely clueless--and that includes the utterly vacant Elisabeth Hasselbeck--that they agreed with Behar's ignorant and incorrect statement about the Redgraves never bothering anyone and minding their own business.
I am sorry Ms. Richardson is basically dead. If only her mother was the one who had the skiing accident in her stead forty years ago.
But, then again, anyone who sits in Vanessa Redgrave's perch in favor of Islamic terrorism, is basically brain dead without the skiing accident precipitating it. And definitely humanly and morally dead.
**** UPDATE: I wrote this pretty quickly before I left for a movie screening. On the way, I remembered that I wrote about Vanessa Redgrave's work on behalf of hardened Al-Qaeda terrorists and Gitmo detainees. She even posted bond for one of them.
I also realized I should point out that the great Paddy Chayefsky--who gave Redgrave, as my father would say, a real verbal "zetz"--was a proud American Jew, who enlisted in the U.S. Army and proudly served in World War II, earning a Purple Heart. Contrast that with the vile Vanessa Redgrave who "minded her own business and . . . never bothered anybody" (according to Joy Behar) in her lifelong avocation of helping Islamic terrorists beat the West.
One other thing, a little background is needed on why the "Zionist hoodlums" a/k/a proud Jewish Americans were up in arms about her Academy Award nomination. From my 2007 column, "Vanessa Redgrave's Al-Qaeda Activity No Surprise":
Throughout the 1970s, Vanessa Redgrave had been a pro-Palestinian activist, praising the P.L.O. and denouncing Israel as fascist and Nazi-like. Many of her comments were anti-Semitic. In 1977, Vanessa Redgrave starred as "Julia" in the movie of the same name, which co-starred Jane Fonda as Communist writer Lillian Hellman, who smuggled funds into Nazi Germany to the resistance movement during the Holocaust. Julia was an anti-fascist activist and Jew who was Lillian's friend. Redgrave was given the role, despite the just and rightful protests of Holocaust survivors and other Jews all over the world. Now, she's helping Al-Qaeda. No suprise.Also no surprise that she used the Holocaust yet again to justify her pan-Islamist activity:
It is a profound honour and I am glad to be alive to be able to do this. Guantanamo Bay is a concentration camp. It is a disgrace that these men have been kept there all these years.
Yup, the Redgraves "minded their own business" and "never bothered anybody" except innocent non-Muslims who want to live in peace and keep their freedoms.
**** UPDATE #2: Vanessa Redgrave's daughter, Natasha Richardson, died. I stand by my comments about her vile, disgusting mother, and again state that the wrong person got taken out via a skiing accident.
Now that she is dead in an untimely death at such a relatively young age, I'm sure we'll hear endlessly about how great her mother is.
No sympathy for this pan-terrorist witch from me. Only for the late Richardson (who was great in "The Parent Trap" remake with Lindsay Lohan and Dennis Quaid), Richardson's husband, actor Liam Neeson (one of my favorites), and her children. Her mother, Vanessa Redgrave, can go to hell. And since she's consorted with the P.L.O. throughout her life, we can safely say she's already visited many times.
Posted by Debbie at 06:23 PM
March 16, 2009
Cool-Looking Movie I Was Supposed to Screen This Morning
Remember the good old days--when aliens were from outer space, not the Middle East, Latin America, and Europe?
This morning, I was supposed to screen this movie, "Alien Trespass," but, unfortunately, the print didn't arrive from the studio on time, so they're sending us DVD screeners. I can't wait for this one, which comes out in April and looks like my kinda movie.
I love the old-fashioned alien and outer space movies, like the original "Day the Earth Stood Still," "Forbidden Planet," and the newer but old-styled "Mars Attacks!" "Mars Attacks!" is probably my favorite because everything that professor Piece Brosnan, President Jack Nicholson, and all the peaceniks in it say about how we have to just "understand" and be nice to the aliens (and then they get zapped) is what our leaders have been saying forever--and especially in the last 7.5 years--about Islam (with similar results).
Here's the "Alien Trespass" trailer (stay tuned for my complete review on the day the movie debuts in theaters):
Posted by Debbie at 03:12 PM
March 13, 2009
Weekend Box Office: STAY HOME--Lame Disney Space Mountain Remake, Vile Torture/Snuff-Porn Wes Craven Remake; When Hollywood Libs Like Waterboarding
This weekend is prime for staying home and renting. The "choices" as the box office are bad remake movies (not that the originals were good or necessarily better). Hey, Hollywood, come up with some original--and more worthy--ideas.
* "Race to Witch Mountain": When I was a kid, I begged my parents to take me to the Witch Mountain movies--"Escape from Witch Mountain" and "Return to Witch Mountain." (And I begged my mom to let me go on the "Witch Mountain" roller coaster ride at Disney World, where she almost dropped me like five stories, and we were scared to death.)
I don't remember the original Witch Mountain movies I saw, but I remember liking them and finding them charming. I can't say the same for Disney's latest incarnation of this movie, "Race to Witch Mountain," which stars Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Carla Gugino, and two blond kids I never heard of.
There's nothing offensive about this movie, and it's fine to take your kids. But it was old hat, lame, unoriginal, and unexciting. The thing about the original Space Mountain movies and many Disney big screen properties is that they're magical and filled with wonder. This wasn't. It was just dull and formulaic. It might have worked in the early 1970s. But, today, in the age of Wall-E and even the lesser "Nim's Island," this movie seems unsophisticated for kids. It's just too simple. I felt like, "Been there, seen that." Ho-hum.
The story: Two alien kids come to earth, on behalf of their parents, to show their planet that they can regenerate the planet's energy and survive, instead of taking over our earth and destroying us. They end up in ex-con Johnson's Los Vegas cab, and after doubting them, he helps them on their mission, with the help of a discredited female scientist in town for an outer space/science fiction convention. At the same time, they are also fleeing government agents and scientists who want to dissect them, and mobsters who are after Johnson.
Like I said, nothing really wrong with this movie. Just nothing exciting or noteworthy. I thought it was boring, and it put me to sleep. But it's fine for your kids.
ONE REAGAN
* "The Last House on the Left": This is a remake of Wes Craven's 1972 torture/rape/snuff-porn flick of the same name. And while it's better than the '72 flick, that's like saying completely extreme crap is slightly better than almost extreme crap.
You get what you expect here--gratuitous, grotesque violence of all varieties. But why would you seek this out?
Torture/snuff-porn movies like this have no purpose other than to satisfy some warped moviegoers' need for bloodlust. The movie was vile, sickening, and depraved. And we wonder why violent crime and the depravity of criminal acts is escalating, as its portrayal onscreen escalates. What's on the screen influences what's on the street.
The story--of a daughter (Sara Paxton, who "graduated" from starring in kids' show "Darcy's Wild Life" in 2006 to starring in rape/torture porn), who is raped and left for dead by violent, sick criminals, who are then tortured and killed by her parents (Monica Potter and Tony Goldwyn)--doesn't provide the satisfaction of, say, "Death Wish," or "Taken." The revenge is sick--not as sick as the crime, unfortunately. And while it is the least that is deserved by the criminals, it doesn't justify sitting through the onscreen portrayal of disgusting, unhuman criminal acts of savagery and sheer animal behavior. This movie is just gratuitous violence for the sake of it.
I nearly walked out (and would have, had I not been reviewing this) during the disgusting rape scene and other shots of a woman being stabbed and cut with knives. These were slightly less offensive than similar scenes in the 1972 version. But not by much.
Some movie critics were disgusted with the cheering on of revenge by the family and planned to write about it. But, to me, that was the only "redeeming" part of seeing this, though not nearly redeeming enough for this violent piece of garbage. There is one part of the revenge involving a sink, which is shocking. But this kind of shocking shouldn't be in R-rated movies. It should be restricted to NC-17 products. I already saw the same incident of violence in a William Devane movie, "Rolling Thunder" (which has a similar revenge-against-criminals theme and which is also distasteful in its bloodlust, though not as much as here). It's vomit-inducing and simply not necessary.
Of note, part of the revenge which people liked was when the parents waterboarded one of the criminal thugs who left their daughter for dead after raping her. It's the second movie I remember where viewers audibly enjoyed the waterboarding of criminal scum (the first was "Passenger 57," when Wesley Snipes waterboards a terrorist hijacker in the plane's toilet). And so they should--this is what we want (minus the rape and torture scenes that come before it). The bad guys deserve it. It's interesting that we're told by liberals that we can't waterboard Islamic terrorists who want to kill thousands of Americans, but Americans justifiably love when we waterboard criminals who tried to rape and kill two women on a movie screen.
If you allow your kids--no matter how old they are--to go to this, you need to be locked up (and yes, despite what "Watchmen" fans still lurking on this site may say, I saw that parents still don't care about exposing their young kids to this garbage--see my column on "The Morons Who Take Their Kids to 'Friday the 13th'"). Like I said, it's rated "R," but stuff like this deserves an NC-17.
If you need to ask why, after what I've already written, here's a great tongue-in-cheek spoiler quote from my friend, fellow critic Corey Hall: "It's the best microwaved head movie scene ever."
This movie left me cold . . . and angry that it will be a hit at the box office. America, you're warped.
FOUR MARXES PLUS
Hear me talk more about this weekend's new movie releases on "The Mike Church Show" on the Sirius Patriot Channel 144, this morning, after 10:30 a.m. Eastern Time.
Posted by Debbie at 12:04 AM
March 11, 2009
Yuck: Another Long Day Screening Movies
It was a long day, with three movie screenings, back to back. I hate this because it makes me feel gross. I know I shouldn't whine while so many Americans are busting their butts to survive. But, at these things, you're sitting there for six hours straight doing nothing but passive viewing as life passes you by. Yuck. Not healthy, but no way else to get 'em all in for reviewing.
Here's what I saw, with my reviews to be posted at Midnight, Thursday Night/Friday Morning on the days they open. (I saw "The Last House on the Left" yesterday--so, yes I'm all movied out.)
If you managed to wade through all these trailers, imagine sitting through several hours of this stuff. You might think it's fun, but trust me, it gets old. I know, quit whining.
Posted by Debbie at 09:49 PM
Israeli "Waltz w/ Bashir" Director Pimps for HAMAS
I warned you about Academy Award-nominated Israeli movie, "Waltz With Bashir." As I noted, the far-left, false, anti-Israel movie made by Israeli self-haters is high quality Bin Laden cinema.
Now, our friend, Finnish commentator Kenneth Sikorski (KGS) of Tundra Tabloids points out that the movie's director, Yoni Goodman, is pimping for HAMAS. Goodman made a short film attacking Israel for blockading HAMASastan a/k/a Gaza and whining about the economic effects it is having on them. To that I say, Tough. Whit. (Yup, I mean the word that rhymes with "whit.") Needless to say, I'm not posting the propaganda video here.
As KGS correctly notes, the short film is the moving picture version of the HAMAS talking points this self-hating jerk put to film. If only he would have the conscience to do a film about the economic effects the HAMAS rockets have on Sderot, Israel, where poor, working-class Jews (from families who were thrown out of their homes in Arab countries) struggle to survive and can't afford to move.
If only.
Posted by Debbie at 12:24 PM
March 05, 2009
"Watchmen" Fanatic Derangement Syndrome: Disease of the Pretentious Slacker Ignorami; "Watchmen" Was Anti-Reagan Rant; "Not Marketed to Kids" on "American Idol"
I guess I shouldn't be amazed at the number of slacker ignoramuses who are up in arms about my frank review cutting down the absolute crap they worship a/k/a "Watchmen", coming out in theaters late tonight. The e-mails they send me and the comments they make about how "deep," "edgy" and "profound" this vile piece of trash (which is none of these) is, reminds me of the blind statements of followers of Jim Jones. And we all know what happened after they drank he purple Kool-Aid. If only this movie could achieve that result, it would be the most fantastic exercise in natural selection ever conducted in America.
But sadly, there is no instant cure or sudden death for "Watchmen" Fanatic Derangement Syndrome. You can read some of the so infected and diseased in the comments section of my review. But I've received a ton of vile, obscene, and just plain stupid and obnoxious e-mails because I dared call this trash wrapped in the guise of a high brow graphic novel what it is: pure garbage.
Oh, and by the way, to all of you slacker Watchmen defenders and fanatics--who resemble the many respondents on "Jay Walking," yet are suddenly the self-appointed intellectual lights of our world--grisly is grisly, and gratuitous, graphic violence serves no positive or useful purpose in our society, even if you read it first in a comic book. You're a bunch of dummies with no moral compass, but liking this stupid comic book which pretends violence and the depraved is "edgy" or "sophisticated," makes you feel smart. When you're actually quite stupid. But now, with this movie, you've got pretentious stupidity. You don't realize you're still just as dumb, your IQ just as low and probably lower.
And, yes, you future citizens of "Idiocracy," it's a comic book. Quit your pretentious drivel about this being important because it's a "graphic novel." Memo to the creators of Richie Rich and Archie: You missed your calling. If only you'd called your product a "graphic novel" and added scenes of Archie raping Betty and Veronica and Jughead sawing off Reggie's Arms, you'd be in businesss. Dummies.
It's frankly hilarious to read the arrogance of the ignorami, telling me I don't have "cultural literacy" because I don't like a movie based on a comic book promoting rape, torture, and brutal killing. Here's a tip to you clueless wonders: You can't have culture literacy when there ain't culture. Just like I'd be wrong to call this a clash of civilizations, because then we would be wrongly assuming that there is civilization on your end.
While most of the e-mails are vile and stupid--and simultaneously so pretentious and self-important--it's obvious they'd be best saved for open poetry reading night at the local college coffeehouse. That's the only place where your fertilizer has willing consumers (and at at the box office on Friday, where I'm sure this crap will be a huge hit for you pretentious geeky slacker losers with no life and absolutely no sense of decency or class).
You keep writing me these deranged e-mails, which include statements about how I "don't understand the background" and that it was exactly the same in "the graphic novel." Get a clue: That I didn't first look at a comic book picture of a rape scene before seeing the same in a movie is a distinction without a difference. That you did, is a distinction with merit, i.e., that you're an idiot who spends valuable time and money on idiocy and depravity. You are what you eat.
And you are no better than the lumpenproletariat lowlifes at the Coliseum who orgasmically watched and cheered when Christians were forced to fight animals. You are no different, and you are essentially chomping at the bit to go see the modern-day version, tonight. With people like you populating America and dominating pop culture offerings, I have no doubt that soon enough we will return to the days of the barbaric live human versus beast shows. You salivate at the chance to watch barbarism tonight. That's who you are.
Why not just watch "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"? At least that was honest about what it is and didn't march under this ridiculous banner of being highbrow when it's really just crap.
Poor Hitler. If only he'd made Mein Kampf into a comic book instead of an actual written screed. Then, the ovens of Auschwitz and the human lampshades would be all the rage and cool of kitsch. Silly me, for not understanding that close-ups of sawing off someone's arms and dogs chowing down on a six-year-old girl are so much high culture because they were in a comic book first. Idiocy. And, oh, it's a disgusting comic book that TIME Magazine liked. Therefore, it must be the end all, be all. Tell it to Ariel Sharon, who knew something about the "truth" and "accuracy" of TIME. Oh, wait, I'm assuming something really big here: that you "Watchmen" ignoramuses actually know who Ariel Sharon is or what his deal was with TIME. And that would be truly clueless.
And to those imbeciles who claim--blindly--that this outrageous movie is not marketed to kids, pray tell who is the target audience of "American Idol" on which several trailers ran this week. Yup, "American Idol"--no way that's a kids show or that kids who see it won't want to go see this horrible movie. Only if they market it on Sesame Street are they marketing it to kids, right?
Not that if it weren't marketed to kids, that would make this crap smell any better.
Still, I've gotten many e-mails like these from parents, who attest that they thought this was a superhero movie and that their kids have been bombarded with the marketing for this grotesque movie:
Debbie,I cannot recall how I got pointed to your review of Watchmen, but thank you for your review! Ever since the trailers came out my son, 15 1/2 wanted to see the movie. No he has not read the novel or comics, but something about this movie made me research it more. Let's just say I had a bad feeling. I greatly appreciate your detailed review of this movie. We are not going to see this movie and it became a great teaching point.
Michael
Uh-huh, not marketed to kids, right? His son just found out about the movie and wants to go see it . . . by accident?
While I'm not surprised to find out that many of those who've written their deranged, undue outrage that I deigned to tell the truth about this trash and insult their low-class cultural sensibilities (or rather non-sensibilities), voted for Barack Obama and are liberals, I am surprised that anyone would claim this is a conservative movie.
It was originally written--per the author's own declaration--as an attack on Ronald Reagan. Reader Christopher summarizes it in this letter:
Ms Schlussel,First THANK YOU for the article on Watchmen.
I wanted to add that you are dead right on the slant of this movie. The writer's original intention as declared by him in a 1987 interview in The Comics Journal was for this have an anti-Reaganism theme. He feared directly attacking President Reagan because he figured it would make people not want to read.
I think this is absolutely a golden opportunity to hammer home the point that mass media influences matter. People are actively ignoring even the stated goal of the author himself for the sake of "a good time'... This is how we get the fouled up pop culture.
You have a better opportunity than I to present this side of the story to people so please consider looking into what I said here and decide if you think it's worth while to write more about.
Again thank you,
Christopher
Bottom line: If you're a "Watchmen" fan, there's something sick about you. You're sick if you enjoy watching wanton rape, torture, and murder, no matter what the background for it is. I don't care if it first appeared in a warped comic book paraded with a high-brow euphemism for comic book.
I don't give a crap if it's meant to show that "the world is dark" and that "superheroes have problems and are everyday people, too," which have been among the insipid, vapid excuses I've received from empty-headed Watchmen fanatic who mindlessly repeat the phony talking points that make them feel smart.
Guess what? We know there are bad people and that people are everyday people with problems. If you don't know that, and you think a movie like this is necessary to make the point, you're even more warped and stupid than I originally diagnosed.
And maybe your sister should be fed to dogs and your mother raped and your brother should have his arms sawed off (as they do in this snuff/torture-porn movie). You know, just to make the point.
But we'll be sure to depict it in a comic book first, just to make it "high-brow." And get the money of the mindless "Watchmen" fandom sheeple.
Posted by Debbie at 12:23 PM
March 04, 2009
The "Watchmen" Lie: Hollywood Sends More Depravity Your Kids' Way Costumed as "Superhero" Flick
**** UPDATE, 03/05/09: Watchmen Derangement Syndrome Takes Hold; Movie Continues to Be Marketed to Kids ****
If you take your kids to see "Watchmen," you're a moron.
If you see it yourself, you're also probably a moron and a vapid, indecent human being. The movie arrives in theaters at Midnight, Thursday Night. It's rated "R"--which should kinda sorta be a hint--but it really deserves an "NC-17," at the very least. And plenty of clueless parents brought their young kids and kept them there for the entire almost three hour "experience" at the screening I attended.
Yes, I know, it's being heavily marketed as a superhero movie, with action figures for your kids. But that--and the heroic-looking movie trailer--are a big, fat lie. And that's where real parenting comes in . . . like actually investigating the movie before you take or send your kids to see this garbage.
In fact, as a movie critic who sees most new releases, I haven't seen a more violent, depraved movie in years (not to mention a longer, more boring movie with a more preposterous and silly plot). This movie makes the graphic bloodshed of the recently released "Friday the 13th" look like "Cinderella."
This really isn't a superhero movie at all. In fact, there was little "superheroing" until after the second hour of this nearly three-hour exercise on defining deviancy down. Some on the right are claiming this is a conservative movie because it's made by some of the same people as "300" (read my review). But this is no "300." (And that wasn't for kids either, but this is far much less so.) A few lines of dialogue by the character "Rorschach" deriding "liberals and intellectuals" doesn't excuse the nearly three hours of poison here. In fact, the movie kind of has a peacenik-themed ending and "message" regarding nuclear weapons. If this move is "conservative," who the heck needs liberal?
There were so many disgusting, violent, morbid, grisly scenes and acts of killing, I had to start writing them down, lest I forget. And that's in addition to the rape scene between superheroes (complete with violent beating of a female superhero) and an explicit sex scene between two other superheroes. Oh, and don't forget another superhero's swinging computer-generated penis frequently in your face on-screen.
In just the opening credits of this mindless celluloid claptrap, there's a lesbian take-off on the famous photo of a woman kissing a sailor in Manhattan who is returning victorious from World War II. The lesbian make-out scene, featuring a "superhero," is bad enough. But then, we see cops looking over their naked, bloodied, dead bodies on a bed, with the words "LESBIAN WHORES," written in blood on the wall.
Mommy, mommy, what's a lesbian? What's a whore? And remember, this is just the opening credits.
The "plot" of this movie--if you can call it a plot--is that there were costumed superheroes in the '40s and beyond. They grew old, but some of them didn't. Then a new crop of costumed superheroes with special powers cropped up, some of whom were related to the older ones and some who still remained from the older group. But they all retired. Now, a superhero known as "The Comedian"--who is also a rapist and shot a Vietnamese woman who was pregnant with his kid (all of which we see depicted on-screen)--is murdered, and some of the superheroes, the "Watchmen," get back together to find out who did it.
At the same time, the Soviets are about to nuke America. It's 1985 and Nixon is President. We've won in Vietnam. Oh, and Henry Kissinger has a Russian accent. And Ronald Reagan is thinking of running for President in 1988. Wow, isn't that cool that they got it wrong on purpose? I'm so amazed at this "high-brow art" of deliberately getting dates and timelines wrong, you know, just to be "artistic," and get the drooling of the critics. That is sooooo genius. Like way totally cool.
Maybe if I make a movie about how Eisenhower was President in 1972, we "lost" World War II, and Bin Laden was gonna bomb the World Trade Center then, I'll be cool, too. . . so long as it's "dark" and I include a bunch of rape, torture, explicit sex scenes, and extremely graphic killings, and oh, write a "graphic novel" a/k/a comic book about it, first.
