July 8, 2005, - 2:30 pm

Why Jessica Alba’s NOT so Fantastic

By Debbie Schlussel
I screened Jessica Alba’s and Michael Chiklis’ new movie, “Fantastic Four,” and really liked it. But now, I can’t recommend it.
I can’t recommend F4 because its gorgeous and gorgeously dumb starlet, Alba, just can’t keep her mouth shut. And it betrays her low IQ.
In today’s New York Daily News, Alba tells gossip columnist Lloyd Grove how she’s opposed to the War in Iraq because her reservist uncle has to be there. That would be bad enough. But it gets worse.
Alba whines that her uncle signed up for the Army Reserve in California because “he’s Northern Italian, and he heard he could get a free trip to Italy.” As you can see, cluelessness runs in the Alba family. Too bad. A gorgeous face and body, but a very vacant mind. Nice house, nobody’s home.
Last July, the beautiful airhead told Grove, “I just don’t have a great feeling about what we’re doing in Iraq. I don’t know why we’re there.” But while many hard-working soldiers are there sacrificing their lives, Alba’s busy wearing gazillion-dollar baubles from celeb jeweler “Jacob the Jeweler.”

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5 Responses

For crying out loud, Debbie, are you kidding?
In a country where a significant percentage of its citizenry are against the War on Terror; and in that country’s entertainment industry, where an even larger percentage take that position, you’re going to not recommend a movie ? which you already said you liked ? because one of its actors is against it. No, wait. Strike that. Because one of its actors doesn?t understand it?!?!
It’s not like she’s donating to ANSWER, or going on “fact-finding” tours with Jeff Spicoli, or showing any sympathy towards the jihadists. She’s an air-headed dolt (albeit a hot one) who couldn’t think her way out of a word problem if her eyeliner depended upon it.
And what if one of F4’s stars approved of the WoT? Would a pro-WoT opinion cancel out one that’s anti? Or does the presence of one spoil the whole bunch?
Does this merely extend to the actors in a film? What about its director? Writer? How about the Gaffer? If you’re going to refrain from recommending moves that you like solely based upon the political viewpoints of one of its participants, why even bother seeing ANY movie, because I guarantee that over 90% of the movies in production are going to have at least one person on its staff whose opinions differ from yours.
Come on, Debbie. You liked the movie. Allow yourself to enjoy some escapism, because that’s why these movies are made. There will be plenty of legitimate targets to levy your wrath against when the houselights come up.

Yngvai on July 8, 2005 at 4:24 pm

I think it’s more sad that you liked this crappy movie.

Clompo on July 8, 2005 at 4:32 pm

And that, Debbie, is why I don’t attend movies in the theater (not since 01/17/02) anymore, and watch very few when they’re on TV. I just have a hard time supporting an industry that doesn’t support the people that continue to allow them to have this pampered career choice.
Shabbat Shalom!

Yiddish Steel on July 9, 2005 at 1:31 am

Debbie, while Alba’s comments/rationale regarding the Iraq war do sound very “airheaded-ish”, I think a lot of people who “oppose the war” don’t oppose the principle itself, but the way it is being prosecuted.
Let’s face it, yes, Saddam was not exactly a nice guy and I’ll even grant despite the lack of evidence that the potential for his developing weapons of mass destruction and either causing trouble on his own or eventually helping someone like Al-Qaida with such weaponry is very much there so I can understand the initial intentions.
But we never really had enough troops there to fight an enemy that is very “invisible” and is far more used to being there than we are. We had no plan for dealing with any problems after Saddam was defeated And we do not armor the humvees, etc. enough, causing more needless casualties and even lower morale among our proud soldiers.
Had all this been done at the start, maybe this second Gulf War would’ve turned up more like the first Gulf War, except we wouldn’t have stopped it as soon. But now, as a result, you have what is looking more and more like a “modern Vietnam” and a sad “Catch 22” for our government. Because we are doing so badly there and so many are being killed, few people are gung ho to sign up and I don’t blame them. Bringing back the draft, especially in the situation as it is now, would be political suicide and will cause even more of the country to demand a pullout (and this would’ve have been equally true with a Democrat in the White House).

hairymon on July 9, 2005 at 9:29 am

Who is Jessica Alba?

Tamar on July 14, 2005 at 10:45 pm

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