In the midst of this stupid story, we're treated to the following:
* Dogs fighting over, tearing apart, and eating a six-year-old girl--we're shown them chowing down on and tearing apart the remaining leg and leg bone, with the sock and shoe still on the bone as the dogs wrestle over it;
* A close up of man repeatedly getting an axe-blade driven through his skull while he's being butchered;
* At least two very graphic scenes of naked superhero "Dr. Manhattan" vaporizing people to just blood, limbs, and guts hanging from the ceiling or spread in the snow;
* Many scenes of Dr. Manhattan's computer generated penis swinging about;
* A kid biting a giant, bloody chunk of flesh out of another kid's face--he grows up to be "Rorschach," one of the superheroes' compatriots;
* A man's hands and arms being sawed off with an electric saw--we're shown the bloody stumps and the bloody sawed off limbs in close up shots;
* A man with vat of hot french fry oil deliberately thrown over his head--we literally see him fry, and he ultimately dies, we're told (no kidding);
* Many, many scenes of people's hands, arms, fingers being broken in half or crunched by the "superheroes";
* Cops being set on fire and burning to death by superhero compatriot "Rorschach;"
* Superhero "The Comedian" (a bad Robert Downey, Jr. look-alike) brutally beating and raping another superhero--tis movie concludes that the rape was a good thing b/c the slutty superhero had a slutty superhero daughter from him;
* Superhero "The Comedian" shooting and killing a Vietnamese woman because she's pregnant with his kid;
* Superhero "The Comedian" being thrown off a roof of a tall building--we see his body hit the ground and the blood flow out;
* Two superheroes have an explicit sex scene in a spaceship--she's on top, then he's on top, awesome--you can teach your young kids multiple sexual positions before they even reach puberty, by taking them to see this (there's a less explicit sex scene between the slutty superheroine and another superhero not long before that).
And these are just the highlights, plus superheroes hurling obscenities--great for the kiddies. There's so much more--along with horrible make-up, bad acting, and terrible computer generated images (including the penis). Not to mention, a bad, extremely slow, and boring script.
Yup, this is the garbage that Rupert Murdoch's Fox and Warner Brothers and Paramount are marketing toward your kids. All of these studios have a piece in this movie. And even thought the budget was just $100 to $125 million, because of a long legal battler between WB and Fox, the legal fees and pay-out make it such that they must recoup at least $200 or 300 million and make a profit. To do so, they are pimping the movie to all niches, especially your young kids.
But just because shameless whores and crack dealers of Hollywood deal this stuff out, doesn't mean you have to buy it and poison your kids' minds with it.
Remember the morons I told you about who took their kids to see the latest "Friday the 13th," last month? Well, they were back with their kids at a Monday Night screening of this horribly depraved, whacked out movie.
Remember the White single mother who told me her ten-year-old son could see it because "he knows it's not real and he knows the difference between right and wrong"? Well, she was back with her ten-year-old, and they waited in line for at least two hours with their free pass to get in to this screening, I'm told. I saw them walking out at the end.
Her son is going to grow up to be messed up. Don't do the same to your kid.
And do yourself a favor, too. Save the ten bucks and the three hours of your life you'll never get back. And the nightmares of some guy's bloody, sawed-off arms and hands still clinging to the doors of a jail cell.
I don't just worry that this is the new superhero movie being marketed to your kids today. I worry about the ones that will be even more depraved a decade from now.
G-d help this country (minus Hollywood).
FOUR MARXES PLUS
Posted by Debbie at 12:21 PM
February 27, 2009
Weekend Box Office: Depressing, Predictable "Two Lovers", Muslim Students Run Asylum in Boring French "The Class"
No big blockbusters out this weekend (next weekend is "The Watchmen" weekend), just a couple of indie, smaller releases:
* "The Class" (Entre Les Murs): It figures that this movie was a nominee for best foreign language film (along with "Waltz with Bashir"--read my review) at this year's Academy Awards. It's one of the most boring movies on earth. Have insomnia? See this. It's in French, with English subtitles.
On the other hand, it's an insight to what's coming to America, if we continue to allow Muslim immigrants and illegal aliens to come to our shores.
A French public school teacher loses control of his classroom, as Muslim troublemakers--both Black and White--from North Africa act up and exalt their ignorance upon the rest of the class. It was written by the real-life teacher and stars his real-life students, based on their real-life experience. We see how most of these students' parents can't speak French and are complete unabsorbed into their population. Some of them get deported, and the idiotically liberal teachers feel bad for these aliens and take up collections for them. The insolence of the students is headed up by a troublemaker named Suleman, but we're suppoed to feel sorry for him because his father might send him back to Mali if he's expelled. I say, get packing.
Political correctness, thuggery, ignorance, and hip-hoppery run the classroom and its teacher, not the other way around. We already have a lot of this here. Expect more with illegal aliens. Islam and polite western civilization don't mix.
FOUR MARXES
* "Two Lovers": An aging Jewish couple is selling their business to a younger Jewish couple, as they worry about their troubled son, Leonard (Joaquin Phoenix). He once tried to commit suicide and seems to be going nowhere. They want him to date and marry the lovely daughter of the Jewish couple that's buying their dry cleaning business, and secure a good future for him. But he's drawn to the beautiful but wild, nutty, and aimless blonde gentile woman (Gwyneth Paltrow) in the apartment building, who uses him--and, as you could guess, doesn't change, despite pretenses and promises otherwise.
He dates the Jewish chick, but obsesses for the blonde, who wants someone else and plays him. It's the age old story of someone wanting someone who plays them repeatedly and predictably and doesn't really want them. On another level, I reject this self-hating hypothesis presented by liberal Hollywood Jews--that Jewish women are less sexy and desirable, the lesser alternative choice. Interestingly, in this movie the less desirable Jewish chick is played by the Jewish Vinessa Shaw, whereas the "hotter" (in the movie's eyes) chick is played by the half-Jew, Gwyneth Paltrow.
The one thing I liked about this movie is that they touch on an issue not well-known outside the Jewish community, and less-known within it, as intermarriage plagues Judaism at a rate of higher than 50%. It's the Tay-Sachs disease test that most Jews get before marriage. The usually fatal disease is more common in the Jewish community than other populations, and many Jews get tested to make sure they are not both carriers of the gene. If both are, the chances that they will have kids who have the disease and will die--and the couple have to re-think whether they will marry, if they want to have kids. We learn that Leonard was engaged to the love of his life, but both tested positive for the dominant gene, and the relationship collapsed.
The story told in this movie, while mildly entertaining, was unoriginal, predictable, and sad. And the movie was cold. A far superior, more cheerful and warm version of this movie was in 1988's "Crossing DeLancey," which I highly recommend (my dad took me to see it and we both loved it). This movie also has slight echoes of the original 1972 version of "The Heartbreak Kid."
ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
Posted by Debbie at 05:40 PM
VIDEO--ICE The Movie a/k/a "Crossing Over" Debuts: Destined to Be An IED
As longtime readers know, I've been on the case of the movie "Crossing Over," which I call "ICE The Movie," for a long time. I have and read the original script--before they removed the Muslim honor killing scene after protest from Muslims--and I've received written threats from Writer/Director Wayne Kramer's lawyer and the lawyer for the Weinstein Brothers' studio (The Weinstein Company). I posted the honor killing scene exclusively on this site, despite the Weinsteins' and Kramer's lawyers' threats.
As I also noted, the movie--starring Harrison Ford as an ICE agent (and at 66, he's a little old for the role, since ICE agents must retire by their 57th birthdays)--sat on the shelf for nearly two years, repeatedly delaying its debut date. It's that bad. And its defamation of ICE is legion, as is the way the movie gets ICE policy wrong. I've discussed all of that on this site. Note the reference to the "immigration gestapo" in the movie trailer below.
As I also discussed on this site, I believe that writer/director Wayne Kramer--a Jewish South African immigrant--committed immigration fraud, just like Gavin--a Jewish South African immigrant (who was changed to a British immigrant, after I wrote about this)--a character in this movie. Kramer said, in a New Zealand interview, that the movie is largely autobiographical and that he lived it every step of the way, and then claimed--in his lawyer's threatening letter to me that it wasn't. Still waiting for a gutsy ICE agent to start investigating Kramer, as I'm confident--based on his statements regarding himself and the movie--that he, indeed, lied to stay here and become a citizen.
Today, "Crossing Over" debuts in limited release (in New York and Los Angeles), and its getting trashed by even liberal movie critics, including the Wall Street Journal's Joe Morgenstern, USA Today's Claudia Puig, and AP's Christy Lemire. Having read the script, I concur.
And--as I've noted on this site--aside from the script and movie comprising crappy propaganda against our enforcement of immigration law, it's pan-Islamic propaganda. I only wish we did enforce the law that strictly. But, unfortunately, we don't--as the movie claims--deport hijab-encrusted Islamic kids who write and read essays to the class about how we should sympathize with the 9/11 hijackers and see them as humans and fathers.
In fact, as I've also noted repeatedly on this site and in the New York Post, top ICE officials--like then ICE Chieftess Julie L. Myers a/k/a "The ICE Princess" and Michigan/Ohio ICE Special Agent in Charge Brian Moskowitz a/k/a "Abu Moskowitz"--regularly feted organizations who openly support Islamic terrorism.
Watch this scene of an ICE raid from "Crossing Over," as well as the trailer for the movie, posted below. Even those lie, because, in fact, it's ICE policy never to separate an illegal alien mother who is the sole caregiver, from her child--a main storyline in the movie, which results in the mother's death. Would never happen. Just like most of the events in this movie (other than the Citizenship and Immigration Services employee--Ray Liotta--exchanging promises of a green card for sex from an illegal alien; that's happened lotsa times, sadly). Read more of the defamatory, lying script of this movie here.
"Crossing Over" is scheduled to reach nationwide release around the U.S. by the end of March, but I wouldn't bet on that. Like I said, having read the script, I can tell this is FOUR MARXES-PLUS cinematic screed.
Posted by Debbie at 01:02 PM
February 24, 2009
New Nick Cage Doomsday Movie Looks Interesting
Last week, studio reps sent me the newest trailer for the upcoming film "Knowing" (which opens in mid-March). If you watched the Academy Awards pre-game, you might have seen a shorter version of it. Because of technical problems, I wasn't able to record the trailer and couldn't post it. But they recently sent me another. The movie looks interesting, and I normally like Nicholas Cage and doomsday movies. We'll see on this one. I learned long ago that you can never judge from trailers.
Below is Trailer #2, followed by the first trailer (released last year). Stay tuned for my complete review of this movie on opening day.
Posted by Debbie at 05:23 PM
February 20, 2009
"Waltz With Bashir": Anti-Israel Propaganda Made by Israelis; Shame on Oscar
**** SCROLL DOWN FOR UPDATE ****
At Sunday's Academy Awards, "Waltz With Bashir" is nominated for Best Foreign Language Film.
And while the foreign language it is in is Hebrew, it might as well be in Arabic or Farsi. That's because while neither Ahmadinejad nor the Muslim world could possibly make something more anti-Israel . . . and, frankly, anti-Semitic, they'll simply love this movie. And that's why I'm betting on it to win the Oscar. It's high quality Bin Laden cinema.
Since we already have an annoying actress cleaning up in the movie awards biz for playing a semi-pornographic, hot SS guard as the good guy (Kate Winslet in "The Reader"--read my review) for sending Jews to the ovens, while the two Jewish Holocaust survivors who testified against her are the insensitive bitches of the movie, why not round out the Nazi anti-Semitism with a little anti-Israel anti-Semitism to keep up with the times?
This movie and "The Reader" would make for a great double feature at the next SS/Gestapo reunion.
And it's no surprise that "Waltz With Bashir" is made by Israelis--in particular, director Ari Folman doing his best Leni Riefenstahl. Goebbels would be proud. As I've often noted on this site, the Israeli left and the Israeli movie industry make our left and our Hollywood look like centrists and moderates.
I saw in this animated piece of garbage virtually every canard that HAMAS, Hezbollah, and Israel's enemies around the world have hurled.
Jews as Nazis . . . Check.
Arabs killing Arabs, but it's the Jews' fault . . . Check.
Jews as murderers of "innocent" Muslims . . . Check.
Terrorist Muslims as innocent victims of the Jews . . . Check.
Jews as the Michael Vicks of the Middle East, killing dogs and Arabian horses . . . Check.
Israelis as porn and sex addicts . . . Check.
Israelis as drug addict slackers . . . Check (well, that part is true about the Israeli left, like the scum that made this movie).
Check, Check, Check, Check, Check.
The only thing missing from this vile celluloid exercise in the sickening are the traditional blood libels of Jews cooking Arabs and using their blood in pastries. The Israeli filmmakers--nice guys that they are--want to leave at least something as the exclusive domain of the Arab world and the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.
The movie follows Folman, the director of this film, a middle-aged former Israeli soldier who served in Lebanon during the Israeli invasion in the early 1980s. Let's not forget what Folman goes to great lengths to omit from this movie: Israel entered Lebanon in the early 1980s at the invitation of the majority of the Lebanese people --both Shi'ite Muslims (the same ones who now support Hezbollah) and Maronite Christians. As I've written, most of the Lebanese people welcomed the Israelis as heroes for liberating them from Yasser Arafat and his P.L.O., who took over their houses, raped their daughters, and murdered their sons. No less than David K. Shipler, the New York Times' anti-Israel then-correspondent detailed this, and I've summarized much of it on this site, as well as given other examples from my own knowledge and research over the years.
There's a reason that much of Lebanon was known as "Fatahland" at the time. None of that exists in the vacuum of this lie-filled movie.
At the beginning of the movie, a friend and Folman are at a bar. The friend says he has nightmares about 26 dogs trying to kill him. These are the 26 dogs he shot as Israel invaded South Lebanon. The killings were necessary because the dogs would bark and alert wanted Palestinian terrorists that the Israelis were coming to capture them.
But since this is an anti-war, anti-Israel movie, the Israelis are as bad as Michael Vick. Because shooting dogs to save people from Islamic terrorists is just a vile thing to do . . . according to PETA and these Israeli self-hating filmmakers who produced this trash.
While his friend tells of his guilt over the dogs, Folman tells him he can't remember a thing about his service in Lebanon. It's "not in his system," he says. Of course, those inhuman Israelis--it's just not in their system to care about--or even remember--war.
Folman seeks out his former unit members from his time in Lebanon to remind him what happened there. The whole rest of the movie is spent rehashing and blaming Israel for the events at Sabra and Shatila--Palestinian refugee camps in Lebanon, where Maronite Christian Phalangist soldiers killed Palestinians, some of them terrorists (but they don't want you to know that in this movie). What Ari Folman also doesn't want you to know is that these camps were not only the subterfuges for Yasser Arafat's P.L.O., but they were the breeding and training grounds--much as all Palestinian refugee camps remain today--for Islamic terrorists.
Frankly, while--unlike the message of this movie--the Israelis (the movie also singles out Ariel Sharon and Menachem Begin, in addition to soldiers and commanders) have no blame in the Sabra and Shatila massacre, I can't blame the Phalangists for slaughtering the Palestinians there. What would you do if Sunni Muslim terrorists under the leadership of Arafat ravaged your country, took over your homes, raped your wives and daughters, and executed your sons before your eyes? Would you look the other way? Or would you seek the only justice available in the Middle East?
But the movie only shows us one group of people taking over Lebanese homes . . . Israeli soldiers. And it shows them watching vile, obscene porn, lounging in their bathtubs, and drinking their alcohol. Uh, thanks, Ari Folman, but you have the wrong ethnicity. Not that a minor detail such as that would get in your way of vilifying Israel and the Jews.
And you wouldn't know that it was the Phalangists--and not Israelis--who "massacred" these terrorist-monger Palestinians, unless you sit through the entire movie. It implies the Israelis did it, until the last third of the movie. You know, they wouldn't want you to get the wrong impression--i.e., that Israelis didn't massacre anyone, but that their Arab brethren who were forced to live with them were driven to it.
On the subject of the Phalangists, the movie is named for their dead leader, Bashir Gemayel--a charismatic, pro-Israel leader who was about to recognize Israel and, for the first time ever, create real peace in the Israeli-Lebanese relationship. Sadly, he was assassinated by the Syrians, shortly after becoming Lebanon's leader, for that very reason.
But instead of wishing he had taken over, director Ari Folman vilifies the dead Gemayel. The people in his movie describe the Phalangists' admiration of him as homo-erotic, a claim he'd never dare make about the real homo-erotic admiration actually going on in Lebanon . . . for Hezbollah leader Sheikh Hassan Nasrallah.
Unlike Mr. Folman, the dead Bashir Gemayel's family (excluding his Syrian-allied brother Amin Gemayel) continues to sacrifice its family members even in recent times, as victims for trying to free Lebanon from the puppets of foreign Islamic rule based in Iran and Syria.
And Folman does exactly what we've seen from the supporters of HAMAS and Hezbollah. In a 1.5 hour movie, I counted at least three comparisons of Israeli soldiers to Nazis and the situation to the Holocaust--that's one per half hour. They were called "Nazis." And their entrance into and activities in Lebanon were called both "Auschwitz," and the "Warsaw Ghetto." So let's compare: Innocent Jews rounded up and cooked in ovens versus Palestinians who raped, tortured and murdered the people versus Lebanon getting a tiny deserved taste of their own medicine. Hmmm ... sounds exactly the same to me. How' bout you?
In addition to being Nazis, cruel dog-killers, porn addicts, and home invaders, we're told that Israeli soldiers killed an entire field of Arabian horses. "The horses never did anything to anyone. They didn't deserve to die," Folman tells us.
Yup, that's what you want to do when you go to war against Palestinian terrorists who are shooting down on your country and using the country to your north as a base of attack: Worry about guard dogs who protect them . . . and Arabian horses who might get in the way of bombings and gunshots. The PETA plan of attack--I'm sure it works wonders . . . in the cartoon land of the vegetarians and Ari Folman.
We are also shown scenes of Israeli soldiers landing on a Lebanese beach and shooting up a car carrying a family, just for the heck of it. Oh, and then there's that porn again. We are constantly shown scenes of naked Israeli soldiers, with full-frontal penile nudity on the water off the coast of Lebanon, and full-frontal naked women who are the fantasies of pot-smoking Israeli soldiers. And then there are the scenes of Folman and one of his former unit-mates in Holland smoking pot.
Perhaps Mr. Folman should have stuck to pot-smoking instead of filmmaking, because clearly his vision of what really happened in Lebanon is drug-addled.
The only part of this movie that isn't animated is the end, during which the audience is treated to gruesome footage of Palestinians' bodies at Sabra and Shatila and piercing screaming of crying Palestinian women. Hmmm . . . too afraid to show us the crying and screaming and far more gruesome pictures of what the Palestinians living in those camps did to Lebanese Shi'ites and Christians all over the country?
Yeah, why give the complete picture when the goal is to destroy Israel from within? It was a civil war between Christians trying to save their once civilized and beautiful country and Muslims trying to savage it and wrest control. Israel had far less business interfering in this alleged "massacre" of its enemy by its ally than it did interfering--which Israel did not--in the many, far larger Palestinian massacres of Lebanese Christians and Shi'ites.
As I left the theater, a noblesse oblige ignoramus-ette said to me, "Oh, the inhumanity of those Israelis and Jews."
To her, I said,
Lady, if you had a clue, you'd know that the Lebanese people were raped and murdered by these Palestinians, that they welcomed the Israelis in to rescue them. Too bad they didn't bother to show you that in this propaganda film.Oh the inhumanity of those Israelis and Jews that they didn't let the Maronites finish the job.
Look for Oscar gold, Sunday Night, for the new Goebbels-esque filmmaker, Ari Folman and his "Waltz with Bashir."
FOUR MARXES PLUS
***
**** UPDATE, 2/22/09: Fortunately, "Waltz with Bashir" did not win the Oscar. Glad to be wrong in this case. ****
Posted by Debbie at 04:53 PM
Movie Review Coming Soon
For those of you looking for this week's movie reviews, there were three new movies, this week. One of them, "Medea Goes to Jail," did not have a critics' screening. I hope you will forgive me that I will not pay to sit through this movie to review it. I could not make last night's screening of "Fired Up!" and I hear I did not miss much.
I did see "Waltz With Bashir," which is, unfortunately but predictably up for an Academy Award this weekend. I'll be posting my review of this horrid FOUR MARXES PLUS anti-Israel propaganda (by anti-Israel Israelis), shortly. It's the most baloney-filled, anti-Israel piece of propaganda I've ever seen. High quality Bin Laden cinema.
Posted by Debbie at 03:15 PM
February 13, 2009
Alhamdillullah [Praise allah], Muslim Beheadings Come to American Soil: Head of Islamic Propaganda Cable Network Cuts Wife's Head Off--Buffalo, NY
But wait, but wait, we were told that Muslims in America are different than their violent brethren around the world, that they are "moderate" and "peaceful."
Hmmmm . . . tell that to Aasiya Hassan. This isn't the first time Muslims have beheaded their wives in America. It's only the latest.
Ironically, Mr. Hassan is the founder and head of Bridges TV, an American Muslim cable channel which he set up after 9/11 to show us how "moderate" American Muslims are. I wonder when we'll see the Bridges TV Muslim Beheading Year in Review.
Orchard Park police are investigating a particularly gruesome killing, the beheading of a woman, after her husband--an influential member of the local Muslim community--reported her death to police Thursday.
Police identified the victim as Aasiya Z. Hassan, 37. Detectives have charged her husband, Muzzammil Hassan, 44, with second-degree murder."He came to the police station at 6:20 p.m. [Thursday] and told us that she was dead," Orchard Park Police Chief Andrew Benz said late this morning.
Muzzammil Hassan told police that his wife was at his business, Bridges TV, on Thorn Avenue in the village. Officers went to that location and discovered her body.
Muzzammil Hassan is the founder and chief executive officer of Bridges TV, which he launched in 2004, amid hopes that it would help portray Muslims in a more positive light.
To paraphrase the loathsome "Dr." Phil, "And how's that workin' for ya?"
The killing apparently occurred some time late Thursday afternoon. Detectives still are looking for the murder weapon."Obviously, this is the worst form of domestic violence possible," Erie County District Attorney Frank A. Sedita III said today.
Authorities say Aasiya Hassan recently had filed for divorce from her husband.
"She had an order of protection that had him out of the home as of Friday the 6th [of February]," Benz said.
Why is this beheading only second degree murder? It's not that easy to behead someone, and it was likely planned in advance "with malice aforethought."
Like I said before, this isn't the first time.
In the past, I've written about Dr. Azizul Islam, a Muslim doctor in Michigan, who chopped his wife to bits (including beheading her) and spread her "parts" around.
Posted by Debbie at 02:44 PM
Weekend Box Office: Best Movie is About Vagrant Girl & Her Dog; Jason Garbage Returns
This weekend's box office is largely a garbage dump. And, ironically, the best movie is about a homeless vagrant woman and her dog, with a short 3D movie for kids as the runner up. Sad to say, it's probably best to stay home and rent a great movie like "The ODESSA File," or, if you haven't already, see the excellent "Taken (read my review)."
* "Confessions of a Shopaholic": Well, it's Valentine's Day weekend, so, guys, you'll probably get dragged to this dumb, predictable, non-credible comedy, starring the real-life Borat Baby Mam, Isla Fisher (she's long been "engaged" to Sacha Baron Cohen and had his kid). Think a better-looking but dumber version of "Grease"'s Frenchie, lotsa pink, and a dopey, hackneyed romance. I laughed like twice.
Rebecca Bloomwood is a shopping addict, who dreams of writing for a high fashion magazine. But her huge bills, for high-priced designer duds she really can't afford, are getting in the way. And she's stuck in a dull job writing for a gardening magazine. Soon, though, a chance meeting combined with dumb, immature behavior, combined with the need for yet another expensive accessory--a silk green scarf--are the stars that align to get her a job as "The Girl in the Green Scarf," a financial advice columnist who uses metaphors about buying clothes to serve up a message of fiscal responsibility and frugality.
Bloomwood finds herself falling for the editor who is now her boss. But all the while, she's battling her shopping addiction, as she's stalked by a bill collector.
Um, how many bill collectors stalk a person by visiting their office, apartment, and a TV show on which the debtor is a guest? It just doesn't happen that way. Nor do high finance companies hire foolish, ditzy writers in pink plaid miniskirts and ponchos, whose wardrobes run the gamut of bubblegum pink to Barney purple, and who crawl onto the conference room table. So many other things in this movie were equally annoying and stupid.
And you know a movie is in trouble when it has to resort to former NBA star John Salley--not playing himself--in several cameos.
Nothing objectionable. It was just, well, dumb. And it wasn't very entertaining.
ONE MARX
* "The International": This was very slow and boring for a "thriller." And it wasn't very thrilling. The confusing, uninteresting, and busy plot centers on a Swiss-based international bank, IBBC, which launders the money of mobsters and organized crime and creates wars to control warring countries' debts.
Ostensibly modeled on the real-life BCCI, this movie managed to make an interesting bank scandal extremely dull. BCCI (the Bank of Commerce and Credit International) was the playground of Islamic terrorists, Gulf-state sheiks, and the real-life husband of "Wonder Woman" Lynda Carter.
In this movie, the bank CEO, an unscrupulous Swiss man, is a murderer who mysteriously assassinates agents and government officials looking into his operation. But the plot is thin and we never really know much about what he's doing, other than double-dealing rival countries through the sales of weapons to make war.
As conspiracy theory movies go, this one was simply ridiculous. The only cool part of the movie was an extended, bloody shoot-out scene at the Guggenheim museum. I love to see people with guns destroy crappy modern art. But other than that, this movie made me feel like I was falling asleep.
With the current wave of hatred of banks and bank CEOs, audiences will surely take the bait of revenge against evil, conspiratorial bank officials. But, sorry, that left-wing message doesn't go for when there's not much of interest for the rest of the flick. Naomi Watts and Clive Owen are boring to tears in this. And their feigned outrage and sense of urgency was way too overwrought and over-acted.
HALF-MARX
* "Friday the 13th": I've already relayed to you how four stupid, selfish single parents brought their babies and young, impressionable kids to see this celluloid cesspool of violence, graphic dismemberments and beheadings, explicit sex, and glorification of drugs. Basically, this movie is what you'd expect from a Friday the 13th movie, only worse. It's complete trash, and in this age of declining America, that's why it will probably be a huge success at the box office this weekend. It's not just bad for young, impressionable kids. It's bad for humans. Period. If you like seeing these kinds of movies, there's something wrong with you. You're deficient.
A brother is looking for his sister who disappeared weeks earlier at the former Camp Crystal Lake grounds, where legend has it that Jason came back to life after being killed by a camp counselor who fought back. His sister and her friends were at the site to find a massive pot crop, which they planned to sell.
While looking for his missing sister, the brother runs into several college-aged creeps who, like him, look like they walked off the pages of the Abercrombie and Fitch catalog. Meanwhile, the college aged-creeps engage in a day of explicit sexual and drug-laced debaucherie in the swanky cabin of one of them.
Jason, replete with hockey mask, murders them in grisly ways, picking them off one by one, amidst graphic sex scenes, gratuitous topless shots, and bong hits (hey, a great walk-on role for Michael Phelps).
Ironically, other than two good-hearted 20-somethings, the people in this hack-fest are such sad excuses for humans, the most admirable character in this movie is Jason. That's because he keeps his mouth shut, instead of betraying uber-stupidity, sluttiness, and a fondness for pot and bongs. And he puts those that do out of their misery. A lot of people in this movie I didn't miss when they were sliced to the next world.
And frankly, the movie would actually have some redeeming value, if Jason took the makers of this piece of horrid garbage with him in some of those same grisly ways.
For putting America through the latest torture porn flick, they deserve it.
Completely vile. Skip at all cost, if you are actually human. Ch-ch-ch-ah-ah-ah. Get lost, Jason.
FOUR MARXES PLUS
* "Under the Sea 3D": This short 40-minute movie is extremely interesting and very cool. The cinematography and fantastic story of underwater sea life is unbelievably fascinating. And it would be a great movie to which to take your kids. . . if you could turn the sound off. While narrator Jim Carrey tells us very interesting things about how eels, cuttlefish, and stingrays camouflage themselves, capture prey, and survive, he's also way too cutesy and tells your kids repeatedly how these cool fish and adorable sea lions and coral reefs are all gonna die and disappear because of global warming.
That propaganda and other tactics make this movie the carbon copy, Summer-ized, warm water version of "Arctic Tale (read my review)," in which Queen Latifah was the cutesy narrator, instead of Carrey. And in which she also talked in such a cheesy way about how the animals have sex--just like Jim Carrey does in this. And in which she, just like Carrey, scared your kids into telling you to go green because you're killing the sea lions. Yup, there's no originality in Hollywood, just repeats of the same old rigid liberal lectures.
It's really a shame, because the visuals and science learning opportunities for your kids are immense with this movie. And it's an effective movie (though, seeing giant sea snakes briefly come at you from the giant IMAX screen is kinda creepy). Just be prepared to tell your kids to ignore the global warming messages. You can tell them that sometimes (many times) adult narrators read lies that they're paid to repeat.
TWO REAGANS (Would have been THREE REAGANS, without the annoying, repeated global warming nonsense)
* "Wendy and Lucy": Of all the movies out this weekend, I liked this one best. But it's not a fun, escapist movie. It's very sad and depressing. And not what you really want to go out on a Saturday night to see . . . if you are looking to have a good time. But it's absorbing.
Michelle Williams is Wendy, a girl who is driving cross-country to ultimately seek work in Alaska. Her jalopy car on its last legs. Her only friend and companion is her dog, Lucy. This is like the anti-Marley and Me movie, showing the love of a person for her dog, especially when life is looking ever down.
But Wendy is not just any down-on-her-luck vagrant. She's sane, resourceful, and trying to pay her way, without asking for hand-outs. When her home and means of transportation--her car--breaks down, things change.
Wendy's car stops running in a small town, and she finds she can't afford to pay for it to be fixed and for food. Her mistake: She shoplifts at a supermarket, gets caught, and taken to jail, where she has to pay off most of the rest of her money in fines. When she returns to the market, her dog, Lucy, is gone from the bike rack to which it was leashed.
Wendy spends several days in town desperately looking for Lucy. With her car locked in a garage, she must sleep in the woods, where she is stalked by a crazy homeless man. She has to wash up in a gas station bathroom. And she forages for cans to make some extra money for food, but then finds the line to trade in cans is hours long. The security guard at a mall parking lot, whose initial stickling and by-the-book behavior got her partially into this mess, comes to like and feel sorry for Wendy. The comfort of strangers.
Being a conservative doesn't mean that you don't feel for people who are down on their luck. It means that you especially feel bad and have empathy for those who pull themselves up by their bootstraps, try hard to make it, and still find themselves in desperate situations (though we don't know what brought Wendy to this point in life, how she ended up here). Despite her momentary desperation of shoplifting, Wendy is one of those people. And we could be her.
In this poor economy, there will be many more Wendys who want to succeed. And who love their dogs, but know that sometimes they have to grow up and make things better for themselves, lest they make their pets the priority that draws them into further misfortune and dire straits.
Extremely depressing, but entertaining nonetheless. It pulls you in.
TWO REAGANS
Posted by Debbie at 03:52 AM
February 12, 2009
"Inglourious Basterds": Quentin Tarantino Nazi Movie Trailer Debuts
Weinstein studio reps just sent me this trailer of "Inglourious Basterds" (no, I didn't misspell this one), Quentin Tarantino's new movie about American-recruited Jewish soldiers who kill Nazis during World War II.
Drawback #1: It stars Mr. Angie Voight a/k/a Brad Pitt.
Drawback #2: It's by Tarantino, so it's likely gonna be a sarcastic bloodfest, instead of an interesting movie.
Drawback #3: It comes out in late August, the pet cemetery for movies to which the studios want to give a quick, painless death--movies they think are duds. Is this an exception to that rule? Doubtful.
In my view, Tarantino is the most over-rated director in the movie biz--the Obamessiah of Hollywood. I don't think I've liked a single one of his movies, which really are just violent hackfests, which continue to define deviancy down. But I'll reserve judgment until I review it, since this looks like I could actually like it--I'll never be disturbed by seeing Nazis hacked to death. Stay tuned for my review on this site, G-d-willing, the day it debuts in theaters.
Posted by Debbie at 01:47 PM
February 10, 2009
The End of Parenting: The Complete Morons Who Take Their Kids to "Friday the 13th"
Tonight, I concluded that the decline of America is increasing with rapidity and escalation far worse than I've earlier diagnosed.
I just returned from a special critics and promotional screening of the latest installment of the "Friday The 13th" movie franchise. This latest one bears the same name as the 1980 original--simply, "Friday the 13th." And I watched parents voluntarily subject their very young children to graphic, bloody violence, from which many parents in the Third World only wish they could shield their kids.
Al-Qaeda murdered 3,000 Americans on 9/11. That was an outrage. But thousands more American parents--who are merely sperm, egg, and womb donors--are doing to this country what Al-Qaeda could never do. These American parents have voluntarily turned their kids' minds to mush--kids who will still be around, who will "grow up," and who will continue to add to America's decline.
In the past, I've complained on this site about selfish parents who take their babies to the movies, so we hear them crying instead of the movie. And I've lamented that irresponsible parents take their very young kids to violent, graphic, sex-laden, R-rated movies like this one. This latest "Friday the 13th," should have been rated NC-17 and, a few years ago, it would have been. But Hollywood is desperate to keep teens coming to these flicks and manages to get the ratings standards relaxed.
But while I blame Hollywood for creating ever trashier garbage, I blame these pseudo-parents far more.
Tonight, I saw ever more extreme examples of this--of the morons who are "raising" America's next generation.
"Friday The 13th" is what you'd expect--except that it's more graphic, bloody, and violent than ever. Posters and passes to the free screening of this movie say, "FROM THE PRODUCERS OF THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE." (There are more graphic beheadings in this movie than a dozen Al-Qaeda videos.) It also is more replete with topless, heavily-implanted women, sexual language and content, and a prolonged, very explicit sex scene.
It's NOT for kids. But fewer and fewer parents in America seem to care anymore.
Tonight, I saw--or rather, heard--at least two crying babies at the "Friday the 13th" showing. And I saw at least two parents with VERY young, impressionable kids. It was one of those times I wish I had a video camera with me. I spoke with each of these parents I saw.
First, the babies. I understand that it's "Friday The 13th." It's no masterpiece. More like the anti-masterpiece. I expected lots of laughter at supposedly scary points in the movie and lots of talking back to the screen.
But I didn't expect surround-sound baby. Two single parents--a baby mama and a baby daddy--brought their babies to the movie. They didn't think: Hmmm . . . I don't wanna or can't afford to spring for a baby sitter. So, the right thing to do would be to be a good parent and a good citizen and stay home with my kid.
Nope, they thought: I wanna see a free movie, and damn it if I have this inconvenient product of my slutty single sex life get in the way. I'm gonna go see that movie, not matter what. And I don't give a crap if the rest of the people in the theater can't enjoy the movie when my baby predictably cries or makes noises.
That was selfish enough. But, then, as you'd predict, their babies repeatedly cried, cooed, and screamed during the entire movie. Not once did they get up and leave the theater. No, that would ruin their movie-viewing experience. Who gives a crap about the rest of the people in the theater?
I asked both of the parents of these babies why they brought their crying babies to the movies. Both happened to be Black, but don't you worry that this is a race thing, because I'll get to the two moronic single White mothers who brought their young kids later on in this column.
First, there was a single Black mother with her baby. I shouted to her, "Why did you bring a baby to "Friday the 13th?" "Shut up, bitch," was the response. To another film critic's questions, she and her friends said, "Mind ya own damn bid'ness." Um, well, we would, if we wouldn't have to hear the result of your bid'ness throughout the movie, sister.
Then, there was the single Black father and his aging mother with a baby. I'd bet money his mother is raising this grandkid. They were parked next to me, and after the movie, I asked, "Why was it necessary for you to bring your baby to 'Friday the 13th'? Don't you think that's rude and irresponsible?"
His response: "He say he wanna get scared."
Me: "Huh? How old is this kid? Can he even talk?"
Baby Daddy: "He one-year-old."
Me: "A one-year-old can understand what's going on in 'Friday the 13th'? Come on . . . ."
Baby Daddy: "You'd be surprised."
Me, getting into my car: "Well, that's very irresponsible parenting and very rude to the rest of us who heard his crying."
Then, there are the two White, single mothers with their kids, who looked to be between the ages of 8 and 11.
White Single Mother #1 took two young daughters to see this disgustingly violent, explicitly sexual movie. I asked her youngest daughter how old she was. She looked at me and her mother like even she knew she wasn't old enough to be there.
White Single Mother (WSM) #1: "She's eleven."
Me: "Why would you take an eleven-year-old girl to see this movie?"
WSM #1: "Well, if I would have known it would be like this . . . ."
Me: "If you would have known?! Lady, it's 'Friday the 13th.'"
And it's R-rated. WSM #1 threw her hands up and smiled because she knew quite well what the content of "Friday the 13th." It's not like there haven't been a gazillion sequels to and incarnations of this movie over the last three decades (the first was in 1980).
Me: "Great parenting. You're a moron."
White Single Mother #2 had a teeny, tiny, young boy with her. I asked the boy how old he is. He, too, had the same look of guilt as White Single Mother #1's daughter. He knew he shouldn't be at this movie.
White Single Mother (WSM) #2: "He's ten."
Me: "Why are you taking a ten-year-old to see such a graphic, violent movie?"
WSM #2: "It's only a movie. And, yeah, I know it's violent and stuff, but he knows right from wrong. And ya know, it's only a movie and stuff."
Me: "Huh? That's Bullsh-t. He's only ten and you're taking him to a movie where people are hacked to death, burned alive, and otherwise killed in morbid, grisly ways?"
WSM #2: "I can't believe you just cussed in front of my son."
Me: "Why does that suddenly bother you, since you just dragged your ten-year-old son to a movie at eleven o-clock at night, in which they're swearing throughout the entire movie? [Every other word is sh-t, f-ck, the p-word, etc.] You're completely irresponsible."
WSM #2: "Well, that's not real. Mind your own business."
You know what? I wish Americans could mind their own business. I wish that we didn't have so many morons, so many irresponsible people raising kids in America. But that is my business, and it's yours, too. Because how they raise--or rather, don't raise--their kids is going to affect us and future generations of this country. "Deep Throat" is "just a movie," too. I wonder why this woman isn't also showing that to her 10-year-old. Or maybe she is.
Trust me--this isn't the first time White Single Mothers #1 and #2 are subjecting their kids to these kinds of movies, violence, and sex, because they, themselves, can't pass up a free movie ticket. If they have no problem with this, odds are that they have no problem with a lot of other objectionable things that come up in raising their kids. And the same goes for Black Single Mom and Father. They'll do the same. These so-called parents have no sense, no basic standard of what it means to be responsible, to raise your child with the tools to be good people and use common sense. It's, frankly, indecent. And sickeningly selfish.
And this is one of the reasons I'm not optimistic about America's future.
When I was a kid, my parents investigated the movies I saw BEFORE I saw them. They didn't let me see the movies I was too young to see. They didn't view parenting as a passive, go-through-the-motions avocation. It was their very serious vocation. (And they taught me to be a polite citizen--not to consider a movie theater my own personal living room, in which I can answer my cell phone, bring a crying baby, provide John Madden-style endless play-by-play color commentary of the obvious regarding what's happening on-screen, or otherwise disturb everyone else repeatedly.)
At first, my father wouldn't let me see "Star Wars," because he heard there were monsters and scary-looking people in it. I was seven or eight at the time and begged him to see it. He saw it on his own first to check it out and loved it, realizing that his concerns were not borne out. He couldn't wait to take us. But I'm glad--and lucky--that I had a parent who cared enough to be concerned in the first place.
When I was in high school, my dad wouldn't let me see "Risky Business" because it glorified prostitution and pimping (as a way to get into the college of your choice). But compared to the new "Friday the 13th," "Risky Business" is nothing.
Sorry, but parents who take their ten-year-olds to see "Friday the 13th" shouldn't have kids. It's child abuse of a more insidious kind.
These were just four irresponsible parents--all single parents, too. But I've seen other parents take their young kids to violent, risque movies. And there are, sadly, tens of thousands--probably hundreds of thousands and even millions--of American parents just like them who just don't give a damn.
They don't give a damn about the rest of the people in the theater. And, even worse, they don't care a whit about their own children.
And when people don't care enough about their own kids, who and what will they care about?
Certainly not the rest of their country. The stuff to which you subject your children is the stuff that they will be.
Garbage in, garbage out. And sadly, we have a lot of trash to take out in America.
Let's take out the trash before it takes us out.
Posted by Debbie at 11:30 PM
Child Abuse Cinema: "Under the Sea 3D" Hits Your Kids Over the Head 3D with Global Warming Fright
Earlier today, I attended a special critics screening of "Under the Sea 3D" at an IMAX theater. The movie comes out Friday, and I'll post my review then. Again, this isn't a review, but I fotta say this: while the visuals are extremely cool and stunning, the audio felt like child abuse. To hear narrator Jim Carrey say a gazillion times how we are destroying the planet, how global warming is gonna kill the cute, cuddly sea lions living in Australia's Barrier Reef, etc., etc., etc., was really getting on my nerves. It reminded me of "Arctic Tale," which pulled the exact same stunt. I was wishing for a mute button . . . in vain. "Shut up, already."
And movie-makers lie to parents in the trailer, below, not giving them an iota of an inkling that this 40-minute visual feast will be ruined by the pungent stink of non-stop, "You are ruining the planet and will make cute animals--and scary, poisonous sea snakes--die." Not sure how you can "leave your world behind" and "lose yourself"--as the trailer tells you to do--when this movie won't let you get away from left-wing environmentalist propaganda.
Hollywood has learned a new trick: Stunning eye-candy visuals, accompanied by hypocritical celeb lecturing.
Hey, Jim, how much energy did you waste filming the stupid "Yes Man"? How much global warming did you create with your and girlfriend Jenny McCarthy's private jet-trip to be on Oprah, last year? When she dies or they burst a hole, what will you do to make sure that McCarthy's silicone implants don't pollute the environment? Dude, did ya know they're not biodegradable?
Just checkin'. And wondering why that wasn't in "Under the Hypocri-Sea 3D." I guess you killed a whole lotta cute sea lions yourself, huh?
Posted by Debbie at 03:14 PM
February 06, 2009
Weekend Box Office: Animated Movie Bests Actors
Four new movies out this weekend, and I did not screen one of them, "The Pink Panther 2." Among the other three, the best--by far--is the super animated 3-D "Coraline." And don't forget last week's two great offerings, "Taken" (which I originally gave Three Reagans, but thought I underrated it and upgraded it to Four Reagans) and "The Uninvited" (Two-and-a-half Reagans).
* "Coraline": Don't let the fact that this is animated fool you. It's lifelike and extremely entertaining from start to end. Although this movie is extremely creepy for a movie aimed at tween kids, it was fantastic. The 3-D graphics are among the best I've seen in an animated movie. As an adult, I loved it. It's non-stop eye candy, almost to the point of overload, but not stepping over the bounds of well done.
Coraline (voiced by Dakota Fanning) is a tween daughter of a couple who move to a new city to an old pink mansion that's been divided into apartments. Coraline's parents (mother is voiced by Teri Hatcher) are online writers for a website about plants, who don't actually plant or grow anything. They're no fun and pay very little attention to their daughter (no surprise, since Coraline's dad is a Michigan State grad--just kidding, but he wears the MSU shirt non-stop). Alone and looking for excitement and stimulation, she wishes for something better than her current parental situation and soon finds it. A neighborhood boy gives her a doll that looks just like her, with buttons for eyes.
Soon, Coraline's doll displays magical powers, and a secret portal in the apartment takes her to an alternate universe where her parents have buttons for eyes, but they look exactly like her real parents. Except that they pay attention to her. Her alternate universe mother is fun and cooks delicious dinners of her favorite foods, and her father plays magnificent music on the piano. They even have a beautiful magical garden. But everything is not what it seems. The message: Be careful what you wish for. What seems much better than the family you have, may really be much worse.
But before we get to that message, we and Coraline meet the other, extremely eccentric neighbors who live in the apartments of the subdivided house, "The Pink Palace." There is the greasy Eastern European neighbor who has a circus act performed by rats. And then there are the two old, big-busted spinster sisters who have hardened saltwater taffy collections dating back to the early 1900s. I did find one scene--in which one of the corpulent sisters is in an onstage cabaret act wearing what amounts to a bikini and semi-pasty bra to be extremely odd, much less in a movie for kids.
But then, the whole movie is odd and creepy. This is not for young kids, who will be extremely frightened. There are discussions of replacing people's eyes with buttons in the alternate world. And there is an evil witch-like character.
But don't let my description scare you away. A ten-year-old or older could watch this movie and be fascinated. It's wonderful and weird at the same time. Great for adults to take their children, too. But again, be forewarned about the creep factor.
FOUR REAGANS
* "He's Just Not That Into You": The first half of this movie is mostly hilarious, though not believable. It's hard to believe that there's a woman on this earth as desperate, clueless, and aggressive for men as Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin, whose parents had to be different and display their special spelling skills). Watching her turn off guys with such extremely obtuse behavior was at once funny, but extremely annoying and painful. And that turned me off.
Then, there was Jennifer Aniston, living for 7 years with Ben Affleck, who is against marriage. She's not happy either and wonders if he really loves her, since he won't seal the deal with a wedding. There was no chemistry there and the whole thing wasn't believable onscreen. (Ben Affleck has so jumped the shark, and Aniston is still playing Rachel from "Friends," which gets old.) Then, there is the mopey, bitter-looking Jennifer Connolly who is completely overbearing on her husband on all things, especially smoking. She is more bothered by the possibility that he's smoking behind her back than if he's cheating on her. Which . . .
Well, then there's Scarlett Johansson, who meets Connolly's studly husband (Brad Cooper) at the supermarket, and they have an instant attraction and non-stop flirtation. He feels tied down because he married before he was ready to someone he doesn't think he really loves.
Then, there are Drew Barrymore and Kevin Connolly. Connolly is attracted to Johansson, who's "just not that into him." And Barrymore--more annoying and baby-talkish than ever--is desperately trying to find a guy, most of whom are "just not that into her."
With so many characters and intertwined story lines, are you keeping track?
Finally, there is Justin Long (Barrymore's real-life ex), who though no stud, begins giving Gigi advice on guys' secrets and how to handle them. (He's the real star of this movie and the only one who shined in it.)
The bottom line is obvious: If a guy doesn't call, he's just not that into you. Get lost.
While the message of this movie, as summarized above and in the title is hardly news, the other messages in the movie were kind of sad: That all guys are cads, or at least most of them; That a long-term live-in relationship is more stable than marriage, since your husband is trapped and wants to cheat.
But other than that it was entertaining and funny, until the last third when it turned cheesy, sappy, and predictable, since ultimately it became the chick flick it pretended it wasn't, but really was. And at that point I was . . .
Just not that into it.
ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
* "Push": This movie was a mess. There was so much action it made my head spin. But it was supposed to be a thriller, and it just wasn't thrilling. I didn't care what happened next, even if it was about people with special powers who could tell the future. I liked the high-styled Hong Kong sets. But usually high-style in movie makes up for low substance. This is no exception. It was mindless.
Three Americans (Chris Evans, Dakota Fanning, and Camilla Belle) have special powers. Evans can move things with his mind, Fanning can see into the future in pictures she draws, and Belle can get into people's minds and make them think memories that never existed and take actions against their own wills. They're trying to find a suitcase that may save their lives and reverse visions of their impending deaths. Sadly, neither Fanning nor Belle can act worth a lick, so that made the movie completely dull.
The Americans are in Hong Kong trying to escape an evil U.S. government division called Obama. No, actually, they're not that creative. It's just called, "Division," headed by Djimon Hounsou. They run around Hong Kong trying not just to escape Division, but also a family of Chinese with similar powers who want to kill them.
Not only was this movie a complete mess, it was kind of boring. Lots of action, but the same stuff, the same types of scenes basically repeating themselves, with droll, overblown sassiness by Fanning that sounded like she was reading lines rote.
Extremely violent and bloody. Not fun. Great visuals, but little else. Tried way too hard to be cool, and wasn't.
HALF MARX
Posted by Debbie at 12:05 AM
February 05, 2009
Enough Already!: Hollywood Pushes Recycle T-Shirt on Us in TWO New Movies Out Friday
Since I see the new movie releases before they come out, I couldn't help but notice a really annoying trend of Hollywood preaching.
In two new movies coming out on Friday--"He's Just Not That Into You" and "Push"--the main star is wearing a recycle symbol t-shirt. I guess they think if they can't directly lecture you, they'll do it subliminally. But, sorry, Hollywood liberals, I noticed, and ya know what? It's REALLY obnoxious.
In "He's Just Not That Into You," star Ginnifer Goodwin (her parents got the "Jennifer Memo" but couldn't spell), playing a very aggressive stalker of men, is shown wearing this t-shirt while sitting on her bed. Ah, sexy. Um, I'm Just Not That Into Recycling.
In "Push," Dakota Fanning (who stopped being cute two years ago and stopped being a good actress when she was born) plays a psychic with super jedi mind trick powers. But despite all those powers, the only jedi mind trick she can play on the audience is her hypocritical t-shirt.
No word on whether the recycle symbol t-shirt is a symbol that these two hacktresses are the most recycled pieces of equipment on the Hollywood set.
If I want to recycle (and I don't), I'll recycle. When I see a movie, I want to relax and see a movie, not get preached to from Hollywood starlets and their t-shirts. But with two out of the four new movies out Friday pulling this stunt, you can't get away from it at the theater. Enough already.
(Can't post my reviews of these movies until Friday. They'll be posted here at Midnight. Stay tuned.)
Posted by Debbie at 02:41 PM
It's Not Just Heim or the Grand Mufti: Islam & Nazism's Long-Standing Connection; ODESSA
Last night, after attending a critics' screening of yet another new Hollywood offering of crap, I watched the great 1974 movie, "The Odessa File," starring John Voight as a German reporter who infiltrates a group of Nazi SS officers in 1963 Munich. (I highly recommend this Four-Reagan-worthy film.)
It was fortuitous, given yesterday's allegations that Nazi "Dr. Death," Aribert Ferdinand Heim, became the pious Muslim, Tarek Hussein Farid, and allegedly died in Egypt (though Simon Wiesenthal Center Nazi Hunter Efraim Zuroff doubts he's dead). (More about Farid/Heim from Andrew Bostom.)
You see, there are many, many connections and collaborations between Islam and the Nazis. It's not just Farid. It is many other things you probably don't know about, some of which were elements of "The Odessa File," a terrific thriller which is partially based on fact.
You probably know about the special Islamic unit of the Nazi SS. And you probably know about the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem, Hajj Amin Al-Husseini (Yasser Arafat's relative), and his cordial meeting and plea to Hitler to finish the Final Solution of the Jews more quickly and expand it to the Middle East. And you know about American Muslims' constant shouts of, "Go back to the oven," on the streets of Ft. Lauderdale.
But did you know that the yellow star that Nazis forced Jews to wear originated in the Islamic world, where Muslims forced Jews to wear it? And did you know that Nazi war criminal Alois Brunner--the most senior aide to Holocaust architect Adolf Eichmann--lives the good life, sheltered from justice in Islamic terror-host state Syria?
And did you know that organized former SS officers, known as "ODESSA" (Organisation der ehemaligen SS-Angehorigen, or "Organization of Former SS Members")--which helped these former SS officers elude justice--was working with Egyptian leader Gamal Abdel Nasser, to help him achieve a new Final Solution of Jews in Israel?
Nazi scientists and former SS officers worked with Nasser to develop rocket missiles loaded with deadly diseases, designed to kill as many Jews as possible. It was the ODESSA Nazis' job to create the guidance technology for the deadly missiles. Fortunately, they were not successful.
In part because of Hajj Amin Al-Husseini (who lived in Egypt), ODESSA--and its former Nazis--were welcome in Egypt and helped lead to the expulsion of Egypt's Jews. Nasser was very proud of his association with the Nazis and the Muslim Brotherhood was very close with this secret society of Nazi SS men.
That's probably why Aribert Heim a/k/a Tarik Farid ended up in Egypt. And since most major Sunni Muslim terrorist groups--Al-Qaeda, HAMAS, the P.L.O./Fatah, etc.--came out of the Muslim Brotherhood (the most influential organization in Sunni Islam), the tight Nazi/Islamic alliance continues.
Instead of going to the movies, this weekend, I recommend renting "The Odessa File." This exciting, suspense-filled movie stands the test of time. And given the Heim story in the news, it's relevant to date.
***
Another close Nazi-Islamic connection is that of Youssef Nada and the Third Reich. Mark Erikson of Asia Times does a good summary:
Another valued World War II Nazi collaborator was Youssef Nada, current board chairman of al-Taqwa (Nada Management), the Lugano, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, and Bahamas-based financial services outfit accused by the US Treasury Department of money laundering for and financing of Osama bin Laden's al-Qaeda. As a young man, he had joined the armed branch of the "secret apparatus" (al-jihaz al-sirri) of the Muslim Brotherhood and then was recruited by German military intelligence. When Grand Mufti el-Husseini had to flee Germany in 1945 as the Nazi defeat loomed, Nada reportedly was instrumental in arranging the escape via Switzerland back to Egypt and eventually Palestine, where el-Husseini resurfaced in 1946.
Posted by Debbie at 12:17 PM
January 30, 2009
Weekend Box Office: Thrilling "Taken," Guilty Pleasure "Uninvited" vs. Anti-American "New in Town"
Usually January is pet cemetery #2 for bad movies (#1 is August)--where Hollywood puts its lackluster movies to die a quick death and get cremated. But I've been surprised at some of the movies out in January 2009. This weekend includes one of the good ones, "Taken."
* "Taken": Is Liam Neeson--in his late fifties--the new Dirty Harry/Paul Kersey (Charles Bronson in "Death Wish") of the 2000s? Could be, if this movie is the success I predict it will be at the box office, this weekend. I liked Neeson as an action hero better than I like Daniel Craig as the new James Bond. I loved this movie.
This is the kind of action thriller we loved a lot, but haven't seen since the '80s. And I'm glad it's made a comeback. It's the latest of only a few movies that dare try to melt the post-9/11 official Hollywood rule that you can't make Arabs and Muslims look bad or portray them as terrorists or thugs. More than one of them get their violent comeuppance from the action hero of this movie, and I wanted to cheer out loud (but it's unseemly at a critics' screening, so I didn't; well, actually, I did it as quietly as possible).
Neeson (who was great in this, but could use better hair coloring than the obvious Grecian formula stuff here) plays a CIA agent who retires from the Company, so that he can be closer to his 17-year-old daughter whose childhood he mostly missed while on assignments. But it's tough to compete with her multi-millionaire stepfather. He is initially resistant when his daughter wants to go to France with a girlfriend. (The movie errs here in having the two teens shadow the U2 European concert tour--what 17-year-old teens are U2 groupies in 2009? That's for 40-something middle-aged women.) But eventually, he must go to France to rescue his daughter or lose her forever.
Neeson's daughter is kidnapped in Paris by an Albanian Muslim-run sex slavery operation. And that's where Hollywood's "Thou Must Whitewash Islam" rule starts to melt. While they never outright tell us that the Albanian sex slavery mobsters are Muslims, there are several quick, but deliberate shots of the crescent and star tattoos on their hands--yup, the "Religion of Peace." And then, there are the Arabs who are prominent among the sex slave purchasers. One of them is purchasing the women as concubines for his boss, a big, fat, ugly Arab Muslim Sheikh on a yacht. (I'm sure Mr. Neeson's agent will be getting a call from CAIR, ADC, and the other Mid-East whine merchants, real soon.)
There is a great scene where all of these evil Arabic-speaking scumbags get sent to a permanent conference call with the 72 virgins. That is the kind of stuff people went to movies to see, and they don't get to see it much at all anymore. Bring it back and bring it on. Just bring it. And this movie does.
"Taken" was funny, exciting, suspenseful, and it flew by. Though parts of it--like the endless dodging of bullets that surely would hit their target--are not believable, most of it is. And it's clever, even if some of it is predictable. Some of the things Neeson does to find the men who have his daughter are ingenious. And if you like guns, action, and the bad guys meeting a nice, evil death in your movies, this is your flick.
Despite his choice in mother-in-laws (he's married to the daughter of pan-terrorist hacktress Vanessa Redgrave), I've always like Liam Neeson. He was great in "Darkman." And he's great in this.
I'm sure the mainstream liberal movie critics will pan "Taken," but don't believe the tripe. It may not be highbrow and deep enough for them. But it's what it is--a fun action adventure. This is the movie I recommend for this weekend.
One other note: This movie is not for kids. It's violent and bloody--though the right people are subject to the violence and bloodletting. And there's, of course, the theme of sex slavery. Don't take your ten- or even 12-year-old to see it. It's for, minimum, age 14 and up in my mind.
FOUR REAGANS
* "New in Town": I saw this movie on TV in 1996, and it was called "Christmas in My Hometown." This movie has the exact same plot, only it's not half as good as that schlocky Tim Matheson-Melissa Gilbert production. And it has a gazillion times more snoot.
"New in Town" seethes with the smug, unfunny comedy writing of anti-American Hollywood liberals who can't stand small town Middle Americans. It's almost two hours of snobbery and mocking of small town Midwesterners as dumb, backward, ugly, uncultured, and so on and so on and so on.
Renee Zellweger--looking particularly manly in this movie--plays a high-powered executive in corporate America, who lives the good life in Miami. Soon, she's sent to New Ulm, Minnesota to downsize a company plant and lay off workers. It's complete culture shock.
In the movie--and as Hollywood sees it--the small town people are disgusting, annoying, boorish, intrusive and nosy, and just plain out of touch with reality. It's like a repeat of "Northern Exposure" for two onscreen hours. And it mostly just wasn't funny. I barely laughed. The jokes were more mean than they were laugh inducing. And they were at the expense of most of America--the parts of America that didn't vote in droves for Barack Obama, the parts of America that still have some semblance of values.
Zellweger's character can't stand it in small town Minnesota, and the factory workers aren't exactly taken with her snobbery and big city manner. She develops a love-hate relationship with the plant's union rep, Harry Connick, Jr. And you can predict what happens if you saw "Christmas in My Hometown," "Baby Boom," or any of a gazillion other movies this one rips off and dumbs down.
Dumb, dopey, sappy, predictable, and too much snobbery to fill a La Jolla country club. Skipworthy. Send New in Town back where it came from.
TWO-AND-A-HALF MARXES
* "The Uninvited": Don't let the crappy movie poster for this flick fool you. The movie isn't dark, but it is a nailbiter. It's one of those low-budget thrillers that was much better than I expected. While the movie is aimed at teens, I found it engrossing, entertaining, and unpredictable. It's a guilty pleasure movie you'll enjoy. I felt kind of ripped off with it's M. Night Shyamalan type of trickery. But it's fair trickery, and you'd definitely never predict the ending. The movie is well done.
A young girl returns home (to her wealthy author father's beachside mansion)from a mental hospital, where she's being treated for attempting to commit suicide after accidentally killing her ill mother. Or, at least, she's been led to believe she did it. She constantly has nightmares of what happened and sees ghosts, hinting to her that things aren't as they soom. Soon, she and her sister suspect their mother's sexy former nurse (Elizabeth Banks), who is now their father's girlfriend is behind everything. They must convince their father (David Strathairn) that she's the real killer before she kills them.
This movie rips off plot points from many other movies just like it, but it's still good and very clever with it's ending.
It's rated PG-13 and deserves it for it's bloody and violent images.
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
Posted by Debbie at 02:20 AM
January 28, 2009
Guess Which of These I Liked
Yesterday was a movie-screening marathon day for a handful of Detroit-area movie critics. Five movies. But I was in court on a pro bono case defending yet another victim of Islamic attempts to crush free speech of non-Muslims (can't write about that 'til it's over). So, I only saw two of the movies, "Taken" and "New in Town." Below are the trailers. I loved one and hated the other, but I'm prohibited from posting my reviews, until Friday morning. I think, though, you can guess quite easily from these trailers which one I preferred. Hint: CAIR won't be happy.
"Taken" is about a retired CIA agent (Liam Neeson, whom I loved in "Darkman"--and who is sadly the son-in-law of pan-terrorist hacktress Vanessa Redgrave) whose teen daughter is kidnapped in Paris by a band of Albanian Muslim sex-slavers. "New in Town" is about a big city executive (Renee Man-Weger, er . . . Zellweger) who arrives in small town Minnesota to downsize a company plant. Like I said, the trailers say it all.
Posted by Debbie at 11:38 AM
January 23, 2009
Weekend Box Office: Mediocre
While there's nothing offensive about the two new offerings at movie theaters, this weekend, they're just kind of mediocre. The better of the two--by far--is "Inkheart."
* "Inkheart": A book doctor (Brendan Fraser) has a special power. Books speak to him from their pages. And when he reads from them, characters--some evil--appear in our world from the book, while members of his family are taken away from our world and trapped in the setting of the book. He and his daughter set out with their eccentric, wealthy aunt to track down his wife and set our world and the world of fairy tale novels straight before the villains destroy ours.
This was okay. Not a great movie, but entertaining enough. I liked the messages of good versus evil, the commitment to doing what's right, and the importance of keeping your family together. It's aimed at kids, and it's not bad for that purpose. Some younger kids might be a little frightened by the behavior of some of the villains.
ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
* "Outlander": This is a poor rip-off of the vastly superior "Beowulf" (read my review). And it's one of those cases in which a movie is so bad, it's good . . . for comedy value. Jim Caviezel plays a high-tech outer space alien sent to Norway in the age of the Vikings to save rival Nordic kingdoms from the evil alien monster, Moorwen. Parts of this movie were so ridiculous that I laughed endlessly. Those were scenes that were supposed to be scary.
Oh, and one other thing: I guess this movie was trying to be political. You see, the Moorwen were nice, but aliens from another took their land and their planet to develop into new neighborhoods, making the Moorwen angry, so angry that they terrorize the people of earth. Aha, a justification for terrorism against innocent civilians, even in a dumb alien/Viking movie. Maybe they shoulda called this, "The War on Moorwen Terror."
Entertaining enough, if you're bored and have nothing else to do and ten bucks to waste.
ONE REAGAN
Posted by Debbie at 01:40 PM
January 22, 2009
Predictable: Oscar Nominates "Sexy" SS Guard, Man Who Welcomes Muslim Illegal Aliens
Remember the "good old days" in Academy Awards history . . . when the Oscar went to "It's Hard Out There for a Pimp" as best original song?
Now, it's far worse. Oscar is crawling lower, burrowing so low he may soon find himself in China . . . or another galaxy. And so predictable. I refer to Kate Winslet's nomination for Best Actress for her role in "The Reader" (read my brief review) one of the year's most awful movies. In it, Winslet plays a Nazi SS Guard who sends Jews to their deaths in the ovens. But the guard is portrayed sympathetically because she has hot sex scenes with the 15-year-old she seduced. The Holocaust survivors are the mean, evil bitches in this one. Perfect Oscar material. I'll bet she wins.
Then, there's Best Actor nominee, Richard Jenkins, who plays a cold, mean American college professor in "The Visitor" (read my brief review) whose life is made full again when he hangs with the Muslim Arab illegal aliens who are squatting in his apartment, and sleeps with the Syrian mother of one of them. But then, the evil, mean immigration people at ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) ruin everything by arresting the male Arab Muslim (in sanctuary city New York City, where this would never happen--but who cares about accuracy). The message: As Americans, we are cold, hard, mean people, but Muslim illegal aliens will make us better and make our lives worth living again. Uh-huh.
Yup, sexy, hot Nazis who must be inconvenienced by Jewish Holocaust survivor bitches who had the gall to send 'em to prison, and Americans who harbor Muslim illegal aliens and love them--I think I've predicted the Oscar winners in two of the top three categories, come February.
For Best Picture, it may be a tough contest between the anti-Nixon movie, "Frost/Nixon," and the pro-gay rights flick, "Milk" (read my review).
Posted by Debbie at 11:45 AM
January 20, 2009
During the O-Nauguration, I Was Screening This
I was away for the late morning and early afternoon, screening the new animated 3D movie, "Coraline." I missed the O-Nauguration, but it looks like I made the right decision. I'm prohibited from posting my review until the day it debuts (February 6th). But WOW! Here's the trailer (if the mother sounds familiar, it's because she's voiced by Teri Hatcher of "Desperate Housewives"), which simply doesn't do it justice:
Stay tuned for my complete review.
Posted by Debbie at 07:37 PM
January 16, 2009
Weekend Box Office: Terrific "Defiance," "Paul Blart, Mall Cop" vs. Disgusting Worship of "Biggie" Rap Thug
January is usually the pet cemetery for unwanted dogs in the movie biz. All of the ones that aren't wanted are dumped and buried there. But not this weekend. While I did not screen "Hotel For Dogs" (sorry), I saw the rest and liked three out of four--rare for me:
* "Defiance": This is not only a well-done movie, it is an important movie. It chronicles the real-life story of the Polish Jewish Bielski brothers, who fought back against the Nazis. They were brave Jewish partisans who saved hundreds of Jewish lives and killed a lot of Nazis, too. The Jews didn't willingly march to their deaths in the camps. When they could--as with the Bielskis--they fought back. And there were several other Jewish partisan groups that did so throughout Nazi Europe, not just the Bielskis.
The Bielski's heroic fight is captured well here by Daniel Craig and Liev Schreiber. Although I'm no fan of Craig as James Bond, he was in his element here (and while it's not important to the movie, I am a woman--and he looked very hot here, all the more so because he was a Jew with guns fighting Nazis, plus I like the rugged look). While Craig is good, it must be remembered that Craig--who makes his living off of movies where he has guns--is for gun control. Gun control is what made it harder for the Bielskis and other Jewish partisans to survive and fight--they needed to steal guns in the wake of laws that prevented Jews from owning them. This is why I used to speak at the NRA convention about the Bielskis (I've since been barred from the group at NRA Islamofascist board member Grover Norquist's insistence.)
The real star of the movie is Schreiber, who has the best line in the movie. Tuvia Bielski (Craig) is their leader, and he requires Zus Bielski (Schreiber) to only take some of the (Nazi-sympathizing) local villagers' food at gunpoint and allow them on their way. Zus wanted to take all of the food and kill them. Because they followed Tuvia's more liberal policy, the surviving villagers tell the Nazis and it results in lost lives. Says Zus: "Your policy of diplomacy is sh-t." Exactly what President-Elect Obama needs to be told.
Another great line is when a religious Jew with his Torah books tells Tuvia Bielski that his courage amidst the Nazi mass-murder makes him renew his faith in G-d. Brought tears to my eyes, and reminded me of my father and grandfather.
The movie is excellent, and I highly recommend it. But don't forget, in the back of your mind, that while the movie shows courage against evil, its writer/director, Edward Zwick, won't show that same courage when it comes to Islamic terrorism and defending Israel.
FOUR REAGANS
* "Paul Blart: Mall Cop": This movie was waaaay better than I expected. Hilarious, fun, perfect escapist movie for you and your whole family. Loved it.
Paul Blart--a loser, overweight, longtime mall security guard (Kevin James)--is lonely and ridiculed. His illegal alien Latina wife, who married him for a green card, left him, and he lives with his mother (and daughter). And everyone at the mall treats him like dirt. One day, he meets a cute girl working at a hairpiece kiosk, and instantly, he's in love. But while she's nice, she's not interested. Soon, though, Paul Blart, Mall Cop, has the opportunity to prove himself and be her hero when he gets stuck in the mall, as criminals take over the mall and try to rob credit card codes.
While some of the jokes are dumb, most of it is laugh out loud funny. I laughed the whole time. Well worth the ten bucks for what it is--pure, light comedy.
One note: You can tell the movie was made a while ago because one of the stores in the mall is "The Sharper Image," which is now out of business.
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
* "Notorious": If I were a Black American, I'd be p-ssed that Hollywood is constantly glorifying the worst examples for my kids. On the other hand, I walked out of this movie thinking, hmmm . . . if Hollywood can make a scumbag White guy (Larry Flynt) and a scumb Latino guy (Ernesto "Che" Guevara) into heroes, then this is the new "civil rights," the new "equality." A Black drug-dealing, womanizing sleazebag who chants cusswords for a living and fathers kids all over the place, out of wedlock, can be lionized by Hollywood, too.
Let's get this straight: Christopher Wallace a/k/a "Biggie Smalls" a/k/a "The Notorious B.I.G." was a piece of crap, whose death (a result of rival rap gangs feuding) is no loss to America. If only all of these East Coast-West Coast trash-talking rappers would eliminate each other, our country--our society--would be a whole lot better off, so long as there aren't these fictional, white-washing accounts of what great people they were.
Wallace was a no-talent hack whose every other word--as the dialogue in this movie--was the f- or p-word, whether he was rapping or "conversatin'." He was a violent guy--not shown in this movie--who beat up and robbed the promoter of his concerts. He was a gun-toting thug, who sold crack--beginning at age 13--to pregnant women when other drug dealers wouldn't. Thankfully, that's shown in the movie. "I'm a businessman," he says. Indeed.
Wallace also recruited other thugs and trashy human vessels to bring their filth upon America, like his extramarital girlfriend, Lil' Kim--who got preganant by him and aborted the kid (not depicted in the movie). And "Biggie" beat and robbed even those who promoted his concert. The guy was a human sewer.
Sadly, Wallace's 12-year-old son plays his worthless father (from age 8-13) in this ode to crap and probably believes the hype. It should also be noted that Sean "Diddy" Combs is the one who made this guy into a rap star. Yup, the same "Diddy" who is a big-time Obama star. Just another example of Obama's "peeps" (that's street for "people").
This movie, like Wallace, was filthy and disgusting. Even more disgusting was what a hero this movie made this lowlife out to be. Couldn't believe people were crying for this bloated bozo at the end of the movie. I fought my urge to cheer when the shots hit his flesh onscreen. Just die already, I thought. Buh-bye.
Skip at all cost.
FOUR MARXES PLUS
* "Last Chance Harvey": Harvey (Dustin Hoffman) is a music composer for TV ads, but he's older and about to be "downsized" by his mean boss. And he's gone to London to attend his daughter's wedding. But Harvey feels as if he's an outcast. His daughter shuns him for her stepfather (Mr. Barbra Streisand a/k/a James Brolin), and he feels all alone and distraught. But, soon, he meets Emma Thompson, an airport employee at Heathrow, and everything is suddenly looking up again. This is sort of like a "Before Sunrise" for middle-aged adults. Entertaining, but nothing new or different from a million other movies. Enjoyable enough, but kind of hackneyed, even if Dustin Hoffman is very good here. And some of the scenes between him and his daughter were painful and extremely sad.
ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
Posted by Debbie at 03:17 PM
January 15, 2009
Disconnect: "Defiance" Director Zwick Not So Defiant Against Islamic Terrorists
As I always say, Hollywood loves the dead Jews, but they hate the live ones.
Hollywood loves the Holocaust, but hates Israel. They love to portray Jews as victims of the Nazis, but they hate to portray the Jews as victims of the new Nazis--extremist Muslims around the world, whether it's the HAMAS terrorists in Gaza or the Muslims who demonstrate on the streets of Fort Lauderdale and openly tell Jews to "go back to the oven."
And so it goes with Writer/Director Edward Zwick, whose "Defiance" opens in nationwide release tomorrow (Friday).
"Defiance" is a great movie, one of the year's best. And it's an important movie, as it shows that Jews were not the stereotypical weaklings who meekly went to the camps to their slaughter. Those who could--with all odds against them and laws preventing them from owning firearms and weapons--did fight back. The Bielski brothers saved hundreds of Jewish lives and killed more than a few Nazis in the process. They are the good guys. And, just as it should be, there is no ambiguity about that in this film.
But Ed Zwick is trapped back in time, or perhaps he is trapped forward in time . . . in a "post-Zionist Hollywood." He fails to make the connection with Jews under siege in Israel today, with Jews under siege in greater numbers today than at any time since the Holocaust.
On Friday, I interviewed him. I solicited questions from readers (who had some great suggestions--thanks). But I already knew one question I was going to ask. And I had a pretty good idea of the answer he'd provide.
I know Dr. Jay Bielski, son of Zus Bielski, one of the brothers portrayed in this movie (by Liev Schreiber). I noted to Mr. Zwick that while Jay said that this movie captured his father perfectly, Jay--after several years as a U.S. Marine during Vietnam--served in the Israeli Defense Force and fought in the 1973 Yom Kippur War. Right now, Jay's two sons serve in the IDF. (Zwick is friends with Jay Bielski and says the Bielskis "brought him home" to Judaism and Jewish pride. But I don't see it.)
I also noted to Zwick that he produced "The Siege," the 1998 movie which showed an alleged post-9/11-style persecution against "innocent" Muslim-Americans "victims," which never happened.
I asked him why Hollywood is so anti-Israel and when would he come full circle and make a movie that shows the Jews who are now the victims of the new Nazis in the Middle East, in Israel.
Edward Zwick's squirming was so loud, I felt like I was watching worms crawl through my phone.
Zwick said he didn't know of any anti-Israel movies coming out of Hollywood. He said he couldn't see himself doing a movie about the Jews versus the Islamic terrorists in Israel because,
It's very difficult to parse morality in what's going on in the Middle East and especially in the last two weeks. It's full of moral complexity that I'm not sure I could address in a two-hour movie. What I'm loathe to do is to analogize between this [the Nazis vs. the Bielskis] and the contemporary situation. I didn't want to have a movie with an agenda.
But when I pointed out that there is clearly an agenda and clearly good guys and bad guys in "Defiance" (not to mention, "The Siege"), he responded with more psychobabble gobbledygookish squirming, that his movie
showed the difference between passivity and powerlessness [and was] a necessary historical redress.
Well, there's a "necessary historical redress" about what Islamic terrorists are doing against Jews in Israel and throughout the world. Sadly, Zwick either doesn't get it or won't admit to it, lest he be out of step with Hollywood's rigid orthodoxy on the subject.
Oh, and Zwick also said
in the Middle East, you're not talking about genocide.
When Muslims, especially those of Palestinian terrorist groups, shout how they want to "push the Jews into the sea" and "spill rivers of Jewish blood," it's quite clear that it, in fact, is genocide they wish to carry out.
Next week, "Defiance" opens in Israel, and Israeli soldiers will reportedly be shown the movie (perhaps in time for the start of the next failed "truce").
Let's hope the Israeli soldiers connect the dots that Edward Zwick--and the rest of Hollywood--won't.
They are fighting the same Nazis, the same evil the Bielskis fought.
***
Since I've invoked his name, I want to be fair and point out that Jay Bielski disagrees with my take on this. He recommends that people read this New York Times column by Zwick, in which Zwick brags about his grandfather and great-uncles who were bookies for Al Capone's mob. This is something to be proud of? Yet, he won't defend Israel.
Jay says that his friend, Zwick, is on the right side of the Israeli-Islamic terrorism issue, but can't afford to say so, in order to sell this movie. If that's the case, that's even worse because it means that you can be "Defiant" against the Nazis, but not Hollywood.
Posted by Debbie at 01:36 PM
January 09, 2009
Flabulous Filmmaker: Hey, You Know Who's Trying to Censor Movies? . . .
. . . Michael Moore, that's who.
The big story in the mainstream media about Michael Moore, today, is that he's allegedly behind Congressman John Conyers' opposition to Dr. Sanjay Gupta becoming Barack Obama's Surgeon General.
But this should be the big story about Michael Moore:
National Theater Chain is pressured to pull movie critical of Michael Moore
Traverse City, Michigan, January 9, 2008. Bowing to pressure from a group organized by Jeff Gibbs, a close friend of Michael Moore and his co-producer on the movie Fahrenheit 911, Carmike Cinemas of Traverse City has pulled the plug on a new movie critical of the activist filmmaker. "Shooting Michael Moore," was scheduled to start a one-week run today in Moore's home town of Traverse City, Michigan. According to Gibbs, the title was a "thinly veiled call to violence" against Michael Moore.Kevin Leffler, the producer and director of "Shooting Michael Moore" explained that the movie title is only referring to shooting the Oscar-winning filmmaker with a camera, not a gun, and absolutely does
not encourage violence against Michael Moore. Leffler went on to state, "The fact that Michael Moore has the power to pressure a national theater chain to pull a movie critical of him is sad. All sides of an issue should be aired." To ensure that the public has a chance to see his movie, Leffler even changed the film's name to "Exposing Michael Moore." In spite of this, Carmike Cinemas still refuses to air the movie that they were once enthusiastic about showing, simply because Moore has let it be known that he does not want the movie in theaters. The movie has already been aired in both Miami and Detroit.A protest and press conference is planned for Friday, January 9th, at 4:00 pm. at the Carmike Horizon Cinema 10, located at 3587 Market Place Circle in Traverse City.
More about "Exposing Michael Moore" at the movie's official site.
Posted by Debbie at 04:35 PM
Weekend Box Office: Feel Good Post-Holocaust Jewish Exorcism Movie of the Year & Other Crap, Semi-Worthy "Wrestler"
By Debbie Schlussel.
Not much to rush to theaters for, this weekend:
* "The Wrestler": I had mixed feelings about this movie. It's one of the most depressing films ever. Plus, it features topless strippers, a gross sex scene (after lines of cocaine), shooting up steroids, etc. On the other hand, Mickey Rourke is phenomenal in a role that was perfect for him, and it has a sort of good message. It just took a lot of ugly salami-making to tell it. If you're nostalgic for the '80s and/or like pro wrestling, you might like this. But it's not a feel good film. And it's not for kids . . . or anyone under 18, in my view.
Rourke plays Randy "The Ram" Robinson, a big-time wrestler in the '80s who is now down on his luck . . . and still living in the '80s. He makes his (very little) money in small-time wrestling venues and signing autographs at youth clubs for now adult fans of his from back in the day. He withstands getting stapled by a staple gun and other painful stuff in the pre-planned, but still rough and tough, wrestling bouts. He listens to '80s metal music, like Ratt's "Round and Round" and spends his time at a strip club pining for an aging stripper (Marisa Tomei), who is also too old for her "stage" and hasn't moved on.
Randy lives in a trailer, when he isn't locked out by his landlord for non-payment of rent. We see him spend his days getting his hair bleached, going to tanning beds, and shooting up with steroids to maintain the wrestler physique in his fifties.
And then, there's his daughter, whom Randy abandoned along with his wife. He badly wants a relationship with her, but he just can't get it together. He sacrifices everything to remain a wrestler and to hold on to the past, even though his past might kill him.
Not recommended for a happy, escapist movie experience. But well done for its point, which is: grow up and be a responsible adult, or you will lose everything chasing after a past that can be no longer.
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
* "Bride Wars": Completely moronic. It's an embarrassment even to chick flicks to call this absolutely horrid, completely stupid movie a chick flick. But it is. Guys, do whatever you can to avoid taking your wife or girlfriend to see this two-hour exercise in pain management. Far worse than a visit to the dentist.
Two childhood friends (Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway) dream of having the perfect wedding at New York's Plaza hotel. But when they both finally get the two wimpy, girlie-man they are living with to propose to them, they accidentally have their weddings scheduled on the same day. Neither will bow out, and they become bitter enemies over it, trying to sabotage each other.
But this is no funny catfight. It's just mean, bitter, and stupid . . . kinda like Kate Hudson, who seems to be quite bitter about Americans. Not fun to watch Just torture. Extremely skipworthy.
FOUR MARXES
* "Revolutionary Road": An anti-capitalist, far-left attack on America's middle class, marriage, the nuclear family, and the suburbs. Based on a book of the same name by a man who was basically a communist and didn't like the fact that Ameica's suburbs helped Americans become upwardly mobile, self-sufficient, and home-owners.
Leonardo DiCaprio (more like "DiCrapio" here) and Kate Winslet play a young married couple who are both unhappy with their suburban lives and marriage--and, in his case, his corporate job. They both cheat on each other and constantly yell and scream at each other. The end. Completely pointless and a lie. Propaganda Karl Marx would be proud of. Long, boring, and great for insomnia. I fell asleep several times during this hifalutin' version of melodrama.
A great commentary on this movie is Lee Siegel's "Why Does Hollywood Hate the Suburbs?"--a must read.
FOUR MARXES
* "The Unborn": The feel-good post-Holocaust-Mengele-Twins-Experiments Jewish Exorcism thriller movie of the year.
I don't think I've seen a more preposterous, unintentionally hilarious, absurd movie in the last decade. In this how-did-they-get-this-script-greenlit? flick, a beautiful college student is haunted by images of a young boy, and bad things begin to happen all around her.
Oh, and her mother committed suicide after a long bout in a sanitarium. Soon, she finds out that she is a twin, whose twin died in the womb, and that she is the granddaughter of a Holocaust survivor whose twin brother died in Nazi Dr. Josef Mengele's twin experiments. So, she gets a Jewish exorcism--new to me--and uses all kinds of Jewish kabbala stuff to get her dybbuk (haunting spirit) exorcised.
It is funny to watch "Rabbi" Gary Oldman (nice yarmulke, dude!) trying to pretend to speak in Hebrew from an obviously transliterated script. Like my friend, reasonable liberal movie critic Cory Hall joked, with all the Jews in Hollywood, they had to cast Gary Oldman as the rabbi?
All of this is accompanies by numerous gratuitous butt, belly, and bikini underwear shots.
What a waste of time, and as a religious Jew, I laughed myself silly in disgust and disappointment at how ludicrous this is.
"The Boys From Brazil" (read my review) was a great thriller invoking Dr. Mengele and the Nazis. This was just dumb schlock.
Please, Never Again.
TWO MARXES
* "Not Easily Broken": Based on a book by respected conservative Black Rev. T. D. Jakes, this movie wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And it was actually entertaining. If you wanna see a lot of "No, You di'in't"s and overbearing wives and mother-in-laws fighting in fun catfights over interracial affairs, etc., this is your movie. I laughed a lot (even though I don't think that was always the intent). I liked the message, even if it was delivered in a really heavy-handed, somewhat cheesy way.
Talented actor Morris Chestnut plays a Black baseball player, whose career is cut short by an injury. He's married to a materialistic, self-centered, extremely shrewish Black woman who doesn't want to have kids yet. Chestnut--who earns a decent middle-class living as a construction company owner--can't keep up with his wife's spending habits, while she can't tolerate his mentoring and coaching of a Black inner city baseball team for boys. He's a great husband who tries to do the right thing, but isn't appreciated. Plus, he's henpecked by his wife's obnoxious mother-in-law. Soon, Chestnut finds himself infatuated with a White woman who looks like Cindy McCain 20 years ago. And he must decide whether or not to leave his marriage.
This movie has a ton of melodrama and is kind of a "morality chick flick." Still, it was entertaining, even for the guys.
ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
Posted by Debbie at 02:34 PM
Questions for "Defiance" Movie Writer/Director
Today, I have a phone interview with Ed Zwick, writer/director of "Defiance" and a number of other movies and TV shows. The interview focuses on "Defiance," starring Daniel Craig. As I've noted on this site, it's the story of the Bielski brothers, Jewish partisans who fought back against the Nazis and saved hundreds of Jews. They are true heroes, and the movie captures that.
The movie is also important because it betrays the myth that Jews willingly went to the ovens and didn't try to fight back. The Bielskis and the Warsaw Ghetto uprising are the two most famous instances of many such efforts to stop Nazi evil. I've always said, Jews with guns are my favorite combo. Hate to quote America's most well-known porn star (Paris Hilton), but "That's Hot." (Not sure why she gets ownership of that common phrase.)
I've not yet posted my review of the movie, which I'm barred from doing until the movie releases in Detroit. But I liked it a lot, and I've written about it here and, as a member of the Detroit Film Critics Society, I voted for it as one of the year's best pictures, best ensembles, and Liev Schrieber as one of the year's best supporting actors, as Zus Bielski. Zus' son, Jay (who served in the IDF and is a New York doctor), commented on this site that the movie captured his father perfectly.
So, what questions would you suggest I ask Zwick? Please post 'em in the comments section. I'm reposting the trailer as a refresher.
One thing I plan to ask Zwick: Why do the Jews in Hollywood love portraying the bravery of Jews fighting tyranny 65 years ago, but can't bring themselves to show the bravery of Jews fighting it in Israel today (and instead villainize them)?
Posted by Debbie at 01:09 PM
January 06, 2009
Less Blogging Today Because I Had To Go Screen This
Since I try to screen all new movie releases so I can save you from bad ones and help you to the good ones, some days I just can't put up as much as I'd like. Plus, there are the other activities I must do, for instance, a giant lawsuit against extremist Muslims I'll be announcing in the coming weeks or months (stay tuned).
Today, I was at a screening of this--"Bride Wars." Not allowed to post my review until it debuts on Friday, but if you read my site often, you can probably predict from this trailer what I think of it. Oh, and don't forget how much one of its stars--Kate Hudson--hates Americans (see below). The feeling is mutual, hun.
Famous Kate Hudson description of those who made her a multi-millionaire despite zero talent:
Sometimes I'll be walking down the street and I'll hear some American and I'll just go, "Of course they hate us, of course they can't stand us." We're the most annoying, boisterous creatures in the world. I mean we come in and we eat mounds of food, and we're like, "Where's the kaachup [sic] for our French fries."
Speak for yourself, Ms. Hudson.
Posted by Debbie at 05:59 PM
December 29, 2008
Conservative in a Sea of Liberals: Detroit Film Critics Society Picks Winners
As I've noted before, I'm a member of the Detroit Film Critics Society. Every major city has one of these and each votes on the year's best movies, actors, etc. And as in most, there are few conservatives. As far as I know, I'm the only one in the DFCS, which is dominated by liberals. As a member, I'm required to publicize this year's choices, even though I don't agree with most of them. Loved "Slumdog Milllionaire," except for the brief Islamic propaganda part, and thought Mickey Rourke did an excellent job in a thoroughly depressing "The Wrestler." Here are the picks (with my reviews of some films linked in bold). Compare 'em with my original choices/nominations. I'll try to have my list of the years best and worst movies posted tomorrow. Stay tuned.
* Best Film: SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE* Best director: DANNY BOYLE - SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
* Best Actor: MICKEY ROURKE - THE WRESTLER
* Best Actress: KATE WINSLET - REVOLUTIONARY ROAD [DS: Hated this left-wing attack on American suburbs and capitalism. I voted for Melissa Leo in "Frozen River" (about an illegal alien smuggler and the consequences), with Meryl Streep in "Doubt" as my second choice.]
* Best Supporting Actor: HEATH LEDGER - THE DARK KNIGHT [DS: I voted for Robert Downey, Jr. in "Tropic Thunder," with Ledger as my second choice of the available nominees.]
* Best Supporting Actress: MARISA TOMEI - THE WRESTLER [DS: I don't generally like to vote for actresses who go topless and play strippers. I voted for Amy Adams in "Doubt," with Tomei as my second choice, only because there weren't many choices.]
* Best Ensemble: FROST/NIXON [DS: Didn't like this propaganda movie. I voted for "Burn After Reading."]
* Best Newcomer: MARTIN MCDONAGH - IN BRUGES (WRITER/DIRECTOR) [DS: I hated this movie. I voted for Dev Patel, the star of "Slumdog Millionaire."]
Again, stay tuned for my own list of the best and worst movies of the year, which will be markedly different from this list.
Posted by Debbie at 12:28 PM
December 25, 2008
Holiday Box Office: Lotsa Good Stuff & Some Utter Crap to "Balance" It Out; UPDATE: Fun "Bedtime Stories" Review Up
**** SCROLL DOWN FOR "BEDTIME STORIES" REVIEW ****
Because of a snowstorm, I did not make it to a screening of "The Spirit," and missed "Bedtime Stories" because it screened at the same time as "Valkyrie." Will see the first showing of Bedtime Stories in the morning and add the review here by Noon.
* "Gran Torino": Although Clint Eastwood long ago veered away from Dirty Harry in favor of more politically correct films with anti-war and pro-euthanasia messages, it's fitting that this is likely his last film as an actor. Although he plays Walt Kowalski and not Harry, Eastwood has come full circle to the kinds of films that made American audiences love him and pay to see him act on the big screen.
And it's got a lot of great things about it: the bad guys get their due (with a "peaceful" twist), a man who is cynical about religion finds G-d, and it's a-laugh-a-minute funny on top of it. Politically correct, this movie is not.
In this--as with the Dirty Harry movies--Clint Eastwood tells the bad guys where to go in many scenes. There are no "Go ahead, make my day"s or "Do ya feel lucky?"s. But there's plenty of dialogue just like it.
Eastwood's Kowalski is a 78-year-old recently-widowed army veteran. He's tough and doesn't take guff from anyone, especially his ungrateful, spoiled children and grandchildren, of whom he's not fond. He rightfully sneers when his granddaughter wears a belly shirt to his wife's funeral in church. Kowalski's openly racist and bigoted and insults and mocks pretty much every single ethnic group you can think of (except, interestingly, Muslims and Arabs--gee, I wonder why). He also doesn't like the fact that his neighborhood has been taken over by Hmong (Vietnamese and Laotian) immigrants.
(If there's any fault with this film, it's that it takes place in Michigan (as a tribute to the place it was shot--metro Detroit). There are few Hmong here. As a one-time Wisconsin resident who worked with the Hmong in Madison, I know well that their area of popular concentration and the area where there are problems with Hmong gangs is Wisconsin, where the film was originally set.)
Kowalski has a prized possession that everyone wants--his beautiful classic Gran Torino. He catches the young Hmong boy from next door, trying to steal it. Soon, Eastwood takes the boy under his wing, and slowly learns to appreciate his Hmong neighbors. But the boy is being heavily recruited by a violent Hmong gang, which terrorizes the neighborhood.
Gun control is, happily, not practiced in this movie. Walt is ever-present with rifles, pistols, you name it. They help ward off crime. And while Kowalski is skeptical of the Catholic Church and repeatedly fends off the young, peacenik priest who pesters him to go to confession, Kowalski eventually appreciates the need for spiritual sustenance in a moving way.
One of the year's best, this movie is a can't miss, but it's far too violent for young kids. For teens, it is okay.
FOUR REAGANS PLUS
* "Marley & Me": This is a fun, cute, hilarious, lighthearted movie you can take your whole family to see. Yes, the ending is sad, but not too sad for kids. Based on the best-selling book of the same name, the movie follows a couple of newspaper reporters from their snowy wedding night in Michigan to becoming the parents of three young kids, all while they experience it with their dog, Marley (named after Bob Marley).
The husband, Owen Wilson, is troubled that he's given up his dream to become a famous investigative reporter for the New York Times, to become a columnist for a major Miami newspaper, writing a lot of columns about his dog and how it interacts with his growing family and his Florida surroundings. He wishes he could have the career of his friend, a playboy who is a fellow reporter and makes the move the the Times, when the real thing to covet is in his own lap.
The dog is the real star of the movie, and there's lots of laughter about the worst dog, the uncontrollable Marley, who is forever eating and destroying everything in sight. Absolutely hilarious.
Could have done without Jennifer Anniston screaming and getting all angry in one scene, but other than that it's a great movie. Aniston adds nothing to the movie (other than coldness and bad acting), and really Owen Wilson and the dog are the whole movie.
Even though I'm not a dog owner, I like dogs and found it touching and above all, highly entertaining. In one of the movie's funnier scenes, there's even a cameo of Kathleen Turner--gee, that man looks familiar--as a professional dog trainer.
FOUR REAGANS
* "Doubt": Since I'm not a Catholic, I feel kind of out of place reviewing this excellent movie. It takes place in the early '60s, when change and liberalization is taking place in the Catholic Church--something the movie applauds subrosa, but something maybe it shouldn't. That liberalization, among other things, has led to many lapsed Catholics and a watering down of the religion.
I liked this movie because I feel bad for the Catholic Church, with the admissions in recent years that some priests molested children. Many others did not. And the revelations have hurt the Church and Christianity in general in America. As readers know, I feel a strong Christian presence in America is the bulwark against Islam taking over here.
This movie--though it never quite says so, and you don't know for sure--is about one of the priests who is wrongfully accused based on no evidence and a lot of innuendo and speculation by an imperious head nun at a Catholic school, played masterfully by Meryl Streep. A strict, old-fashioned nun, she doesn't like that her church is liberalizing. She thinks it leads to lazy, undisciplined, valueless kids, and she has a point.
The symbol of that liberalization is a young, modern priest, played--also masterfully--by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Streep simultaneously bullies and uses a young nun, played by Amy Adams--also excellent, to help her persecute and accuse this priest of molesting a Black child--the only in the Catholic school in a time of much racism. Again, it's based on mere innuendo and not a shred of actual evidence.
This movie is well done and raises a lot of good points about gossip and innuendo. The best scene in the movie is one of Hoffman's sermons to the church. He tells congregants about gossip spreading like the feathers of a pillow slashed open in a windy outdoors. You can't get the feathers back, once they've been released. We're shown the literal, while Hoffman makes his sermon.
And his sermon is really the message of the movie. Magnificent. One of the best movies of the year.
FOUR REAGANS
* "Valkyrie": I'm really surprised the studios held this back from early screenings and that it's not been well-received. I thought this performance by Tom Cruise as a Nazi colonel who plots to assassinate Hitler wasn't bad, even if he's probably not the best choice for the part. Still, the men who play his fellow anti-Hitler Nazi conspirators were the real masters in this movie and show up Mr. Cruise.
The operation to assassinate Hitler and take over was called "Valkyrie," because he was hijacking Hitler's Operation Valkyrie--the code name Hitler used for troop positions in the event of his death.
This movie is important as far as history goes--the story is that Col. Claus von Stauffenberg (Cruise) thought he blew up Hitler, he thought wrong, and as we know, Hitler only died of his own suicide when it was apparent he'd lost. But it is entertaining as a World War II thriller about counterspies within Nazi ranks.
I don't know how accurate it is to the real story--von Stauffenberg is regarded as a hero in Germany. But if every German--or even a significant minor percentage--were as anti-Hitler as the heroes of this movie are portrayed to be, the Holocaust would not have happened. And while the Colonel is shown to be motivated by his opposition to World War II and the treatment of Jews and others--and I don't know if that's accurate in real life, it's not clear whether doing the right thing--as opposed to a quest for power--was the real motivation.
As we know, the case was otherwise--Hitler was not assassinated, and the Nazis exterminated 6 million Jews. Noble effort, not a great movie, but not bad either. Interesting.
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
* "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button": It turns out this movie bears little resemblance to the F. Scott Fitzgerald short story from which it takes its name. Instead, writer Mitch Albom discovered that it's a rip-off of a novel by another author, whose book producers tried to buy but weren't successful.
Not that this matters, because--plagiarized or not--the movie is long, boring, cloying, and a Lifetime Network movie of the week at best, or--at almost three hours--a substandard, way too long episode of "The Twilight Zone." It's not just Brad Pitt's really awful attempt at a New Orleans accent or his terrible acting and the computer-generated graphics making him look, at one point, as young as he did in "Thelma and Louise."
It's that this sleep-inducing story is pointless and stupid, and it takes far too long to tell it. And it's forced. Oh, and then there's the fact we don't care a whit about any of these characters.
This is the story of a man who is born with the scrunched up face and body of an old man and grows younger, until he dies in the body of a young baby, even though he's an old man with Alzheimer's. Bad sci-fi plot and obvious CGI aside, the manipulative plot shows that Pitt, er . . . Benjamin Button is rejected by his real father and adopted by a Black woman and her friends.
Soon, Benjamin is sleeping with old women who live at the rooming house for older women at which his adopted mother is employed. He falls in love with a girl (Cate Blanchett), who eventually falls for him. But they can only be together for a brief time at which they are both the same age and their contrasting age and physical progressions meet in time.
The end. Wake me when the boring chick flick is over.
ONE MARX
* "The Reader": The should re-title this "Nazi SS Concentration Camp Guard Porn" or "Sympathy for a Nazi Murderer Because She Likes to Have Sex." Yup, that's how disgusting this exercise in semi-porn is, in both its message and its enactment.
Kate Winslet plays a 30-something woman who seduces a fifteen-year-old boy. They have lots of graphic sex scenes, much of which we are shown. It's just plain sick and gross. Did I really need to see this kid's erect penis in the shower. Uh, no. But, hey, we're supposed to appreciate how highbrow this is because the woman has the kid read to her from great books. Ah, great literature trumps child molestation grossness, every time.
Then, when the kid becomes a young adult and is in law school, he soon learns that the woman was a Nazi SS Guard at a concentration camp who sent Jews to their deaths. But we're not shown any depictions of that because breast shots of the Nazi guardess in hot sex scenes took up most of the film and are far more important, right? And not only are we not shown any of her horrid treatment of the Jews or how she picked which one would be sent to her deaths, we are shown the two Jewish female Holocaust survivors who testify against her to be cold bitches with lotsa cash and a multi-million dollar Manhattan apartment.
The movie takes the point of view that this poor Nazi guard was treated so badly, when she was such a hot sex partner when she was young and just a lonely old inmate who wanted to read when she was old. Sorry, but I don't feel sorry for any Nazis.
Nor do I feel sorry for the pervs that go to see this ridiculous movie, which probably should have been called, "I'll Show You My Auschwitz, If you Show Me Yours for 15-year-old Boys."
Sick, sick, sick. Disgusting. Figures that most movie critics are hailing this movie and Winslet's performance. Liberals love Post-Holocaust Porn masquerading as art. So does HOprah--this was one of her book club selections.
FOUR MARXES PLUS
**** UPDATE: "Bedtime Stories": Finally, I like an Adam Sandler movie. This is what kids' movies are suppose to be. This Disney movie was fun, charming, magical, and hilarious. And a bonus--it makes fun of Prius-owners, organic food eaters, and the whole green movement. That's a refreshing change from the Booger Green Santa that F.A.O. Schwarz is pimping on kids.
Sandler is Skeeter, the son of a proud small businessman motel owner in Los Angeles. Dad's motel is failing economically and he sells to a British hotel developer (who looks like Richard Branson plus 50 pounds) on the condition that Skeeter gets to one day manage the hotel.
Zoom forward a couple of decades and Skeeter is the maintenance man of the hotel, treated like dirt by the higher-ups. Soon plans are announced to build an even bigger hotel, and Sandler finds himself with a chance to compete to manage it against the mean, stuck-up, favored hotel manager, Kendall (Guy Pearce), who is dating the hotel magnates daughter.
Meanwhile, Sandler's sister (Courtney Cox), is an uber-green, organic fanatic and a high school principal who lost her job. She makes her kids wheatgrass birthday cakes that no-one eats. "It's very good, once you get past the smell," she tells the kids. Since she's being downsized, she has to travel to Arizona for a job interview and asks her brother to take care of the kids for the week. The kids ask Sandler to read them a bedtime story, but their books have titles like "How the Green Alligator Saved the Environment" and "The Organic Monkey Rides His Bike." "I'm not gonna read you these Communist books," Sandler protests, and starts making up his own fairy tales.
Soon, those fairy tales start coming true in his own life, and good things begin to happen with Skeeter at work and in his personal life. That includes a romance with Keri Russell, the kids' enviro-friendly teacher, whom he derides as a Prius-driver (the best scene is when her Prius gets towed).
I really enjoyed this movie, and that's the point--it's a great kids movie, which you will also enjoy when you take them to see it. And you'll get a chuckle at the constant mocking of politically correct, uptight parents who insist on organic food and no sugar.
Could have done without the presence of Russell Brand, the far-left, unfunny British comedian who hosted the MTV VMAs and used it as a platform to urinate on America and conservatives. Could also have done without some of the very minor bathroom humor. And some might say, there's an anti-business theme, with the hotel shutting the school down to take its property. But if anything, it's pro small business owners. And overall, it's a lot of fun. There's something in it for everybody. Plus, you'll laugh.
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
Posted by Debbie at 12:00 AM
December 19, 2008
Weekend Box Office: Skipworthy, Maudlin "Seven Pounds," Say No to Moronic, Repetitive "Yes Man"
This weekend's weak new box office offerings send a message: Save your movie money until Christmas Day. Hollywood saved some great flicks for then. So many good ones on one day--that's a rarity for decades. My reviews for Christmas Day movies will either appear on Christmas Eve or by Midnight that night--but there's a lot I liked. Stay tuned. Until then, here's the substandard leftovers keeping some seats warm at your local cineplex:
* "Seven Pounds": Will Smith stars in what is, at best, suitable for a Hallmark Channel movie of the week--and even then it's shallow and silly by comparison. In this manipulative, maudlin, cloying movie--so long, it made me fall asleep--he plays IRS agent Ben, who mysteriously has the time to drive around all day in an unmarked cop car Crown Vic playing G-d and granting people in need extensions on their IRS taxes. Gee, and I thought you just had to fill in the form, and they gave you 'til October.
And that's not the only inconsistency and truth-challenging aspect of this preposterous, boring plot. Smith checks into every aspect of the late filers' lives. And he acts like a creep, calling a blind steak company telemarketer (Woody Harrelson) and harassing him for being blind, telling him he bets he's still a virgin. This is supposed to be a touching, do-good movie? Whatever.
Oh, and there was so much loud, emotional background music (um, it's supposed to be in the background) telling me I'm supposed to cry or say "awww," I wanted to vomit.
One of the people he stalks--in this movie, it's not stalking, it's do-goodery Obama-style--is Rosario Dawson, in need of a new heart. Suddenly, she's his love interest in possibly one of the most annoying, sappy relationships I've seen in all chick flicks and Lifetime Network programming combined. Just couldn't take it, or the rest of this slow, boring movie.
Not Will Smith's best work. Maybe he should go back to praising Hitler and whining about how White America hasn't accepted him (yet makes him the highest-paid, most successful movie star on the planet by paying ten bucks to see schlock like this). Absolute dreck.
ONE MARX
* "Yes Man": Gee, I saw this Jim Carrey movie before, and it was called, "Liar, Liar"--and the first time around it was funny and entertaining. This time, it's just a complete waste of your ten dollars and time. Jim Carrey's act is old, and that's why he gives us a substandard repeat of his shtick. Been there, seen that, laughed more.
Carrey plays a boring bank loan officer and misanthrope with no girlfriend, who is stuck in the same job forever, bitter about his ex-girlfriend, and just plain negative and going through the motions. He runs into an old friend who is in on one of these self-help cults, like Tim Robbins followers. The guru tells everyone to say yes to everything. Soon, Carrey finds that saying yes has found him a new, beautiful love interest, a promotion at work, and friendship and love all around. But it also gets him into hot water.
Yes, there are plenty of funny moments in this movie, but plenty are just plain dumb. And I'm sorry, but he and this movie lost me after the absolutely tasteless scene, in which Carrey accepts oral sex from his elderly neighbor as a thank you for fixing her shelves. We're shown her taking out her dentures and Carrey noisily going through this disgusting scene. Um, no thanks.
The funniest thing going in this movie is Rhys Darby, the English actor who plays Carrey's nerdy, Harry Potter-obsessed boss. Possibly worth it just to see him. But not really.
ONE MARX
Posted by Debbie at 03:52 PM
December 12, 2008
Weekend Box Office: Lotta Crap, A Time to Rent Originals
Not much worthy at the box office, this weekend. The best stuff--I've seen most of the new releases--comes out on Christmas Day. For this weekend, at least, the best movie is a remake far inferior to the original classic. (Will add my review of "Beauty in Trouble," soon.)
* "The Day the Earth Stood Still": There's not really much objectionable about this remake of the 1951 sci-fi classic about a spaceship that lands on earth, with an alien, Klaatu, who warns of our imminent doom. It's just that--like most remakes of classics--the rehash isn't nearly as good. It's yet another on-screen version of "If It Ain't Broke . . . Don't Remake It."
Then, there's the tad of leftist green envirocrap inserted in. In the original, an alien comes to earth to tell them the earth will be destroyed unless nations get together and make peace. It was allegedly a reference to the nuclear arms buildup and the Cold War. In this version, Keanu Reeves says that we earthlings are destroying the planet. He never says how, but apparently he means we are wrecking it environmentally. It's not very in your face, so I wasn't too offended.
This version was longer than the original, and seemed much, much longer. It was slow and boring. It missed the charm and class of the original. It did have better special effects, but we expect that when it's a 2008 flick versus one from the early '50s. The only other difference seems to be what I call the Obama movie factor--everybody's in interracial families and relationships in so many movies, lately. In this version of "The Day The Earth Stood Still," the single White mother (Jennifer Connelly) has a Black kid (Jaden Smith--Will's annoying, whiny son), whose father died in Iraq.
Like I said, the movie wasn't bad. It just wasn't great. You can definitely take your kids to it. But best to rent the original.
TWO REAGANS
* "Frost/Nixon": Hmmm . . . When are they gonna make "Frost/Clinton" or "Walters/Lewinsky," or "Barack Hussein/Jeremiah/Khalid/William and Bernadine"? Don't hold your breath. Never before have I wasted two hours watching the description of how someone prepared for a TV interview trying to "get" someone.
This movie is about journalist David Frost doing the first, in-depth TV interview with former President Richard Nixon, post-Watergate/Nixon resignation. Nixon is played by Frank Langella. And while he looks the part, David Frost looks like Tony Blair (no surprise, since the actor who plays him played Blair in "The Queen").
Frost and left-wing journalists Bob Zelnick and James Reston are shown trying to get the Nixon interview, trying to pay for it, and most importantly, trying to "get" him. Gotcha journalism is loved by liberal movie critics everywhere, who are raving over this okay, but not very interesting movie.
The best parts of this movie are when--for about 2/3 of the way--Nixon outsmarts his lesser interviewer. That was entertaining. I found myself quietly rooting him on against these arrogant, unduly indignant lefties who really weren't interested in real journalism, so much as they were solidifying the left's takeover of Congress and other institutions. Also well done is Kevin Bacon, playing his Vietnam War Vet chief of staff and trusted adviser and protector. I probably should have nominated him for Best Supporting Actor for the Detroit Film Critics Society.
But mostly, this film was just a sneering exaggeration of the real Nixon. And, admittedly, some of it is made up. Shocker.
Do you really need to waste your time and ten bucks seeing an interview you didn't really watch or care about in the 1970s? Do we really need to relive and relive a tiny blip in repeated leftist media victories that weren't so victorious for America's long-term survival?
In history, this interview doesn't really have a place. It's really an irrelevant figment of pop culture, not history--no matter how much director Ron "Opie"/"Richie" Howard wants to make it so. It's been long forgotten, and President Nixon's reputation was rehabbed, anyway, despite the effort to embarrass him further on national television via this interview. Nixon went on to become a trusted foreign policy consultant to every President until his death. He was sought out for interviews on his views in that area. David Frost, on the other hand, went on to a lackluster perch at the Terrorist News Network a/k/a Al-Jazeera. But they don't tell you that in the movie. Gee, I wonder why.
Yes, this interview wasn't history. This movie is just a desperate attempt to make it so. And despite that, Nixon will be remembered as a good and decent man. And David Frost? Remind me again who he is.
TWO-AND-A-HALF MARXES
* "Nothing Like the Holidays": If I were Hispanic, I'd sue the makers of this film for defamation. It's a dumb American-Hispanic-Family-Gets-Together-for-Christmas movie, full of stupid, dopey jokes you'd see on a bad sitcom and stereotypes, not just of Hispanics but Jews. And it was just a slow, boring waste of time I'd expect to see as a TV movie. Not sure it's even worthy of Telemundo or Univision. It's the usual plot: everyone is fighting, then there's a happy ending. Like an episode of "The Love Boat" or "Hotel" revisited. No thanks.
The Puerto Ricano family consists of the usual suspects you see in Hispanic movies: cheating, unfaithful father . . . check, boisterous interfering mother who likes to cook and complain . . . check (well, this one is in every ethnic movie, to be fair), Iraq veteran "war hero" who is really not a hero and is in the Army because he has no other place to go . . . check; pretentious, vixenish actress wannabe . . . check; successful professional son who out of the ethnicity to a stuck up Jewish woman . . . check, check, check.
The movie was annoying and had way too much screaming and melodrama piled on top of the dumb jokes and stereotypes. Extremely substandard. The only thing that stuck out in this movie was actress Debra Messing's nose. Time to get the bad nose-job redone . . . check, check, check.
TWO MARXES
Posted by Debbie at 03:10 PM
December 10, 2008
My Best Film, Actor Nominations, Etc., Circa 2008
Last night was the deadline for nominations for the Detroit Film Critics Society. As I noted on Monday, I'm a member of this group, and the movie studios have been sending me DVDs of movies and holding special screenings ad nauseam (and ad sleepium).
Below are my picks. Some of the movies grew on me, others lust their luster as the year went on. In some categories, it was tough to eliminate movies, like Best Picture, I had like eight choices and had to get rid of "Doubt", "Slumdog Millionaire", and "Flash of Genius." I had to remove Clint Eastwood for Best Actor, because I could only vote for five. I'll have my own, separate list of my Top Ten Best & Worst Films of 2008, at the end of the year or beginning of next. Stay tuned for that.
In other categories, since I had to rank my five favorites, I put names on there that I really didn't like that much, like Marisa Tomei in "The Wrestler." She plays an aging stripper and appears topless in the movie. I don't like to give awards to women for taking their tops off onscreen. But as far as supporting actresses go, there wasn't much to choose from. If I could just vote for Best Picture and Best Actor, that would be good. I don't really care much about the rest.
So here are my picks ranked in order. You may not have seen or heard of some of these movies because they aren't out yet, but will be shortly.
BEST PICTURE:1) "Boy in the Striped Pajamas"
2) "Gran Torino"
3) "Henry Poole is Here"
4) "And When Did You Last See Your Father?"
5) "Defiance"
BEST DIRECTOR
1) Clint Eastwood ("Gran Torino")
2) Mark Pellington ("Henry Poole is Here")
3) Danny Boyle ("Slumdog Millionaire")
4) Anand Tucker ("And When Did You Last See Your Father?")
5) Randall Miller ("Bottle Shock")
BEST ACTOR
1) Colin Firth ("And When Did You Last See Your Father?")
2) Luke Wilson ("Henry Poole is Here")
3) Greg Kinnear ("Flash of Genius")
4) Philip Seymour Hoffman ("Doubt")
5) Mickey Rourke ("The Wrestler")
BEST ACTRESS
1) Demi Moore ("Flawless")
2) Melissa Leo ("Frozen River")
3) Meryl Streep ("Doubt")
4) Kristen Scott Thomas ("I've Loved You So Long")
5) Mena Suvari ("Stuck")
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
1) Anil Kapoor ("Slumdog Millionaire")
2) Liev Schreiber ("Defiance")
3) Michael Caine ("Flawless")
4) Dennis Hopper ("Elegy")
5) Stephen Rea ("Stuck")
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
1) Misty Upham ("Frozen River")
2) Amy Adams ("Doubt")
3) Ahney Her ("Gran Torino")
4) Marisa Tomei ("The Wrestler")
5) Patricia Clarkson ("Elegy")
BEST NEWCOMER
1) Anil Kapoor ("Slumdog Millionaire")
2) Asa Butterfield ("Boy in the Striped Pajamas")
3) Dev Patel ("Slumdog Millionaire")
4) David Hayman ("Boy in the Striped Pajamas")
5) Ahney Her ("Gran Torino")
BEST ENSEMBLE CAST
1) "Doubt"
2) "Burn After Reading"
3) "Bottle Shock"
4) "Defiance"
5) "The Bank Job"
I'm still recovering from my movie coma.
Posted by Debbie at 05:31 PM
December 08, 2008
I'm in a Movie Coma (After Five Studio Screenings, Today)
As you've probably noticed, I haven't posted anything since early this morning. That's because I've been at a special day-long screening of five movies, put on by movie studios for members of the Detroit Film Critics Society.
My cousin Ira describes the state of eating too much as a "food coma." Well, I'm in a movie coma. After watching movies from literally 9:00 a.m. to 9:30 p.m., with a half hour break for lunch and five minutes between the rest of the movies, I'm burnt out. It's not healthy. I feel gross. But what am I gonna do to relax--watch a movie? Yaaaawn. One movie in a day is fun. Five movies in a day is work.
On the flip side, I'm not whining. There's no other way for us to see all the movies in time to vote on them. We gotta do it this way. I realize if this is the worst of my problems (it isn't), I'm batting 1,000 . . . and that plenty of Americans are actually doing real, hard work, and I have it easy. And I really appreciate all the movie studio reps and, especially, our Detroit Film Critic Society volunteer executive director, Ruth Daniels (Vice President of a major movie theater chain), who put this confab together for us.
The movies I screened today included "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," "Defiance," "Revolutionary Road," "Seven Pounds," and "The Reader." I'm prohibited from posting a review of any of these until they debut in theaters. But I only really liked one of these (and disliked three of them). I'm sure you can guess which one.
And there are at least two more screenings, tomorrow (though I'll be posting throughout the day, tomorrow).
You may think it's cool being a movie critic. But it isn't that cool. Trust me, I sit through hours and hours of crap--valuable hours of my life I'll never get back.
Now, I'm getting DVDs every single day from movie studios wanting me to vote for their movie. Tomorrow night, we submit nominations for our Detroit Film Critics Society awards for 2008. (I'll let you know my pics.) Every major city has one of these, and every studio wants their movie and respective actors to win. Most of the DVDs are of movies I hated, and some of the movie studios tell you, "Ya better destroy this copy or else . . . ." But there are a few gems, like "Gran Torino." No, I didn't want or need the "Sex & The City Movie" DVD, but the studio wants me to vote for these hags for something, so they sent me one. They ain't gettin' my vote.
Trust me, it's no big whoop. More than anything, I'm just tired. Tired of movies . . . especially today.
For now, here are the trailers of the movies I sat through, today:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button--guy born old gets younger and younger . . .
Defiance--depicts the real-life Jewish Bielski Brothers militia that fought back against the Nazis . . .
Revolutionary Road--middle-class couple in the '50s goes through strife . . .
Seven Pounds--IRS agent goes out of his way to help good people in need . . .
The Reader--15-year-old is seduced by older woman, then years later learns she was a Nazi . . .
Posted by Debbie at 10:11 PM
December 05, 2008
Weekend Box Office: "Slumdog Millionaire", "Nobel Son"
One good movie and one sorta okay one, this weekend at the box office. I did not review "Punisher: Warzone" or "Cadillac Records."
* "Slumdog Millionaire":This is a great, interesting, beautifully shot movie (with a happy ending), but gets taken down a notch by its brief pan-Islamist propaganda. It is almost all in English.
Set in India, this is the story of Jamal, a young boy who rises from poverty to win India's "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire,", then gets arrested, beaten and harassed by Indian police who think he cheated. He recounts his interesting life as he relays to police how he knew each of the answers. We not only learn how he managed to survive life as an orphan but about his lifelong, unrequited love for the beautiful Latika and how it brings him to this point.
I thoroughly enjoyed co-star Anil Kapoor's brilliant turn as the smug, condescending "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" host, who tries to make Jamal lose.
As you can tell by the name, Jamal is Muslim, but not religious at all. Whereas Jamal has pulled himself up by his bootstraps and garnered a better life, his brother, a religious Muslim (we see him praying), is a gangster working for an Indian Muslim organized crime kingpin.
My objection to this movie is the scene, close to the beginning of the movie, that shows how Jamal's mother is murdered in a Hindu mass murder of Muslims living in a poor village. It's kind of ironic now, given what happened in India last week--in real life, we know who the real aggressors are in India: Muslims. And it's not just the event of last week, as there have been many Islamic attacks on Hindus, Sikhs, and other non-Muslim Indians.
A few weeks ago, Director Danny Boyle was in Detroit for a reception with the Detroit Film Critics Society. I asked him why he showed only one side. He acknowledged that there was plenty of Islamic violence against non-Muslims in India, but said that it simply wasn't a part of this script or story. Too bad, since those who are ignorant of what happens in India need to know that the violence of last week wasn't the first time Muslims attacked innocent civilians.
The film was a little slow at the beginning, but once it gets going, it moves quickly and is very entertaining. There are a couple of disturbing scenes--when police try to torture Jamal into admitting he cheated on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," and when Jamal is kept as a young kid by men who deliberately maim children and make them beg. But other than that, the movie is a beautiful, if small, slice of life in India, with a great story.
Stick around for the credits, when the stars do a cute dance number in a salute to Bollywood.
THREE REAGANS (Would Have Gotten Four, if not for brief Islamic Propaganda)
* "Nobel Son": This dark caper/comedy movie simultaneously makes fun of the pretentious and is way too pretentious itself. It had its good points, but overall left me cold.
I had mixed feelings about this movie. A flick that begins with completely disgusting, unnecessary, repeated scenes of thumbs being hacked off someone's hand during the opening credits can't get much worse. That part was graphic, disturbing, and not for the weak-stomached.
Starring pro-Palestinian, self-hating Jew, Alan Rickman, it's about a scumbag, philandering chemistry professor who wins the Nobel Prize, so it's ironic that this movie comes out on the eve of Nobel week. Rickman's character is about as loathsome as other Nobel prize winners, such as Yasser Arafat and Jimmy Carter. His son--running late to the airport after a night with a beautiful woman he's admired from afar--is kidnapped and the ransom is Rickman's $2 million Nobel prize money.
But Rickman doesn't even care. Only his FBI criminal psychiatrist mother (Mary Steen burgen) does. Who is the kidnapper and what is his motive? I can't tell you because it'll be a spoiler.
The movie was definitely different and interesting, which I liked. It wasn't predictable and kept you guessing, and you didn't know where it was going until toward the end, which is always a plus. But it tried to hard to be dark and different, which made it just annoying. It was very pretentious and artsy--even if it made fun of the pretentious and artsy, such as people who read horrid "poetry" at coffeehouses.
Some of the plot in this caper-filled movie is fun and interesting. Some of it over the top.
I did like that the Nobel Prize winner was such a creep and undeserving fraud, which is borne out so much in real life with the Nobel Committee's choices. I like anything that continues to take the Nobel Prize down several notches.
Constant loud synthesizer house music playing over the movie bothered me to no end.
The movie was a little much, and at the same time, not enough at all.
HALF-REAGAN
Posted by Debbie at 02:42 PM
December 02, 2008
Just Got Back From Seeing Clint Eastwood's "Gran Torino"
I just got back from a critics' screening of Clint Eastwood's new movie, "Gran Torino," and I'm floored. I loved, loved, loved it. "Dirty Harry" is back. Yes, I know it's not a Dirty Harry movie, but if you liked Eastwood in the days when he played law and order tough guys who got the bad guys--as opposed to the contemporary Eastwood of anti-war and pro-euthanasia movies--you'll love this.
I can't post a review yet until the movie comes out, but I can tell you I plan to give it FOUR REAGANS PLUS. It's definitely one of the best movies of the year. I bet it does mega-profits at the box office, as opposed to his recent anti-war bombs. This is the kind of movie Americans wanna see.
If you're counting your pennies, as we all are in these tough times, and can only see one movie over the holidays, this is the one. Well worth the ten bucks. The movie comes out on Christmas Day in limited release and wider release after.
Stay tuned for my review right before Christmas. For now, here's the trailer:
Posted by Debbie at 01:16 PM
November 26, 2008
Thanksgiving Box Office: Boring Race-Laden, Gay Propaganda Turkeys Dominate Turkey Day
It's sort of fitting that a bunch of turkeys comprise new movies at theaters on what is often nicknamed Turkey Day. This includes the race-card laden "Australia" and the gay-propaganda flick, "Milk". Who wants to pay ten bucks to be hit over the head with left-wing propaganda on the extended Thanksgiving holiday weekend? I did not review "Transporter 3," since I didn't see the first two "Transporter" movies, and I just didn't feel like it. Sorry, but I waste enough hours of my life watching drek.
* "Four Christmases": Reese Witherspoon and the ever-ballooning Vince Vaughn are mismatched in this unfunny comedy about a boyfriend and girlfriend committed to being single and not having kids. It is very funny at the beginning of the movie when the couple practice their annual ritual of lying to their families, so they can celebrate Christmas away from them on the beach at some tropical locale.
The movie is at its funniest at the beginning, when they put on elaborate ruses, pretending they are off to help orphans in Burma and other excuses like that. But it's all downhill from there as they are caught and forced to spend Christmas visiting with each of their four dysfunctional divorced parents. Most of the jokes are stupid and some are gross. When I wasn't groaning, I fell asleep during this boring, miserable movie of less than an hour-and-a-half that seemed like five hours.
The most (unintentionally) funny part was watching Witherspoon struggle to walk in way-too-high heels up a driveway.
HALF MARX
* "Australia": No wonder Oprah loved and heavily promoted this dud. It was as if Spike Lee redid his long, boring, race-laden "Miracle at St. Anna" and set it in Australia. This movie--clocking in at 2 hours and 45 minutes--was waaaaaaay toooooooo looooong. It was like five different movies were stuffed into one very bad one, and it's a complete mess. I fell asleep like 7 times, and then I lost count. Some people call this movie "epic." I call it "ennui."
Most of the movie takes place during World War II, when a haggard, very aged-looking Nicole Kidman plays the snooty, uptight wife to a British nobleman. Strapped for cash and believing her husband is cheating on her, she travels to Australia to track him down and sell their money-losing ranch. She finds her husband dead and discovers that her ranch hand is impregnating Aboriginal women and stealing her cattle for a competitor who wants to buy the ranch at lowball prices.
Kidman and a "drover" (like a herder) she's hired (Hugh Jackman) strive to foil this and come to love "Nullah", the very cute illegitimate bi-racial Aboriginal kid the evil ranchhand has fathered. Throughout the movie, we are hit over the head by the racism in Australia against Aborigines and are shown how the Catholic Church and Australian authorities seize the half-White Aboriginal kids to "get the Aboriginal half out of them." World War II is also taking place and we frequently see the telepathic/psychic communication between Nullah and his Aboriginal leader grandfather, "King George" and how they use their magical Aboriginal powers. This was the only charming part of the movie--and not worth sitting through nearly three hours of crap.
TWO-AND-A-HALF MARXES
* "Milk": Timing is everything, and I doubt it's a coincidence that Hollywood--without knowing the election outcome--chose a few weeks after the election on California's Proposition 8, to release this very heavy-handed gay rights propaganda flick.
To say this movie is "flamboyant" would be the understatement of the year. Watching Sean Penn kiss anyone (or the ass of Iran's Ahmadinejad and Venezuela's Chavez) is bad enough. But watching him make out with and have sex with James Franco turned my stomach. Bleccccchhhhh to the nth.
It's the story of how Harvey Milk--a gay activist from New York--became the first openly gay man elected as a San Francisco Supervisor (akin to a City Councilman). He's shot to death by fellow Supervisor Dan White (Josh Brolin), whom the movie unfairly implies was a closeted gay--despite no evidence and the fact that Wilson is not alive to disavow that description.
Unrelated to gay issues, White assassinated Milk and was the first to successfully plead the insanity defense now known as the "Twinkie Defense." Frankly, the trial and that defense would have made for a more interesting movie. White committed suicide not long after he was released from prison, and it is believed he had Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from serving in Vietnam--an aspect completely skipped by the movie.
Conservatives and others who oppose the militant gay agenda (including Anita Bryant) were portrayed as bigots and extremists. But, in fact, most of America--while having no problem with gays doing what they want in their own homes and bedrooms--doesn't like this agenda being shoved in their faces and--pardon the phrase--shoved down their throats. We know it's not about equal rights. It's about their right to impose upon us. That's the part they don't show you in this movie.
Other than being incredibly one-sided, this was way too long and boring and far too many scenes of Di-Fi (Dianne Feinstein). The movie was two hours and had like a gazillion endings. It could have been done in 1.5 hours, or--as far as I'm concerned--zero hours.
Appeals to the Elton Johns and Clay Aikens of the world far more than it did to me. The ghost of Liberace is applauding.
THREE-AND-A-HALF MARXES
* "I've Loved You So Long": Kristin Scott Thomas stars in this French-language (with English subtitles) movie about a woman who stays at her estranged sister's home after a long, mysterious absence, which we learn from almost the beginning, was a prison sentence she was serving. While somewhat interesting, the movie is mostly politically correct: her sister makes a point of noting that she has chosen not to have children and instead adopted two cute young Vietnamese kids. "We are like a Bennetton ad," she brags. The two sisters, who barely know each other, struggle to cobble together a relationship, while Thomas struggles to rebuild a life as an ex-con convicted of a heinous crime. This film moved very slowly and is somewhat depressing and pointless but was slightly interesting in other ways.
ZERO REAGANS OR MARXES - A WASH
Posted by Debbie at 12:27 PM
November 21, 2008
Weekend Box Office: Mostly Good Movies, For a Change
At the box office, this weekend, it's a unique rarity: Three movies I liked and only one I did not.
* "Twilight": Read my complete review. I mostly liked this slightly hokey, chick-flickish teen human-vampire love story. I liked it for the action adventure, the well-told story, the teen relationship without sex and with chivalry, the strong father characters, and the vampire aspects of it. Again, read my complete review.
THREE REAGANS
* "Bolt": This is what Disney is supposed to be about--a great, 3-D animated flick meant for kids, but extremely entertaining and enjoyable for this adult. Light, funny, and a great escape for you and your kids . . . or even just you. Don't be turned off by the fact that John Travolta and Miley Cyrus voice two of the main characters in this. You forget it's them.
A dog who plays a superhero on TV doesn't realize that he really doesn't have any magical powers and that's it's just a TV show. That is, until he is accidentally shipped across the country and desperately tries to make it back home to his beloved young female co-star, a pre-teen girl who loves and misses him. Bolt is accompanied along the way by a smart-aleck cat and superfan hamster, and meets many entertaining pigeons and other animals in his fun cross-country journey.
I like Israel's Hebrew "Bolt" poster the best:
THREE REAGANS
* "JCVD": The initials stand for Jean-Claude Van Damme, who plays himself in this entertaining, funny movie in mostly French subtitles. JCVD returns to Belgium and is short on money, his career reduced to B-movies that are sold for millions overseas, but for which he's paid a pittance. He's in the midst of an American battle for custody of his daughter, during which lawyers cite the violence in his movies as a reason he shouldn't get his kid. His lawyer is pestering him for money. Soon, JCVD finds himself in the midst of a bank hold-up, and the public, media, and police think the cash-starved, desperate JCVD is the one pulling off the robbery. It's a great commentary on how society worships celebs, shown in the way fans cheer on JCVD, even though he might be a murderous bank robber. And it's fun to see his interaction with other fans, such as a senior citizen Belgian female cabbie.
Aside from some slow moments and an unnecessary JCVD monologue in the middle, this movie is entertaining, but for the beginning, in which some Arab Muslim video store owners decry the "unfair" portrayal of Arabs and Muslims as terrorists in the movies. They obviously haven't seen anything since 9/11, in which they are whitewashed ad absurdum. And the pre-9/11 stuff? Well, it was mostly accurate. This irrelevant propaganda was inserted by the film's Arab Muslim writer/director, Mabrouk El Mechri, who should keep his baseless victimhood whines to himself.
TWO REAGANS
* "Synecdoche, New York": This movie was such pretentious, senseless, depressing piece of garbage, I walked out after about an hour, and wished I'd done so sooner. Feh. Philip Seymour Hoffman plays a director of a community play in Schenectady, who soon finds himself in various silly, seemingly fictional scenarios of affairs with various women in his plays, and his wife leaves him and takes custody of his young daughter, taking a lesbian lover in Germany. At the same time, he's also coming down with a serious illness that seems deadly. It's like a bad imitation of a bad David Lynch movie. Non-sensical, disjointed, dysfunctional, depressing, and a mess. Skip this one at your local arthouse theater. In hell, they'll make you watch this over and over.
THREE MARXES
Posted by Debbie at 02:23 PM
November 20, 2008
"Twilight": Entertaining Teen Vampire Movie's Superhero Moves Balance Out Chick-Flickism
Several parents with young daughters have asked me whether it's okay for their young daughters to see "Twilight", the teen vampire love and adventure movie in theaters at Midnight, Tonight.
I say, take 'em, provided they are twelve years old or older. There is no sex and very little violence. The little blood that there is, is mostly the result of violence that takes place offscreen.
I expected to hate "Twilight", what with all the hype surrounding it and its teen heart throb star, Robert Pattinson. But it was actually a decent movie, much better than I expected. It was interesting, entertaining, and had its exciting moments. And it had a lot of action and heart-pounding thrills to balance out the chick-flick romance.
The only thing I really disliked about "Twilight" wasn't the fault of moviemakers. It was an external thing: the non-stop shrieking and audible swooning of tweens and teens in the audience of the special screening I attended for this movie. Girls like these are expected to help this movie clean up at the box office, this weekend and beyond.
I like vampires and thrillers about them, and this more than fit the bill, if it got a few major vampire principles to the (were)wolves. Think "The Lost Boys", only lighter and updated for the 2000s.
The two things I liked most about the movie are its portrayal of strong father figures in both human and good samaritan vampire families and its portrayal of teen romantic relationships without sex and with the addition of something that has been missing far too often: chivalry and the art of being a gentleman. Author Stephanie Meyer, on whose hit book the eponymous movie is based, is a Mormon with traditional values that she manages to impart to teens in an interesting way through her books and this movie.
The story centers on Bella, who moves from her mother's and boyfriend's home, when they go on the road. She goes to live with her father in small town Washington State, near an Indian reservation. At school, she meets Edward Cullen, the brooding, pale, mysterious foster child of a local doctor. When he saves her life, displaying superhuman powers, Bella soon learns that Edward is a vampire. But not the bad kind.
The Cullens are a group of vampires who are known as "vegetarian vampires", meaning they only drink blood from animals and resist the overwhelming temptation to drink human blood. Edward can't have sex with Bella or get overly excited, as he's liable to give in to the temptation to drink her blood. Instead, he focuses on being the perfect gentleman, considerate, manly, and heroic. Together, he and his foster family of vampires fight the non-vegetarian, human-seeking vampires.
Author Stephanie Meyer, on whose book this movie is based, admits she did zero research on vampires. That explains the fact that, unlike standard vampire legend and lore, these vampires can be out in the sun and the daylight (but in sunlight, their skin sparkles like diamonds), why there was no use of garlic or stakes through the heart, or anything like that.
There is also an interesting backstory, that has no background in Transylvania or Van Helsing-dom. The local Indian tribe has a sort of vampire radar (vamp-dar?). Legend has it that the Indians and the vampires, while enemies, have a deal to leave each other alone. But, in author Meyer's later books, the Indians are actually werewolves, rivals to the vampires. Hmmm . . . think I could write a book about how Muslims are werewolves, and get away with it?
Looks to be an interesting set of future sequels to please the Harry Potter crowd as they age into something slightly more mature, though without sexual adult themes or major violence.
There were a few things about the movie that take away from its luster: some really, really, really, really bad romantic dialogue lines that made me laugh out loud, the obvious fact that the vampires are unnaturally pale and white-faced, and some slow, dull moments. The ending scenes were hokey. And I'm not a huge fan of girlie-manish male lead Pattinson, who has way-too-overdone bedhead hair, way-too-sculpted eyebrows, and looks like he wears lipstick.
But over all, as movies for teens go these days, this was one of the better ones . . . much better.
THREE REAGANS
Posted by Debbie at 03:56 PM
November 19, 2008
The Latest Girlie-Man Your Daughters Are Idolizing (For the Moment)
This is Robert Pattinson. If you have a teen or tween daughter in America, you probably know who he is or should. He plays a teen vampire in "Twilight", which comes to theaters at Midnight, Thursday Night. I've seen it and am prohibited until then from reviewing the movie, which is based on the best-selling Stephanie Meyer series of novels.
But, if you've watched any variety news shows or entertainment shows, you've no doubt seen the Beatles-sized mobs of young girls who've swarmed this guy wherever he goes. He's the teen idol flavor of the moment. He was profiled on ABC News' "Nightline", a few nights ago. The report is funny to watch:
While I understand the excitement about the movie and the huge readership of Stephanie Meyer's books, I don't understand the attraction to this guy--this actor, Pattinson (and the shrieking, which I heard last night at the screening). I was never this bad when, as a teen girl, I liked Rick Springfield, Dennis Quaid, and guys like that. I think these girls are confusing the book character, chivalrous vampire Edward Cullen, with the Englishman who plays him. This guy looks like he wears red lipstick and has been ever since he was a little girl. And he has carefully shaped eyebrows that look a little too feminine.
But there's a trend here that's been going on for the last decade-and-a-half or so. The male heart throbs, like Pattinson, are more girlie-manish than ever. The more masculine idols of yesteryear are permanently a thing of the past. And female fans are getting more and more aggressive--a male trait.
The blurring of America's gender roles continues.
Stay tuned for my review of this interesting movie, tomorrow. In the meantime, here's the trailer:
Posted by Debbie at 03:31 PM
November 17, 2008
HILARIOUS: Video Of the Day - "That's a Knife"
One of the greatest movie scenes of the '80s "re-enacted" by Lego (19 seconds):
Now, here's the original version--I almost like the toy version better (47 seconds):
And here are a couple of very quick good ones (too quick, actually--9 seconds and 3 seconds)--I definitely prefer these to the real-life Gov. of Cauliflower:
Posted by Debbie at 09:48 PM
November 14, 2008
FUN: New Words for James Bond Theme Song
Very funny, well done, and echoes what I said is missing from the latest James Bond movie, "Quantum of Solace" (read my review)--ie., fun.
**** UPDATE, 11/14/08: Here's a great rendition of the classic version. Pour yourself a martini, shaken, not stirred.
Posted by Debbie at 04:11 PM
MOVIE Of The YEAR: "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas"
Although it will be dwarfed at the box office by the new James Bond "Quantum of Solace" flick (read my review here), this weekend's best new release is "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas" (also called, "The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas").
It's also the best movie of the year, and I can't say enough good things about it. This poignant film should be must viewing for everyone interested in preserving our freedoms and civilization as we know it.
If you can only see one movie this year, this is it. It's touching, moving, and a great discussion starter to teach your kids.
Based on a best-selling fiction novel for kids of the same name, "Striped PJs" is about Bruno, the eight-year-old son of a rising Nazi officer. His father gets promoted to the position of Commandant of a concentration camp, and the young boy must leave his friends for a large, cold, dark house a mile from the camp.
Without any young children his age and sheltered, naive, and unaware of the true horrors afflicted on Jews interned very near the home, Bruno soon finds himself in contact with "the strange people from the farm"--the cover story he's told about the camp by his parents to protect his innocence. Pavel, a Jewish doctor, is now the gaunt servant in striped pajamas who must serve this Nazi family. And soon, wandering the woods, Bruno arrives at the edge of the camp, where he meets Shmuel, an eight-year-old Jewish concentration camp prisoner.
Some might wonder about the accuracy and credibility of some of the movie--since the Nazis exterminated most children immediately upon arrival at the death camps, and since it seems a guard tower in the distance is not too watchful over Shmuel at the fence of the camp, though he is somewhat hidden. However, the book on which the movie is based apparently takes place at Auschwitz--where some young kids were allowed to live so that the evil Dr. Mengele could experiment on and torture them. In the movie the name of the camp is not revealed.
At first, I thought this movie did not show enough of the brutality of the Nazis perpetrated on six million Jewish victims (and millions of others). But, in fact, you do see the brutality--how Jewish servants are treated and the demise they meet. The end of the movie is the ultimate in showing what happens. And the movie--while very much appreciated by this adult and suited for all audiences above the age of ten--is, again, based on a book for teens and young adults, so it is not as graphic as say "The Pianist."
Some of my friends--children of Holocaust survivors--worried that the movie would show this Nazi family as too civilized. Don't worry about that. We see Bruno's 12-year-old sister modeling herself as a junior Eva Braun, and their home-schooling German teacher instructing them on the evils of the Jews. "They're not people", and "they're not human", are pronouncements Bruno is constantly taught by his teacher, sister, and father, but can't quite understand, given his naivete, innocence, and secret friendship with Shmuel and the liking he's taken to Pavel. And we see the violence and brutality against Jews within Bruno's earshot.
The movie presents the irony of the Nazis--Germans who thought they were so refined, wore the finest clothes, and listened to the most culturally-uplifting classical music. Yet, they were the ultimate barbarians and uncivilized animals and savages. Bruno's mother is disgusted by the stench and what is going on in the camps, but she knows full well why these people in striped pajamas are peeling her potatoes, are scarred from beatings, and gaunt from starvation and lack of sleep. She pretends to be disturbed, but is mostly just bothered by the smell of the ashes from the ovens, circulating in her air and how it will affect her children. She is selfish, not morally upright.
If they were all really so bothered about what was happening, they would have prevented the Holocaust. But they did not. Like the Commandant's wife, they just held their noses and continued to let their kids learn that Jews are "subhuman." They had all the luxuries and accoutrements of high culture and civilization. But they were not civilized at all.
A warning: This movie is very sad. The ending is disturbingly so, but then so are so many parts of it, in a subtle way. I cried at the treatment of the Jews working in the Nazi home. It reminded me of the many stories my late grandfather told me of how, as a young adult, he managed to survive the brutality of camps like Dora and his constant cheating of the certain jaws of death, and how he overheard neighbors who hid him for a day, brag to their friends that they were about to turn him over to the Nazis for a bottle of whisky.
The movie is only an hour and twenty minutes--always a plus in my book. It's a tight, well-written script, well-shot movie, with beautiful and effective cinematography and excellent acting. As a member of the Detroit Film Critics Society, I plan to vote for the precocious, magnificent young Asa Butterfield, who plays Bruno, for "Best Newcomer". And--unless I see anything better this year, which I doubt I will--I will vote for this movie as "Best Picture."
Rush to the movies and see this. And take your whole family. You don't want to miss this excellent, important, and moving film, best viewed on a giant screen in a dark theater. (It is shown mostly at arthouse theaters.)
FOUR REAGANS PLUS
**** Watch the Trailer:
Posted by Debbie at 12:40 PM
"Quantum of Solace" Will Leave You Barely Shaken, Only Slightly Stirred
The best thing about "Quantum of Solace"--the latest James Bond flick--is that the aptly-named villain-in-chief, Dominic Greene, is an environmentalist wacko, a "green" fanatic.
And, like most of them, he's a Gulfstream eco-hypocrite, who actually rapes the land and victimizes indigenous peoples, while raising money in the name of helping them. The movie debuts today, and I was shocked that Hollywood dared go there, especially since the script is co-written by uber-leftist Paul "Crash" Harris.
Still, the villain was boring. He doesn't compare to Blofeld (full name: Ernst Stavro Blofeld)--my favorite repeat Bond villain (best played by the late Telly Savalas)--or even Jaws. Not even close.
And aside from portraying the green movement as utter hypocrisy, the movie was dull, only so-so. Note to the Broccoli family (which owns the rights to Ian Fleming's James Bond movie franchise): Stick to more glamorous locales than Bolivia (the setting for a significant chunk of this movie), which was very Bolivi-oring.
As was the case with "Casino Royale" (read my review), I continue to struggle to like Daniel Craig as the new James Bond (sadly, the first James Bond actor to have posed nude--not classy, just gross; Sean Connery came very close to doing the same) . I want to like him as Bond. He is masculine, hot, charismatic, and sexy . . . in a haggard, Vladimir-Putin-lookalike kinda way (I also try to forget his horrid role in the equally horrid pan-terrorist "Munich"). And they love to show this well-toned Bond with his shirt off, great for red-blooded women like me.
But the humorless script didn't help him much. James Bond is supposed to be fun and casual--a hail fellow well met who is a good sport and doesn't take himself too seriously, even when he's getting the bad guys. But this movie was the exact opposite. It was smothered under the weight of seriousness, revenge themes, and bitterness. Don't get me wrong--I love revenge, a motive and response which is under-rated and over-panned. But I just didn't feel it here. It was empty and stupid.
One turn-on: Fortunately, Craig's Bond wasn't girlie-manish and metrosexual in "Quantum," my chief objection to him in "Casino Royale."
I wasn't overly thrilled with Craig's debut in "Casino Royale", but I liked this one far less. I now have a better appreciation for "Royale", which really was far more Bondian in tradition, tempo, and demeanor. "Royale" had a discernible, plausible plot and heart-pounding action. This one had lots more action, but it was mostly dull and unexciting action, which left me cold. That's unless you count the scene of Bond repeatedly walking through massive flames of fire, unhurt. That's a "Come on?!" moment that's hard to believe. And while, yes, most Bond movies have stunts that are just not believable, the flamewalker stuff was just blatant in-your-face BS.
There was some great shooting and cool gun scenes. Love those guns--suave men with guns are hottt. But other than that, yaaawn.
And this one was missing even more of what Bond is all about and what makes male moviegoers want to be him and female movie fans want to "date" (euphemism) him: "shaken/not stirred" drinks, sexy women, and cool gadgets. Does our depressed economy translate into a shortage of all of those? Apparently so. While Ian Fleming's written-page Bond was actually not a womanizer, that's not the bachelor (except in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service") Bond we've come to know on-screen. But in "Quantum", Bond has only two women (who are strikingly flatter than General Motors' profits and the main course at IHOP). The cool gadgets? Well, there aren't any. Didn't you hear? Sharper Image went out of bid'ness. And the drinks? Well, "shaken, not stirred" is gone from the Bondian dialogue. I don't remember even hearing the "Bond, James Bond" line.
Especially in this sad economic state of affairs, we more than ever need more of this stuff in our escape at the movies. And they gave us less. It's like we flew coach on Northwest to Greater Bondia, and they not only took away the peanuts because of someone's allergies and the snacks to cut costs, but they ripped the cushions out of the seats, too. Plus, they lost our bags (but not the bags underneath Craig's eyes).
Oh, and remember "M," the elder Bond boss? It was bad enough when un-Bond-like women's lib transformed Bond's boss from male to female (Judi Dench). Now, it's worse. The senior citizen was supposed to be a cameo, but now she's a co-star. Too much of her, far too less of Bond women, gadgets, cars, and drinks. What is this--"AARP Magazine" on film? Apparently, Helen Thomas is doing the casting for Bond girls now and the guys writing Dench's growing share of dialogue think she's one.
Then, there's the murky, absurd "plot". It's a mess and hard to discern. The movie takes place immediately after "Casino Royale", but you needn't have seen that to understand this. Bond and M discover moles in the British Secret Service that work for this unnamed criminal organization. Apparently this same organization is responsible for killing Bond's true love (agent Vesper Lynd who is killed at the end of "Casino Royale"), and he wants revenge. Meanwhile, he meets a Bolivian woman who has her own similar motivations in trying to stop the eco-villain and his criminal organization from installing their own dictator in Bolivia, a corrupt general. Asleep yet?
And the plot isn't just weak. As with all weak plots these days, it's anti-American, the fail-safe Hollywood plot device. Two geeky, evil CIA agents are working with the eco-terrorist villain to help the corrupt general take over Bolivia, and only Bond--of course!--can stop them. Not that I love the pan-Arabist Valerie Plamesque CIA, but hey, the MI-5 and -6 guys ain't no saintly champions of Western values either. Kim Philby, anyone?
The one cool thing in the movie was ripped off from "Goldfinger". A Bond girl is found dead in Bond's hotel room covered in black oil. Remember the Bond girl found in a hotel room covered in gold paint? Been there, seen that.
Yes, there are some funny lines in the movie, but very few and far in between, unlike most Bond films. And, frankly, the best line in the movie was a serious and true-to-life one uttered by the eco-terrorist:
While America is tied up in the Middle East, Latin America is falling like dominoes to the Communists.
So true, and it's something I've been shouting from the rooftop of this site for a number of years, as President Bush did nothing to stop Daniel Ortega and other Communists from retaking power in our Southern Hemisphere neighbors.
Exit question: Will Hollywood ever have the guts to make James Bond fight Muslim terrorists the way he fought Cold War Communists? James Bond bedding scantily-clad Muslim women under the noses of Bin Laden acolytes, then rubbing their faces in it and his bullets, is exactly the excitement we need. And so does he.
Bottom line: The movie was entertaining and not objectionable. But it just wasn't what we expect from James Bond. Not only wasn't it a great Bond movie. It wasn't even an average one. It was just okay, and--as much as I hate to say it--in terms of a Bond movie, it was sort of mediocre. I love James Bond and James Bond movies. But I don't love "Quantum of Solace." It was just "eh". That's why I can only give it . . .
ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
***
Read more about how this movie clashes with Ian Fleming's consistent vision of James Bond, in Allen Barra's interesting, "Will the Real James Bond Please Stand Up?"--entertaining must reading for Bond fans.
***
From a past entry on "Casino Royale" and Daniel Craig as the new fair-haired Bond, here are some of my Bond favorites:
Fave DebbieSchlussel.com James Bond flick: "On Her Majesty's Secret Service," starring George Lazenby, the one and only time he played Bond. Also liked, "From Russia With Love," "Goldfinger," and "Dr. No."Fave DebbieSchlussel.com James Bond: George Lazenby and Sean Connery.
Fave DebbieSchlussel.com James Bond villain: Blofeld (full name: Ernst Stavro Blofeld), as played by Telly Savalas (Blofeld was also played by Donald Pleasence and Max Von Sydow).
Posted by Debbie at 12:00 AM
November 13, 2008
New Bond Movie Review Comin' Up Soon: Schlussel "Quantum of Solace" Review Posts at Midnight, Tonight
I'm screening "Quantum of Solace," the new James Bond movie, tonight. It debuts tomorrow, and I'm prohibited by the movie studio from posting my review until tomorrow--so stay tuned to Midnight, at which time it shall be posted here. The movie's getting mediocre reviews so far, but I'll judge it for myself and you, my loyal readers. So far we know one thing that's missing: "Shaken, not stirred." The line's not in this one, according to news reports.
In the meantime, here's the trailer:
Posted by Debbie at 05:15 PM
November 10, 2008
Whatever Happened to "ICE, The Movie"?: Movie that Defames ICE Agents, Deleted Muslim Honor Killing Scene, Shelved Again
As readers know, I've been following the case of "Crossing Over", which I call "ICE, The Movie."
It's the propaganda film that incorrectly portrays the way Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) treats illegal aliens. In real life, ICE bends over backward--and forward--for them, contrary to the cold, harsh way their enforcement of immigration laws is portrayed.
Both the movie studio--Miramax--and the writer/director--Wayne Kramer--sent me threatening letters from lawyers, letters which didn't silence me from writing about and exposing their about their awful celluloid screed that has yet to reach actual theater screens, and about Kramer's own apparent case of immigration fraud.
Well, as I previously told you, the latest date the movie was supposed to come out was October 24th. Then, it was December. And now, it's been shelved to an undetermined date in 2009--two years after it was supposed to propagandize American moviegoers. Don't be surprised if it goes straight to video, far better than this piece of pure fiction deserves. The movie has no poster or trailer, a sure sign the studio knows it's dreck.
As I've noted, I read and have a copy of the original script . . . the version before the politically correct Weinstein Brothers a/k/a Miramax--in response to whining from Muslim activists--dumped a scene in which a Muslim ICE agent and his brother honor kill their sister for sleeping with a Hispanic man. Read the entire honor killing scene they dumped.
The rest of the movie is a sob story over Muslim illegal aliens (and other illegals), what good people they are, and how mean we are for deporting them over anti-American sentiment, as if that ever happened. PUH-LEEZE. DHS and ICE officials kowtow to these American-hating Muslims--they fete them. They don't deport them.
This long, boring movie--starring Harrison Ford as Special Agent Max Brogan, a divorced, and somewhat unsympathetic ICE agent--also tells what is apparently the real story of writer/director Wayne Kramer, a South African Jew, who apparently lied and used false pretenses to get to America and ultimately gain citizenship. He's using the movie to defame other Jews, because as everyone knows, our biggest immigration problems are not the Muslims who come here to commit terrorism, or the gazillions of Hispanics who roam our borders illegally every day, it's those lying, deceitful JOOOOOOOS. Right?
The movie also has a few brief scenes with Sean Penn as a Customs and Border Protection agent, working the Southern California border.
Now that Obama has been elected, and Democrats will push through illegal alien amnesty to keep themselves in power, I guess this movie--yet to be released--has already served its purpose.
Posted by Debbie at 01:56 PM
November 07, 2008
Weekend Box Office: Raunchy "Role Models", "Soul Men" Appeal to Lowest Common Denominator
I'm getting really tired of movie comedies that would be more worthy of your ten dollars, were they not so raunchy and vile. That's the case with both of this weekend's new offerings, "Soul Men" and "Role Models". My advice is to skip both and rent a good movie like "The Final Patient" (read my review), instead. Or wait for next week's selections, including "Quantum of Solace" and "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas". I did not review "Madagascar 2".
* "Soul Men": This movie, about two members of a former hit Motown-style group (think "The Temptations", or a male version of "The Supremes"), had an interesting, interesting story and a lot of funny lines. But parts of it were so raunchy, stupid, and silly, that it made the movie entirely unworthy of your $10. You don't need to be a prude to feel that way. There are only so many utterances of the P-word one should have to endure in a movie (I'd prefer zero).
Parts of it are simply vile. I mean how many gratuitous naked female breast shots must I endure, especially incongruously enormous ones? Haha, funny. Juvenile and moronic, as were the many gratuitous and gross sex scenes, including one where a woman removes her dentures. Blechhhh.
It was clear the movie was trying to appeal to the lowest common denominator in urban America. And in that realm, it succeeded. If you like hip-hop videos and obscene rap songs, you'll like this. For the rest of us, stay away.
Samuel L. Jackson and the late Bernie Mac play former members of a successful soul/pop group, whose third member has just died. He left them to become a successful soul act, and they left him to become, respectively, a con serving time in jail for coke possession who has become a down-on-his-luck auto mechanic, and a retired car wash magnate. They're invited to perform at a VH1 tribute to their former partner and overcome their mutual dislike for a cross-country road trip to New York to do the show. Many cameos by the late Isaac Hayes grace this unworthy film.
I would have given this vulgar movie more Marxes in the ratings system, but there were a lot of funny lines, and I liked how they made fun of hip-hop dummies (a hip-hopper think T. S. Elliot is rapper Missy Elliot, and he calls musical instruments, "instrumentators"). (Best line in the movie: "You ain't had a hit since Ike hit Tina.") So I give it . . .
TWO MARXES
* "Role Models: This is basically the White version of "Soul Men" with a different story line. It's a vulgar buddy movie about two 30-something immature guys who work for an energy drink company and travel to schools making anti-drug presentations. Because of an incident at one of those presentations, they find themselves sentenced to community service, consisting of working as mentors to troubled kids at a "Big Brother/Big Sister" style organization.
The two men, Seann William Scott ("Stiffler" from "American Pie") and Paul Rudd mentor the kids and get into lots of trouble. One of the kids is a Dungeons-and-Dragons-obsessed nerd ("McLovin" from "Superbad") and the other is a young Black kid with a foul mouth and obsessions with naked women's breasts. Need I say more? It's a really funny movie with a predictable ending, but it's very low-class and full of gratuitous sexual references, obscenities, and naked butt and breast shots. Enough of this oversexed crap that is so weak it uses this as a crutch.
Um, sorry, but a ten-year-old Black kid speaking like a sewer just isn't that funny to me. Ditto for his "mentor" (Scott) encouraging the interest in breasts and "enhancing" the dialogue.
Best scene in the movie: Toward the beginning, when Paul Rudd attacks a barista in a Starbucks-esque coffeehouse regarding the pretentious "Venti" and "Tall" names for sizes, something that has annoyed me and many others for years. But that was the only good scene in the movie, and it's all significantly downhill from there.
The only other redeeming part was the other mentor (Rudd) and his mentee (McLovin), who encourages him to be himself and win at the Medieval fighting re-enactment game he plays. But it wasn't redeeming enough to make this movie worth your time or excuse the vileness of the rest of it. The movie simply appealed to the lowest common denominator to appeal to teen and frat boy America.
TWO MARXES
Posted by Debbie at 03:13 PM
November 04, 2008
Some Favorite Presidential Movies
Recently, I was inducted as a member of the Detroit Film Critics Society.
That means that along with Tom Long of The Detroit News and other prominent Detroit-area movie critics, I vote on our choice of the year's best film, etc. It's similar to the other film critic societies that each major city around the country has. You often read of their choices for best picture in the national papers.
About a month ago, members of our organization were asked by a Lansing, Michigan reporter to note two of our favorite films depicting American Presidents, real or fictional.
I picked one of each:
* Terry Crews' portrayal of President Camacho--reader Ari reminds me that his full name is President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho--in the 2006 movie, "Idiocracy": This is a movie readers of this site know well, since I constantly note how fast we're approaching that fiction as our reality. If you haven't seen that movie, you must rent it. Trust me, you'll love it, since it documents well our dumbing down and decline. I've posted this video several times before, but I just can't get enough of President Camacho's "State of the Union" address sometime in the year 2500. Pour yourself a glass of Brawndo, because with tonight's overwhelming vote for Obama, we're headed there even faster and sooner than expected.
* Charlton Heston's magnificant portrayal of President Andrew Jackson in his pre-White House days in "The President's Lady." A classic, classy movie from 1953.
Which movies and Presidential portrayals would you pick?
Posted by Debbie at 09:17 PM
October 31, 2008
Weekend Box Office: "Changeling", "What Just Happened" Only Semi-Decent Offerings Amidst Mountain O' Crap, Esp. Vile "Zack & Miri"
So many crappy movies, so little time. And yet I waste my valuable life-hours to watch this trash, so you don't have to.
* "The Changeling": Even though this stars Palestinian-terrorist-lover Angie Voight a/k/a "Angelina Jolie" (who cheered Palestinian kids as they sang of their desire to get revenge while taking "back" Jerusalem), it's halfway decent. But not because of her. And not because of her naked butt and the shower scene either. Not sure why this mother of six has this need to constantly show us her naked rear in movies. Grow up, chickie.
This thriller, directed by anti-war faux-Republican Clint Eastwood, is entertaining, but waaaaaaaaaaaaaay tooooooooooooo loooooooooong. At nearly 2.5 hours, I was antsy, as it veeeery slowly tells a story that could've been told in 1.5 hours. And the real star--the real entertainment in the movie--is great actor and supporting cast member John Malkovich, of whom we don't see nearly enough of in this movie. If only they'd spent half as much effort on editing this flick down as they did on the marvelous 1920s wardrobe and set design, the best thing about the movie.
It's the "based-on-a-true-story" feature about a single mother in the 1920s whose young son suddenly disappears. She searches in desperation for him, while authorities return a boy who is not her son and force her to act as if he is. This is despite the fact that the boy is three inches shorter than her son and, unlike him, is circumcised. When she's had enough, the Los Angeles police frame her for insanity and lock her up. They're basically abusive and act outside the law. Malkovich plays a German-American Presbyterian minister with a radio show who rails against police corruption.
In addition to the length, the movie seemed cold to me, especially Angie Voight Pitt's acting. She seemed distant and not angry and sad enough for a mother whose kid is missing. At other times the movie seemed way overwrought in places it shouldn't have been.
I could have done without the scenes--albeit not graphic--of a guy chopping kids up, and the shower scene of a naked Angie Voight being hosed down by nurses in a sanitarium, complete with butt-shot. It seemed a gratuitous stunt that won't fix this movie's problems, espcially of length.
Otherwise, it was mildly entertaining and nearly halfway decent.
ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
* "Zack and Miri Make a Porno": If you wonder why America is going down the tubes fast, it's "movies" like this.
This vile, disgusting excuse for a movie should have been rated NC-17. But I'll bet tons of mindless American parents--the same ones voting for Barack Obama--will let their kids see this trash. Since it's by Kevin Smith, I suppose I should be happy that it didn't contain what he called "interspecies erotica", like "Clerks 2" (read my review). Lots of full-frontal nudity of both sexes in this semi-porn piece of garbage.
In the "good old days", if Superman--say, actor Christopher Reeve--played a gay porn actor in celluloid scuzz like this, his contract to play the man of steel would be voided out. But not the case with Brandon Routh, the current star of the Superman franchise and, in this movie, gay porn actor "Bobby Long". I guess this means we've "evolved", or rather devolved. Even the dinosaurs had better decency standards.
Zack (Seth Rogen, fat star of all that is gross) and Elizabeth Banks play loser roommates who've always had crushes on each other. Down and out on their luck and with no money, they attend their high school reunion and discover how washed up they are. So, they decide to shoot their own porno flick, in order to earn enough money to get their electricity, heat, and water turned back on. But while filming this vile enterprise, they fall in love after filming their live sex scene. Awwww. . . how romantic.
Bleccch and Eeeeuuuuwww are the two words that best describe this occasionally funny, but mostly sickening movie. Does America really need to see someone defecate on someone's face?
If you let your kids see it, you should be sued for malpractice. If you waste your own ten bucks on this, boy are you a loser . . . just like Zack and Miri.
You don't have to be a prude to hate this movie. But, as this movie shows, sometimes being a prude is highly under-rated.
FOUR MARXES PLUS
* "What Just Happened?": Robert DeNiro stars as a Hollywood producer who must juggle two ex-wives, kids, and phonies galore, plus erratic, tasteless directors, and director-wannabes who act like kids in this relaxing, fun inside baseball story of life in the movie industry.
It was slightly funny, and I'm partial to DeNiro, so I liked this. But while it was relaxing and fun, I'm not sure it was worth $10. Plus, it was too focused on the Jews. The crazy English director has a Hebrew "Chai" (life) tattoo on his neck that we constantly see, which was very annoying and distracting. Ditto for his whining about being descended from the Jewish shtetl in Europe. That's not to mention the constant scenes of Israeli money man financing movies. Someone was too Jew-centric when they made this. I found that distracting.
But, hey, it features a bearded Bruce Willis (playing himself) wearing a yarmulke.
ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
* RocknRolla: I used to think that Madonna was the complete bitch and nutcase in the now-crumbled Madonna-Guy Ritchie union. But after seeing this dumb, pointless waste of time he directed, I say they deserve each other.
While I couldn't understand a lot of the indistinguishable cockneyed form of English that plagued this movie, I understood just fine what was going on. An English mobster is trying to get financing for a building from a Russian gangster, while in the meantime the Russian's accountant and the English mobster's thugs are in cahoots to steal the money. Meanwhile, the English mobster's rock star son fakes his death and has the Russian's missing painting.
Not funny, hard to understand their jumbled speaking, and just a waste of your money. I love gangster and mobster movies, but this ain't no "The Departed".